My Blog
Is there such a thing as being too honest?
Mon, April 7, 2008 - 2:30 PM
1.) She cheated on her boyfriend when she went to Indiana. Told her boyfriend and he forgave her.
2.) Went to Vegas with and when we met a couple of guys she decided to hang out with them after I went back to my boyfriend. So I had to go back to the group and explain to them where she went. Not pleasant, the group of guys all had their own ideas of where she had gone and I stood up for her. I later found out that she cheated again. Next Vegas trip her boyfriend wouldn't let her go.
3.) He's in the military. Meaning he's gone 6 months out of the year. He's been on 2 deployments. They just recently moved in together to Ventura where she has no friends and no family and is going back to school. So she will be alone for 6 months out of the year.
4.) He's completely infatuated in love with her. She's also 22.
5.) They are high school sweathearts that broke up and got back together a million times. For cheating. I see the same pattern again.
I don't know maybe it's just me but to have a relationship start out like this just doesn't seem kosher. John would drop me in a second if I treated him like this. Can a relationship last with so much infidelity with in the first 2 years? Am I being too critical of her?
My relationship is far from perfect but I would never think of cheating on John. I have cheated on other boyfriends and at those points in the relationship I shouldn't have been in them in the first place. I have told her my experiences hoping that she would have a different view point on things. I guess she took that as being negative.
Now I can admit that there is some jealousy because she has a caring, romantic guy who is ready to settle down and get married and I have a wonderful guy who is un-romantic and scared to death of commitment but I wouldn't change our relationship for anything else in the world. We don't argue, he treats me good and he a lot of fun. ;)
There are other reasons why I have decided to drop her as a friend but we don't need to go into those. I'm having a mix of sadness and apathy for the whole situation. I want her to be happy but overall I think I have just outgrown her.
Mon, April 7, 2008 - 2:30 PM -
permalink -
3 Comments
3 Comments |
add a comment |
|
Mon, April 7, 2008 - 11:56 PM
I wonder so much at the state of the world today at times. Why is it bad to look at cheating as negative??? When did it become okay to cheat repeatedly, and then chastise OTHERS for telling you that that is not the right way to go about a relationship?
You are certainly not being too negative. If anything, I'd say you are too nice lol! There is a huge difference between a one-time mistake (still, SO NOT GOOD, but I can understand that circumstances can be beyond what someone can handle...of course, they should most likely take another look at being in a relationship in the first place at that point, but I digress) and an actual pattern of infidelity. She seems to be stuck in high school, making out with whoever the start quarterback is at the moment, only taking it much further. It bothers me that people are so pressed to view everything in shades of grey....some things are just straight black and white. Cheating is wrong. Murder is wrong. Stealing a candybar is wrong! Yes, there are factors that lead up to these behaviors, but those are simply FACTORS. They are not excuses, or even reasons! Ultimately, the final choice was hers, each and every time, and she simply doesn't want to take responsibility and grow up. The biggest secret I keep from my hubby is that I paid $40 for a ring the other night. My own money, not out of our joint account. And if he asked how much it cost, I'd tell him (then change the subject hehehe). Every once in a while I'll hide a box of cookies in the bedroom because he tends to eat the whole box in one sitting, and I like to take my time and have them around for a while. That's it. I think our relationship is pretty darn rock solid, in part because of this. Even my kids know: if you tell Mommy, you tell Daddy! Whether you want to or not ;) |
|
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 1:31 PM
I know it's hard to have someone who you care about leave your life, for whatever reason. All that I can say is that one of the most telling indicators of the quality of my friendship with someone is the level of honesty that we are able to share. We bring our own history and baggage with us into a relationship to clutter and complicate it - it is honesty that allows us to make a space amidst the mess to sit and experience things together. Where there is honesty, there is room to build, and sometimes to repair the damage that we inadvertently (or advertently) inflict upon each other. I'm sorry that your honesty was the straw that broke the back of this friendship, but it sounds like your (ex) friend has some significant issues with being honest in many of her relationships.
Just so you know, I appreciate you willingness to be truthful and only hope that you will draw new people into your life who feel the same! Hugs to you. |
|
Fri, April 25, 2008 - 1:51 PM
Change is hard.....
especially when it comes to relationships & friendships..... Face it...sometimes we just grow apart......you've matured, she obviously hasn't and her saying that you find "her relationship negative" is well, the truth! It is a negative and unhealthly pattern she's in and a true friend doesn't just cheer her onto her next "cheat"! Kudos to you for not changing what you feel! Grieve for what was and then move on! namaste.
|
