Ramblings of an over-active mind..

Happy Valentines Day To All The People I Love

daleydale — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 03:47:18 GMT

I was thinking today that I wanted to send a valentine to all my dear friends and say THANK YOU for being in my life ! So... I sit at my computer here and now thinking of all of the peoplke I love - and there are so many of you, that I decided a blog would be easier to send ... Thank you all for being the most loving, compassionate, giving, kind, loyal and yummy folks in the world ! Thanks to those of you that sent me valentines earlier too - they made my day - and you know who you are !! :-) I love you all , and am so happy today since I know I have all kinds of love in my life ! And...all of YOU for me to love makes me the happiest girl in the world ! Happy Valentines Day ! with big hugs and little kisses, dale

A different kind of burn...

daleydale — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 01:25:25 GMT

So, I had a really nice time on the playa this year. Yep, it was just fine. Just not my best year. Funny, 'cos the art was sure the best, my camp was the most fun camp i have ever been with, and my camp mates the best one could possibly hope for. But, I just didn't have the best time. Nothing bad happened, but nothing really stellar either. I had some great moments, but they were too few and far between. I met some great people, but we didn't get to hang out that much. I spent lots of time waiting for people, looking for people, and watching other people have the time of their lives. I spent more time straight and sober than ever before ( was that it? ) and more time alone in my hot tent ( a drag - won't do that again) and way more time working ( which was okay , but not as much fun as playing) ... I was usually the 3rd or 5th or 7th wheel - as a single gal with mainly couples in my camp. That played into it i am sure. I kept looking for my friends that live far away so we could play, but we never connected. My single girlfriends had or found playmates and were busy or away all the time too. I guess I felt kinda disconnected from everyone this year, no matter how much I participated in my camp. I felt like if i wandered off for a day no one would notice. So... I'm not sure if i'll do it again, and if i do, I will certainly do it differently. Hmmmm. Guess that in itself is a playa realization....Anyway, I do want to thank all my fab campmates from the LAB for creating such a cool space and being such awesome folks - you all rock and I know that our off-playa times will certainly be wonderful! I do love you all and i'm looking forward to both our decom and SF too. Maybe I'll have my best burning man moments off playa this year!

He is gone.....

daleydale — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 04:39:36 GMT

The surgery went well yesterday, and after his eye was removed, he woke up fine , and they called me to say he could go home with me today . Pepe was just 5 years old, a beautful silky black velvet kittie. Many of you have met him - he was a spunky cat, even tho the crypto blinded him in december. He recovered to the point where he would slip outside every chance he could,and i'd have to chase him into the neighbors yard...He loved being outside. His relapse came as a huge surprise to me- he had been doing so well. But a week ago,he became lethargic again, and I called the opthamologist to make an appointment. "The eye has to go " she said. There was a large mass behind it causing him pain from the pressure on his eyeball, making it swell even more. They thought it was cancer, but I said No way ! But when I got the call from the hospital last night at 11, saying I should come right down, I was so afraid. By the time I arrived, he was in a coma, no longer breathing on his own. He had some kind of seizure,and then he had trouble breathing, altho his heart beat was strong. They hooked up to a respirator, with tubes everywhere. His little pink tongue hung out of the side of his mouth. I held his head and stroked him , crying , kissing his face for 5 hours. I finally had to leave at 4:30 , to get my roommate David , who came back to the hospital with me to say good bye. Pepe went to sleep around 5 am this morning, crossing the bridge to play with his brother Peanut, and chase butterflies with both beautful golden eyes wide open. I miss him so much -my black velvet kittie. Pepe, I love you and I know you are still with me in spirit. Your ashes wil go to Burning Man with me , and then you , like Peanut, will be there with me every year. Goodbye my youngest little boy...

An amazing experience...

daleydale — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 03:03:26 GMT

This past sunday I had the most amazing experience... I participated in a Code Pink peace rally with hundreds of other folks - mostly women, mostly wearing pink - to create this huge aerial photo on Santa Monica beach . I went down early to assist, build coffins, place the small crosses, help build the image, and then, lay in the sand for half an hour while a helicopter flew round and round photographing it. It was such an honor to hear Cindy Sheehan, an amazing human rights and world peace activist, and listen to the story of Iraqi women by Faiza Al-Araji. These women have organized over 2 million people to sign petitions, join marches, create awareness. I usually am not much of a political activist, basically I just feel hopeless about the situation most of the time. But yesterday, I felt like I contributed, in some small way. I am the person at the foot of the goddess, on the right side, in black pants and pale pink furry jacket.

A friend of mine died ...

daleydale — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 06:49:25 GMT

...and I'm sad ,because the world is a little bit less than it was without him. Dennis Weaver , an actor, a humanitarian, a philanthropist, a friend , a neighbor, and a client, was also the father and in-law of two dear friends of mine, son Robbie, and his dear wife Lynne, who died in the Santa Monica marketplace disaster. He lost a battle with cancer, but has left behind a legacy. He was a dear man, a wonderful host , having beautiful dinners and parties at his home in Malibu. His work on alternative energy vehicles was at the forefront of the movement, bringing attention to the need and the quest for alternative sustainable energies. I will always remember his warmth, his grace, his humour and his humbleness. He was a great man,and I am sad at his early departure. Dennis Weaver, rest in peace.

Worry is a self-created state of needless fear...

daleydale — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 21:51:46 GMT

So why do I worry about so many things,when I know that it is pointless? WORRY is a concern about something yet to happen- something in the FUTURE - which of course, does not exist yet ! Worry is therefore meaningless and a waste of time.since the future is just a FANTASY ! I am trying very hard to just live in the present- to be in the NOW as much as possible,and yet,the worry persists. I try meditating,but all the while,my mind is going on and on- and I am thinking "I don't have time to sit here mediating,I should be working, because I have so many bills to pay" or.. :" I wonder if I'll get that job" ..." I wonder if he will call me again, or did i do something to fuck this up too" or "Is my kittie suffering ,he is crying all the time, maybe I should take him back to the vet AGAIN ..." instead of being CALM and knowing that everything is perfect just the way it is. I worry about so many things-- my business,my family, my cats, my friends, my health, my friends' health, my taxes... It's just WAY TOO MUCH for me -I feel about to spontaneously combust ! The only time I feel completely content is when I am dancing - no wonder I go out every saturday and dance until I can't anymore - it is my safe time and place,where there is no worry,only joy and love and happiness. But,since it is impractical to dance 24/7, I sit in a state of immobility sometimes, wondering how to get out of this habit , this financial quagmire, this feeling of helplessness over my poor blind cat....So, for now, I keep singing to myself,"Don't worry,be happy!" and hope that I can learn to control the mind and let go of it all....But don't YOU worry, I'll be fine !! I have all of you to he thankful for !!

Another Cat-astrophe- UPDATE 1/16

daleydale — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 01:25:36 GMT

IT'S CRYPTOCOCOSIS - A fungus caused by exposure to a certain kind of bacteria found everywhere- in bird droppings! Not contagious animal- to animal ( or to humans ) but contagious within the environment - wherever the infected soil is found. Hard to cure -a year in treatment with strong antibiotics is not unusual. And...he may not regain his eyesight. But, he will live !! Thank you all for the prayers and blessings- keep them coming,as he is not out of the woods yet, and may still lose his right eye... Now trying to imagine how to get him to wear a little eye patch...i always thought he was more of a ninja-kittie actually.... 1/10 Yesterday , after 6 hours and almost $600 in medical fees, I learned that my youngest boycat Pepe had one of 3 ailments. Either a brain tumor, a disease called FIP, or a nasty case of crypto-something. Two of the 3 will kill him in under a year, the third is curable possibly with aggressive antibiotics. In all cases, he is now and will most likely remain, totally blind. I will find out this thursday or friday what the 2 specialists I saw yesterday think he has. They cannot be sure,as FIP is very hard to diagnose. There is no cure, no vaccine for my other cats either. Please pray for my little black velvet kittie to have crypto, and to fight for his life and his sight. And for me to be strong. I lost my 8 year old tabby Peanut in June, and can't bear to lose another one so soon. PLEASE send healing energy and love to my little boy. And if anyone has any experience with blind pets, please send advice. Thank you !

Why are the holidays always so depressing?

daleydale — Sat, 24 Dec 2005 02:21:57 GMT

Every year , for almost as many years as I want to remember, the holidays have depressed me. I never can find the right gift , I don't have enough money, I don't have a New Years date, ( or I do, but it's not the one I want) I'm bored/tired/sick/alone .... or something. Why do I and so many people get the holiday blues? Is it the expectation of something? Is it the feeling of obligation, to be with family when we'd rather be skiing with friends, or to spend money we don't have on people we rarely see , or barely know? Is it because we want to be joyous and happy and in love, but aren't , and somehow can't just summon those feelings? At this time of year I always feel like I am left out of it all, that all those other families are happier than me, that those couples in love are always smiling and kissing and laughing, that I am alone in my alone-ness. So... I try to compensate, and have a party, or my traditional orphans dinner, ( or go to one, or three) to distract myself. On Christmas day, when I am alone again, far from my family, without one of my own anymore, I'll remember when i was a little girl, and how happy getting that Barbie doll made me. Gee, if only life were that simple again. Then we had a big tree,and altho we were not wealthy by any means, there were always presents under it - lots of them. Now, I usually buy my tree alone,and decorate it by myself. This year I skipped that altogther, and plugged in a sweet tiny tree that sits on a speaker. There aren't any presents. I strung a few lights, bought some eggnogg, will go to some parties and cook a dinner, and wait for another holiday week to end - when I will smile and laugh in public, and be sad when I get home. Next year, I am cancelling the holiday altogether and going to visit my friends in Bali. That , I think, may make me smile .

How much is too much?

daleydale — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 21:48:55 GMT

So a much younger friend commented to me recently that he thinks I party too much. I was surprised to hear this from a devoted moontriber who will take days off work to go dance in the desert in the middle of the week, so i figured i should take a look at it. I do go out every saturday dancing ( it is part of my exercise regimen -dance, yoga, sit-ups) but that only amounts to 4 days a month. Is that too much? Once in a great while i'll go out during the week,but never late, and I always am aware of my morning schedule, so i keep those evenings to low roar. The reason i like to go out every saturday is more than dancing tho... it's all about my community. Where else can i be guaranteed to see at least 20 of my friends in one place? My relationships with my friends are the most important aspect of my life, so if i want to go out and play with them once a week, i think that is almost not enough! I rarely do the party drugs off playa, altho i do enjoy my cocktails, but since i am usually driving myself, i watch that too. I mean , just because i can dance longer someone half my age, don't hate me !! That's what keeps me young ! What do you think? Shall i start acting my age or what?? ( does that mean i have to give up my furry bras too??)