Meine Gedanken
this natural burst of indignation...
Mon, April 10, 2006 - 10:54 PM
I cannot hold this in any longer or I will surely die. It eats at me daily. This is a quote from a mail I had intercepted from Solange to someone else back in August (after Pennsic.) It was originally sent in July.
I had no idea we even had problems outside of the normal, day to day stuff people can go through. It was in August that I found out she was dating. She also mentions a profile SHE was using to date and makes it seem as if it were me. That is how I busted her. It had photos I took of her ON IT. SOMEONE from Pennsic saw her ad and contacted me. They thought I should know. I guess it pays to be well known sometimes. To that person I am eternally grateful and will carry on my back across any body of water.
Here it is and remember, we were engaged to be married!!
“For example, My latest ex ( the money mooching stripper babe type boyfreind) still runs our old profile as if I exist...and no- I will not tell you which profile it is... he still thinks we will get back together and I need him to testify on my behalf in my the custody trial. It is a fine philosophical line I am treading and I could just shoot the damn judge...He scheduled only one day for the trial...we only made it through 2 of my ex husband's witnesses...so now I have to wait on Judge Duer to see when he has 2 more days in his calendar... There fore I am being nice to the boyfreind... I am playing the situation for the sake of my kids....He is just too key of a witness for me to piss off.
I am not proud of this tactical decision…but it is one I had to make. I am gone every way including physically. I have removed all his stuff and all of mine from his home… I never stay overnight… and he still calls every day or so and we go out on occasion.
Until I find the boy toy replacement ( for which you are in the lead ...lol) … I need to keep him happy … once my case goes to the judge for a decision…I doubt I will ever again return a phone call.
I don’t know why I needed to come clean about that with you... I believe it is because as a lawyer…you have a better chance of understanding the decision… that and I like you… I do not want to be deceitful …even when it really isn’t your biz yet.
If this is a problem for you, then you will just have to break off correspondence until I get my last two days in court.
The ball is now in your court.
Sharon”
Ahhh…. Like a festering boil once lanced… that hurt but now I feel so much better…
I gave that woman and her children everything I had emotionally and spiritually. I have no idea what she is telling people about me but I can only image at just how twisted her version of reality is. While I regret being so duped and loosing 5 valuable years of my life. It has been the loss of my “family” that has caused me much anguish and grief. I guess I should be grateful I did not marry her.
She still expects me to appear in court on her behalf too! I am not sure how things will pan out. I am an honorable man. If I’m called to appear I vow to be completely and utterly honest with both lawyers and the judge.
This I swear.
Now, for a quote to live by:
“But after this natural burst of indignation, no man of sense, courage, or prudence will waste his time or his strength in retrospective reproaches or repinings.” ~ Robert Peel
Mon, April 10, 2006 - 10:54 PM -
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 12:42 AM
Addendum:
Some people might read this and then do the math. Yes, it was four months or so before we finally split up. I had to untie a lot of strings attached to me. So, why am I now posting about this eight months after I first read this? Her custody battle date is set for the first week in May. She and her lawyer have built their ENTIRE case around my testimony. I am now in a position to destroy her completely. I will not do so. I will appear and I will tell the court everything. I will be honest and simply tell “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” The just and well living should have no fear of the “truth,” right? I had planned to hold this all in until just before I went in and then I was going to let her and her lawyer know I had read this nice little letter. Like a festering splinter in my soul though, it just HAD to come out. I couldn’t hold it any longer… I must seek inner peace. Tomorrow I join a new school and begin training my mind & body. |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 12:45 AM
Dayum...
dont feel too bad... It could have been a LOT worse on the deceitful front.. remind me to pull ya up to the table for beers and "NO SHIT" stories about my exes ( two ex -wives loads of "funny long after the fact" stories) might even thank her after ya hear some the shit I took bent over and squeelin.. :D just me.. now granted this is really easy to say not being involved but... screw the trial.. its not your ball game anymore and IF you walk in there and tell the TRUTH of it.. you walk out holding the a-hole ball.. thats not a good place to be.. just cut your losses and bury your sorrow.... grind it deep in bed sheets.. youll know your over her when you have to wake up the next morning and say " baby that was wonderful... whats your name again?" prescription for angst of a woman: copious and gratutious cardinal knowledge of as many women who are willing and meet the wieght requirement for the ride.. dosage 1 per day and two when feeling more crappy than normal... the Pharmacy is always open at pensic...refills are free.. -Dr.thunder |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 12:54 AM
I have been subpoenaed to appear and have no choice; they will send a Sheriff to pick me up. I could care less if they think I am an asshole. It’s about the kids and I will say what I think is best for them, not what is best for me or her or her ex…
As for the prescription, while I do appreciate the sentiment, I am not ready for that. I want to avoid any sort of relationship or entanglements for now. That doesn’t mean I will not enjoy a piratey woman swinging in my rigging now and then, just no grappling hooks… LOL I’ll take ya up on that beer! |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 1:12 AM
ill have ya laughin so hard youll piss yerself :D but if I get ya a beer first you can say you spilled and cover it:D
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 5:37 AM
wow thats rough...
i think your on the right path, stick with the truth. When asked give the details, be honest, be true. 'if for no other reason than its easier to remember, tell the truth' You may walk out the door wearing the a-hole shirt but two months down the road how will everyone feel? She may realize that you were far better to her than she deserved. Even if she doesn't, you'll know. |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 6:06 AM
Darter from one too nice person to another, count yourself lucky, do what you feel is right and walk away, sometimes its all we can do to protect ourselves. As for stories whooooooweeeee can I tell you a few that will make your jaw drop, bust out laughing and then make you poke me in the forehead with a what were you thinking girl!
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 6:16 AM
I just want everyone to know that I am actually all right. I am doing very well. In fact, writing about this has allowed the poison to finally escape. What brought this on now you might ask? Well, Sunday night I had dinner with friends. They all talked about their kids. I had adopted her daughter into my heart as my own blood. For the first time I truly felt my loss.
Then yesterday she began to harass me both on the phone and online; nothing bad, just annoying me and coming on to me. She seems to think I just NEED to fuck her and am not sleeping around because I am pining for her fjords… Bad combo… the boil burst. Writing about it on this blog was cathartic. Honestly, no pity for me. I feel much, much better. |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 6:40 AM
Truth
OK, so you're subpoenaed to testify, and you want to be truthful. So be truthful - incredibly truthful, and COMPLETELY truthful. Rememeber that you will be cross-examined. Be truthful, be COMPLETELY truthful. Likely, her lawyer will realize what you're doing, and try to keep you from being too detailed. Conversely, his lawyer will also realize this and probe you for details within details. Give both of them everything you have, and let the judge figure it out. Only then can you be 100% certain that the court has every piece of information to make an educated judgement. Knowing that you held nothing back should make you sleep very well. You will have fulfilled your oath & vow, and have left the sorting of it all to other dispassionate parties. You owe this, at least, to your own conscience.
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 7:38 AM
This really adds another facet of perception to her comments on your original post announcing the breakup.
I'm glad that sharing it publicly purged an ugly thing for you. Hopefully you can continue your healing somewhat easier now. |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 8:27 AM
LOL... If you mean she is a deceitful person and full of shit, then yes, it does add another facet. ;-)
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 8:39 AM
I think you're a good man. So of course you'll be a man and do what you think is right. Even if it's hard and it sucks limp dick.
On the other hand, I'm glad that you have friends that are so supportive of you, and a safe place that you can be honest and open. Yay you for not keeping this in any longer, and for not becoming a bitter jaded ass! |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 8:51 AM
In light of this info, I am glad for you! This will free you for better and more honest things in the future. Sounds like a good time to start focusing on the things that will truly give you joy. Good luck in your new studies, by the way!
However, who I do pity are the children involved. They usually suffer the most in these situations. But remember, they are also wonderfully resilient...they are much tougher than one suspects. They will learn hard lessons, but this too shall pass. *hugs* |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 11:00 AM
more support
I can't tell you I've been there. I admit over and over again. I'm lucky. I have a good marriage. I've never dealt with losing a relationship involving kids or dealt with custody battles, etc And most of my break ups have been friendly so I can't even offer you a "me too" on that front. But I can offer you a ear to listen if you need it. You have my yahoo id. I'm on all the time.
Probably the saddest thing is those children are losing you. I could tell how you spoke of them in your photos captions that you care for them. Hugs Cassair |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 11:22 AM
Darter,
Hugs to you. I understand what you are going through. Both of the deceitful ex thing and on the children front. You are doing the right thing by being truthful. And remember not all people are like that- I'm so glad to see you're not turning bitter. Do what is best for you - and listen to your instincts on these things. It really sounds as if you realize you are on a better path now. :) |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 1:03 PM
I'm gonna make the same offer to you that I have my single guyfriends: The next one has to pass through me first. ;)
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 2:32 PM
"Next one?" Oh honey, let me tells ya,,, tha aint no "next one." I am thinking I will follow in the steps oh me granfadda... He was single from a month after my mother's birth until his death. He lived a good life and enjoyed himself.
Of course, I plan on a better style of lovers... LOL |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 3:42 PM
You are one of the only people, man or woman, that I've known to still want to speak the unadulterated truth after being treated in such a disrespectful way.
THAT is something that will help you to sleep well at night, and feel good about yourself every day. It's the way we all should be, but mostly aren't. Just never say never with the relationship thing. You don't know whose eyes will be looking back at you some day when you least expect it. |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 7:24 PM
V for Vendetta
Hi,
It's just not worth it. I just broke up Very nicely (was engaged) with someone. "the best revenge is living well." ok i think so hugz Mae |
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Tue, April 11, 2006 - 9:25 PM
Hey
I think I must be coming late to this thing, sorry for that in case you needed me. I doubt it, but still....
You may have lost, but you have won. Despite it all, you have everything in the right place, your heart, your honor and your soul. I look forward to seeing you again - ideally at the calmness of Penn Lite. BTW - at the risk of stating the obvious to some of the folks who do wish him well and future companionship, let us remember the charm, looks and outfits of Darter. That man is going to rack up more butts than an ashtray outside of an AA meeting that runs long. Moon |
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Unsu...
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Wed, April 12, 2006 - 1:13 AM
All I can say is, "Ouch". But you were lucky, in finding this out before you got married. As for "needing you to testify" on her behalf, well that's up to you. I tend not to be a vindictive person, so I'd just say to cut your losses and to testify as your heart tells you is right.
You want some martini's on First Friday? And a handful of Advil, the next day? |
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Wed, April 12, 2006 - 8:31 AM
No, no martinis for me! I over did it making my own last year... I can still feel the pain!
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Wed, April 12, 2006 - 10:27 AM
Geez.
Wow. I'm sorry. This had to hurt like hell, and I'm sorry for that. But you are right: You still have your honor, you are still a good man, and you dodged the bullet of marrying someone who was apparently using you. Sometimes, healing hurts. But I'm glad you are doing okay. Some people let this sort of thing destroy them.
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Thu, April 13, 2006 - 11:59 AM
Been there, done that...
Got the t-shirt. Darter, you are definitely doing well, I gotta say. Only someone who *was* could have come out and told everything and not sounded like they were begging for attention or further sympathy.
I agree with other comments - be truthful and honest, even if it hurts the case... In the end, the truth will be heard, regardless. Better it come from you than from someone else. Someday Fred and I will make it out to Pennsic again, and when we do, we'll take you out for a pint - one pirate to another. ;-) ~M |
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Thu, April 13, 2006 - 12:28 PM
People who lie keep doing so to cover up for the stories they tell , until at some point there is nothing left in their life but bullshit . At some point the line between coverups and reality becomes so blurred they don't even know what is real and fictional any more.
Take the higher moral ground , tell the truth , but don't go beyond that , because it seems she is doing a very good job of making an ass of herself without any help . Stay strong brother , there are still some good people out there , trust me , I speak from experience . I went through my share of "bunny boilers" before I found a normal one hehehe....... |
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Fri, April 14, 2006 - 12:24 PM
I feel for you. Do what's right for the kids, they will grow up knowing it.
I grew very attached to a girlfriend's daughter. I got to help her through some rough childhood times. Her mother made me crazy, I'm kind of glad she finally left me for a guy she thought had more money. I still keep in touch every now and then, though now that she's grown up and married she doesn't need that as much. She still remembers all I did for her though. |
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Fri, April 14, 2006 - 3:31 PM
I cannot @!#* believe that @!#*
Hey Ron. After our chat the other day, I was curious about the 'e-mail' content. Just finished reading it and I am truly, truly, glad that you are away from her. She is a chameleon, I too was fooled for a while. Although you don't need it, you've got my support.
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Sat, April 15, 2006 - 12:10 PM
Elfgiva
Wow, have I been out of touch, for like 6 months. However, I must tell you (not that you care 'cuz you don't know me) That I find you an honorable man.
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Sun, April 16, 2006 - 1:53 AM
Dude....we've never met, and likely never will, but I feel I know you from TVU and your photos. You are obviously a real, caring person. She, on the other hand is obviously not - not even close. You're way better off without her - at least you didn't make the mistake of marrying her. Hang in there, guy, you've got a lot going for you - family, friends, your art (which, BTW, I think is awesome and just getting better).
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Mon, April 17, 2006 - 10:22 AM
Hi
I had no idea. I just found out ,that is how aware I am of stuff . Dee dee dee. I just wanted to let you know I am here for you and you are welcome at dragonschild anytime. We will sing and drink and live well.
Lynn |
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Tue, April 18, 2006 - 8:52 AM
Doh...
I really must pay more attention to this whole tribe place. Big things happen and I'm so behind on it.
Grats on the freedom and being in a nice mood about it. |
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Mon, April 24, 2006 - 12:21 PM
her loss
As Stevie Nicks says: Sometimes its a bitch, sometimes it's a breeze.......
The truth will set you free.. & all the other trite & Corny sayings I could come up with ....... *hugs* let us know how the Hearing turns out when you can. |
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Wed, May 3, 2006 - 12:30 PM
Actually, the hearing is today and tomorrow. I am not being called to testify. Her lawyer told me she (the lawyer) wanted to call me but my ex declined. She (my ex) is afraid of what I might say and also wants to appear gracious due to my "illness."
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