Responding to Antimony's request for blog entries re: goals of dance for 2007 (btw cool idea Antimony!)

I will start by saying that a lot has changed since I officially moved to Hawaii and decided to stay. As a bit of background, most of my recent years have been focused on growing A'Kai Silks into something that helps to support me and my kid(s). Long days working with silk and dyes have left me too exhausted by the end of the day to practice dance. I was living in San Francisco before Hawaii..I was tired, feeling pretty old, and I was getting fat and weak.

Relocating to Hawaii encouraged me to be outside more often, not just for dyeing silk but because the weather is true to its reputation. Before moving here, I never would have considered going to a beach in a bikini..worried at age 33 that I didn't look like a 20something anymore. And I never thought that I would take up surfing.

During the 'down time' a couple summers ago, I sold a bellydance costume and used the money to buy a surfboard. I didn't even know how to balance on the darn thing, but each day I would take it out to the beach, paddle out to the lineup, and take some lickins (ie crunched by waves ouch).

I talked with a lot of surf instructors who encouraged me to join the gym to build my endurance level and strengthen my arms. A month later I started noticing results. And I started to notice that especially in the evenings, I would get a second wind, a burst of energy, and it's almost as if my arms craved more exercise.

Veil dance, it's no secret, has always been my favorite part of dance. I noticed a change in how I danced with veils, and how I danced with candles. I wasn't out of breath all the time. My balance was better. My confidence grew. I no longer had body image issues..hey when you are seen falling head first off a surfboard only to emerge with ocean boogers and your bathing suit wedged in your butt..you soon stop caring what you look like.

The other change I noticed was that I was more content without makeup. A lot of us local girls don't bother with makeup because its either too warm or we are going swimming in an hour anyways. I don't know why, or how, but being able to wander a beach in a bathing suit without makeup, and being accepted as a local of the island, and making friends with people in the surf community, really helped me get rid of old thoughts that I was only worth something if I was attractive. This brought a lot of freedom. Not only in appearance but in dance.

I stopped worrying so much that I wasn't up to par with so and so. Or that eleven years into the dance I still don't have a full time restaurant gig. I stopped placing myself on a graph of how I should compare to other dancers, and just started accepting where I was. And the choices I made. If I had wanted a full time dance career, I would have pursued it. It was never my goal.

I started teaching a dance class this past season, and enjoyed the heck out of it. I'm planning to continue classes on the beach (how romantic huh?) and practice sessions. But I have to balance it between other activities now. Usually there's one of three activities that the days focus on (aside from being a mom and wife)..dye days, surf days, and dance days. It's tough to mix all 3 into one full day...so I balance each over the week.

I probably don't practice as much as dance as I should, but also trust my body wisdom that it will know what to do when the time comes for a performance. It doesn't matter to me anymore if I ever nail a layered combination of extreme difficulty. I'll probably not ever get a drum solo right.

There's a baby planned for the near future. I had my first baby when I was 25, and he did nothing to slow me down. And I firmly believe the second baby will not prevent me from dancing at any level, or slow me down in business. The only thing that will change is I will have to buy bigger costumes:) I no longer fear stretch marks or think that no one will want to see me dance when I have a baby on board (or after). It's built in to the schedule now. Thank goodness.

For 2007, I don't want to designate my success as a dancer to being on video or most talked about etc..it's more about attaining a healthy fitness level and continuing to dance for love of it. Being strong enough to surf!

Dancing, no matter where it fits into the schedule, will always have a special place in my heart. Whether I'm performing at a big concert as in the 'old day's or cheering on my friends as they make it to the IAMED stage..I'm in love with the dance. I love how the dance results in more exploration..new giddiness, the love of sparklies, being inspired by a great dancer, or encouraging a newbie to start dancing. It doesn't get any better than that :)

Mahalo to my dance friends and everyone involved in this dance world :)