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Moving to LJ for a while...

Demi777 — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 12:58:13 GMT

Hey, just to let you know... If you're interested at all in The Demi, S/he is moving activities to Live Journal for a time, and mostly ignoring Tribe. I'll be documenting/working through my Transitioning Gender, and also my Transition into the Sex Industry (and no, I'm not sure just what I'll be doing under that umbrella term yet. Working on getting modelling work...) So, if you want to find me, i'm "demi-dysphoria" in LJ. Pax.

This Cup OverFloweth With Love... (second half)

Demi777 — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 20:40:59 GMT

Mmmm.... Well, really what do I say at this point? The Three of Us have met at once, and it seemed immediately that our Energies would all work very nicely together. VERY Nicely. I am having to move out of the place I'm in, and will be moving in with "V". This is for two major reasons 1) To Save Money while we plan on landing a Flat, likely in JP, to create a Full-Fledged Temple of Love (Babylon...) Thee other, whom I will simply call Cat, is EXTREMELY keen on the idea. We had V visit us toward the end of a major ritual two nights ago, and it was apparent that in our seperate ways, we were an effective, balanced Trinity. All the Elements are right, the social dynamics, the Training... Thee Reason # 2) V is my mentor in the profession I'm going into. I am not comfortable talking about it in any detail here, both because of the major censorship problems on Tribe now (damned if the vibe of this new shell isn't sterile, eh?), and because it is so Misunderstood by even Loving Magickal Community. I am Becoming a "Sex Worker". This does not mean $$$ for Sex. "Sex Worker" is an Umbrella term used to help keep various sorts of "Sexual Service Providers" (i.e. Stripping, Erotic Dance, Porn and Erotica, Phone Sex, and, yes, includes Prostitution and "Escorte Services") Unified, so that they can not so easily be marginalized, jailed, abused or mistreated (which happens A LOT). I will admit that I am, and have been, focused on becoming a Performer in this arena, perhaps a Fetish performer (actual Sexual/Sensual Theater), probably an erotic dancer in a club (once I have a photo portfolio, I'm going to try and sell myself to Queer Clubs.), and, unexpectingly, am being Trained as a Domme. Never thought that one would be in my realm, but, after seeing just a little, it feels like something I could really enjoy. If any of you, my sweet people, wish to know in person the true nature of this "Tantric Faith", I will gladly speak to you in person, if I feel you can handle it. This Silence must End. Our mission in this world is to bring Sexual Healing, and as an Artist/Performer sort, I feel that Healthy, Loving and Mature (emotionally) Sensual Imagery is something the "Mass Culture" needs so badly. Its so easy to say "Porn is Bad, its so Degrading" and just leave it at that. Abstinence never works as a Philosophy. What we need are those Brave enough, and with Vision enough to Make "Sex Positive" Porn and Erotica, to bring Service with Love. And don't scoff. We've been steadily gaining ground for sometime, and are really beginning to find success. Our Mission is Love, Love Eternal... Final Missive: Met a One last night. Had met her at a Fetish Night. I will call her Daphne here. I have called her "Flower of Babylon". Many of us in "The Work" I spoke of have been severely abused in life. We understand Pain, Damage and Compassion through having lived it. We actually really mostly only Heal the Sickest sort, and Human Sexuality, at large, is Quite Sick right now. She, however, was untouched. She knows not what she is consciously, but lives it, breaths it. So Pure, and yet Not Pure. Unharmed, Untouched. She is what we would be, if times were not so harsh to us. An Inspiration... And, that's where its at. Life will remain a challenge for me and my sort, but I am devoted to my Path(s), always have been. I no longer feel so "alone", I feel Loved. And a Temple We Will Build. ~ evol d7e7m7i love ~

This Cup OverFloweth With Love...

Demi777 — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 22:51:07 GMT

Get ready, this is going to be Quick, Blurry, and a Flurry of Sensual Imagery (I hope...) Two-Four Years ago (hard to really pin down an exact date): "Initiated by Association" into the Paths of Faerie, and a Certain form of Tantra, which will remain Nameless for now. Not well known, and really hard to explain, so, assume it to be an interesting, high-impact form of Tantra. The "Cell" I was involved in Dissapated (Interpersonnel Magickal Attack), most of the members moved off in a Thousand Directions, and after a short time, I convince myself that I know nothing about anything that happened, to avoid Crushing Despair. Second Half of Last Year: I move into the Boston Area (from Western MA, a rather inhospitable area for a Sensuous Trannsexual Artist-sort) having glimpsed the reality of Loving Magickal Community. A few who had come to Love me held me up until I could land a room. Somewhere in this, the memories of what I'd Lived start trickling back in. By the time I get the room, I'm already focused on creating a "Temple to Love, Light and Darkness", and set about doing so, rather succesfully for someone who only knew what-was-what from seeing it. December: Plans to Create a "Collaborative Concurrence" Temple/Art Collective come crashing down, along with multiple aspects of my Life. Accepted as "Being Smacked Upside the Head", for Hubris. Move inside self, Begin Casting and Calling to "Thee Lady of Bablyon", whilst developing worship of "Thee Holy Hermaphrodite". Healing... New Years: During Creation of a "UnSeelye" Faerie Costume (I'll get photos up soon enough), the Urge for a spontaneous Love Ritual overtakes me. I proceed to build up more Spirit-Sex Energy in one release than I may have ever at that point. Scream a Certain same of the Lady in Orgasm. Noticed something seems to have "Worked"... The Night before, Met someone (whom we will call "V" here) that I had discussed my lineage with in somewhat veiled terms while helping out a little at "The Temple in the Hood", for prep. Plans to speak more frankly are suggested. The Very Night, at That Very Place (in the same room even), meet a VERY Notably Powerful Practitioner of the afforementioned Tantric Faith. I am Claimed. Over the course of the next two days, we communicate all we know to eachother, 75% of which occurs in the Astral Realms. Sense of "Downloading and Uploading" energy and information is strong. After two days have passed, I agree to be Initiated into "The American Nath Society", a splinter of an Pre-Historically Ancient Tantric Lineage, "Nath Sampradaya", little known outside of India. Over the Course of the next two Weeks, Magickal Training, Experience and Engagement Proceeds at a nearly Overwhelming Pace. Contrasts of Sensuous Beauty, and Demonic Attacks are severe. I prove my ability to engage and deal with this, mostly to myself, but also to my newfound peers. Co-ordinated efforts to knock me from my path are constant, by some-things from my Karmic Past. I do not falter. Past week or so: Begin Casting Heavily in Faerie. The UnSeelye are summoned, whom I have discovered I am one of. I have always known that they were not just "those bad Faeries", and I call them to me, Teaching them again of Love, and Healing thier wounds where possible. Consequently, discover the beginnings of my abiltity to Heal (very specific sort.) "V" returns. A Powerful UnSeelye Sister. Also another Practitioner of this Tantric Path. We Hold Council. We Exchange deep secrets. We also Synch Up. * end reel, switch to next reel to finish movie *

Sensual Ecstasy as Life...

Demi777 — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 07:49:27 GMT

Well, so, found out my Macintosh Is THOUROUGHLY Fragged. I'll be able to Copy the Hard Drive, Which Contains FUCKLOADS of Music (much of which is VITAL to my Daily Function.), but, SHE IS NO MORE. Spent Much of the Day in Self Reflection, and got Some Healing Work Done by a Friend named Valerie. Learned a LOT about my Energy Blockages, and taught her the basics of SIGIL Work. Good Exchange... ...and DANCING! I went to Thee Haven for the First time in a WHILE, and, By Being Open and Kind, Despite the Snitty Fear Many Goths have in Public, I Became OPEN to Thee Greater Ecstasy of it all. Anytime I can Feel Beautiful, Feel as a Walking, Dancing Orgasm Incarnate (as in my little photo I use to Represent me), I AM DIVINE. Years of Pain and Struggle, just to get the Friggin' Hormones. They Put Me through SO Much, and all along, I was ALWAYS right about it. When I can Dance, Knowing that The Women Around Me can SEE THEMSELVES in my Painted Face, Eyes Open to Slits, Darkly Painted Lips Parted Oh-So-Eloquently, It ALMOST makes Everything PERFECT. Now, if they'd just TAKE ME more Frequently... I see the looks they give me... ...Though, there is ONE Strong Woman, who was Brave Enough. We Shall See How She Turns Out on Thursday Night...

Death of a Macintosh...

Demi777 — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 02:41:06 GMT

Ah, Damn. My Laptop's Screen is Fragged. I'm Going to Get It Fixed A.S.A.P. but, Expect me to Dissappear for a Bit. This'll Give Me a Chance to Concentrate on Non-Digital Projects for a While... I'll check Here on Occasion, but, Don't Message Me Unless You want to Visit, or Get Some Business/Creation Done... LOVE ~ Demi ~

Oh! My.......

Demi777 — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 10:48:34 GMT

Well, If that wasn't one of the Most Incredable Mynd Blowing Weekends Ever... Began with End of Week: THURSDAY NIGHT ) ) ) SIM (Studio for Integrated Media) Program at MassArt put on its (Student Created and Run) Departmental Show. Painting, Sculpture, Video Installation, Spatial Installation and Live Music in the Gallery Space, in the Theater: an Extensive Show Consisting of Live Musical Acts, Digital Animation w/ Digital Music, Multi-Screen Media Overload Projects, Stand Up, Experimental Video... and all of it... Wonderful. A Ginger-Bread Dolly Celloist, and a Guitarist Girl with a Voice Straight Outta Tha Womb... Ain Soph, in many ways... The Video Project of a Budding Magi... (Check him out, look up zebbler@glitchcrew.com in Tribe, Zebbler in my Friends List...) Really Considering this Program. Appears to be High Quality Cross Medium Work, in a Free and Supportive Academic Environment, Emphasizing Only Quality and Meaning of Work... FRIDAY NIGHT ) ) ) Small Crowd Fluttr Effect Show (Dude! Don't Forget! INCUS, Fluttr Effect and Gene Loves Jezebel, Downstairs, Middle East, Fri Dec 16th. Promo!!! Thbtbtbtbtbtbtb! =^.^=) Very Nice. Sensual. Fun. Interesting after party, met a Sister of my Particular Flavor of The Craft/The Art. Lovely... SATURDAY NIGHT ) ) ) Fetish Night @ Machine (www.ramrodmachine.com, www.thefetishchamber.com) I went there, seeing if I could make Myself some Friends, for I am VERY interested in becoming a Sensual Arts Performer. The Night Turned Out Greater Than I Could've Imagined... Ended up Performing a bit. I didn't Realize that the Dance Podiums weren't Public Commons. And I didn't find out until Later, that my Old Friend, known Professionally as The Leather Pixie (whom is an Artist who makes Exsquisite Faerie Colorful Bondage Gear, cuffs and such... got a few things from her, which helped my Performance the Next Night...) was a Bit of a Fetish Celebrity around here, Probably for Being Cute and Friendly, and mixing her Rastafarian Background with Fetish (Hippie Faerie Fetish Tom-Princess?) Anyway, She Convinced the Owner not to have me Pulled Down, and to Let me Dance. (She told him that I was a Better Dancer than most of His Girls. This is Largely True, though my Form Needs Perfecting, and I don't Show So Much Skin Yet...) Anyway, the Club's Professional Photographer took around 2 dozen shots of me with what appeared to be a Professional Medium Format Digital SLR/External Flash Rig (i.e. Big Expensive Camera). I should get my Hands on them Soon, and be able to Post... (Though, not if this Censorship Bullshit goes through all the way...) I also made Connection with a Beautiful Canaanite Spirit, a Sex Art Performer Girl, who had Long Lovely Purple Hair, a Lovely Purple Dress, and Purple and White Tights. She Described Her Work at SMFA (School of The Museam of Fine Arts) as some sort of Energy/Intimacy Based Sensual Arts Performance, and she had a Definately Powerful and Intimate Energy, which Flowed From Her with Earthly Will. We are to meet in my Little Proto-Temple soon... Crashed at Pixie's, dressed down in the Morning, and... Sunday ) ) ) I went to Help Set Up for the Closing Party of the Glowlab Exhibit at Art Interactive (my Interactive Digital Internship in Cambrige, www.artinteractive.org) I really didn't dress down, so much as Dress Up a Bit More Conservatively. So I went, and I cleaned a bit, and Held Space, doing what I do, with my Living Performance Bit I've Begun to Develop. Had Evocative Discussions with People as Always, which is Good, yes? Met another Alchemical Painter, whom had the Alchemical Evolution Chart and one of Crowley's "ArchAngel Protection" Designs Tatooed upon her arms. We Discussed a bit, and discovered that our Practice of Alchemy Through Paint from the Same Source, a Book Titled "What Painting Is", by a Painting and Art History Teacher from Chicago School of Art, a previous Practicing Chemical Alchemist. Later, she and her Tribe Performed some Beautiful Experiential Tone Music. Very Peaceful, Very Magick. The Exhibit Related was OpSound, a continually growing Collaborative Sound/Musick Experiment (which any Musicians Listening are Encouraged to Add To.) Well, this Qualified as Quite a Lovely, if not the Warmest, Magickal Entity/Event. I worked Somewhat as a Living Statue, with A Thelemic Dark Fae Star Design Upon My Third Eye. I would First Spook, then bring Delight to Visitors. The Energy Came to Me. I met many Lovely Beings, and much Concurrence Occurred. Amongst Honors Granted to me that (last) Night: I gained a Financier, who handed me a Substantial Chunk of Pocket $$$ without so much as Signing a Thing (Meridian, you Listening? Things are MOVING... BY THE WAY EVERYONE: UNLESS YOU NEED TO KNOW, MY CLIENT IS TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS. DON'T ASK, THIS IS PROFESSIONAL.), a Yellow Rose Bestowed Upon Me by The Art Interactive Staff, for Being the Officially "Most Creatively Dressed Intern Ever" (which acted for the rest of my Performance as a Shakti/Shiva wand, which Truly added much to my Dynamic. It is with me still, in my Little Temple...), and Being Approached by a Representative of The Federal/State (I think He was with the City) Government, who had Me (and a Number of Artists) Sign in to Be a Federally Registered Artist, which Includes Protective Rights! (Yay!) My Mynd Is Still Reeling from all of this, and the Amount of Work there IS for me to Do now... An Interesting Occurence: One of the Collaboratives Involved Performed an Act of Art Terrorism. This is a form of Violent Guerilla Performance, in the Tradition of Anarchist Philosophy, and The Dada Movement. A Character that they had developed, Brian Dunlop, was "Kidnapped" somewhat Violently by The Collective garbed in Lab Coats, Fatigues and Gas Masks. This was staged in a Pile of Garbage Art, mostly consisting of Wood Blocks Stating "Art" or "History" upon them. They broke most of the Sculpture, Freaked a Lot of People out, Pissed Off My Financier (who had, I believed, "Purchased" it. Not sure how much He was Performing Himself, it seemed Apparent that that Dynamic was Involved, he was Obviously Partly Parodying Himself Yelling the Cliche "I Can Buy and SELL You People!" I think he was actually Glad for an Excuse to Perform a bit...) Well, this was DISRUPTION, but not quite DESTRUCTION. I, Being Previously Aware of this Occurence, but not Privy (nor were any) to the extent of the Pantomimed Voilence, which went on for some time, Stood my Ground, Holding Space with my Calm and My Yellow Rose Scepter, before a Monitor Projecting an Exhibit. I did not Stop or Assist this Occurrence. I was once a Dada Artist, so found it Intriguing to Observe (though, I would not Welcome the Dynamic into any Project of my own at this point...) My Unwillingness to be Affected, my Stillness, actually Calmed the Voilence. Despite the Mayhem, THEY WOULD NOT CROSS ME OR MY FLOWER. I Helped by Remaining Still, Making Space for Sanity, and also, for them to Perform. The Woman SCREAMING (in a Big Pink Tutu for them to STOP, Spouting a Simplistic Dynamic of LOVE) DID NOT HELP. Her Shrieks only AGGRAVATED the Dynamic. [Disclaimer: I'm not Shitting on Peace and Love, I LIVE for them. I only Believe things are not so Simple as Silver Lin'd Clouds and Pink Puffy Smiles...] Well, the Magickal Entity that was the Occurence was Shattered, but the MOST INTERESTING PART, was to See It Reform, Healing at The Seams. The New Entity formed, Fluid, and Filtered out, Gradually, with the Crowd over the Course of an Hour. After Enjoying a Living Statue Experience as a Flower Bearing Shiva/Shakti Faerie Daemon DOOR BLOCKING BEING (getting people to use the front door, really.) I took the Performance to The Street. In Fact, Like Five Miles of Street. The T was Down, So I walked all the Way from Central Square, to Mission Hill where I Live. With a Full Backpack of Groceries from the Harvest Market. And, Still, I Gave The Peoples of Boston, on the Street and In the Store Windows, a MOST INTERESTING EXPERIENCE. I LOVE This. And it has not STOPPED. Forces are Aligning to INCARNATE THEE DEMI, and I am Being Provided Nearly UnBelievable Amounts of Opportunity. My Tribe, Especially you Healers, I need LOVE. My Body and Being are Under Much Stress. I have asked a Specific Sister to Assist me, but I've not Recieved reply yet. I have much WORK to Do, and My Body Lies Aching. If any Have it Within Them, Speak to Me. And, Now, a Few Hours of Sleep. Blessings, My Loves ~ Prince/Princess Demi of Thee UnSeelye

Disappearing...

Demi777 — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 21:48:22 GMT

...from The Interweb for a While. I have NOT been Creating Works of My Own. Though I AM a Work of my Own, I have not Drawn, Scultped, Wrote or ANYTHING for SO LONG. YES, my Body, I work on, but not enough... So I'm Gonna stay off of Tribe for a while. If you want to actually Physically DO something with me, I'm right here. I'll check my e-mail for business reasons, and if you want to Play, Enter something in your message that makes it obvious, we'll hook up. But no conversation. I'm Burnt. I need to go Create. Much LOVE. demi777@gmail.com (tribe messages will go there, just listing it anyways...)

Eros and Disappointment...

Demi777 — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 05:59:02 GMT

My Life.... Has got to be one of the most interesting ones out there.... And yet, I will not be satisfied until it is an Eros driven Faerie Fantasy at all times. Outside of Time, even. I know that sounds Selfish, and while I Will in no way Deny my Self(s), and readily Worship It(Them), it is as much for others. I want to Change Reality itself, so that my Beloved Brothers and Sisters (and Brother/Sisters) may Frolick in Sensual Wisdom... I know I am doing well, and bringing much wonderful Love into the World, but... Damn! Am I going to have to Lead My Way the WHOLE Way? I get Little Lessons from Everyone I Stop and Listen to, which is almost ANYONE I talk to... but... There is something more I seek. And I think it Is Someone. Sigh. To defer desire, and wait for DESIRE. What a Strange Juggling Trick.

I'm IN!!!

Demi777 — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 05:59:00 GMT

Yes! I have officially moved into my new place! It is WONDERFUL! It's a good sized room, in a nice old house, in a quiet, forested neighborhood in South Boston! And I can finally start picking up the pieces of my Life, and using them to box in my new Garden... For those of you who don't know, which I think is most anyone reading this, I had an exceptionally hard youth. I am so proud that I am as together as I am, as aware, and as far along on my path, which I see more clearly than I think most do at my age, especially considering that the odds were stacked against me in favor of being dead, in jail, in a mental institution, addicted to numerous street drugs, or more likely, some awful combination of a number of those possibilities. I ROCK! I recall speaking to Julie Kitty the night I came out to Boston to start couch hopping. I said something about being amazed that "I survived..." This feels like a whole new level of amazement. Amazement at a relatively stable life, with a job, a place, and no real worries. Only challenges, and I'm always up for those. DEMI FEELS AT PEACE. (For now...) Well, I'm going to want visits, mayhaps a tiny housewarming, but not just yet. I've got to collect myself, and decide exactly what to do/where to go next. And sleep. Lots of that. Meow.

OMFG! I found Home!

Demi777 — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 05:26:34 GMT

Seriously! I just went and looked at a room in one of the most beautiful areas of Boston I've ever seen. Its sizable, within my price range, was with people with really good vibes (one of my roomies will be a little punky-gothy grad student of "Library Studies". We talked about my idea for a Library of Comparative Theology a little bit...) It is on Cherokee St., off of Tremont in the South End, and the neighborhood is in an Urban Forest, which include sheered off mountain faces, covered in Rune-Like Graffitti! And I can move in this weekend! The other person moves tomorrow! All I have to do is work it out with the Landlord tomorrow, and I can move in this weekend! (I even get the end of this month free...) The best part was exploring the area, and discovering one of my personal runes stenciled at the entrance of the nieghborhood... (The graffiti with the fist next to "Power to The Imagination" across from my house is pretty awesome too...) Cross your fingers and pray for me, this was just too numinous. . . . 3 6 9 . . .

Quick peek in...

Demi777 — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 17:38:46 GMT

So, I'm guessing there's at least a few people out there who are concerned with my well-being. If so, I thank you for your Love, and here ease your worry: Hormone thing: Fine right now. Keep your fingers crossed for me (my doctor is acting weird...) Gender thing: I had Julie Kitty cut my hair, to basically look like "boy hair". Its real short. This hurt for about a day (in a serious internal way. looking in the mirror was hard.) But, now I'm loving it (thanx Julie!). I kinda look like a thin femme lesbian. Its making me want to deal with electrolysis a.s.a.p... Apartment thing: working on scoring a sublet room, to start up an internet business thingy with an antique dealer of sorts back home. More on that eventually. Art collective thing: Don't know who I told about this, but its on the backburner. I still really want this to happen, but I need to find multiple ways to make the $$$, or it can't happen. Peace, Love, Kisses in the Night - Demi

Agh! Hormones!

Demi777 — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 18:39:20 GMT

In the past week or so, I had some rather distressing experiences at work, as I had run out of Hormones (I've a prescription for AntiAndrogens, which basically block the bodies production of Testosterone, shifting the balance toward Estrogen/Progesterone). Well, first off, the alarming physical symptoms: Minor "Hot Flashes" (yes, these are alarming), alterations in the perception of light (level of light), and color (the actual intensity and hue would shift, and occasional boughts of perceptual "fuzz" (vision and hearing, equilbrium for that matter, woozing out.) Not Cool stuff. Hormones, for those of you who don't know, are basically the chemical information network which controls the Endocrine system (from Electric Nuerology to Chemical Endocrine, I believe. They affect eachother in a VERY REAL WAY). This means, that they do not just control perception of gender and physical sex, but a number of mental processes, and number of involuntary necessary bodily functions necessary for survival. In a situation where an individual has the parts of them removed which produce thier hormones (I.E., an m to f has his/her balls or more removed or changed, thus eliminating one's necessary hormonal center.), and prescription or herbal hormones are not introduced, THE BODIES SYSTEMS (such as organs and muscles) AS WELL AS THE MENTAL WILL TO LIVE FADE. This leads to a slow, weak death. Not cool. (If any of you are wondering, this is one of many reasong that I will not be opting for Genital Reassignment Surgery. I've seen what can happen when one of us cannot get our prescriptions in this situation.) As I said, it is painful, even in my situation. Imagine your circulatory system HURTING. Damn. This may partially be because Testosterone actually wears out the bodies systems, especially Heart/Cirulatory (Estrogen increases life span and Circulatory Health.) Now, the really interesting stuff. I have experienced a reciprical increase in my intuitive faculties as I've had as I've feminized (that means, been on hormones, begun to develop female body fat/skin, become softer in general, more fluid, broader emotional landscape, more circular thought organization, less linear-logic thought [not to say I didn't have both before, and that i don't know, just a ratio thing.], oh, and, gradually growing breasts and becoming curvier.), over when I did not have the hormones in my systems altered. Well, the really cool stuff, for me, is not just the body. Oh, yes, I am very happy to watch my body slowly transform into a more pleasing to my eyes form (and touch), and, the increased nervous system sensativity and alteration of orgasmic function (hee!) have been wonderful, but its really the mental/spiritual aspects that I have found most vital. The body comes gradually, but these things are more immediate (guess the body follows slowly in suit). My identity and emotions are far more female, and as I said, perception of the world is quite different (lights are brigher, colors are richer, more saturated, smell is stronger, touch has MEANING. yes guys, girls are living in an alternate universe, though I do not think that men are not allowed... there are a number of males i've been meeting that I see have found access...), and, I have a more direct connection to spirit and aspects of Deity, especially Female ones... And all this without serious depriciation of my Logic/Geometric/Mathematical links to Deity, which I have prescribed to my Male Self. Not to say all is black and white, here... So, anyway, this experiences this past week have allowed me to percieve three definate identities within me. Demi is the objective self, the one who wishes to be Male and Female at once, not a Asexual being at all, one that depends on the other to for vital energies. The Male is D*****. Many of you out there may know his name, and I ask you not to speak it. He has been extremely happy to become Dormant, and offer this being his dream energy, and his Will, but he was NEVER happy to be awake. And he woke up yesterday (at work, no less). Demi had to contend with him, and we fought a bit. D***** world was a dark one, he is perhaps the source of my Darkness. He has chosen to go to sleep, for that was the only place where he did not recieve pain. He loves to dream, and when he sticks his awareness into our little waking world, he loves to see what the other two of us are doing. He loves us, but hates himself still, I see. We are learning about this, maybe he can be healed with time. Well, the world went dark. The Female self (Who I now know will have to be named, when it is appropriate) receded back into the depths of Pysche. The colors left, and I could barely talk to Her. I've developed a method for talking to my selves by looking in the mirror while performing inner Mind/Spirit processes. She came out for a second, with a look of Love and Concern. I begged her to hang on, but she knew where she was going. I've always had an image of her in my mind, of a young, thin, undeveloped maiden, standing bright in a dark landscape, meloncholy and hopeful. She'd been allowed her puberty at last, and was beginning to grow. I lost contact with the Deity (or Aspects) she gave me access to. Now, very freaky perceptual/emotional shifts surrounding Women (born as women, that is.) I'd noticed that I'd stopped being able to percieve women as I'd grown to (though not fully, i didn't forget). This is as a whole being I can identify with, thus allowing a "Sisterhood" sort of relationship (still working on what this means.) And I began to visually percieve more forcefully (and I recall now that this is the way that it was before) certain details. They are basically, Breasts, Hips, Protruding Curves, The Movement of Womens Walks (especially hip swing), Hair, and any Shiny Details in their costume/face mask (which we refer to these days as make-up. The other physical/energistic parts, which I've truly come to appreciate as so vital, faded much like the colors. I do say, however, that the women remain just as colorful. Affects on my body/behavior. Well, most of you reading must know that men generally get constant and seemingly random erections all the time. It is really annoying, and screw up thier thought processes (focus), and make them horny, leaving them cold and frustrated when no fulfillment can be attained (this is going on all of the time). As a once-male who is attracted to women, I can say from first-hand experience, that many friendships with women have failed because my body (especially my cock) continually demand that my entire being just wants to FUCK THE HELL OUT OF HER. Well, fucking the hell out of her is fun, but, I've also had relationships fail because that's all I could manage to do with her (and D***** was good at what he did. I've had relationships where the Love seeped out that continued for months because of his vigor and prowess. Sorry if that sounds like bragging, but I really find the contrast tragic.) With my Female Self being the conscious dominant Gender/Sex Self, this has not been a problem, I have control of erection (I get it WHEN I WANT, and no other time. Also, when a Lady goes out of her way to cause it, much like a girl getting wet. You've got to work for it. Oh, and, it does work by the way, I guess a carryover from D*****'s virility...). I can talk to women, and as much as D***** loved foreplay, The Girl's sexuality extends into daily speech, every movement, and even passing perceptions. Now, here I am struggling to interact with women as I had, and its a challenge. Not totally loosing the connection, but, I'm getting horny, and I try to keep contact with many beautiful women. I'm worrying about pushing them away, or scaring them. I manage to mostly avoid this. Here's the real stinger, D***** is like an Incubus or something. He used to get more (and I mean passionate, 2-6 hour long, loving) sex than many people probably get in a whole life. Few phases where this body was enlisted in the activity about 3-4 times a day (I had 3 girlfriends, mind you.) And it is an energy thing, i'm certain, from observing interactions yesterday. There's like this major RedFire/Lingam energy just exploding out of me, and a number of girls (at work) whom had just thought I was cute and interesting in passing, go out of there way to talk to me. They are looking me up and down, and there eyes definately stop on my cock. I see them drink in a good amount of the RED energy, mostly into the mouth region and Heart chakra. I feel them pull at me, and they physically start conversation with full body language. Not much is said aside from an obvious communication that I'm turning them on. I have the definate perception, that with a rather small amount of effort, I could bed a few of them in less then a week. Here's the thing: This Red Energy is actually painful to me. I feel it atrophying my new soft skin, and causing my heart to beat painfully. I do not enjoy it on its own, only when it draws women. The tragic nature of my Male Self is fully illustrated for me here. I feel extremely predatory, hungry, I feel drawn to devour Her flesh (in a loving way, mind you). Only thing is, D***** does not just want a girlfriend. What he would used to do is try to fuse with the woman's astral/energy body, and take in the energy. I still do this a bit, though I am trying not to take without giving (what D***** used to give was a consistently incredable fuck. He sucked at being her friend, though.) What the being that I was needed was female energy, and this being was not happy until it could begin to produce its own. I have within me a woman and a man, and it won't do to have the woman-self be a shared being outside myself, she always gets drained, and when I am not in physical contact with the girl, I am in a state of pain. Well, I figured out the Insurance problem, and She's back (and hopefully here to stay.) D went back to sleep, and is happy again. What's frustrating here and now, really, is that She is unable to draw women to her like He was. I've hypothesized that its because she has not yet developed the tools to do so (I.E. developed breasts, smooth pure skin, ect.), and I've noticed that as I do develop them, I get the looks a bit (though really, I'm finding this is increases my ability to attract men more. Which I'm interested in exploring, but... Women rock my universe, and that will never change, in this life anyway.) Sorry if that was too long-winded, but I learned a lot and wanted to share. As far as the "Get Demi Laid With A Girl" problem? I mean, describe to me experiences, what you did with your speech, with your bodies, with you mind/spirit? I've got a whole new way of living to learn, and I need help? (And trust me, you might like D***** in bed, he NEVER got anything but praise there, but you might not like him otherwise. HE doesn't, and that makes it true enough.) Any other insight? I want to hear from Men, Women and Otherwise on this... Well, very interesting, yes?

Put a Faerie up?

Demi777 — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 00:30:12 GMT

'Kay, so I've got a rather interesting prospect going for the apartment dealie, and life is AWESOME in general. I'm currently learning how to set up Jason's keyboard apparati, so that I can help INCUS set up for the Emergenza (think that's how its spelt...) Festival on Dec 3rd @ The Middle East. This is some sort of battle of the bands deal, winner goes on to compete in Europe (cross your fingers for our good brothers and sisters and brother/sisters...) We'll have 5 minutes to get on, set up, and then they'll have 20 minutes to kick-ass. (Send me some energy too, I want to live up to the trust invested in me...) Bye the bye, INCUS has a gig next thursday (17th) in Providence RI, and we were going to try and time the song lengths. Jason suggested a system in which 3+ people timed, recorded, and later averaged times. Anyone interested in helping? We need stop watches, or at least watches... And, one more thingy. I'm still couch hopping, anyone out there willing to give me a night or two? I think this phase of my life is passing, but I still need help, and hate asking the same people again and again. I'm cute and clean... - ddd7eee7mmm7iii

'Nother Day, 'Nother Couch...

Demi777 — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 03:46:39 GMT

So, I'm rapidly approaching getting a place, though I'd love to get into an apartment with some or all of the following: 1) Witches 2) Mage/Sorcerors 3) Artists 4) Musicians 5) Vegan/Vegetarian Organic Dieters 6) Neo-Pagans 7) Eccentrics. Demi wants to make a beautiful magickal little world. If ANYONE listening knows someone that fits any of the above (especially more than one) that needs a place, let me know A.S.A.P. I'm working on this NOW! - demi

Give a Fae a Home...

Demi777 — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 05:21:37 GMT

Hey friends, if anyone is reading this, and knows about a place, I am now officially looking. By the end of the week, I should be able to have roughly $900 together, and NEED to get into a place, even if its just a room. I'm getting desperate, and couch hopping is really affecting my health... I would, of coarse, really love to live with people in the J.P./Boston community. The whole Neo-Pagan/Circle Artist/Musician sphere(s) have really impressed me with the sheer amount of beauty and love involved, and I want to stay close to that. Let me know if you have a place for a Demi...

Last night was Incredable, Baby...

Demi777 — Sat, 05 Nov 2005 23:32:49 GMT

...let's do it again... Anywho, the Carnival Noir event at The Crypt (which is a club that just opened Just north of the city www.thecryptnightclub.com i believe. sculpted decor to look like cave walls, castle walls, graveyards and coartyards. REALLY well done, and has kickass gargoyles, check it out! not just goth night, either, Brazilian starting up, amongst other things...) was WONDERFUL! The acts were fantastic, I must say that I was impressed with the first two bands, who I'd never seen before (you go guys). Ultraplush, rock (www.ultraplush.com). Dreamchild, thank you for rocking out with a harp onstage (www.dreamchildmusic.com). Fish the Magish, I'm sorry I missed your stage act, but thank you for performing a few tricks for me. Oh! Little old me! And the Living Statue/Performing Costumed Character Troupe? I WAS IMPRESSED. Such craft, such skill (www.wemakepretend.com Ten 31 productions). But the reason I'm bothering to make this entry was the INCUS performance. (Please, if your from the other acts, don't feel insulted or sad. I loved you, and the whole night could not have been what it was without your love, attention and energy.) They were ON. Went extremely smoothly, few to no technichal problems, performance was wonderful... Now, for my subjective experience. I danced. No, I DANCED. No, I DANCE. Though my form is not at its best these days, and my body not in the best shape, but, what I did amazed me. And apparently most people that saw it. I really feel like I'm moving into the path of the Ecstatic Dancer, I channeled energy forces more fluidly than I had ever known. And it felt like 2nd nature. Gotta curb this entry just now, but I'll talk about this more, as I have more experiences. I felt PART of something, and was loved for it... gottagolovedemi-!

pretty pictures?

Demi777 — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 06:08:37 GMT

hey, does anyone have photos of me from any parties or events? I have no images of me right now... please respond...

Searching and Laughing...

Demi777 — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 23:13:19 GMT

Oh my, om-i... Life has been exstatically wonderful lately! my entire universe has turned a number of shades more pretty since I came to Boston! for the first time in my life, I'm surrounded by people who appreciate me, appreciate what I am. it is rare these days, that I find myself being hated or picked on for being eccentric and transsexual. thank you all so much, i am feeling so much love... I send a testimony of love and appreciation out to Redtail Collective, I had so much fun last night, and met so many lovely people who REALLY LIKED WHO I AM! =^.^= now, friend's, I have a special request: The Demi Creature has been couch hopping for over four months now, two of which were spent here in Beantown. I have just started working full-time, and can finally start saving up cash for an apartment, but it looks like november will be another great adventure in couch surfing (and yes, my back is not happy about that...) so, what i'm asking, is if anyone has any space to volunteer for me, be it for one night only, or up to a week (i can reimburse, please discuss with me directly) this would be lovingly helpful. I work 9-6 weekdays, and generally keep busy on weekends, so, I won't need much more than evening space most days. i'm small, compact, and i do dishes! also, I'm absolutely looking for a place for december. I need to live with artists who would be down with costume/dance activity, and ritualistic/mystic experimental art (in the house, mostly in my room...) much love, and squeeky noises...

Whoring out my Art School training!

Demi777 — Fri, 07 Oct 2005 05:00:41 GMT

Hell yes! I just scored a job with Macy's in Braintree! I'll be setting up Christmas displays in the store, starting at $11/hr! I had the right connections, the right names, and the right expensive suit-coat I bought cheap. Fuck my youthful artsy ideals! Give me the goddamn money!!! (This will also likely lead to more work of a similar nature...)

Greetings Meetings Sweetings!

Demi777 — Fri, 16 Sep 2005 21:15:00 GMT

Sweetings? Anyway, cats, I am here! I just moved into the J.P. area, and am looking for friends, fun, and jobs! If anyone here's about any freelance artsy stuff, theater work, or even random stuff like house painting, let me know. Also, I make a great party ornament, so let me know if you or anyone requires this service. Light and Dark, always - Demi