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Question for the emotionally wise
Thu, June 19, 2008 - 7:14 AMDoes one feel that once you have loved, it is forever? That is to say that love either stays where it was left or grows from there on to varying degrees, if permitted. That is NOT to say however, that it extinguishes itself once it has been ignited and burned deeply.
To clarifty, I am not referring to "falling in love" but rather loving somene period...I think it is easy to fall out of love with someone just as quickly as fallling into it..and that it is more the beginning stages of love and infatuation that will eventually either transform into something else or pass..
So then, Do you think then it is possible to stop loving someone after not only falling in love but having loved them?
My personal belief is that once you have loved them you never actually stop all of a sudden because then I would have to question whether it was ever truely love at all. I presume that some of us have all had the experience of loving someone else. I have always felt that one has sometimes had to force themselves to cut off that love for the sake of survival, the chance to move on and be able to experience love once again. Otherwise it must be channeled-focused into something else so that you never truely stop loving. Cutting of course it the slow death of it..and it can eventually die ...
Thu, June 19, 2008 - 7:14 AM -
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Thu, June 19, 2008 - 10:59 AM
love is complicated
love is a deeply fickle emotion. it can take hold in every aspect of your life, so much that some (like myself) dwell on it, and feel that they are someone unlovable. and as for loving someone, i think that, even if you were to fall out of love with them, you would still love them for who they were when you were "in love". a memory, a thought, a ghost of what once was. it is possible to stop loving someone but it is very hard, and they must have done something horrible.
love never stops really, it grows, or it dies and goes elsewhere. it will not sit and die off completely. you will always have love for something, be it an activity, a person, an animal, or even a way of life. love is a web of decisions made by many people, and where you end up is an indirect result of every involved person's collective decisions and actions. the fires of love burn at different intensities at different times, so much variation that even a roaring fire can change to smoldering ashes in a heartbeat. what an irresistably terrible feeling, huh? |
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Thu, June 19, 2008 - 3:40 PM
thanks for the insight sticky..I really appreciate it...
I must add that when you cut off completely you are killing it slowly but in doing so you are also slowly killing bits and pieces of your soul... |
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Thu, June 19, 2008 - 6:48 PM
memories remain, and that love remains. people change, people move, people grow, people revert..... in the end the time spent the feelings that were there. remember. it's still there. and a care will remain.... whether positive or negative.... all lovers past i think about occasionally and wonder what they're up too
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Thu, June 19, 2008 - 7:18 PM
ah ... yes.. love...
such a grand thing the talk of "love"
loving forever has a lot to do with memory -as already has been pointed out. And love is such a strong emotion that it is closely related to other super strong emotions - like jealousy, anger, disappointment. Its so much easier to be really disappointed and angry with someone that is close to you -- so the emotion of love has taken effect and given to another state. So that makes me believe that it never really dies at all, in some form or another that love you shared .... even if gone now or slowly gone away ... comes back in a memory or a feeling when you see them , even if that feeling is different than before. One of the oddest things to me is when I heard one of my former loves voice talking to someone, while I was out and about one night. Didn't see her or even have a clue... until my mind recognized it was her voice.. then it was like a brain storm of emotions and past events. As I walked by slowly and calmly as if I didn't notice... -John |
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Thu, June 19, 2008 - 8:21 PM
Plenty of people lose the bulk of their loving emotions towards someone. And I think you're right about one thing: it doesn't just happen suddenly.
I'm pretty sure that most loving couples who break up go through stages of anger, bitter, then spitful and maybe even molevalent emotions towards each other, and that these stages are actually helpful to them as individuals. These stages help to force them apart from someone that is not a good lover towards them anymore, and help to ease the heartache that comes with a break up. I think that part of the reason my breakups were much harder on me in the long run than break ups usually are to most other people is that I didn't go through these stages. For me, in all of my breakups I was completely in love, and then suddenly I was not in a loving relationship any more with the women I was/am in love with. |
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Fri, June 20, 2008 - 2:12 AM
"love is a verb"
.. a "doing word". AND, as Matt said, love is complicated, because we are complicated.
I can only speak for myself. I have loved, fallen in love, truly (in my definition of truth) loved someone. I love them still, but would never engage with them romantically again. I have also loved more than one person at the same time, as well as loving someone who had another love. Truth is perspective. Is it "truly" love if you don't love them anymore? Forget that question. Life is a timeline. That's all I have to say about that. |
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Fri, June 20, 2008 - 6:46 AM
Gibran spoke of love in "The Prophet"
Love
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love." And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said: When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God." And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. |
