Shower The People You Love With Love

The death of Heath Ledger hit me like a punch in the stomach. I didn't know the guy...and am not particularly a "fan"...but the fact that he was a young man with a child my son's age hits home in a very real way.

My heart goes out to his little girl who has to grapple with why she won't ever see her father again. I look at my husband differently now. He is a gift to me - and our son.

I never truly understood empathy until I became a parent. I couldn't have. The concept of unconditional love was just that...a concept. Now, every time I hear about a suffering child, it pierces my heart in a way I could never have previously imagined. It stops me dead in my tracks.

I am so very grateful that my child has two healthy parents committed to one another and the well being of our family.

Today I spent time with a friend who is about to lose his mother. Although he is now in his forties, his eyes were red and swollen...and I saw in him a fragility I wasn't familiar with, despite more than ten years of friendship. He was once again a little boy wanting his mama, and all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him it would be okay, even though we both knew that isn't the case.

In today's modern world, it's easy to forget the importance of family. You hear so many speak of broken homes and traumatic childhoods, but at the end of the day, nothing means more to me than my family. I am so very blessed. Ironically, my family is now composed solely of men - my husband, my son, my father, my brothers and my nephews. My love for each of them is unparalleled...

I'm in a very nice hotel room right now wishing I was home in my bed listening to my husband snore, my dog whine and the baby monitor crackle with my son shooting imaginary monsters in his room. There are no more beautiful sounds than those made by the men in my home. I don't know how I'll be able to sleep in silence. The idea is almost comical.

My father is in Peru right now having fun, I hope. One of my brothers will soon become a father. And my two men are having "boys night" with Mama away.

You never know what day is your last (unless you plan it). For the record - I love you. To anyone reading this, but mostly to all my men. I love you. Thank you for being part of my life.

My condolences to Matilda Rose...and all of the children of the world who will go to sleep tonight missing someone they love. Parents - cherish your kids. Kids - appreciate your parents. Life is short. Love ferociously.

Honey...August...you are my heart. I love you. Muah.

Yay!

Despite a long-time passionate love affair with the Playa - and a particular fondness for the Temple Burn - I just got a call from my husband who is in Reno! (Big Smile)

I'm glad he went. I'm glad I didn't. I'm even gladder I get to see him sooner than later!

In addition to the Man being charred early, the suicide at Comfort and Joy, the Port-A-Potty worker being sent to the hospital and the Man being struck in the face by a bird of some sort, apparently a girl got hit by an art car and killed last night(?).

Yep...when the body count starts to rack up, I'm glad to be at home with my son in my arms watching the King Lion!

And then...

...there's the port-a-potty guy who had to wear a hazmat suit to unplug the pump hoses. One exploded and he got hit in the neck and a piece of plastic (?) wedged in and is now infected becuase of the human waste.

I'm afraid to see what's next!

Random Musings About The Roman Empire

So I'm home alone. My husband went to the Burn, and I stayed behind with the munchkin. Taking a little one to the Burn is tough - we know that first-hand - and there is no way I could leave my son with anyone for even a couple of days. So...Russ went and I get the benefit of some much-needed alone time.

It's really nice. The house is quiet, it's clean, I can think. Right now I'm thinking how much I miss quiet.

The last couple of days have been very strange. Since we've been together, Russ and I have not voluntarily spent more than a night apart the entire time we've been together. Going on 4 years. This is the first time and it's...odd. He's not here, yet he's everywhere. Especially in the face of our son.

So he's been gone, and I miss him, and I've been popping in and checking out what's happening on the Playa. And it's been a lot of craziness. I have to say, I'm really glad he went because I'd be hard-pressed to think I'll ever be going back.

For a couple of years now I've been pretty down on the scene, and not 100% sure why. The newer flashier people, the harder drugs, the increased irresponsibility and personal accountability, the swinging and swapping and the hanging from hooks...none of it did anything for me. To each his own, right? But it was so in-your-face.

This week, the events on the Playa have shown me why. What I believe is coming...

I'm a smartass at heart. I love pratical jokes and random acts of silliness. That is what attracted me to Burning Man. It is also what attracted me to the Grateful Dead, who I followed for many years.

With each, at first there was a wonderful sense of community - lots of peace and love and creativity and great drugs.

And the vibe was so amazing that people all told their friends and word got around that this is something to be experienced.

Soon...a close-knit community grew and grew...until one day more and more and more people got the word and overcrowding became a problem. Some old-timers said "screw this" and left the scene while it continued to grow, and the new people brought with them change.

Sure, everything changes. Change is good...it's evolution.

Soon, though, there were so many people that there wasn't the room there used to be to spin around and play. The parking lot had grown into a huge commercial venture and the gifting culture of the *miracle ticket* era had all but disappeared. Meth and heroin were the prevalent drugs of choice. Gates were crashed and rioting ensued. Mayhem.

People were overdosing and dying. What was once a lovely, peaceful scene turned into one bad scene after another, as people continued to push it to the next level. A scene that was once filled with love and pleasure became an outlet for frustration and pain.

Although I thought burning the Man early was a wonderful knod to the spirit of the event, I think the aftermath - the increased security next year that will certainly appear - will be the beginning of the end. This year's commercialization of the Man was just testing the waters for things to come.

Combined with the suicide at a theme camp, you have a lot of things headed in the wrong direction.

Paul Addis actually gave everyone a huge gift this year. Not only do they get to see the Man burned TWICE, but they get to see the man be erected - a privelege reserved generally for early workers. I saw the Man erected in 2003, and it was more amazing than watching him be burned down.

Anyway...until this morning I thought it would be great to go back next year...but I have to say I'm getting a really bad vibe about it all. Sadly, I think there will be more and more deaths on the Playa. And that's not in the community spirit I'm interested in. I won't be back...not during Burn week, anyway.

You gotta know when to walk away...and know when to run.

I'm Floored

Really.

Someone killed themselves.

I wonder if it will matter?

The World....

...is a funny place indeed.

A Letter From Paul Addis (The Alleged Arsonist)

From LaughingSquid:

Hi, folks. This is the *alleged* arsonist/douchebag/attention whore
himself, writing you from Fernley, NV, where I have been chilling out
for a couple of days.

Having read your various comments, a few things should be addressed.
First, this operation was extensively planned well in advance, and the
number one thing to Black Rock Intelligence was that NO ONE be hurt.
If you people actually knew us, you'd know that we have an extensive
background in doing things exactly like this. In fact, we were on the
ground for some thirty minutes before ascent, scoping the scene and
clearing people in order to minimize any possiblity of injury to
others. We were aided by several people who were recruited on the
playa the night of this burn (BRI has no idea who they are, so don't
bother asking).

Second, the operation was planned in conjunction with the lunar
eclipse because Black Rock Intelligence knew that another event at the
trash fence would draw the bulk of lunatics to it, rather than to the
Man. In fact, one of our peripheral operatives aided in getting as
many people to the fence event as possible to help BRI achieve its
goal of zero injuries.

Third, word went out across the playa days in advance that Black Rock
Intelligence was pulling this op. This word continued to go out right
up to the moment that our chief operator began the arduous climb up
the guide wire. As you can all see from the results, BRI performed
flawlessly in this regard.

We could give a fuck less what you all think of us for doing this.
Most of you are newbies who have been drawn in by the semi-religious
nature of the event, or maybe just the easy drugs and easier sex. You
have nothing to offer the event other than your fucking money and
obedience. You spend the rest of your lives in mortal fear of
everything that insurance companies tell you to fear, and pretend that
you're free and clear because you spend four days at a desert
bacchanal where spinelessness is not only encouraged but genetically
replicated for implementation in successive generations. In short, you
are the swine of which Thompson spoke. Get over yourselves.

Some of us live quite well without fear. Doing so requires the
ultimate in what Burning Man used to represent: personal
responsibility and individual liberty. That's all been lost in the
last decade of Burning Man's history. Consider this operation a
history lesson that was desperately needed.

One final note: Black Rock Intelligence has been permanently
disbanded. All other operatives have made the ultimate sacrifice by
swallowing their L-pills to avoid being captured alive. I am the sole
surviving member of BRI and ask that you respect my mourning period
for those who gave their lives so that this operation was a complete
success.

Paul D. Addis
Fernley, NV

Boys Will Be Boys

At a petite 5'3" (according to his mugshot), Paul Addis apparently felt inadequate next to the whopping 40 ft. green giant and decided to teach him a lesson in the 15 minutes of fame department. Take that you big hunk of timber!

What a goofball. Can you REALLY look at this picture and not laugh???

I'm really not out to offend anyone...but come on...this is funny.

Sorry kids, but it's no longer counter-culture when TMZ and E! are covering the event. Have some fun celebrating the spirit of radical self-expression before that gets squelched, too.

At least the guy had a vision...