I was talking to a guy on the Tech Support line of a large computer company that I won’t name yesterday. Vashun, or something like that. The paper wouldn’t pull through my photo printer correctly, and I figured it had something to do with new printer driver software that another Tech Support guy put in the day before.

I told the guy at the start what I had done to test things, and I told him I was pretty sure the problem was with the new printer driver software.

The guy went through a bunch of stuff with me – testing the printing, testing the scanning, plugging and unplugging cables, etc., etc., etc.

Picture me in front of my computer at my work table, listening to this guy from India. (P.S. – nothing against India – it’s just weird that most tech support comes from there). OK, so here we are 12 or 13 minutes into the conversation:

Me: “I really think there’s a problem with the printer driver your tech support person installed yesterday.” (About the 10th time I said this).

India Guy: “Oh yes, I understand sir, but we are properly analyzing the issue and diagnosing the problem. I would now like to try another highly recommended approach to analyzing the problem. Is that acceptable, sir?”

Me: “Sure.”

India Guy: “Sir, do you have a vacuum cleaner available?”

Me (not sure I heard right): “A vacuum cleaner?”

India Guy: “Yes, sir. A vacuum cleaner. Do you have one available?”

Me: “Are you serious?”

India Guy: “Oh yes, sir. I will remain on the line while you locate your vacuum cleaner.”

Me (can’t quite believe that he wants me to vacuum-clean the printer): “I really don’t think we need to vacuum the printer. It works fine when I make a copy. The problem is with printing and scanning. I’m pretty sure it’s the printer driver software.” (For about the 20th time).

India Guy: “I understand sir, but we must properly identify the problem and correct it. May I ask you to retrieve your vacuum cleaner?”

Me: I go downstairs and get the VC.

I’m back in about a minute.

Me: “OK, I have the vacuum cleaner.”

India Guy: “Very good sir. Now would you plug it in?” (I already did that and told him).

India Guy: “I see, sir. Now, do you have an edging attachment? (I did – already attached).

India Guy: “Very good sir. Now would you place the attachment on your vacuum cleaner? (Told him I already did that).

India Guy: “Sir, would you locate the power button on your vacuum cleaner and press it?” (I told him I knew how to turn the VC on).

India Guy: “Sir, may I ask you to carefully run the vacuum cleaner around all four edges of the paper tray, and at the back of the printer.”

Me: “I really think the problem is with the printer driver software.” (This is for the 25th time).

India Guy: “I understand sir. But let us attempt to clean the machine with the vacuum cleaner. I will wait on the line while you complete the procedure.”

Me: I did exactly what he told me. Now picture it: I am standing here running a vacuum cleaner around a piece of high-tech equipment because some guy on the other side of the globe told me to. I should have a picture of this!

Me (after a minute or so of vacuuming): “I vacuumed the printer. What do we do now?”

India Guy: “Very good sir. Now, may I ask you to turn the printer off and unplug the power cable.”

Won’t go into all that happened next – it was pretty much a repeat of the first 10 or 15 minutes – disconnecting and reconnecting cables and power switches, and testing the printing and the scanning. Told him a few more times – I think the problem is the printer driver software. Result: Exactly the same as when we started. The printer didn’t print or scan.

We are now about 35 minutes into the service call.

India Guy: “Thank you for your cooperation, sir. My initial diagnosis of the problem is that we may have a problem with the printer driver software.”

So he uninstalled the old driver software and reinstalled it. And then we tested the printer and, sure enough, the printer and scanner worked fine. Call took about 44 minutes.