Female

23

Lindsay's penchant for collecting chewed gum on the underside of tables and park benches began as a mere hobby during the weekends and now has grown into a way of life. Her celebrity crushes are gifted with a bust of themselves made entirely of this collected pre-chewed gum. Her dangerous liaison with cashews is a torment to her sanity. Her passionate love for them often outweighs the fact that they are her worst enemy. Lindsay finds the most inane subject matter to be humorous, often staring for hours at the I Can Haz Cheezburger cat, snickering softly, much to the unease of her co-workers. When she becomes drowsy after her buzz has worn off by mid-morning, she usually douses her sponge-cake with rum and happily hums away the remainder of her day. More often than not, however, she passes out on the floor at work for an hour. She then makes it a point to sleep at least 9 hours every night. She likes to announce loudly around 8:45 PM that it's way too late and she's way too old for this, all of which is promptly followed by her toddling off to bed in as loud and as pompous a state as possible.

In the mornings, Lindsay enjoys stepping on the little snails and earthworms that escape from the sprinklers; she pretends, however, that she detests stepping on them and makes a huge row over saving them from doom. Lindsay is the founder and inventor of the "Porpoise Dance", which traces its origins all the way back to the ocean, where porpoises have been known to frequent. "The Leech" is another physicality of Lindsay's, often performing this feat late at night while her boyfriend looks on in horrified silence.

Sometimes, when Lindsay is driving for an extended period of time, she nods off. Her insurance company has thus labeled her a "liability"... whatever *that* means. When Lindsay is excited, she makes bizarre, high-pitched noises to small furry animals, often convincing others nearby that she is a by-product of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She has the insatiable urge to constantly remind her autistic cat that the thing had babies over a year ago, and they were beautiful except the dead one, and she can't have anymore because Mother gave her an operation.

She has a nasty habit of combining gullibility and picking up hitch-hikers into one ball of worry. She once picked up a rather rough looking man on her sojourn to Los Angeles. The man told her he was the Great Eagle Spirit come to earth, but he needed to get to Los Banos to settle some debt from a man named "Pancho." As it turns out, the Great Eagle Spirit was really a fugitive trucker from Tucson...

Lindsay's other interests are: repeatedly signing in and out of large networking sites like MySpace, checking to see if anyone "left her some love", lying, making rude gestures to infants, swearing at old people and sitting on firehydrants.