Here in this place, we are flesh. Flesh that weeps, laughs, dances barefoot in the grass. Love your flesh, love it hard. Yonder, they do not love your flesh.

Oh, my people... they do not love your hands. Those they only use, bind, tie, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Raise them up and kiss them -and the beat, beat, beating of your heart, more than the lung that breaths fresh air.

Let your mothers hear you laugh. Love your heart, that is the prize.

Love your heart!
This is the prize.
Alleluia... Amen.

~Preacher Baby Sugs, in Toni Morrison’s “Beloved”

***12 March '10***

Definition of 'California Optimist': One who honestly believes that when the Big One hits, the REST of the country will slide into the ocean.

***09 March '10***

A lady walked into a pharmacy & spoke to the pharmacist.
She asked: "Do you have Viagra."
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," He answered.
"Can you get it over the counter?" she asked
"I can if I take two," he answered.

***25 February '10***

(... and now one for the perverts amoung us - no names, of course)

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality. Whispering......

Dave ...............

Dave.........

DAVE........



..........you're a f*#ken vet!


***23 February '10***

My husband and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we're in bed.

I turned to him and said, "Do you want to have $ex?"

'No,' he answered.

Then I said, "Is that your final answer?"

He didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


... and that's when the fight started...


***01 February '10***

Good News: satellite photos over Iran reveal that they are building and it's not a centrifuge to make a nuclear bomb.

Bad News: They are building another Starbucks.


*****27 January 2010*****

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the Soup du Jour,
the Englishman was a bit dismayed.
"Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

(Most of these come from an ezine I subscribe to for over 15years, The Daily Groanerm available @ www.gophercentral.com/. They are the sort of jokes your Dad used to tell and you'd hope your friends didn't come down too hard on you.)


****16 January 2010****

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world..

I told them to F… off !!

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!



****15 January 2010****

A man is in the supermarket yelling "Crisco"! as he wanders, seeming aimlessly, up and down the aisles.

Finally, a stockboy is inspired to point out: "Sir. It's on aisle three".

The guy says, "No. I'm not looking for the cooking oil."

The employee says "Well then, what are you looking for?"

The guy says, "I'm looking for my husband. At home, I call him "lard ass." In public, I try to show some respect.

****07 January 2010****
Hollywood Squares:

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (audience laughed so long it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q.. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q.. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


***3***
A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?'
Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'.
Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'
Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.
Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.

Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?'
The boy ask, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
Gramps replies , 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass'.
The little boy replies, 'Then go fuck yourself'. Grandma made these for me'.

***2***
Viagra is now available in powder form for your tea.
It doesn't enhance sexual performance but it will keep your biscuit from going soft...

***1***
It is near Christmas school break. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless and it is near the end of the day.

Teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

Teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could speak, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". Teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD that Susie answered first.

Teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could say aything, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". Teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.

Then when teacher turned her back, Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! SO, CAN I GO NOW?"

03 February '10

You weren't just here trying to address the masses with intelligence.... were you? Really?

LOL I made the mistake of trying that once, (being serious, with legitimate ideas) and got 120+ posts off topic before deciding to delete the whole mess.

I've seen it to perhaps near a dozen others. Some stoop to their level, in a reasonable defensive response, invent Alts and snipe back... Most simply walk away or watch in frustrated silence.

It's a shame really, even if there IS no oversight, I sense Tribe could well run by itself if folk were only busted for deliberate off-topic disruption. Near as I can tell, to boil down the broth of 'concerned missionaries (hyenas, really) cackling about death and the afterlife'... That simple act, forcefully re-directing the snerts, would improve things faster and more assuredly than any gimmicky eye-catching software or policy change. (Coming a close -if related- second would be to allow only one Tribe identity per internet/access address)

These ravens (the most vocal amoung us -what? 2? 3? Maybe 4?) have killed off anything worth having and now dance with the bones as if they've got something worth having. What they've got is an over-all warning that interested parties with actual ideas and an expressed willingness to invest effort are not welcome -except as targets. The purpose and effect is to shut up anyone with an idea -as a cover for those who haven't had an original thought since puberty struck.

Thanks for trying tho... Sad, really.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A few changes/refinements Tribe.net might try:

(reprinted here because snerts took over this discussion posted at Tribe.net Suggestions tribe, tossing their diaper contents about and confusing and insulting anyone who ventured near -and themselves for that matter. The result of their efforts killed any serious consideration, debate, agreement or additions... of 70 posts, 2 were on-topic.)

Members Tribe Pages
*colour theme-ing for tribes not just profile, -but colour alone, not imaging?

*extra cells & tab on tribe pages for naturally repetitive postings called "relevent links" or "links" - w/ links provided by tribe moderator? Or a word search specific to that topic on that tribe -to avoid requiring members to sort thru 20pg of 'topics' to locate.

*make tribe-description cell size equal to full text 'introduction' -perhaps w/ advisory in the moderator's 'create', about length: web-ettiquette & practice shows that 'too many scrolls' chase possible interested parties away... This warning could also be added to 'configure' of any cell, for that matter -allow for the 'minimize arrow' after 1st visit.

*allow for thumbnail image in introduction, alongside title/host-member (ala blog entry or reviews)

*For each of moderator's tribes, listed at his/her 'home', put members & visits count. Example: " Cats Meow (v324/m16) " -or- " Cat's Meow (324 visits/16 members) "

*make all explicit adult-material tribes Private, by request/invitation-only, rather than current threat of 'delete' -flagrantly ignored anyway. -Then staff a Tribe.net moderator to search for such violations (non-private adult themes) to warn (w/ form letter) to address the matter or find thier tribe deleted.

*Add "Adult Theme Tribes" to the Categories list -And make any searcher for adult tribes click disclaimer 'consent forms', a record saved by Tribe.net to answer any complaint/protest, with the same avisory added to site-mail each time a member 'request to join' such a tribe.

*make each tribe, at 'create' or 'join' (again if needed, at 'home'), flagged as "G" (general) or "A" (adult) -to insure that, when one creates a g-rated tribe about cats, it does not show "Debbie Does Dallas" in the "related tribes" column. -or at least make the 'related' ones selectable. -After dumping all my adult-theme tribes to keep them off a cat tribe, though I belong to 7 cat tribes, the only related Tribe.net could find is three food tribes - wtf?

*site-message to warn any tribe moderator, & its members, when a tribe is inactive after 12months, that the tribe will be deleted in one month should it remain so. Dead tribes make searches impossibly long. -Perhaps an "Orphaned Tribes for Adoption" in "Tribe Categories" table before deleting them after 4 more months. Making tribes moderator deletable would help also.

Topic Pages -either on one's own tribe or as member of another
*give topic thread creators the ability to delete off-topic (or attack) posts -keeping the poster's name/icon with the added 'advisory[s]' "off-topic" or abusive. It seems, that with such labels appearing consistanly by their names, a few 'chiefs' and 'shamans' here would be quickly revealed for their tribe-busting ways (all the while suggesting it is Tribe.net's fault). A few snerts and flamers kill exchange faster than any alleged oversight.

Tribe.net Searches
*Make tribes searchable by number AND/or by letter "ABC..." Or by word: selecting "C" to find relevent topics to one's search does not ensure that's all there is on the topic. A tribe "The Cat", it would only be found by the luck of cross-pollination between tribes in 'related', as few would endure a full a-z search. -An added solution might also be for a Tribe.net-Moderator to move ill-considered names to the right area, naming all cat-related topics together with a faded text in lower case -such as the 'hosted by unsubscribed...'- then the original title in the usual manner.

*Another poor listing choice could easily be eliminated, by a tweak to Tribe.net software. Folk seem to think it clever to put symbols, spaces, or numbers on the ends of their Tribe titles in attempt to be at the top of any list. They shoot themselves (& Tribe.net) in the foot twice. 1) lost to anyone angered by the obvious cheat, and 2) " +Cats Meow+ " will not show where one naturally thinks to look. The software, at 'create', could recognize this ploy if any of the 1st three characters are a symbol (recognizes there may be points at which a dash is desired. At 'save' in 'create', flag with: "symbols, numbers and spaces not accepted as appropriate titles" This would go along way to improve searches & respect for the site and its members.

Listings/Recommends/Categories
*improve ability to edit/re-edit, by adding 'configure' feature

*use only the posting member's profile scheme (as opposed to allowing selection) -splashes of colour are more inviting to the eye, and promotes a common theme to that member

*add banks, real time social networks, to Reviews/Recommends 'select' windows.

*Add Pets, and... to Categories of areas to post a Tribe

*Tribe.net Moderators
*If they don't exist, get some! And make them Visible!

*The Tribe.net icon pointing members to the same page as "home" might be better used as a front splash w/ a bar of Tribe.net Moderators visible (or "contact us to report" link)

IF I were looking (and I'm not), my best Personal Ad would read: ... Looking for that special man with full wit, full pantry, full library, full woodshed, full leather, and full imagination; hibernating in a cabin under 35' of snow! -Oh, and it wouldn't hurt if he were a Gracie Allen fan and a backgammon whiz with a passion for holding hands."

***
A man with simple needs/desires, I'm often out of my time and element. I've actually read a book or 30 and appreciate the forgotten art of letter writing. I don't drive -never have. I prefer homemade over pre-packaged. Stormy weather over sunny. Night over day. And I still believe in God... in good men... and in love.

Party circuit friends or picture-perfect husband don't interest me much. I need only what it takes to get by: a dry roof, good food and warm company. That's not to say I don't dream big, yet anything more guilds the lily. Some suggest a price for such simplicity, but there's a cost to all that chasing also - one I am not willing to pay.

I will never understand racism, ageism, ability or gender discrimination; why would I limit my life by eliminating whole segments of people from my experience? At such a time as we are all energy in the light, which one of those delineations will still matter? And once one realizes this, why would I behave with such arrogance and self-denial in this life? Why would I rob myself of whole segments of the wonder we are given? Hebrews 13: 1-3: Remember always to welcome stangers. For in doing, some have entertained angels without knowing.

Career? If I had one, I had 10. -Many concurrently, as the things that most interested me did not 'pay the rent' -if anything at all. In no particular order: antique dealer, lumper (unloads semi's), death&dying/substance abuse counselor, truckstop waiter, MCC Deacon, boardinghouse landlord, writer/reporter for gay rags and MA DPH, Neighbourhood Council member, baker (to this day, I eye rumcake w/suspicion) ... Well, you get the idea... best summed up in James Kirkwood's description of his antagonist in "PS Your Cat is Dead," ... "...survived more than his share of scrapes. Humpy in an off-beat scroungy tom-cattish way, he has done and will do anything to get by. Despite a tacky life and a wise-guy toughness, he is an optimist, a part-time romantic and a congenital fuck-up, but with flair and unique style."

I fell in love with Omar Sharif at age ten and have always prefered older men. I have since discovered a major flaw in this fetish, however. The older *I* get, the fewer of *them* there are. BUT if one has no idea who Gracie Allen is, we probably wouldn't fit.

A calm soul with whom to share a bucket of berries/beer in the dark of hot July nights... an impromtu chinese dinner at home with movies... hot chocolate & watching a snowstorm with no particular place to go... holding hands for no particular reason... a quiet smile that says everything I will ever need to know... Now, that is my idea of heaven!

-
Diagnosed hiv+ 28 June 84, I have lived 26+ healthy years and plan to continue to do so, as I have the best/most extensive health care of anyone I've known in co-hosting an internet chat on the issue for 10yrs. Both my partners remained negative, so I know -in practice & not mere theory- how to play safe'n'sane with neg/poz partners. While we're on health: I'm a smoker with no plans to quit -though I can make compromises. I only rarely drink and have no problems relating with social drinkers, but I prefer respectful limited indulgence. I've had my share of 'bourbon cowboys' and have not the strength or inclination to go there again.
-

I have had two great relationships. The only similarity in them was that I knew, from the moment I first saw his eyes... Yes, I believe in love at first sight. Commited. Unconditional. Lucky enough to have realized it twice and filling a combined 30 years, a third might be pushing my luck but that won't keep me from hoping.

In love, I value two things above all: fidelity and honesty. Issues w/ fidelity are obvious. Honesty: Beyound simple truth, sharing the good/bad, difficult/easy. No holding back. The most painful experience in life is to be lied to -and then to discover it. My only regret in my first 50 years is the pain created by, and the price paid for, lies -both the deliberate and the lies-of-omission.

I am SO ready to move on to "my next thirty years." I cannot deny, I've had my fill of "my favourite waste of time" and now desire marriage-material. At the same time, I am satisfied with the joy life has given me -enough to patiently await the next wonder.

****

Life is not tried, it is merely survived, if you're standing outside the fire.
... ... .... .... ... ... ... ... Garth Brooks


Daddy Comfort
aka Yves Comfort St Michael