My Blog

How To Turn On: Destin Gerek (new video

destingerek — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:37:54 GMT

A few months ago, I had the honor of taking part in this video series called, How To Turn On. The video just went live last week. Check it out and please rate it and comment as you will. Destin http://www.veoh.com/videos/v15571060GgcZxJFE

Mastering Sexual Communication

destingerek — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:37:17 GMT

I will be co-hosting this upcoming teleseminar. This is about stepping up. This is about stepping into being the best that you can be. I hope you can join us. Destin PS: Women, pass this on to the men in your life! Mastering Sexual Communication A 4-Part Teleclass for Men Who Love Women (And Want to Love Them Better Tuesday July 8th, 15th, 22nd, and 29th Facilitated by Robert Allen (www.roguetantra.com) and Destin Gerek (www.EroticRockStar.com) In this dynamic four part teleseminar, tantric educators and coaches Robert Allen and Destin Gerek lead a roundtable for conscious men on conscious relating with women, or Mastering Sexual Communication. Mastering Sexual Communication will cover male embodiment, intimacy, and desire, communication techniques, interpersonal relationship skills, tantric practices, and tools to increase not only your potential as a lover, but as a man in the world. Please join Robert and Destin and the company of consciously relating men as they lead you to your highest potential. Come learn to communicate what you want, what you desire, what you have to offer! Session 3 includes a discussion writer and coach LaSara Firefox (www.lasarafirefox.com). Exercises and ebooks will be offered after each class All participants will have the opportunity for one coaching call with Robert Allen and Destin Gerek (a $250 value) Outline for Mastering Sexual Communication: 1. Being Your Desire; Self-loving, Self-learning, And Getting to know yourself 2. Communicating Your Desire by Your Actions; authenticity and presence 3. Expressing Your Desire with a Personal Flair; Conscious Erotic Celebration and Flirting (with LaSara Firefox) 4.Mastering Erotic Embodiment, Putting it all together Cost: $299 Special coaching rates apply for participants. Contact robert@roguetantra.com for details. Get aligned with your power with integrative life coaching now! Register now to hold your place! It's always the right time to step up. The world, your partner, and your own expansion into mastery awaits you. Mastering Sexual Communication A Four Part Teleseminar For Men who Love Women (And Want To Love Them Better!) A Teleclass with Robert Allen (www.roguetantra.com) and Destin Gerek (www.EroticRockStar.com) Price includes teleclass attendance, ebooks and practices, and an individual coaching session with both Robert Allen and Destin Gerek. Class/Coaching continuity packages available. Please ask about fees. Destin and Robert

Updates from the past few months

destingerek — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 22:10:58 GMT

-Hawaii was epic. The Tantric Circus was incredibly well received. Especially on the Big Island where a sex-positive community of 20- and 30-somethings simply LOVED us! -I've been building my private coaching practice, working with individuals with a program I've dubbed: Unleashing YOUR Inner Erotic Rockstar! -May 9-11th the TC (Tantric Circus) went to Sedona, AZ for the Daka/Dakini conference. We were honored with being the performance to help close the weekend. It was a packed audience, and we put together the tightest show we've done yet. I also spoke on a panel about Queer Sexuality, Gender Identity, and Tantra. And we did a TC photo and video shoot up on in the Red Rocks. When we get the footage edited, I'll put it up. -MegaStar and I recently got back from the Lightning in a Bottle festival in the Santa Barbara mountains. We led two 'after-hours' workshops there: Eye-Gazing: After Hours, and The Art of Erotic Kissing. Sunday afternoon was really my time to rock-out the dance floor. You'd have to have been there. I got the chance to connect a bit with my 'brother from another mother', Halcyon Pink. Always good. I was up on stilts for the first time in public (3rd time ever). MegaStar and I made hottie stilting costumes and wandered about the festival on the last day, even boogie-ing down to some whomp-whomp while on stilts. New fun. -Last Thursday, I co-hosted a workshop with Sherry-HuggiMa, also of the Tantric Circus. The event was called, The Art of Tantric Kissing, as we combined her Tantric Kissing workshop with my Art of Erotic Kissing workshop. Very successful. -I've done a couple of really great photo shoots recently. I've added a few pics on my Photos page. More to come. -This past weekend, my colleague Elizabeth Bast, of the Tantric Temple, held a Daka/Dakini training. I was given the privilege of being a guest speaker on Sunday, and also doing a demonstration of Tantric Bodywork with my beloved MegaStar. I was blown away by how powerful the weekend turned out to be. Climaxing with our public demo. There is a power in being witnessed that impacts my relationship strongly. -This upcoming Tuesday, I'll be co-hosting my first teleseminar, a FREE class called, "Embodying Masculine Desire" check out my events page for more info. -My beloved, MegaStar Anastasia, and I have been asked to lead workshops and perform at the Dream Time Festival in Colorado in July. This is something pretty big. I'll give more details in the coming weeks. -Many more projects on the horizon. I'll try to start updating the blog more often.

Embodying Masculine Desire -- A Free Teleclass Monday June 2nd at 7pm-8pm PST -- With Destin Gerek and Robert Allen, on Talkshoe Radio

destingerek — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:09:45 GMT

Tantric educators Destin Gerek (www.EroticRockStar.com) and Robert Allen (www.roguetantra.com) host a free roundtable telesummit for men who love women (and want to love them better). We'll cover what it means to own your own desire, to be fully who you are, and how to show up for yourself and your partners in continually healthy and loving ways. Monday June 2nd at 7pm PST. Women welcome on the call too! Follow the link belows for details and to become part of the free class! www.talkshoe.com/tc/19960 Peace Destin and Robert

New Video from Performance in Maui

destingerek — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:55:24 GMT

Anastasia dances for Destin at a performance in Maui, as part of the Tantric Circus Hawaii Tour. Destin surprises Anastasia with a sexy lapdance in return. Check it out: http://www.eroticrockstar.com/tantric_circus.html

The Erotic Rockstar’s Three-Day Orgasmic Miracle Makeover

destingerek — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:48:19 GMT

My interview on the "Expanded Lovemaking" show with Dr. Patti Taylor just aired today. "Expanded Lovemaking" is Personal Life Media's most listened to podcast with over 50,000 downloads per month. Check it out: http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/230-expanded-lovemaking/episodes/3507-erotic-rockstar-s-three-day-orgasmic In this show, hear Dr. Patti talk to Destin Gerek, a Sexological Bodyworker, sex educator, artist, video producer, and, of course, the original “Erotic Rockstar”. Just who is this fascinating persona? Think of those times you seen someone reaching out to an admiring audience, or otherwise welcoming person, confident in love, and voilà! This person performs with generosity, delight, sparkle, and verve! How does he or she do it? Is this something you can do, and if so how? Destin gives you a three day erotic makeover program which, when followed, is the opposite of a diet. It's a splurge! Find out what you can do on days one, two, and three to prepare for the date of a lifetime. Be ready to step outside your normal routine with simple, easy, and fun practices designed to have you feel way more confident, sexy, and self-loving. Discover why self exploration is so valuable, and hear the different ways to do it on different days. Learn how eye engagement will blow your partner's heart wide open. Swivel those hips, move that breath, and get that sound going to really amp up your level of sensation! Destin’s voice alone will melt and inspire anyone alive! After your three days, you'll meet your partner, who's hopefully been practicing as well. But, if not, no worries. Destin will walk you through taking the lead in love, as any great Erotic Rockstar would. You’ll create an amazingly loving and memorable experience.

The Tantric Circus presents: The ErOtIc PlAyGrOuNd! Feb 9th at One Taste SF

destingerek — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 19:09:12 GMT

February 9th: Come watch me strut my stuff and perform with my new burlesque troupe. Also, bring extra $20 bills for personal lapdances from the Erotic Rockstar himself (it IS a fundraiser after all!). Then on February 10th, I'll be demo-ing the Tantric Kissing with my love Anastasia, and leading the Sensual Massage and Erotic Bodywork playshop with Anastasia and Lauren HaHa. Check out the invite below! Till next time... Destin ****** Open Your Eyes... Feel your body... Smell the aromas... Hear the music... Taste the sensations... Tingly all over? Then you're in the right place! We are the Tantric Circus, a newly formed collective of healers, erotic educators, artists and performers igniting the Erotic ReEvolution. Through sacred ritual and performance, innovative workshops, and private healing sessions, we are promoting a vision of sexuality that is holistic, authentic, and FUN! On Saturday, February 9, we are bringing you a night of erotic performance art, multi media journeys, tantric humor, and dancing right here in San Francisco. Then, on Sunday, February 10, we will be hosting an all day playshop series to share our erotic wisdom. This is a fundraising event to launch the Erotic ReEvolution Tour with the Tantric Circus. We are going on a journey to share erotic education and performance art with the world, starting with you. Did we mention its Erotic? Please help support our vision one bliss-gasm at a time! We have lovingly organized a two-day event for your sensual pleasures. Enjoy your first evening with: Erotic Burlesque Performers! Sexy Strip Tease! Male Lap Dance(come on ladies, you know you'll LOVE IT!) Luscious Fruit Feeding! Tantric Clowns! Sensual Video Art featuring scenes from Divine Nectar (www.divinenectarthefilm.com) And the sexiest, hottest DJ's featuring: Neptune (Spiritual Technologies, Beat Church) Chlorophil (Cosmic Leaf Records/Six Degrees Nights) and featuring resident Tantric Circus Dj KiddPhunk Saturday, February 9, 2008 8pm-2am @ One Taste, 1074 Folsom St. San Francisco Dress your sexy best! To encourage Gender Balance: $30 Single Women $50 Single Men (find yourself a partner guys) $60 Couples 10% off prepayment on Paypal (see instructions below) ************************************************** Sunday , February 10th 12pm-8pm @ One Taste EROTIC PLAYGROUND PLAYSHOP! Just when you thought you had your fill, there's always a little bit more! Get ready to dive deeper and learn the art of sacred sexuality, Tantric Circus style! Schedule: Opening Ritual Tantric Yoga and Dance Oral Pleasures -Tantric Kissing and Fellatio -Break for Lunch Sensual Massage and Erotic Bodywork G-spot & Female ejaculation Closing Ritual All day=$125/person, $225/couple Half day(1st half)= $75/person, $125/couple 10% off pre-payment with paypal Pre-registration is advised. Reserve your spot now. To pay with Paypal: Go to www.paypal.com, include your name, a contact number, what you are paying for, and your email address. Please send payment to: jupiterspiral@hotmail.com . Your name will be on a list at the door. For more information, send an email to tantriccircus@gmail.com

New Year’s Eve (Starting the year right)

destingerek — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:23:29 GMT

I spent my New Year’s Eve at <a href="http://www.seaofdreamsnye.com">Sea of Dreams</a> in San Francisco. My sweetheart performed as part of the Vau de Vire Society, in an act that lead right up before the midnight countdown. I watched her with my usual awe, for the most part completely unaware of anything else that was happening on stage, unable to take my eyes off this woman who has caught my heart. She disappeared just as the countdown started. I resigned myself to not kissing anyone as Midnight struck. The clock hit twelve, kisses all around. Sigh. Suddenly she pops up in front of me. We engage in a passionate and loving kiss. The new year was starting off well, already. Though I was a little slow to get started, the Erotic Rockstar came out in full force. One particular highlight of the night: Climbing up into an inflatable snow globe (sans snow), that was set about ten feet above the crowd, in my favorite black pants (the ones that I’m wearing in <a href="http://www.eroticrockstar.com/gallery.html">this first photoset</a>, with a white sparkly belt, a white collar covered in rhinestones, and matching white, rhinestone-studded wrist-cuffs, shaking my hips and dancing my ass off. I could feel myself being watched, and that energy just fed me, as I poured all that and more back out to the room. Shining. Radiating so much juice. So much erotic energy just pouring out of me, saying YES, embrace your eroticism! Tell me this doesn’t look and feel good to you! You’ve got it, too. I know you do. Maybe you access it at ease with frequency, or maybe it is laying more dormant, but it IS in there! Just waiting for you to release it. Do I hear some new year’s resolutions for 2008? What would your ideal relationship to your eroticism look like? No, really. Ideal. That means, without any of the limiting beliefs around what you think is possible for you and what isn’t. Ideal means ideal. Allow yourself to dream, or shall we say, to fantasize. Do a little free-write on that question. And if you feel so inspired, send me what you’ve come up with. I love this stuff! Enough people took my pic that night that I’m hoping to eventually get at least a few of them. When I do, I’ll post them. (If you are reading this and you have any pics of me from NYE (or any, really), please send me a copy. I’ll credit you if I post it, of course).

Are You Great at Writing Web Content?

destingerek — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 00:31:06 GMT

I have been trying to put together my website for my work as an Erotic Embodiment Coach for way too long now. Writing webcontent aimed at marketing my work just isn't a strong point of mine. I'd prefer to be doing my work than hyping it. I am looking for someone whom I can pull the content out of me via conversation, and then write it up for use on my other site. In exchange, I can barter my services as an Erotic Embodiment Coach. In short I work with people to help them transform their relationship to their own eroticism. Identifying what your ideal relationship to your sexuality would look like, what obstacles are currently keeping you from having that life now, and help formulate a plan to get you to where you want to be. Erotic Embodiment refers to getting out of your head, and fully into your body, experiencing this moment NOW, and all the pleasure that is your birthright. I am highly trained (much more than just a pretty face), and would love to speak with you about this further if you are interested. Till next time... Destin

Orgasmic Breathing

destingerek — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 22:01:06 GMT

The past few months, my life has been a string of workshops. Including the eight workshops at Burning Man, I’ve headed up fourteen workshops and events since the last week of August, and I have more coming up this Saturday. All in all, they’ve been incredible learning experiences: for myself as much as the participants. Last night, I headed up another Orgasmic Breathing workshop. This time, I co-facilitated it with my good friend, Ty Gesyuk. Ty is a Daka or Tantric Sexual Educator and Healer, as well as, incredibly knowledgeable and skilled in Taoist Sexual Practices and Techniques. Ty and I worked really well together. Our differences in style complemented each other, while our similarities created just the right synergy. Wow! Sixteen people in a room, tapping into their own erotic potential, breathing deeply, making all sorts of yummy sounds, moving their hips, squeezing their PC muscles (Kegels), making all sorts of yummy sounds (wait did I mention that one already?!?). Standing amidst it all, guiding the whole process, looking out at the group as they are coming up against their own blocks, pushing their own boundaries, really tapping into their erotic self and expressing it without shame, all I could think was YES! this is what I love. This is why I am doing what I’m doing.

Thanksgiving: Lapdancing for Dakinis

destingerek — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 02:03:41 GMT

There are times when I'm really not feeling like the Erotic Rockstar. And then there are times like Saturday evening. I got a call last Wednesday from a dakini (Tantric Sexual Healer/Educator) friend of mine, Lauviah. Her and a bunch of the girls that she works with were having a birthday party for the Tantric priestess Shivakti Shaktiva. So Lauviah was calling me to ask if I could come do a lapdance for her as a surprise. Hmmm... let me see... play lapdancer/stripper for a dozen dakini women AND get paid for it? Yeah, I think that I can do that. Just let me check my schedule. Sure, I can fit that in. When I show up at the place, Lauviah meets me outside. "I think that I'm more nervous than you are!" she says to me. Oh yeah, nervous. I forgot to do any of that. Huh, I guess I am getting the hang of this whole Erotic Rockstar thing. I walk inside, and find Shivakti seated in a chair blindfolded, as I'd requested. I give brief recognition to the women in the room, and go to work. I pull out the strip of red velvet fabric that I'd brought with me and tie her hands to the chair, while a couple of the other girls are already tickling her with feathers. Touching and teasing her skin, feeding her cut up fruit and letting her lick it off of my still mysterious (to her) fingers. She starts to get antsy, wanting to know who this is, and what exactly is in store for her. She somehow manages to break free of her restraints, and pulls off her blindfold. I immediately meet her gaze with a sexy, dominant look, that seemed to say, stay put in your chair and let me bring this experience to you. Dancing now to the music, I start to undo each snap to my button down shirt, in time with the music. Meanwhile, the other women in the room are busy hooting and hollering at me, cheering me on. At some point, Shaktiva gets feisty again. She seemed to have this idea that she was going to tie ME up! Oh no, not tonight. We scuffle for a brief moment, but I quickly have her bound more securely than ever. Enough so that even she, the veteran pro, was impressed. Ex-boyscouts make the best bondage experts. Don't fuck with me. I continue my striptease/lap dance, being sure to give the other women in the room a good show, though my attention was focused largely on Shaktiva. I strip down my outer layer of underwear (yes that's right, I had two pairs on). I'm now down to a pair of dancer chaps with a small black jock-strap underneath. Bare-assed. "He's got something in there! What is that?!?" Exclaims one of the girls. I stifle a smile, keeping my professional demeanor. I turn towards Shaktiva, place my hands on the chair, legs spread wide, and bend forward at the waist, pushing my ass out in the air towards the dakinis. "Look it sparkles!!!" More giggles, more hollering. I wore a Swaroski crystal buttplug. I called it, the Jewel in My Lotus. It was an intentional play on words. There is a well known Tantra book called, "Jewel in the Lotus". It seemed fitting. Turning around, I give Shaktiva a closeup view, as well. I climb behind her in the chair, place my arms around her and rest my cheek against her face as the song comes to an end. I give her a peck on the lips, and consider the dance done. Lauviah hands me a soft flogger and reminds me that the birthday girl needs a spanking. Or flogging as the case may be. The women keep count outloud while I focus on the proper flick of my wrist. I spend the next half-hour or so entertaining the rest of the women. A couple of them were really not into it, a few were REALLY into it, and then there were also a couple who were shy, but really digging being played with nonetheless. Always something that I can enjoy. Pulled onto a couch by the two feistiest dakinis, they paw at me and stuff (large) bills down my pants. I have this momentary thought, "There are worse lives than this." Definitely a good weekend to be giving thanks. I'll post pics as soon as I get them.

New videos up

destingerek — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:25:29 GMT

I've posted two new videos up on my website, "Kegels for Men" under Video Teachings, and "Destin's Erotic Self-Exploration #2" under Video Blogs. Check them out! I think that I'm starting to get the hang of this whole talking to a video camera thing. And editing. Slowly but surely. Check them out, let me know what you think! Till next time... Destin http://www.EroticRockstar.com

My Burning Man Schedule

destingerek — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 18:42:38 GMT

Burning Man starts in THREE DAYS! Destin will be camping this year with the Ascension Tribe. http://www.ascensiontribe.com We have a fantastic location this year, right next to center camp at 6:30 and Esplanade. We have a ton of awesome workshops for you to come and check out. I'll be teaching three workshops a total of SEVEN times. Come check them out! Tip: Get there early, the classes fill up quick and don't allow late entry! Also, on Friday, there will be an amazing event called Adoration. In brief - Adoration is an Event-For-Women taking place friday afternoon at burning man. It is not the Critical Tits Afterparty - which is open to all members of black rock city- Adoration is an event with ONLY female guests. Adoration will be open from 3PM til dusk and will be located 3:00 and G street. I have been asked to be a Lap Dancer for the Adoration event. Not to be missed! Orgasmic Breathing Tuesday 2:30 to 4pm and Thursday 9:30 to 11pm Would you like to experience an orgasm from breath alone? Do you notice and derive pleasure from your breath? Do you want to enhance the ecstasy and fulfillment of partner sex safely, freely, and at anytime you choose? Come experience breath like you've never known it before. Discover and play with your breath with the same excitement you would explore mind altering substances and experiences. Together we will learn a series of different breath practices that you can continue to explore and integrate into your erotic life long after you leave the playa. Using breath, sound, and movement, we will bring attention to the erotic energy that our bodies are capable of producing at any given moment. You will learn how to build that energy, increasing it throughout your entire body. As each of us expands our erotic energy, we will envelop ourselves in a group erotic vibratory force field, which will grow and expand, raising higher and higher, until it peaks into a group energetic orgasm. Taoist Erotic Massage for Men Tuesday 7 to 9pm Wednesday 4 to 6pm Saturday 1 to 3pm Experience the power of sacred sexuality in this hands-on, clothes-off workshop at the Ascension Temple. We will practice the basics of yogic breathwork and Taoist erotic massage, which can lead to extended, full-body orgasm and an altered mind-state conducive to spiritual insights. These 90-minute sessions will focus on the male as receiver. Men must attend with a partner. This workshop welcomes givers of any sex. Honestly, if you're looking to get off, this isn't for you – this is a spiritual, erotic, non-ejaculatory practice that stimulates and spreads erotic energy throughout the body. It is very hot, but it isn't sex. After the introduction and demonstration, we will practice the breathwork, and you will be guided through a series of different genital massage strokes. Participants will then have an opportunity to give or receive a 30 minute massage with integrated breathwork and coaching. There is no sexual interaction between the giver and receiver except for the massage itself, and all boundaries will be respected. and Taoist Erotic Massage for Women Tuesday 4 to 6pm Wednesday 2 to 4pm I was supposed to assisting Miss Jaiya (www.missjaiya.com) with this workshop, but yesterday she contacts me of an emergency on her end, and now she won't be coming to BM. Looks like I'll be teaching it myself. That said, I don't have the description written up, but expect it to be very similar to the TEM for Men class, only focused on the women. ==== On a side note, my website should be up by the end of today! Finally. http://www.EroticRockstar.com (Beta Version 1.0, I have much editing to do upon my return. Keep checking for updates) See you on the playa! I leave in THREE HOURS! Destin

Reconciliation?

destingerek — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 00:56:21 GMT

Can two people who were engaged to be married, and lived together in a small apartment for 10 months, separate, break up, spend a few of months creating their own individual lives without the other, and then actually start to date one another again? I mean like, DATE one another. Let's meet up once a week or so, do some date type thing, and slowly start to get to know one another again. Is it possible to start a whole different relationship? One that starts off on a different foundation than the previous one? Hopefully a more solid foundation. Can the dynamic between us actually be constructed differently? Is it possible to rediscover one another in completely new ways? Can we date casually? Lightly testing the waters, without it having to be so serious? Do I even want that right now? It took so much for me to start to let go. There's a battle within me as my intellect screams NO, and my emotions cry forth YES!

Letting go of attachment: Anastasia and my corset

destingerek — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:28:23 GMT

I moved out two months ago now. It was to be a temporary separation. Originally, just for the summer. An opportunity for each of us to feel back into ourselves as individuals. Connect with what makes me, ME, and conversely, her, HER. Without all of the daily compromises. Without, constantly thinking about US or the other. Coming back to being able to answer the question, "Who Am I?" as distinct from this relationship. It was her idea. It scared the fuck out of me. At first, I was incredibly supportive, and then I broke down. Freaked out. Completely afraid of losing her. But as is often the case, the fear itself was far worse than the reality. It wasn't long after I moved before the fear became reality. It quickly went from being a break to a break up. My relationship with Anastasia is over. That's been the case for over a month now. I suppose posting this now publicly is part of my full acceptance of that fact. I've experienced every emotion possible in that time. Starting with denial. I didn't believe that it was over. I didn't believe her when she told me that it was. I just figured it was part of her process. Whatever her process is like, I'm going to hold solid through it. Keep on feeling my love for her. And hold to my commitment to her. That was the hardest part for me. Breaking the commitment. Our wedding proposal was no little thing for me. I committed my life to her. Here it is, my love, it's yours. I have chosen. In that way, part of me is really grateful to her for having been the one to break our commitment. Because I don't know if I ever would have done it. I would have kept trying. And trying. While certain aspects of our relationship were fucking incredible. Beautiful and amazing. Mutually supportive and uplifting. Other parts of our relationship were hell. No matter how much we tried, no matter how much effort we seemed to pour into working on improving certain aspects of our relationship, they just did not seem to improve. And so we bounced from super high highs, to super low lows. That gets exhausting after a while. So, in retrospect, it all makes sense. I certainly can't blame her for needing to let go. Again, part of me is grateful, because I don't think that I could've done it. I feel that it has been my biggest test yet in my path of learning non-attachment. I was incredibly attached to Anastasia and our relationship. Two and a half years ago, I stumbled my way into a week long Toltec-training workshop down in Chiapas, Mexico. It was there that Rocio (the female half of the couple that ran the workshop) first really introduced me to the concept of attachment. She told me how the degree to which we are attached to something equals the degree to which we suffer. Change happens. Or to quote the Shpongle album, "Nothing Lasts, but Nothing is Lost." I can struggle against this change, fearing what I'm losing. Or I can flow with the change and embrace that which the change is allowing to come through. All in all, I think that I'm doing rather well with it. Yes, I've experienced pain, sadness, grief, anger, and resentment. Sometimes intensely. But I've been trying to neither shut down those feelings, nor get stuck in them. I'm just letting myself feel them. Allowing the emotions to roll through me, and eventually out of me. I think the reason that I'm finally able to make this post is that those emotions are largely gone. Most of what I am left with is gratitude. Anastasia has left me with so many gifts. I experienced so much growth during the course of our relationship, and I find myself growing so quickly in so many ways in the time since we broke up that are a distinct response to our relationship with one another. Like with everything, I grew so much from the positive, but I've possibly learned even more from the ways that we fuct up. And so now, I am single again. Consciously choosing to place the level of love that I directed at another inward towards myself. Focusing on my personal growth and my life ambitions. I'm honestly amazed as to how well it is going. But more on that another time... Speaking of non-attachment... This past weekend was Pride. Which is a like a huge holiday celebration in San Francisco. Saturday is always my favorite part. First, the Dyke March, and ending in Pink Saturday, a huge street party in the Castro with 100,000+ (!) people. Psychedelic-trance music on the main stage. Alcohol flowing, and sexual energy exuding everywhere. I was all decked out, as I'm prone to do (thank you Anastasia), and was getting attention from gay boys, from straight boys, from straight girls, and from hard-core butch dykes. I don't know which I enjoyed more, the straight boy attention or the butch dyke attention. There's something about being the one to break that boundary of desire for people that really gets me off. I danced and played with erotic energy for dozens (nah, prolly more like 100+) people that night. Fun fun. Afterwards, I went to an Anon-Salon party. They have a stripper pole on their dance floor, so I was bound to have a good time. The whole day/night was fantastic, until about 4am. That's when I realized that I couldn't find my black corset top (I'm wearing it in a few of my pics under Prepping for Parties). Ouch! It's a corset made specifically for a man. Not exactly the easiest thing to find. I loved that top. Loved it! I'd taken it off maybe an hour before because it had gotten just too damn hot in there. Then I realized that one of my earrings (with blue corral inset into it) was gone too. The earring probably just got snagged out of my ear at some point without me noticing. Damn alcohol. That hurt the rest of my night. Again, I normally do really well with the whole non-attachment thing. Especially to material items. But fuck! I LOVED that top! What makes matters worse is that I think it was stolen from me. I think this young cute girl pulled one over on me. Well, at least I'm getting over it faster than getting over Anastasia. ;-p Humor. Sometimes it can help.

Self-Reflection help

destingerek — Tue, 29 May 2007 22:38:05 GMT

A few days ago, I sent out the email that I've pasted below to approximately 100 people in my email address book. The response so far has been incredible. First, the sheer number of people who have already responded, and secondly, the amount of time and energy that these people have put into answering my questions. If you feel so inclined, I would love your response, as well. Your depth of knowing me need not be a deciding factor. It is the range of perceptions that interests me. Thanks in advance. --- Hi. I'm in a period of deep self-reflection. I am asking you, as someone whose life has crossed mine, for some reflection. I am seeking your help. What would you say is my greatest and clearest strength? What would you say is my most noteworthy personal trait? AND... {Deep Breath}... What would you say is my clearest fault, or character trait that you think I would benefit bringing some intention towards changing? Please know that when things are properly framed (such as now), I can take deep criticism, and in fact appreciate it. No need to hold back. I'm asking for it. Growth doesn't just come from hearing good things about one's self. I did not just mass mail this to everyone in my address book. I went through name by name and made the decision. Some of you I have deep heart connection with, some of you I know minimally. Some of you might not even like me very much these days. It is precisely that range of responses that will give me the clearest insight. If the questions themselves don't work for you, please feel free to use this email as an excuse to tell me something positive that you've never quite said before (some way in which you feel I've impacted your life, for example), or to bitch me out about something that you've always wanted to bitch me out for (some way in which you feel I've impacted your life, for example). ;-) All responses are appreciated, however short or long. With much gratitude, Destin

Taking Space

destingerek — Wed, 02 May 2007 01:03:47 GMT

Ten months of living together in a small 1-Bedroom apartment with both of us also working from home, AND starting to create these new projects together, have proved to be a bit too much. The feeling of constriction seems to have overshadowed the feelings of upliftment for the time being. One week ago, I moved in with one of my closest friends. It's short-term. I'm only here until the end of May, at which time my friend is moving to Singapore. What then? I don't know. I was resistant to the idea of this separation time. Now, I'm grateful. I don't think that it's something that I would have had the courage to make happen, but now that it's here, I already feel the good coming from it. Though a wide variety of emotions have been felt, my love and my commitment have not wavered. I've never experienced anything like this before. At any point in the past, I would have been like, "This is too much, I'm out!" But I have no desire to get out of the relationship. In many ways, it just makes me feel the depth of my commitment even more. So now, this is a time for me. No more daily compromises. No more being lost in another's energy to the point of losing self. Instead, I am connecting into myself. Feeling myself fully again. Feeling into what I want, and what my strengths and weaknesses are. I lost connection to all of that. I spent so much effort focusing on *us* that I lost connection to me. I've already learned (and relearned) so much and it's only been a week and a half. Unconditional Love Unwavering Compassion Positive Assumption Three pillars that I want in my relationship. Three pillars that I was feeling were out of reach. Already they are coming so much easier. I look to the day we can fall in love all over again... One thing I am sure of, we still have so much beauty to create together.

A Reflection on "Female Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States"

destingerek — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 19:54:59 GMT

On Thursday, Anastasia and I did our live demonstration at the New School of Erotic Touch. The event was titled: Female Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States. Three massage tables were set up in the middle of the room with the heads of the tables pointing towards the center. There were three demonstrations happening simultaneously. While we were all Certified Sexological Bodyworkers (aka SexBods), the other two demonstrations were presented from the vantage point of a professional SexBod working with a client. We took a different route. Anastasia and I chose to demonstrate how we have taken the skills that we have learned through the Sexological Bodywork training and brought them into our relationship. We are building our work around helping other couples bring better, more conscious touch into their sex lives together, so it seemed most fitting that we demonstrate how we do that ourselves. About 30- 35 people showed up to the event. More than half of the attendees identified as a bodyworker and/or a sexuality educator. That was unexpected. The event started with an hour long lecture by Joseph Kramer about breath and erotic trance. Next up was the demo. I had some fears about how things were going to feel with spectators wandering about. Am I going to be able to be present with Anastasia, or would I feel my energy being sucked by the witnesses? My fears were unwarranted. I didn't find them distracting at all. Instead, I felt the energy from the spectators added to the experience. There's something powerful about being witnessed. Knowing that we are being watched, gives me this deeper level of focus that I find really profound. I realized that night that the title, "Female Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States," doesn't just refer to the receiver. As the giver, I, too, went into a trance state. No doubt. 30-something people milling about, and two other vocal women mere feet away, yet everything disappeared except for Anastasia. I locked in on her body and her experience. Sometimes it felt as though I was steering this journey, and other times it felt as though I was just along for the ride. The longer we are together, the better I get to know her body, the better that I understand what she likes, how she reacts, what to do and exactly when to do it to bring her where I want her to go. Feeling the waves of pleasure ripple through Zia's body. Watching her writhe around on the massage table. Feeling her juices prune my fingers. Literally feeling her ecstasy course through my body. It's amazing how fast 45 minutes flies by when you're having fun. Joseph gave us a five minute warning and I started to bring Anastasia's energy smoothly back down. She lay there for a few minutes in a bliss state while I just stood back and watched her, allowing her the opportunity to integrate the experience in her body alone. Then, I climbed onto the table and cuddled up into her, laying my head on her chest and connecting. Afterwards we fielded questions and heard comments from the audience. It was quite clear that everyone in attendance found the event quite powerful, as well. We got talked into demonstrating this upcoming Thursday for the "Male Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States" event. This one definitely pushes my edge more. I have twelve years of exploring the depths of the giver role. Going deep into the role of receiver still feels like a new path for me. It's definitely more challenging for me, but that's all the more reason to do it.

Second Photoshoot w/David Steinberg

destingerek — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 22:15:44 GMT

Yesterday, Anastasia and I had our second photoshoot with David Steinberg (http://www.davidsteinberg.us). The shoot lasted over eight hours and he shot 27 rolls of film (36 pictures per roll). I just did the math and that's 972 photos. Wow. Our last shoot with him in July was about 550 pics, of which he gave us 350 (I guess 200 of them he considered unusable). We met David at Annie Sprinkle's Orange wedding (http://loveartlab.ucsc.edu/2orange/wedding/index.html# ). When we agreed to do the shoot, I was hoping to get a few good pictures out of the experience. I wasn't expecting to get 350 amazing pictures out of it! He's a fantastic photographer and just an awesome person really. We just have such an easy time going into our sexual space together with him there moving all around us and clicking away. The shoot lasted about 8 hours. Let's just say that even if we weren't going to get hundreds of great pictures of us, it would still have been worth it just for the excuse to be sexual together for eight hours straight! The photos may take as much as a month to get back to us. Hopefully, less. Much less. As soon as we get them, we'll start posting some of them. Censorship on the internet sucks. Did you see how some of our photo slideshow on myspace was censored by photobucket? Violation of the Terms of Service?!? How? There were no female nipples in view, and no genitals shown. It was just 'suggestive'. What's the problem?!? If anyone knows a slideshow service that does NOT censor like that, please message me. With David's permission we decided to videotape the photo shoot. We costumed up in our new outfits that we've been putting together. We started with me masturbating (using full body touch) while David took photos. Anastasia stood back, alternately watching from behind the video camera and getting distracted just watching me and touching herself. Eventually Zia let herself get carried away and came over to 'help' me. Five hours later... After a short break, (David went on an Eros Lube run for us. We lost ours at a play party we went to last weekend), we decided to spend the rest of the shoot playing with erotic massage. If all goes well, we'd like to use photos from this shoot to create a collage that we can work into the DVDs on erotic massage that we are currently making. We had a session focused on Anastasia, followed by a session focused on me. Zia has been in this aggressor mode lately. She's really been getting into being the more active one: focusing on giving me pleasure and/or really taking her pleasure from me. Yum. This is especially good, because our last shoot with David we definitely had more of the opposite dynamic going on. So it's cool to have the two shoots to balance each other out. Plus it's just fucking enjoyable for me. :-)

Female Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States (Public Demonstration)

destingerek — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 11:23:30 GMT

I am one of the Certified Sexological Bodyworkers who will be offering a live demonstration of Female Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States. I will be demonstrating on my love, Anastasia. Female Genital Massage to Access Erotic Trance States A class and demonstration with Joseph Kramer, Ph.D. March 1, 7-10pm, Oakland CA Join us for a class on female genital massage with live demonstrations, offered by Certified Sexological Bodyworkers. The class will begin with breath exercises and erotic touch basics . You will then witness three simultaneous genital massage demonstrations by trained somatic sex educators. The Sexological Bodyworkers, both male and female, will be using conscious genital touch and breath work to guide the women receiving into profound erotic trance states. After the erotic touch sessions, you will have a chance to ask the practitioners and the recipients about their techniques and experiences. This erotic massage assists women to awaken full pelvic awareness, a powerful learning for those with pelvic sensory-motor amnesia or "the genital hole." Our intention is that you be inspired to learn this erotic massage to pleasure yourself and your lovers. All participants will receive a copy of the instructional DVD Fire in the Valley: Female Genital Massage. This DVD is part of the certification curriculum for Sexological Bodyworkers at The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Joseph Kramer, Ph.D. has been the world's leading teacher of erotic massage since 1984. He founded The Body Electric School and The New School of Erotic Touch to explore what is erotically possible through touch and breath. He now trains sexologists and bodyworkers from around the world in Sexological Bodywork, a California-approved, certified profession of body-based sex education. Join us to learn more about this new profession and witness a range of women's ecstatic states. Tuition: $40 (includes instructional DVD) Female Erotic Massage: March 1, 7-10 pm Space is limited so enroll early. Pay tuition at 510-428-9063. Classes held at The New School of Erotic Touch, 6527A Telegraph Ave, Oakland. (Easy parking, near Ashby Bart)

Erotic Massage for Lovers - Videoshoot

destingerek — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 06:38:24 GMT

Today, Anastasia and I had an all day (9am-6pm) videoshoot for our two upcoming DVDs focused on Erotic Massage for Lovers (For Him, and For Her) with Joseph Kramer. Three video cameras focused on me and my gorgeous Anastasia. This exhibitionist was a happy man. The DVDs are a combination of demonstrating various techniques and strokes to use in erotic massage, and footage of the two of us playing full-force with our own embellishments of those techniques. There are definitely challenges to being sexual in front of a bunch of video cameras and a production crew, but we have both taken to it surprisingly easily. OK, maybe it shouldn't be that surprising, but in truth, I'm still not too sure how I ended up here. Today was mostly focused on Anastasia as the receiver of pleasure, and myself as the giver of pleasure. Tomorrow, the reverse.