We Should Never Forget

Pain
We are made to forget it
No one wants to feel pain
It clouds our minds, saps our energy
And if it persists, it robs our spirit

Amnesia
We give into collectively selective amnesia
Choosing what we want to forget and what we want to remember
But sometimes history in all her brutal honesty forces us to remember the very things we want to forget

Forget
We must not
Everyone wants to forget
Choosing what we want to forget and what we want to remember
It clouds our judgment
Wanting to forget saps our compassion
Makes us fools of history
She laughs at humanity saying, “Look at these fools, forever turning about and wallowing in their self-destruction!”

I shall never forget
You should never forget
We should never forget

This Economic Downturn Brings New Perspective

Economic downturns are never fun. Businesses and government agencies alike begin curtailing services and – in some cases – cutting back on human resources in order to keep costs low; that – in turn – leads to all sorts of ripple effects throughout the local, regional and national economies. And we all know the material implications for the regular, everyday man on Main Street – a term that economists like to use: foreclosures, slashing unnecessary items off the grocery list; cancelling vacations; cutting back on ingesting brand-name medications and the list could go on and on. But there is a larger metaphysical implication, here.

I have always lived at or below my means because money has always been tight. I shop for my work clothes at Target and on clearance. I purchase shoes once every few years. I use public transportation whenever possible, as opposed to running up the gas mileage on my car. Also, I keep my car tuned and maintained, so as not to have surprise maintenance costs later on. I live with my brother to keep rent (and hopefully – soon to be – mortgage) low. I am in the process of downgrading my cell phone to one of those all-in-one monthly fee packages. I bring lunch to work and so on. I have downgraded my cable.

Economic downturns happen all the time. They are a part of the cycle of life in modern societies, but there is something quite different about this one. It seems to me that citizens are a bit more pensive about their future. Not scared, now, but pensive. In other words, instead of worrying about “how will I pay for my child’s college education?” I get the impression that we are more concerned about “why the world is the way it is that is causing the economy to be this way, so that I may not be able to pay for my child’s education?” We are starting to connect the dots.

Frankly, this was long overdue. For a long time we Main Streeters allowed corporations to steer the direction of our society leading – inevitably – to disaster. I am not anti-Capitalism, but it just seems to me that what we have been experiencing lately is a sort of corporatism, where corporations get to define and implement their forms Capitalism. Clearly this is not sustainable, and this recent downturn is proof of that.

I, and many of my colleagues, have not been asleep at the wheel. However, many of us have, and hopefully as we awake from the darkness of selfishness, self-indulgence and shop-til-you-drop-ism, we will finally see that we are a global community and we need to start caring for each other; and that we need to get back to the basics of focusing on making our own lives and that of others better, instead of buying more stuff.

It maybe that this is not so much an economic downturn, as it is simply a society getting back to the basics.

This Life

An Affirmation for 2008 by Roger Williams

Human life, a precious gift
No gold or gem has greater worth
So we should rightly value it
And all of nature on this earth

For life can be so short and cruel
its aim and purpose lost with time
So cease every moment is my rule
Make every day complete, divine

So what if hard times come your way
and the stormy winds prevail?
Batten down. Don't be dismayed,
lift your thoughts up from the fray
Stick your chest out and boldly say,
"Life is worth EVERY storm, and I will weather them all!"

When Love Comes

By Roger Williams (2008)

True love is long coming
My heart won’t stop longing
For the kind of romance that inspires
The kind that’s consuming
And won’t leave me yearning
For it will have filled all desires

Is there such a love?
Will it hurry up and come?
My longing: it has me on fire
This fire that burns,
Makes it so hard to learn
that love will act when it desires

So, here I am
With no scheme, no plan
To find true love here or o’er there
For when love arrives,
‘twill be so sweetly divine
That there will be no doubt it’s here

A Year of Introspection

Well, a new year has begun. One with new beginnings and hopes and dreams. I was listening to a radio talk show on New Year's Day evening, and the guest host, who is a zodiac specialist, claims that 2008 is going to be a year where most are going to be getting "back to the basics" of paying closer attention to the pocket book, family and community. She went on to say that we, as a nation, are going to be a lot more introspective. Boy, do we need that right now. Also, according to the Chinese calendar, we are in the year of the rat. This could mean that most of us are going to be in survival mode, and will focus more on uniting around issues are primary to our survival as a species. For those of us in the U.S., it makes perfect sense, as we're in a high-stakes, election year.

Though I find the astrological arts interesting, I do not give too much credence to it. However, it is perfectly believable that most people, particularly North Americans, after seeing their incomes shrink, their homes devalued and -- in some cases -- their homes taken away, their food being recalled time after time, despite the cost increasing -- most of us will be forced to really watch our spending and return to the simpler things in life, such as, family and friends. This is where our passions and our attention should have been in the first place. Sometimes it takes shifts -- economic, astrological and otherwise -- to refocus our attention where it matters most.

Let's hope that this introspection is fruitful.

In Defense of Christmas

It has become popular these days to dismiss Christmas as being overdone and commercialized. With the way retailers have used this time of year as a sort of prostitute, gallivanting in the malls, box marts and stores the world over, enticing customers to buy a sordid mess of unnecessary “stuff, it is no wonder many of us are beginning to embrace that sentiment.

But, I must say that there is something about this time of year that is very hard to reproduce elsewhere. For example, I adore coffee. I just love the stuff. I am also a huge connoisseur of tea. I don’t really speak openly about this with everyone, but it casually comes up in conversation from time to time both at work and in other circles. Well, I was pleasantly surprised when my boss brought to my desk a basket filled with fair trade coffees and teas along with some biscotti and a ceramic mug, wrapped in a beautiful, golden bow. I was really moved by that.

Of course, it wasn’t about the gift, per se, though I know that I’m going to use and enjoy every drop of it. However, it was the sentiment. This lady is the director of a department that is home 32 staff, she has a family with young children and also relatives, neighbors and friends, yet she found the time to purchase something that obviously took time to select. I wonder what went through her mind. What was the thought process that led her to the point where she purchased that gift basket for me? Just the thought of that fills me with joy. Now, the skeptic would argue that she could have purchased that gift any time during the year, but let’s face it, it would not have had the same effect.

Christmas, then, is a wonderful time of year, and not all traditions are “stupid” as one of my colleagues put it. Sure, it has become commercialized and—in some ways – it has lost its meaning, but this does not mean that we should throw it all out the window. There are things we can do to make our Christmas experience more meaningful, thus keeping the tradition alive for generations to come.

Life's a Stage

Lately, I've found myself re-connecting with old flames and friends, beautiful and and not-so beautiful characters, cast in the stage show of my life. For some reason, it seems that whenever this season comes around, old friends and even family members -- some of whom I have not seen in ages -- show up in my life and then, in some cases, by Valentine's Day, they disappear again. What's with that? I'm not sure, but I do intend to enjoy their company while they're around.

I guess sometimes certain people come into your life for one purpose, and after that purpose is served they simply exit stage left. At that point, life moves on to the next scene.

What a performance this life is!

No Expectations When Dating?

Today, I had a coffee date with a man I met online. The conversation was engaging and varied. I had a good time. And, he was good-looking to boot.

He said something, however, that kind of caught me off guard. He mentioned that he doesn't have any expectations when he goes on dates. In fact, he's not the first guy I've heard say that.

The thing is, I can't fathom NOT having expectations when I go on dates or encounter a new situation...Period. Expectations of all sorts magically develop in my mind when I have a job interview, go out on a date or attend a new event or whatever. It's like my mind takes on a "mind" of its own (No pun intended), and I simply can't help thinking of all sorts of outcomes and scenarios: will we hit it off? Will he be "the one"? and so on. I mean, I actually expect us to hit it off. However, I'm not devasted if we don't. I know, it's complicated.

So, when I hear people say that, I simply can't fathom it. Maybe I have not transcended. Maybe I'm still too naive. I'm not sure, but it must be nice not having expectations when one goes on dates. It makes it easier to handle the nervousness and any sort of rejection if it happens.

Lower Standards to Find Love? Part I

Often times, I hear my friends complain about the dearth of good men to date in South Florida. As a matter of fact, that complaint is being echoed throughout my frienship circles all over the country and even abroad!

Have things really gotten that bad for gay men? But, wait a minute, my single, hetero friends have similar complaints. So, what's really going on, here? Is this an epidemic or pandemic of sorts?

People are dating, putting themselves out there, but nothing serious seems to be surfacing. Is my generation just doomed to being single with friends and the occasional sex in-between? Is this what our social existence will amount to?

In my parents' day, it just seemed so much easier. You went to church or some form of civic gathering, saw someone you liked, approached them, go out on a couple of group dates; ask their parents for their hand in marriage and, Bam! The proposal, the wedding, few years later...Kids and presto-change-o, a family and years of living together and loving each other "...'til death do them part..." lol

Those days are loooong gone. Frankly, they never really existed for gay men, and particularly, for gay men of color. But, now, we are a lot more open with our sexuality than, say, 30 years ago, when my parents were in their 30's. We are better educated and we have technology at our finger tips. Yet, we all seem to be single.

So, the ultimate question is should we lower our standards? If the answer is no, then how do we strike the balance between retaining our standards, while not becoming bitter and unaffected? Sure, we'll have the moral satisfaction of knowing that we didn't settle, but let's face it: moral satisfaction can't really replace a warm body in the bed or someone to come home to after a long, tiring day at work or just someone to call you "honey" or "dear" once in while (with intimate affection, not casual endearment) LOL.

What to do; what to do?

Religion: It's About the Human Experience

Today at work, during our lunch break, a few of my colleagues were discussing some topic, and the discussion slowly drifted toward our experiences growing up in this or that religion or Christian sect. One of my colleagues reminisced about her confirmation as a patron of the Catholic Church. Another, discussed his boyhood days as part of a Baptist Church, where he met his first love, whom he eventually married. Yet another discussed his love for the lively worship that he experiences every Sunday at his local Church of God assembly. As an atheist and humanist, I was truly impressed by how civil the discussion was. No one was saying that his or her sect was better or closer to god than the other; the discussion was simply about the HUMAN experience, and that is when it occurred to me that religion really has nothing to do with a god, per se, but rather it is a living testament to how human beings interact with each other. Frankly, when we begin to see the similarities that exist between us, the less strife we will have as a species. I am confident that that day, as Dr. Martin Luther King preached, WILL come.