...Stuff...

Coming Round to my Favorite Town (seattle)

DakiniTruthSeeker — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 01:36:54 GMT

So...Im flying back for a travel visit - on home to seattle. Gosh it feels odd to blog/journal on here. Somehow all of a sudden i feel hyper aware. Who am i sending these words out to, exactly? and what is their intention? It feels so much better just to simply reach out and call the person who i want to hit, directly. Ive been living at One Taste New York (www.onetaste.us) for 2 weeks now. Its a community of people who's life mission it is to weave orgasm back into world conversation and into our bodies. Its been a really amazing, rich, and definatly challenging ride. I am here, no longer allowed to shut myself off or disconnect, at least not for long, and suddenly the concept of typing random words on the internet feel somehow strange to me. Yet - i havent talked to alot of you, on my friend's list in quite a while. Im coming back around to seattle nov 1-11th, and would love to reconnect....can we start here? :) Hadass

Playa Home 2007

DakiniTruthSeeker — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 05:28:27 GMT

My New home is: Freedom Village. camp: Tiny town. Im camping with a KICKASS village this year! im really excited! The name says it all. We'll be a a community of individuals exploring what it means to subvert our own lil tiny boxes and really expand into who we are. Not just by identifying as healers/performers/sex positive folk (we got all of that in there), but by really taking a look at the sides of us we want to live out bigger.. Come Join Us for workshops, and games that inquire and explore into who you are. 7:30 and Intertidal

CheckOut my BM camp's Fablous Online Auction Fundraiser

DakiniTruthSeeker — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 14:13:13 GMT

...to help us fundraise for the playa. My Camp is freedom village...description below: Online Fundraise Address: http://www.freedomcommunity.net/2007/auction.html and here's a little description: camp is freedom community village - which will be at 7:30 and intertidal this year. Freedom Village is A camp devoted to people seeking to explore the total freedom of who they are on the playa, expanding themselves beyond their ususal roles and trying something new. Our camp consists of the freedom community collge in which consists of 2 parts. the first contains all of our theme camps under the village umbrella: Freedomcommunity village presents: Ouroboros Dedicated to conscious co-creation, we celebrate our active choice for a greater world Oneness. We play, create, support and love because that is truly all there is. This is our third year on our own and second time as a village; thus Oroborous, a snake that eats its tail, being in and outside of oneself, reinventing, and eternally questing. Hometown: Red Bank , NJ URL: tribes.tribe.net/freedomcommunityburns Contact: fellicce (at) gmail (dot) com the second part: Freedom Community College FreedomCommunity College brings together under the rubric of Freedom all the learning, growth and wonder that Freedomcommunity members have collected individually, making available powerful tools for creating the best life possible. Come declare yourself! Get a degree in Freedom! From communication to kink to capitalism, FCC has something for you. Hometown: Los Angeles, CA URL: http://www.tribe.net/freedomcommunityburns Contact: rsreagan (at) gmail (dot) com

One of these fine mornings....(the got my new home song)

DakiniTruthSeeker — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:29:48 GMT

...at break of day. Im going home on a cloud....king death gonna find me here at my play, im going home on a cloud..." I used to sing that song in choir. its really amazing. its a song that used to be sung by the slaves in the song. Its a guy that's essentially singing about being free, and finding his home (in heaven). its really appropriate right now. cuz i feel FREE and i got a HOME!! :) thank you all everyone that put your energy towards help me. god bless it, im gonna be living in a beautiful studio with a riverfront view in tribeca. the lease signing happens on monday. WOO HOO!!!! im finally free of that exhorbhant rent and free of my 'eternal traveller girl' complex. at least for the moment. oh my gawd in heaven it feels GOOD. Photo Credit: http://www.gallery19.us/images/100-61186.jpg

Help me with my HOME

DakiniTruthSeeker — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 06:47:09 GMT

Traveller Girl Extrodainaire here. Im currently james bonding my way into an apartment in manhatten. Staking my claim into this little piece of the matrix to call my own until the winds of change carry me onwards. And I know that writing these words can generate the energy of anyone reading it. So if you can imagine for me, with me, that the apartment im currently applying for is APPROVING me as we speak, the managment company nodding its head affirmatively, ready to welcome me into my new place in tribecca with open and inviting and arms, easily and gracefully, and that all they will need from me is a first and last month's rent checks. Thank you and goodnight :) Photo Credit: http://anotherboyfromoz.wordpress.com/files/2006/07/moving-day.jpg

change

DakiniTruthSeeker — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 04:10:45 GMT

So as I was looking for a picture to post along with this blog I found a picture that had a guy surfing the waves with a shark oncoming and the title said "change: its a short trip from riding the waves of change to being torn apart by the jaws of defeat." (the website is despair.com). I almost used that picture. then i thought. Wait. What the fuck? Yeah. That guy, and that quote wouldve been my last 3 weeks. But as much as i would love nothing more then to dive facefirst into that pile of poo, I resist! The last 2 and half weeks have been some heavy duty deconstructing of reality with my once lover/teacher of the past, mister shawn roop. Daka, Swami, Magic Man Extordinaire. Loved and Revered by many he came here with one noble intention - to save my ass. To lift me up out of the depressing and somewhat sinking reality that had recently become my life. and I FOUGHT. and I STRUGGLED. and I PANICKED. because it meant letting go and really looking at the fears ive identified with so closely. I got to a point where I no longer wanted to be a sacred sex teacher. It just became too damn hard. Everyone including myself had let me down and even though i wasnt yet saying i was done, i was. I had given up. He helped me undo what turned out to be massive gooey piles of sticky poo. So here I am, feeling into my shoulders and going "OWW that hurts". I think Im feeling again. I mean Im feeling again. Slowly very tenatively. He reached out his hand and asked me to trust him and i aint trusted another human being in longer then i care to admit. and i fought. and i cried. and i panicked. I still do sometimes. But im feeling some change on the horizon. im looking at my work right now and i aint got it all figured out yet but at least i know that yes there could be that possibility that i could move forward, deeper, further, that i could be absolutly totally myself and pursue my passion and also yes be able to genuinely empower people through this work. I mean that would be very nice. (photo credit: http://seawifs.gsfc.nasa.gov/OCEAN_PLANET/IMAGES/G-253.gif)

Almost Done

DakiniTruthSeeker — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 20:33:16 GMT

Wow...Okay. Almost done with this bout of travelling. Im almost "back Home' in new york. And trying to prolong this seattle visit a bit longer....in my mind. I cant say that any particular thing made it amazing but it felt really good. I feel really good. Its nice to get away for a second from having to obessively worry about money and success, and just having trees and air around me. no. it feels REALLY REALLY good. My whole self has been saying 'this is what it should be'. Seattle felt comfortably...familliar. Saw my old friends from the scene. It was kinda strange. I guess I never was that close to them. Some of them have changed, while others seem to have somewhat stayed in the same place. I looked at them and thought, I think Im not there anymore. I cant say that I had any deep friendship experiences this week, but maybe a little touching base on potential ones. I cant say I had any amazing lover experiences either, tho that one lil roll around with a past lover was....interesting. I cant say i did exceptionally well financially but I had a great time doing my sessions. Mostly I walked around and felt my spirit going 'uh-huh, yep, this feels right'. Im not sure what it all means yet. I think I have one little last love story with new york before I declare departure, but I did find out today I can leave at basically a month's notice. So I dont know whats happening from here. Im gonna go study music for a bit I think...and maybe give new york another whirl for a bit. Anyways, they always say : wherever you go, there you are.... (photo credit: Arcatapet.net)

Come meet up with me tonight in seattle!

DakiniTruthSeeker — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 07:41:26 GMT

Im gonna be at the inertia lab 8 year renuion/hoe down extravaganza. Dolled up in a blue sparkly cowboy hat and silver gloves. and damnit, if you are looking for a FREE old ravestyle party with a bunch of crazy oldskoolers throwing down almost like they used to, and catching up with me while im in town...come say hi!! at the CHAC at 1621 - 12th Ave, Seattle, WA 98122 (photo credit: deviantart.com)

Coming Home (Seattle) Tomorrow...

DakiniTruthSeeker — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:25:29 GMT

Alrighty, spent some time with an amazing intutive counseler today who really helped me set some intentions for my upcoming seattle trip, and empower them. I really want the simple things in life: Love, Adventure, and as my friend in the eastvillage likes to say everytime the phone rings - "fame and fortune"(!) Rainy City, Here I come....

Travelling Again (Seattle and Beyond).

DakiniTruthSeeker — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 04:10:02 GMT

So i cant believe Im doing the travel thing again, but suffice to say that reading about in my last posts, my dear readers can probably tell that new york has been suffocating the last breath out of this temple whore. Fuck, Okay, I give, I need to get OUT for a little while. So on the itenariry along with the bahamas ( boo yeah), washington d.c. (or pennsylvannia, work matters), i am coming about to seattle Dec 12th-19th. ive been contemplating returning on home for a little while now, and the inertia lab 8 year anniversary renuion party gave me the little kick in the butt i needed. Time to throw down back to ye old psychedelic days one more time. aw yeah. So now same old worries run around in my mind. i dont have a place to stay yet, and am not sure how that will work itself out. i also wonder which people i will end up connecting with, and what kind of friendships exist, or potentinally exist. and then there's the whole family thing, and the strangeness of that. its home but not home. Coming about again... (photo credit, me, aug 2006)

victory!

DakiniTruthSeeker — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 18:57:11 GMT

It feels really good. For a while now ive been stuck. I mean. maybe I still will be. I mean, its a certainty that in some ways, history will repeat itself in terms of the ups and down of human emotion. But this week I just got up and said IM GOING TO KICK THE ASS OF THIS. No matter what. and anytime I got too down, i got up, shook it off, preservered forward and found what i needed to make me happy. and it really has been a much better week. Wow. It took me signing up for my first songwriting class ever to start the forward movement. woo hoo. im so excited. then last night, i unexpectedly found myself on a double date with a friend of a friend's and two armenian waiters from an indian restaurant. go figure. life can be silly. its fun to be silly. i have absolutly nothing profound to say in this blog and nacristically, i think i should say something to excite my dear readers. but i just feel good, and i did it, and that kicks ass. thanks for listening. and by the way...that flower essence treatment, when given by a professional, really fucking works. rawk.

My silly halloween face

DakiniTruthSeeker — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 14:58:59 GMT

How was yours?

How I feel Today

DakiniTruthSeeker — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 02:19:00 GMT

(Photo Credit; Me. Taken in West Village. Yes thank you very much it did take me 2 hours to figure out how to get this from my razor phone unto the internet, but now that ive doen it, im the king of the world. err queen rather.)

...Back...

DakiniTruthSeeker — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 23:53:20 GMT

So...ive basically been 'celibate' these last 2 months. I had one tinsy winsey post burning man fling with the man who gave me a ride home (or did i give him 'a ride' ;)) - and thats practically a must to the person who takes you home from burning man. One more for the road, baby. But other then little excursions with my right hand, really, necessities, i havent really had any need or desire for...anything. Person, Event, Experience. Prior to india, co-dependance central, Post-India, just plain independant. and its been strangely cozy, waking up in the same comfortable bed every morning...and staying in it throughout the day. Im not even sure I was depressed. I think I was just relishing living in one place for the first time... But I guess at a certain point, I was noticing the stuckness of it all. Something was missing finally, and i knew I should do something about it. So finally giving myself that little kick in the butt, i called this cute boy i met at an organic cafe last week...I mean cute in a 'high energy, this man can change the world kind of way'. We made date to hang out, and had an awesome time...I love a man who can make me laugh. Im not sure where its going, whether friendship or something more, but i do know something's changing and opening in me...The stuck energy is starting to go away...I dont know yet whether my work situation is changing, but I do know ive gotten 3 really amazing clients that are truely seeking true healing and teaching since this energy in me has begun... yay to the power of human connection. To love even. I do find it ironic that his name is Evan, and that he's an aquarius. I think that's life's way of playing a little joke on me, hey, didnt i already do this one already? :)

Lost

DakiniTruthSeeker — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 22:36:59 GMT

...found myself walking down this random strange street fair next to my house and I couldn’t really figure out what it was all about, it seemed like it was about overpriced junk food and dead animals and a bunch of crap that was sold as interesting things but I had no idea why this fair existed or what it was really trying to sell to the common man but especially couldn’t understand why it was being held next to my house the ‘ritzy’ neighborhood. So I was already entirely clueless and some masochist part of me just said okay fuck it so ill walk in and just go with it, why should I just have to miss out on some of the most amzing things that this city has to offer? And so I find myself, completely exhausted and baffeled, walking along the aisles of costume jewelery and souvalaki and crepes and asking myself what I was doing there. It made no sense and I just wanted to go with it all the way until I finally lost my mind and surrendered to the chaos that ive been trying so hard to protect myself from but instead I just got closer to the edge of my sanity and then got to the end of that bizarre fair and then turned right back home, admitting to myself the sad truth, I live here but I have no idea of what is here and I don’t know at all whats going on. .................. photocredit: www.lostinshots.com

Back to stay...(new yawk new yawk)

DakiniTruthSeeker — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:16:12 GMT

So...I guess Im here. I mean, I spent the last week in total depression. I was stuck, I was depressed, I was sad...and I think a big part of that is facing the frightening truth - Im home. I mean, for the first time in what feels like 3 years (counting the time in israel), but really *Officially* a year - I finally have a home. I finally have a place to put my things, and myself, and create connection. Yesterday I made myself a long list of the people that have disillusioned me (I called it chasing the wild geese into the dark oblivion), and after I had a good cry I realized it actually felt pretty good to be without illusion. For the first time in my life, im feeling relatively strong without having a partner or even close friends. I do want to manifest those things to have support around me, but amazingly enough, im feeling the strength that this last year has built in me. Lately my work has been scaring me too, and maybe its time to leave it, I dont know. What I do know is that Ill be DAMNED if i dont show up with total integrity to my sessions, rather then being bullied (by external and internal factors). and that descision (suprise suprise) has *suddenly* called out the 'good' clients, really seeking healing, out of the woodwork. it feels amazing!! its so fucking cool how quick that works. Just being pulled to integrity and boom! everything changes. I feel really good right now, bright, clear, and happier. Ive been so dealing with this internal stuff i havent really payed attention to new york yet at all. Just kinda getting my feet. Almost stubbornly looking at the ground so I can get oriented before I start getting swept up in the madness of this beautiful city. But I can feel it around me...waiting to sweep me. New York, Ill soon be yours.

Reflections of the burn

DakiniTruthSeeker — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:08:30 GMT

(above picture taken by steven fritz, 2005) Honestly, im not sure im moved to say anything but I still feel like I should say something, before the experience eludes me entirely and washes away into memory. This year I realized I saw burning man like a relationship with an inevitable heartbreak. I entered cautiously, tenatively, because i knew what would happen...that in one week, it would be over, but still there was some part of me that wanted to get swept up in the madness, the romance, the magic. I saw myself entering into it all from a place that was unwilling to get seduced more then necessary - but still wanted to make love as much as possible, without the pain. After having been to burning man 5 years now I can say...wow. Its really still the most amazing, most beautiful, most anything can REALLY happen here place. and its ALWAYS going to be that way, it just is. Even the times that i feel down here, I know that there's something on the other side for me just waiting for me, when i get over it all. Throughout the week I watched myself explore everything from a bit of a distance. Tasting some of the art installations, some of the music, and some of this strange phenomen called polyamory, and how it feels to be the 'other woman' in it. Im not sure I like it, but im really glad i allowed myself to have enough courage to push my own boundaries on exploration, and even more glad I could get past attachment. Burning Man was a beautiful canvas to explore it. I think this year was the year of inner focus for me at the burn. The night of the burn i found myself unexpectedly alone and sitting down at our camp i stared at my hands helplessly for a moment and thought - 'how did this happen to me?'. It took me a few moments before i realized i had done it to myself....i wanted a moment to be alone truely, to give myself freedom and choice, and to feel my strength against the chaos swirling beyond me. It was beautiful, and my spirit guided me to beautiful places i would have not imagined. I think one thing i could say i got from this year was...Trust. Much much more trust in myself and the world around me. Camping with the templewhores was in some ways more connective and other ways a more distancing experience then i couldve imagined. As a whole, i did not feel the group thread of the whores...and i missed that. I think i needed that more then i cared to admit. On an indvidual level, i felt love from some unexpected members of our camp. I am grateful for all the wonderful laughs and fun times with my cruisin hippy buddies - will, virigina, jake, and jeff - you guys put an eternal smile on my face, offered your help in little and wonderful ways, and shared with me some crazy times. Vega - i discovered some of what lies beneath your quiet beauty this week, and your strength. I would love to know more. Marty - my day with you one was one of the funnest on the playa. I love the softness that lies beneath that loud and funny exterior. Robert - we only really bumped heads in the dark. It was really beautiful just to see you smile out there. Id love to steal another moment with you sometime again. Mari and Ethan - I felt the outer and inner manifestation of your love this last week - both in the puja and in the dome. I felt it encompass me. Sometime we will know eachother more. Evan - an honorary whore...we did not cross paths much this year, but it was a comfort to feel your presence somewhere out there. I wonder what the upcoming year holds for us... Ray - my playa beloved...You appeared the night of the burn as my knight in shining armor in kingly cape, sharing with me your love, support and tenderness. i loved our adventure toghther.... and to the rest...I felt you, saw you, and exchanged a laugh with you. Next year is open to us... With love, Hadass

Burning Whore

DakiniTruthSeeker — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 01:26:19 GMT

Yep, Im an offical burning whore this year. Us templewhores (reiki/healing massage *officially* by day) will be placed at 7 oclock and chance. So come on over and get your healing on. Or as the whores say...'heal me...harder!' namaste, muthafucka, im goin to the playa.

SO YEAH...BURNING MAN!

DakiniTruthSeeker — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 23:09:29 GMT

Okay, realy stokd now. breathing a sigh of relief that i found my ride, have most of my stuff, and am about to attend the newer better sweeter disneyland rockemharder of them all, burning man. Ill be camping at templewhore, area 2257, center camp. mm. mm. cant wait for it...gonna feel SO GOOD!

Im Coming Home PT 2 (SEATTLE)

DakiniTruthSeeker — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 02:53:50 GMT

Okay so now part 2 is IN-EFFECT :) im scared. Im excited. This tuesday I land back in home sweet home for a short visit, pre burn. Yes, seattle is still my home, that love-to-hate-it, hate-to-love-it, hostess-with-the-moistest (rainfall) city is gonna take me back for one more go round her merry go rounder. Last time, i was taken in with open arms, ushered to a beautiful home, and welcomed with a beautiful party, fed grapes, and had my belly rubbed. I dunno what will happen this time. I think its ready to see me fo-real, not just as a visitor, but as one that lives (albeit still far away) but this time kinda more connected to really being on this side of the continent. With whatever good and bad that brings. I want it to be real. I want it to hurt less and feel better. ah yes, where do i know that one from. Give it to me seattle, one more time.

Feelin' Pretty

DakiniTruthSeeker — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 04:01:34 GMT

Okay Im back to living in the good old U.S. of A - you happy now! happy??!! I am. All's pretty great. Ive just now relocated to fablous manhatten, and now feel like one of the pretty people you see on T.V. its pretty damn cool. I gotta say, being a new yorker clearly means going out with this wonderful beautiful tantrika who's for the first time since turning lesbian is experimenting in being bi (as in dating guys) while i for the first time 'experiment' with being relationship bi (as in dating girls) while I also simatenously date a hot newly bi but once used to be gay, mexican artist. Yep. I must be in new york.

Okay so...can i say this now? (new york here i come)

DakiniTruthSeeker — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 18:23:12 GMT

(sung to nya nya nya nya nya). Im going ho-ome! im going ho-ome- im going ho-ome! okay. im really stoked about this. for the first time since august i will have a *real* home...im going to new yawk, baby! July 18th! Im doubly stoked both about going 'back home'...which in a sense is (okay! i admit it!) the U.S. and also about exploring the spectacular city of NYC. and im really curious about meeting other daka/dakinis in my area! ill be living in manhatten, btw. nyc...here i come!! -Hadass

(so glad to be) on the road again...

DakiniTruthSeeker — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 15:04:40 GMT

WOW...i can definatly say that i just experienced the most amazing rattly-ass-overlylong ride in a cramped jeep ever. The view from manalli to Leh was absolutly STUNNING. Passing over desert mountains and snowy mountains and just feeling my heart burst and bliss and finding myself writing songs and poetry in my head just watching it all go by. For the last month ive felt rather trapped in some kind of parraell universe, a world created entirely for western tourists, convienently shielded from any culture or experience of rawness and ITS BACK! Im so very stoked to be now in this beautiful desert land with the sweet faced ladakhi people. Desert mountains at my back, and ancient monastries and gompas up on hilltops all around me. THIS IS IT. Its so wonderful just to feel something that feels ancient...real...raw. aahh...this is what travelling was made for.

The Israeliyada in India and other random conflicts

DakiniTruthSeeker — Tue, 23 May 2006 13:53:38 GMT

Well, ive landed right in the middle of the Israel of india, in a little town called Kasol. In every restraurant, guesthouse, and roadside clotheshop are my fellow countreyman - the Israelites. Please inspect the attached picture closely. Those of you that dont speak hebrew - the sign says "Sami Burekas''. Burekas being that little pastry hotpocket the hebrews love so much. In Kasol, there are 2 Sami burekas, and a myriad of other places all promising to serve the BEST hummus in town. In a nearby village, Tosh, there is yet another Sami Burekas. Just in case we began to feel a little bit worried. Seeing a Sami Burekas here is akin to seeing the "Jahnun Shel Eema", an israeli pastry shop found on just about every other street, sometimes 2 or more to a street, in tel aviv. ....and that about sums up Kasol. Every place I walk into, I see hordes of Israelis, the loud, the obnoxious, the demanding, the very very many. I think I have seen a total of about 3 tourists in town. In fact, Someone told me that there is actually a 'lonely planet' tourbook warning under the section "dangers and Annoyances' about quantity (and I assume behavior) of the israelites. Dont get me wrong, I love my fellowcountrymen...but in this quantity it can be a little...overwhelming. Over the last week ive found myself seperating away...to go hang out by the (amazing) river, take in the scenic views, and breathe in the trees. the nature here is beautiful... still im finding myself all but running from my tenative home, to get away from this vibe around me and it can get rather lonely. What prompted me to stay was the promise of visiting the nearby villages. Everyone hops on a bus, rides down the road, and then climbes up the various mountains to visit these amazing little villages. Everything is mountaintops and colored houses, and looks just like what I imagine switzerland to be. Yesterday I visited the little village of Tosh. Its all rather surreal. Its all little kids running amuck, women lifting crates of hay over their head with babies blanketstrapped to their back, men sherping up heavy crates of assorted items up the hill. Yet I think the surrealness of it is where I run into difficulty. I sit up on my mountaintop, playing cards with my fellow israelis, or talking about where we ate the last good banufi, and they, the 'townspeople, go about their other reality. Sometimes I have to remind myself that really its quite ordinary to them, what they are doing, and im the only one wondering why it all seems like this faraway painting I cant touch. I find myself wanting to somehow get close, but im not sure to what. Yesterday I sat down and talked with one of the restaurant owners ""Vicky" (thats a boy's name in india). So the conversation gets to its usuall run of the mill line of questioning Name, Age, occupation...and then about stops. Its always the same...its really quite frustrating. I think its because im at that point where Im realizing that yes there are less then 2 months left in this trip and theres that nagging feeling that im giving up too easily on really experiencing the 'real' india and coming away with that superspecial thing i was supposed to get, and its times like these I remind myself about all im learning along the way and still im not sure its enough. Anyways thats whats running thru my head right now. Til next time, Hadass

Oh La La La La!

DakiniTruthSeeker — Sat, 06 May 2006 15:14:21 GMT

Alright a new piece of enlightement in india - French boys have nothing on Tibetan Men. A picture of me and my new hottie! p.s. my israeli friend pointed out i forgot to mention his name...oops! was a bit too distracted by... Meet Jigme (sounds like Jig-mee), cute and double sweet to boot.