Jenna is super sexy! WOO WOO!

One day we are all going to have T-shirts that have that emblazoned on the front while Jenna sails by in her very own pink sparkley blimp, just waving and picking up hot chicks.

I mean, what else is there to know? major love of all things extra cheese covered. We are talking Velvet Elvis, silver disco dancing, Babarella fur rubbing delight, people! She has The largest Polka collection there is (including the Happy Jolly Polka Men), supplimented with 1930's hawaiin music, Goth, Industrial, Old school punk rock, rat pack albums galore...

And to top it off, this lady can play "Let's get physical" on the accordian. Now is that not sexy? She plays the accordian accompaniment to our very own Funkadelic version of Enya's "Sail Away" - Can you dig?

Don't let her cornflower blue eyes fool you. There's not a scrap of innocence behind her cute crooked smile. Under that red dusting of freckles lies A perverse mind like you wouldn't believe! She once got kicked out of a Denny's bathroom for fisting a chick in the loo. It's true! Her favorite pastime is to think up new devious dasterdly tortures, some of which involve supermarket baskets and the frozen food section at Ralphs.

She's always been this way! I can vouch for nature over nurture, because I was there when we were playing warped barbie games involving plastic nudity and bondage. Barbie's got some kinky dreams in that house of her's, let me tell you!

She's fantastic, she's artistic, She's amazing. She lights random disposable things on fire just to watch them melt into interesting sculptures and she can sing to you over a dozen Mina songs - all in Italian. Madonna, che pazzilina!

This is my very one and only soul sister mamma. When she is by your side, everything is a-ok, ... and that's a fact!