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Lady R

offline 15 friends
joined on 09/19/05
last updated 05/15/09
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The World of Dr. Jolly & Miss Hide

Gender
Female
Age
47
Location
about me
I am an aspiring writer with the nom de plume: Austen Woolfe. And as a student of the word, I'm fascinated with life, new experiences, and people. I have Bipolar disorder formerly known as manic depression. Although I like the term manic depression better; sounds more romantic and compelling. Living with this illness is like living with two different people, when I'm Dr. Jolly I am feeling on top of the world. As Miss Hide I would prefer to watch quietly from the sidelines - don't bother me, "I vant to be alone." I'm a walking contradiction. Wickedly good with my left brain but wanting to live in my right. Not afraid of going into the darkness - Miss Hide feels safest there. Can't figure out why we don't all realize how powerful we are - we create our lives and we create this world. We can choose to create darkness or we can choose to create life. What about you? Darkness or life? Or a bit of both?
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My Blog

It is not possible to write in one sitting how a person with mental illness feels about living in a world that by and large either turns away or expresses a lack of understanding that leads to resentment and judgment for those who suffer with the illness as well as for those who do not.

I am often just as ashamed of my illness as the world is ashamed of me. This shame leads to many twisted behaviors such as: trying to act, "Normal," lying to cover up one's true feelings or stat... read more
Sun, May 24, 2009 - 8:55 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
There he is: the symbol of my perfection - the tyrant Napoleon. He lurks within my mind repeating his relentless mantra, "You are never good enough." You see, he is/was perfect. He was lover, conqueror and emperor. The world his oyster.

On the other hand, I perceive my world as a shattered glass box: delicate, fragmented and limited. I see the world in a distorted way. But don't we all? Still, I spend my time trying to put the glass box back together. Piece by piece. Feeling that when all ... read more
Fri, May 15, 2009 - 6:46 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
Having just come out of another depressive episode - duration of 3+ months - I am now standing in the eye of the storm.

Within the eye, I see everything with great clarity, the air is fresh, colors vibrant, love abundant. The mind races from one thought to another as a bee from one beautiful flower to the next, for I know that at any minute it could all be gone. In truth, if history is any predictor, it will end and the cycle for me will begin again. The storm will pass through and I wil... read more
Sun, April 26, 2009 - 10:57 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
I was recently asked by someone to write my, "Mission Statement," for my own life. This came out of a discussion where I expressed that I felt I have no purpose and thus do not deserve to live. I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Here's what I have come up with thus far - remember, this is a work in progress -

With every breath I strive to be a co-creator with the omnipotent power that resides within and binds all of us together.

The two most important principles on ... read more
Sun, April 19, 2009 - 1:39 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
Snow leopards are solitary, elusive creatures. A snow leopard roams the realm of the Himalayas remaining alone except to mate.

1) She symbolizes self-reliance as learned thru abandonment and rejection - an experience I know only too well - I was always the geek, the freak or the one drummer who wasn't marching to the beat of others.

2) She symbolizes balance as learned thru living in the precarious realm of the mountain heights. Her paws are wide and well insulated to walk upon the s... read more
Fri, October 17, 2008 - 8:23 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
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