transition again.
rising from some kind of flame.
forget i'm a woman sometimes.
act like a man
w/ all the
ego
dismembering emptying dying to stillness.
but she says,
elk bones
are good for penetration
or for re-membering
the strength of a woman
which isn't empty penetrate
annihilate

it's receive
sensual
nipples
pleasure
sex
feel
taste
smell
chocolate
body
hot
pleasure
warm
full
receive
yes
love
embody
love.

so there. says elk bone.

the wind is fucking annihilating.
i'm losing my self
again
in winter
fuck. where does 'it' go?
what does it become
or is it always come undone?

no matter. drum beats me down and center.
drum beats me in body. in earth body. primal body. strong body. secure body.
home body. animism body. this body an animal. this body a sacred gate. this body a lion. prancing.
this body holding me tight.

diffuse dissapears.
heat rises.
i am snake. in the sun.
i am branch in the breeze.
i am tears in the pond.
i am koi.
i am that willow tree
and the bees inside the cottonwood.
i am that hawk circling high above me.
i am not the dead.
poison transmuted
she emerges instead.

for the birds:
i am trying to remember.
i heard you today
tapping the wood.
do or do not, there is no try.
and so i am
remembering
by
embodying
the song
of that dream i once knew

it is high desert
and it is foothill
and it is prairie grass
i roll in it
i sit on it
i love it!
i love this skyland golden november prairiefoothillhighdesert beauty.
i love the skeletons of yucca.
and the milkpod boats
and that tree behind me.

i love the way the grass tickles my ankles when it gets in my socks.
and the prickly thistle-y things that stab my knees.
this land held me today for a long, ,long while
man, did i weep.
i did not know that i could love this earth as much as i did today.
i love the broken trees
and the tall cottonwoods
and the fact that it is dark way below beneath me.

i love this land. i love what she does to me. i love making love in this way.