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Beltaine Blessing

dhamiboo — Thu, 01 May 2008 03:14:50 GMT

Happy Beltaind check out my blessing for you at: http://soulempowerment.wordpress.com

Beltaine Eve

dhamiboo — Thu, 01 May 2008 03:13:55 GMT

What has seemed a miserable week is turning into one of the best Beltane's ever. I've been in upstate NY for 6 weeks now immersed in family matters. An uncle died. I felt called to help clear out his house and pick up the void left by his demise in visiting my Aunt at the nursing home. So devoted, he visited or called her daily for several years now. He'd taken care of her at home until the Alzheimers left her falling down. She sits. Once in a while she attempts to talk. It's thankless "work" visiting her. I never know whether I am boring her, tormenting her, entertaining her, or what when I visit her and read to her, tell her of "my news", and feed her her juice. I always thought of Garrattsville as my home. Now that I'm getting the chance to live here, I'm realizing the dream I always had of living here is better left a dream. It's beautiful. It's quiet. But socially I am isolated. I have some great relatives around. But they lead different lives around here from the faggot shaman live that I lead. I eat vegetable stir fries while they eat chips, cold cuts, white bread and pop Nexium and anti-cholesterol pills. Don't get me wrong, I love my relatives dearly and we have shared good times together, but overall we lead very different lives and have different interests. I've met five local guys online that I intrigued me some. One wasn't interested. Another one showed a little interest, but then started seeing someone. One disappeared from the chat-room after the night we met. One said he was interested but turned out to be a total flake. The other one seems only interested late at night, when I'm not about to drive 30 minutes to investigate. My love live has fallen into cam2cam connections on the Internet. Better than nothing. And actually many lessons in feeling energy via distance... great practice for us subtle energy workers! So I've been getting the blues. It doesn't help that gas prices have gone up and I burn nearly a tank a week going to visit my Aunt. My "assetts" have dropped under $1000. I'm trying to remember the reality that the Universe provides abundantly and unconditionally. I'm not sure what to do. My sense is I am to stay here into the summer to help wrap up the "estate" here and visit my Aunt. I saw two woodchucks Sunday. Sunday night one of my c2c buddies in Mexico mentioned an interest in astral travel. So I suggested he visit me that night. The next day I read what kind of power animal a woodchuck is, and it's about dreams and astral travel! The last two days I've been praying for change... to get back into the mystical power place I'd been in more regularly a couple years ago. This morning, Beltane Eve, I stumbled online as is my habit. I've been for weeks trying to come up with a name to use on Xtube to sell some videos I've been making on my webcam. I've been frustrated, because that's my most likely hope for any logical income, yet I haven't been able to get myself to make a name and get online with my videos. This morning brought a new light on the matter as I started to write my xtube bio. I've been ruminating on something like Cosmic Orgasm based on my Mayan astrology sign of Yellow Cosmic Sun. I looked up my Mayan astrological sign for some inspiration. The last line of my "reading" was "I am a galactic activation portal enter me." I burst out laughing. Finally it was all making sense. My vision wasn't clear about what the purpose of my videos would be... and what my story about my sex would be. The healing aspect was missing. Now my endeavors could move forward because I had clarity about how I want to be as a sexual being. Still reeling from the excitement and laughter, I noticed one of my most powerful lovers pop up on the messenger list. I hadn't seen him for several years because our orbits around this Earth hadn't aligned. We'd tried to chat months ago, but a faulty Internet connection left us hanging. I'd noticed he was online the last days. And for some reason, I clicked on his name and said "Happy Beltaine!" He soon let out that he had just found out he was HIV positive yesterday, and I was the first radical faerie he had told. We were both honored to share this powerful moment together. I immediately assured him of my belief that he could BE the pattern of HIV negative... that he could heal himself of this Western Medicine reality. We continued chatting and discovered that we've both been going through feelings of isolation and wondering why we are not amongst supportive communities of like minded folks. Were we cast out to cross pollinate and share our magic in the world? Were we cast out to learn something? Were we cast out because we didn't really allow ourselves to receive the nurturing we desired? Funny, I'd been down on myself so much lately, it hadn't dawned on me others were working through similar frustrations. We ended up sharing a wonderful online orgasm together. Interesting in that I tried to orgasm for him on cam, but I wasn't actually able to orgasm until he did. Another example of feeling energy through space... something that I've been learning a lot about in my c2c experiences. I thought back to nine years ago when fate brought me into the life of a man recently diagnosed with HIV. At the time I had thought the attraction between us was about being soulmates. I later realized the attraction between us was Unconditional Love and about me giving him the gift of reclaiming sex into his life, and him giving me the gift of learning how to be a healer. I knew that today's shared orgasm was powerful. Orgasms are great catalysts of healing and change. And I knew that this man and I had powerful connections. It was no small coincidence that we connected together today and created some online faerie space for Beltane together. We parted from our online intimacy in gratitude. I was high as a kite from the experience. Great shifts were happening. I drove over the hills to see my Aunt. Visions and ley lines floated through my awareness. I sang, I chanted, I spoke in tongues. The Universe was shifting. I prayed for my friend... that I/he/we shift to the reality of his health on all levels; I prayed for all my friends; all my relations; everyone! After all, why discriminate? As I drove through the colorful spring landscape of trees budding pastel colors, I felt on top of the world on these rolling hills. My Aunt had white stuff all over her lips. I wondered if our realities had crossed, but it turned out it was Milk of Magnesia. I went to the local health food store to get a few things, though my sparse wallet made me consider fasting. When I went to check out, I was behind the hottest tattooed/pierced man... hotter than anyone I'd seen around these parts. The cashier pulled me from my reverie and said, "It's your lucky day!" She handed me a free canvas shopping bag and told me that my groceries (all bulk items) were free! (the scale was being serviced). I walked out in gratitude and amazement! On the way home I came upon a horse in the middle of the road. Horses are about "freedom and travel"... and considering whether you are assisting the community you are in and also honoring the gifts of that community. Perfect timing. Just like the woodchuck's I saw when my friend in Mexico started practicing astral travel and dream visits to me... things the woodchuck is about. I made my way home and cooked up my stir fry and ate in front of the TV enjoying Elton John's 60th birthday! What an amazing Beltane! and it's only Beltane Eve!!!!

2007 Travel Photos Online

dhamiboo — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:40:03 GMT

Finally got em up on the web: http://gypsywizard.shutterfly.com Enjoy the views!!!

Free Energywork via Distance for Your Healthy Skin

dhamiboo — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 18:46:24 GMT

Hey, You can receive free distance Reiki specifically for healthy skin at: http://soulempowerment.wordpress.com Peace! dhamiboo

New Travel Tips for Travel in S.E. Asia and India on My Blog

dhamiboo — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 18:44:56 GMT

Hi everyone, Just letting you know I've been putting together various travel tips on my blog at http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com Web resources: http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com/2008/01/travel-tips-web-resources.html Computer and Tech stuff while traveling: http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com/2008/01/travel-tips-computers-pdas-usb.html Packing for India: http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com/2008/01/travel-tips-you-are-packing-for-india.html Peace

Kundan Kalls Me

dhamiboo — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 06:00:04 GMT

Life here in Delaware is strange, obscenely surreal. I landed in these suburbs straight from India 2 months ago. I thought I would breeze through to say "hi" to my aging relatives. When I first saw my Mom, I thought she wasn't going to make it through the winter. She was confused, dropping things, weak, trembling, off balance. She couldn't keep her head off her shoulder. When she started having trouble swallowing, I mustered the forces and got her to the doctor. She was on 14 medicines! Anyone would have a few symptoms with that many chemicals in their body! Her symptoms were described by the side effects of many of her drugs. She was taken off two, and between that and some physical therapy, I wouldn't know the different from a year ago! I've found myself dragged into trying to revamp her health and healthcare. An easy compulsion for me with my interest in healing. I'm aghast at her healthcare. Her primary Dr. agreed to see her every two weeks when we asked if anyone was really looking over her arsenal of specialists. For 3 weeks, she's had nausea and has dropped to 75 lbs. Instead of investigating other medications, the Dr. merely prescribed another one! It cost $140 for 30 days worth, and didn't work, so he tried another one, which was $220 for 10 days worth! The first one we found out would kill the stomach's ability to produce digestive acid... which would eventually mean she couldn't properly digest food! No doubt, they would have prescribed another medicine to correct the problems that caused. He even had the gall to tell a story about a King with a mouse problem who got cats and then had a cat problem... then dogs... then tigers... then elephants... then mice... Meanwhile he never weighed her or took or blood pressure or tried to figure out what was causing her nausea! Her dermatologist took her blood pressure and said she ought to go immediately to a cardiologist! After 2.5 weeks, my Mom finally called her gastro-doctor, who ordered blood work and wants to stick a probe down her throat. No sense to try something cheap and non-invasive... like investigate the other 8 medicines she is taken. My Mom doesn't understand she needs to take charge.. to fire doctors that aren't working for her. She's not even willing to try drinking more water than the liter that she drinks per day. I'd pull my hair out if I had any.... well... maybe I ought to start on those hairs that are starting to grow on my shoulders! I can't believe the crap people put up with for medical care. I'm so glad that I don't partake in the insurance and western medicine complex. I read the drug labels and see little that talks of improving the body and healing it. In contrast I read about herbs and natural therapies that actually make the body stronger and better. She's seen that for the last 8 month she was in downward spin from the specialist run around and rampant drugs... and yet she won't take steps to change it. We had a blow out the other day when I said I thought she ought to go to see Lemole and the Integrative Health program nearby. She'd called a Geriatric Assessment program, not bothered to find out what they do and whether they consider alternative medicines, and was told they'd call her back... they were scheduling for March possibly. She didn't tell them there was any urgency... after being nauseous for 3 weeks! I left in a tiff. A bit amazed at the anger I felt. I'm not that close to my Mom. I really don't care what she does. We don't share any common interests. For her sake, i would love to see her reclaim a bit of her health. It's clear that she really has potential to live well for a few more years. But I was feeling like it was time for me to go. No body had asked me to be here. My own needs aren't being met. Delaware is white toast, shopping mall country. The man scene here is lame. The nature is lame. It's cold and rainy. I'm not easily able to make money here. I've been feeling called to Thailand and this very week missing the faerie gathering there. It's been nice to see the family, and grow a bit. But I'm realistic. I looked at airline tickets to Thailand... the excitement grew in my body. The logical thing however would be to go to San Francisco and make some money first. Otherwise I will not have enough money to get back from Thailand. I thought of getting myself ready and packed to get moving. And the next morning my Mom called. She said "To appease the powers that be [and me and my sister]" that she'd go to the Integrative Health Program. I was a bit taken aback. I'd given up on it really and was just figuring she was too old to change her ways. Now a few days have passed and I got her an appointment for Feb 14th. She tried to back out of it. But now it's on the books. I hope it works for her. I know it's not the best when someone is "pushed" into an appointment. And now I'm in a quandry. I feel like I ought to stick around and help her get into the program. But another month in Delaware is another month in hell for me. Thailand "glows" for me. That's what I see in flickers of "vision". Tonight I watched Kundun, a movie about the Dalai Lama's early years and escape from Tibet... or rather escape from the Chinese! Moving. Mystical. I felt my heart grow in excitement. I felt tears well up in me... missing "my home" in the himalaya. I know I must go back. Ladakh for sure. Maybe Tibet. I don't know why. Part of me envy's Kundan's life... yet I know that is not mine. I am not Buddhist. I am not Tibetan. And yet I am to go there again for something. Kundun is an awesome movie by the way. Amazing visually, and with a Phillip Glass soundtrack. I had an amazing Qi Qong class ... me, the fag, amongst a handful of 50 yo women who are into Reiki and energy! crazy. So there are some interesting things in Delaware. When we lay down to meditate at the end of class, I nearly levitated in giggling chi. Strange, almost daily I range from despair and anger to a few moments of blissful meditative energy. The majority of the time is in-between the extremes in my mind spinning state. Too much time at this box called the computer. I get ready to leave it after hours of "researching" this and that mindlessly... then I think of something to write... and I need to write I think because I want to make money from my blog... and so I get drawn into another cycle of hours on this box... Watching Kundun, I thought of just walking away from this box... just walking about the world with nothing... is that my path? or is it some balance between? I've fantasized very briefly about walking into my Mom's house like some Don Juan Shaman and snapping my fingers, shaking a rattle, channeling the voice of God, and shifting her reality. Usually that seems a far way away from this reality. Yet, tonight, after Qi Qong, I sat cross legged on the couch engrossed by Kundun, and my 8 yo nephew became mesmerized by the film of monks in bright red robes amongst the mountains. I had my shawl wrapped around me Indian style. My nephew imitated me....

Journal Entry: 28.Sep.07: Kedarnath: I want to go home, but I'm Homeless

dhamiboo — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 04:52:19 GMT

Journal Entry: 28.Sep.07: Kedarnath: I want to go home, but I'm Homeless Miserable. I lay in bed. I yearned for home. "I want to go home!", I moaned to myself. A typical response to sickness in a foreign land. I tried to imagine home Images of the US flashed through my mind... my last domicile in San Francisco, my parents house, my Aunt and Uncle's house. But I couldn't really imagine going back and creating a home, setting up housekeeping, etc. And later sitting in the steaming waters of the public bath, a stone adorned tank similar to a swimming pool, I began to appreciate where I was. In India. In a public hot pool. Surrounded by men (women have a separate pool). It was comforting. And I began to see my confusion. I want to go home. But where is my home? Fond images from all over the world popped into my head. Steamy saunas of Thailand, and the familiar streets of Chiang Mai and Bangkok with their marvelous street food. The foggy hills of San Francisco and my faerie friends there. The stone lined streets of Thamel, Kathmandu, Nepal, and the little disco that calls itself the Funky Buddha Bar. The hills of the Butternut Valley where my father grew up in upstate New York. The Clay Hotel Hostel and Washington Street in South Beach, Miami. The glowing energy of Joshua Tree in California. And my beloved Mauna Loa in Hawaii. The friendly people of Laos and tubing in Vang Viang. I realized I have no place to call home anymore. My sense of place is shattered. I'm truly homeless. I've virtually shattered my identity. The only thing left to do is to be at home wherever I am. I felt empty. I felt pain. I lay in my bed depressed. The pain and injury didn't fit into my plans. The balm from the pharmacist didn't seem to work. I was miserable. In 36 hours I'd gone from discovered my greatest joy... traipsing up the mountain... to loosing it. To top things off, I felt a cold coming on. Then I picked up the stone I'd found by Ghandi Tal (the lake above Kedarnath). I felt the vibration and energy of the stone permeate my body. I grew excited. The "other" reality. The Reality of Reiki and metaphysics and energy healing was back! I thought to myself how years ago after getting into Reiki I had learned to disown the reality of having/catching colds. I had started viewing them as detox symptoms from my body clearing toxins. Why, that made sense now after my first big exercise in a month. Further I remembered how several years ago I had decided to quit having colds, and merely seen them as patterns of being that I could choose my way out of if I started to have symptoms. Then I realized my knees and legs were no different! Why was I projecting a self hypnotic future of not being able to continue on my treks? I started to remember my own magic. The power of empowerment I had shared with so many clients in my Reiki practice. I remembered how several years ago I would simply ask my body to release the pattern if I started to feel twinges of knee pain. And it would work. I remembered how one day riding my bike up a hill to work, I had felt a twinge of knee pain, and banished it off, saying "I don't have time for this now!" I grew excited. I started setting intentions for healing for alignment. I started to envision myself going trekking at Hemkund. The next few days rained. I spent two days in that hotel room. I discovered the best sleep in months as the raging river made a beautiful melody that drifted in the bathroom window. I enjoyed dreamy sleeps that felt like streams of consciousness. Memories from my past bubbled through my minds eye as the rains bubbled through the hills. I felt the most relaxed I had in months. I felt good! I slept and napped and Reiki'd myself throughout the day. I found a dhaba that had the best all you can eat thali (only 35rs) ever! I ate there twice a day. The staff treated me like a king. In between I soaked in the hot sulphur waters of the public bath, enjoying the views of the other men. My pains indeed went away. And finally one evening I booked a ticket for the 6 am bus to Govindghat, the departure point for the Hemkund trek. The magical monk from Bangladesh, who had popped out of the fogs at Ghandi Tal, I never saw again. I tried to find him the day after our descent, but he had left. I'll always wonder how he transversed the glaciers from Gangotri to Kedarnath, apparently alone in a lungi and a plastic raincoat. Like so many others we meet walking about the world, he flashed out of my life as quickly as he appeared. Read more at http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com and http://mysticalboo.blogspot.com

The Call to "Sadhu it"

dhamiboo — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 10:55:52 GMT

I don't want to go back to the US. I just want to walk in the India mountains. A pilgrim. A sadhu. A sack with a sheet of plastic to lay on. A sheet to wear. Maybe two. Maybe a sketchbook. A stone for an altar. A handful of rupees. I just want to walk about on the Earth and feel Her through my feet. Feel the song of the Universe in my soul. Feel the Life Force aka Reiki aka Unconditional Love emanating from the trees and plants and everything. In India I can do this. Roads are walkable. Especially pilgrimage routes. Tea houses, food stalls, ashrams etc provide accomodations. No need to carry anything. Easy to trust. Sadhus roam. Ashrams house. I am only an oddity in that I am white and pierced. To sing. To walk barefoot. No one will think that strange. Part of me knows I can do this anywhere. Communion with the Universe, Spirit, Life Force...whatever you want to call it... is possible anywhere. The vibration abounds. And yet there is more clutter to go through. In India no one will think I am crazy. Pedestrians abound. In the US, people would think different. In the U.S., cars cellpones, freeways all clutter the path. Gadgets and consumables distract. Thoughts of "what am I doing with my life" plague me. Dollars become a barrier. Still I know somehow the same abundance and life force pervade it all... just through a different veil. I was receiving Reiki the other day and I nearly burst away in glee mid session... like a happy rebirth! Then the "healer" grabbed my feet. Pain from part of my sole where I pushed too hard in my 105 km barefoot pilgrimage 3 months ago. The first day I walked 40 km in a frantic intention to find my friends from Sikkim. I didn't find them. I spoiled my feet and my chance to enjoy 8 days of leisurely walking the 105 km. I ignored my feelings in the moment. The Reiki brought to my face this pattern of trying too hard to transmute an uncomfortable present for some future intent. The "healer" suggested I focus on some experience of joy... I remembered a great lover I enjoyed for an evening only to never see/hear from him again. My nomadic life is chaos. My life as a whole is one of non-attachment... at least in theory. Many parts are non-attachment in practice as well. Virtually all I have ever know I have abandoned. My suburban childhood was abandoned for horse and buggy. My horse farming was abandoned for coming out in San Francisco. My life has changed radically from naive suburban boy to graduate student to itinerant horsefarmer to Reiki healer/artist/whore in San Francisco to nomadic world adventurer. One of my friends suggested I am a Radical Faerie American Sadhu. My erotic life, once ecstatic, has fallen by the wayside in my travels. So lame I have transcended it. Tossed about from town to town and continent to continent at eh whim of my intuition such that I can't seem to remember why I am here when I get here. The fight between ego and intuition leaves me miserable at times. The ego second guesses the intuition. It sees the good in every place... often seeing the good in the place I am not. After 3 years of being nomadic I felt like I regained my center a few weeks ago trekking in the Uttarkhand mountains. Joy in every step. Reiki all around me. I realized I need to make this trekking a part of my life now. I see that the ability to do a walking pilgrimage is one of the unique gifts of India. And I am ready for more! But now my Spirit says to go to the USA to visit my aging relatives. And I feel torn. I feel fear of loosing my center again. The last few days I have felt the call to abandon the US. I felt like I reached a point of non-attachment with my life there. But then the call to visit family comes. What to do? Almost a year ago I was meditating in an ashram in Florida and I got the message "Get rid of three things every day until you have nothing and then you will find yourself!" After the initial period it was clear I could accumulate, but always channeling three things a day away. These gifts could be on physical or spiritual levels. The larger context of giving and receiving. Since then I almost get to the point of doing it... getting rid of everything... not really following instructions, but rather doing it in one lump. Its great until I get to my pack and see my things. I can't get rid of my money belt or passport. Then there are the bank cards. The toothbrush and floss sneak in. Then I think of trekking and how the fleece will be handy. Pretty soon I feel stuck with the whole damn bag of stuff! And I laugh at myself. I think back to my pilgrimage in August when I lived for 2 weeks out of a small shoulder bag. A sheet of plastic to sleep on. A couple of cloths to use as a "skirt" or shawl. A tee shirt. A pair of underpants. A pair of soft shorts. Sunscreen. A notebook. And a torch (flashlight). The pilgrimage was barefoot... no need for shoes. A photocopy of my passport and a few rupees sufficed. Tea stalls and rest houses lined the pilgrimage route. It was a joy to travel so lightly. Catching a bus or train felt like a whim. It was heaven. A few weeks ago I scattered my backpack's contents across the bed. I saw the reality attached to each item. winter clothes meant I would never learn Tumo, the Buddhist technique for generating innner heat. My flashlight meant I would never trust my night vision completely. The list of email addresses meant I would not trust the universe to bring me face to face with whom I was meant to interact. The watch meant I would not trust my inner guide. Item by item I saw the chosen and unchosen realities. Rather then trusting the Universe to provide me with shelther when I needed it, I carried a tent. And also rather than trusting the Universe to provide me with a tent when I decide to go backpacking/camping... I carried a tent. Collectively my belongings meant I could not walk out the door on a whim. It's neither good nor bad... nor right nor wrong. In ways I see how I live the American version of the sadhu with just a bigger sack of stuff. Sadhus carry a blanket or two tied into sacks with their stuff. Chilom perhaps. Torch. Alms bowl. Perhaps some medicinal herbs or salves. A walking stick. Their stuff is not high tech nor ultralight. My walkabouts cover continents. I can't depend on ashrams to house me. My list of stuff is bigger. The lightest travellers are the students or working class. They can afford restaurants and lodging with blankets. So they can step out with the clothes on their back. I think of how I can carry myself as a sadhu back to the states to visit my aging relatives. If I would abandon my outdoor sports.. hiking, climbing, camping... it would be easy. I reflect on the vision I had of myself as an old man carrying nothing. No journal. No sketchbook. No camera. Too busy living life to bother recording it. I wonder if and when I will adapt that vision. Perhaps it was merely a dream. Perhaps I have some years of climbing and camping first. Or perhaps I am just fighting destiny....

The Gift of Reiki: Free Reiki I Training via Distance

dhamiboo — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 14:59:26 GMT

Dear Friends, Reiki is so amazing! It is such a gift! I recently enjoyed walking barefoot through the Indian Himalaya and flashbacked to my first days of Reiki... feeling the energy of the universe with everystep. Feeling the common life force in everything and everyone. The great common denomonator. Oneness! The great transformer... what better to do than send Reiki to someone you are upset with. And what a great meditation to walk and Be aware of the Reiki energy wherever you are. Plus, you can always use it to heal yourself or others! of anything! To honor my gratitude, and mark my affirmation of moving into the gift economy... doing what I feel called to do without expectations... knowing that abundance happens.... I am offering Free Reiki I Attunements via distance from now until 02 Jan 2008! Full details of the Free Reiki I Attunements at http://soulempowerment.wordpress.com I'm currently in India on my nomadic travels.... updates on my travels at http://mysticalboo.blogspot.com and http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com Blessings Blessings Blessings to You!

The Gift of Reiki: Free Reiki I Attunements by Distance

dhamiboo — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:08:08 GMT

Reiki is such a gift. It is such magic. It is so powerful when we totally embrace it. A useful meditation from William Lee Rand is to do Reiki on yourself, with the following thought: "I surrender completely to the Reiki energy and the Source from which it comes." Reiki is Divine and goes only to highest good. So there is no need for fear. And if you realize that there is absolutely no reason you (if you are giving Reiki to yourself) or the person you are giving Reiki to ought not to be healed, whole, healthy, and blissful, then you will find Reiki miraculous! You will not limit your use of Reiki. Why should we hold onto Karma? Why should we hold onto limitations? After my Reiki III attunement I went into three months of deep intestinal cleansing (i.e., diarrhea). I tried this and that. Finally, one night I said, "This is silly! I'm a Reiki Master and I've been helping other people heal themselves of all sorts of afflictions. I can heal THIS!" I put my hands on my belly and it grew all warm inside and I was done with the diarrhea! Futher, when you bring Reiki into your meditation of life, keeping awareness of it as you go about your day, you discover universal Oneness. You walk down the street, perhaps chanting "Mother I feel you under my feet, Mother I feel your heartbeat, heya heya heya, ya heya heya ho, heya heya heya hey-ya ho!" (a chant I learned at a Rainbow gathering years ago). You feel the Reiki energy all around you. You realize that it pervades everything. You realize that when you are angry at someone, the best thing to do is send them Reiki. What could be better than their own healing and "enlightenment"? You give it to yourself. Reiki can be another form of meditation. It can be another way to tap into superconsciousness. It can be another way to tap into Oneness. When you realize that Reiki aka Life Force aka Unconditional Love, you can see the world through total "bhakti" or devotion. It's amazing! Reiki is such a gift! I feel like everyone should have the gift of Reiki. To this end, I send you free distance Reiki energy right now! And I will shortly be announcing free Reiki I attunements for whoever wishes to receive them! Check out http://soulempowerment.wordpress.com for details....

Catching up... tales of India

dhamiboo — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 11:47:54 GMT

Overheard two Reiki practioners talking with their Reiki Master about business arrangements together. The Reiki "youth" said to his Master, "I'd like you to get a bigger percentage to honor your teachings... how about you get 35% and we each get 32.5%" The Reiki Master laughed and said, "Why even bother then! How about 40%, 30%30%?" ..... only in India! Then a celibate monk told me "I think I am sexy looking!" I wasn't sure whether to applaud some sort of Zen revelation, or just laugh at the incongruency of the concept! I'm in Rishikesh, India, now. Not sure what's next. I may be stateside soon. I have to leave India for a day around 20 November 2007 because of my visa. My mother is elderly and having some health issues. I was praying for her two weeks ago, and suddenly had the sense she had died. I later found out my sense was wrong. I've been meditating alot here and feel recentered to a place I was in 2-3 years ago. I was reading a book about remaining calm the other day, and it said don't change more than one thing at a time. I realized when I became nomadic three years ago and went to Asia, that I changed many things in my life. I attempted to give up my identity as a Reiki healer... and just have fun and trust the universe to provide. I gave up permanent domicile and the altar of my home that kept me centered. I threw myself in the wind and tried to just follow intuition. My ego went into shock. It became hard for me to remember my power. I knew it was about learning to keep centered in my magic in the midst of whirled travels. But it was hard to do. A few weeks ago, I rediscovered trekking one day only to have it taken away from me the next. The first day trekking Kedarnath, a holy mountain in Uttarkhank, India, I trekked into ecstatic bliss. I started my old pattern of a fast pace up the mountain. Then I thought I might rather slow down and savour it. I took of my shoes and took each step slowly and deliberately. I remembered my early days of doing Reiki where I felt the energy from the trees and plants and passersby. I remembered the Rainbow Chant "Mother I feel you under my feet, Mother I feel your heartbeat. etc..." I felt the most joy and bliss I have in quite a while. The next day I came down the mountain too fast or something and "blew out" my knees and could hardly walk. I was miserable. In pain. Agonized over loosing my newfound joy of trekking. I cried to myself, "I want to go home... I want to go home... But I don't have a home... I don't know where that is..." I reallize that I have thrown away virtually everything I originally knew. What I eat now doesn't resemble what I grew up eating. Most of my few belongings are less than 3 years old, and many younger than that.. Later I picked up a stone I'd found on the moutain and it started vibrating my whole body. I remembered that I had healed my knees before, and began to focus on that. I took a hot bath in the public hot springs and thought more about home. I appreciated this public hot pool in India. It was part of my familiar. And I appreciate familiar things in San Francisco, Thailand, Laos, Hawaii, as well a distant places of my childhood. I realized I am truly homeless. And the only thing to do is to be at home wherever I am. About two weeks ago, following the suggestion of a pocket book on meditation, I made a list of what I want to do/BE in the short/long term. There were some items about Rishikesh and teaching a "disciple" of mine, but one of the items I listed was "BE a meditative sadhu Bliss shaman". I had a vision of being full power present, jovial, wandering the world, and sharing my magic spontaneously. I realized that THAT was the important thing to focus on. I started meditating/intending to BE that. If I acheive that state, the other details don't matter.... You can read more of my adventures which I've not been so diligent in posting on Tribe at: http://mysticalboo.blogspot.com http://robyellowheels.blogspot.com Blessings! DhamiBoo

Unconditional Love: Short and Sweet

dhamiboo — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 11:22:39 GMT

I was interviewed in Rishikesh a few days ago for a Ukrainian TV broadcast about Spirituality in India. One of the questions I was asked was to define Love ... which stumped me because I usually only think in terms of Unconditional Love... so I stumbled and said Love is a vibration. My mind clicked in about 6 hours later long after the fact and recalled that I've written and thought much about Unconditional Love and I came up with a new short and sweet definition: Love: seeing the Divinity in something or someone. Unconditional Love: acknowledging and/or believing in the Divinity in something or someone even when you can't see it. Loving ourselves is about seeing and/or acknowledging our own Divinity. Divinity is merely acknowledging that we are all a part of creation... you can insert God's or Goddess' creation if that is how you see the world. You can also insert other words such as beauty in place of Divinity.

Homo Outreach in Sikkim

dhamiboo — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 07:28:30 GMT

I've been doing a lot of coming out in my travels in Sikkim. Though culturally, it is homophobic here, and I haven't met anyone here who lives "out", everyone I have come out to is understanding and treats me the same afterwards. One group of married fellows asked if my parents weren't upset that I wouldn't get married. They explained how they couldn't do anything without community and family looming over their heads and telling them what to do. Others have asked more specific things like if I have a penis, what do homosexuals do for sex acts (what do lesbians do...), and why it is I am gay. One asked me if homosexuals masturbate and if woman masturbate. One even asked if I like the taste of sperm. I explain that just as seeing a woman excites them, seeing a man excites me, but seeing a woman does not excite me sexually. Its been interesting. I really like the degree of comfortableness they exhibit with me, even if they know I am attracted to them. I've had more awkwardness from straight men in the Western world, then I have received here.... even though here it is legally and culturally shamed. I've given several spiels on sexually transmitted infections in the paradigm of western medicine. One fellow said that condoms here don't protect them from HIV because the condoms don't cover the scrotum. I even had to explain to some Westerners that HIV has to get into the blood stream, and that relying on test results is relatively meaningless unless someone has been either celibate or monagamous since before the test was taken. And that HIV and STDs do not discriminate based on sexual orientation, race, or socio-economic status. It is a probability thing. Coming out hasn't helped me materialize lovers out of any of them, in fact it's probably scared some away because they don't want the reputation of being alone in a room with me, but it's definitely broadened their awareness and understanding. I've also had to explain and give them some ground truth about western sexuality. They think that in the Western world everyone has sex all the time and there are orgies galore. One guy said he saw a movie where people were having sex in a park amidst a crowd. I have to explain, that yes, on average, westerners are more sexually open minded, but that you would very likely be arrested for having sex in public. And that some places and people are very sexually inhibited, shamed, and/or morally against sex even in the West.

Kolkata Kolkata Wahe Guru

dhamiboo — Fri, 25 May 2007 11:30:52 GMT

Hi Everyone, Just to let you know I arrived safely and happily into Kolkata (Calcutta), India, yesterday. The trip was grueling because it was a 6am flight... which I discovered after I bought the ticket. It turned out to be in Bhutan's Drukair Airlines. To avoid paying a huge taxi fare, I took the last airport bus from Khao San Rd in Bangkok at 11pm. I was sad to leave Thailand. I was dreading India. It can be so intense and I remember the worst of it from my previous visit. Yet, my pendulum and spirit called me to go on to India. I spent a sleepless night in the airport. The flight went smoothly... on the plane I slept. And in 2 hours I was in Kolkata at their International airport which was small and grimy and looked ancient. Customs/immigration went smoothly. There I met Martina, a Czech woman, who asked if I wanted to share a cab. As we awaited our baggage at the carousel, I laughed at the sign that read "in case of missing baggage, fill out a 'Baggage Irregularity Form'!" That sounds like bueracrat-speak for "we lost your bag". Martina's bag turned out to be "irregular" in the sense of being missing. She laughed about it remembering that as she packed she considered consolidating things into her carry on, and that she had been thinking it would be nice to travel lighter. She practices Buddhism and the important things in the missing bag were just prayer items. The official who helped her fill out the form, gave the standard reply "have no worries, relax... no problem"; they always say that when you have everything to worry about and they have nothing to worry about. I envied Martina as we walked from the airport and I carried my 30 lb backpack. I had watched the Indians in the airport, the mannerisms, and was wondering what I am doing here. Such a crazy place. Maybe I would just turn around and go back to Thailand. As we attempted to walk a couple of km to the bus stop, every taxi and rickshaw stopped to ask us where we were going and did we want a ride. Martina was wearing down in the heat and the attention. We got to the bus stop and got such confusing information, that we finally negotiated with taxi drivers. Martina wanted to go to the Mother Teresa House to see about volunteering. I was curious to check that out, but also wanted to check into a hotel on Sudder St (the backpacker/cheap accommodation ghetto). Finally we negotiated 150 rs for Mother Teresa's, and 180rs to take one of us there and one to Sudder St. As we drove off, the taxi driver laughed and talked to his friends in Hindi, holding up two fingers. I realized he was going to try to cheat us by claiming it was 150 rs each instead of total. Now I remembered the advice of the Indian guy we asked for information: "make sure you get a metered taxi". Hindsight is always the best. The traffic was horrendus and drivers drove as they do only in India: never look back, never back up, always move forward, always honk your horn. Four lanes like this... well not really lanes because any place on the road is fair game for merging and swerving. They always manage to get twice as many cars/vehicles in the space as we might think would fit. Clearances between vehicles is inches. In one of the merges, a taxi hit ours. Our driver cursed and got out, but no damage was done. Martina and I could only laugh with adrenaline as we saw near accidents. We passed a cow ambling down the highway. Then we passed a man squatting and peeing (an Indian technique for being discreet) in the sewer drain in the curb of the meridian. Our driver yelled out at him as we passed.. just for the fun of harrassing him. I decided to just go with Martina to the Mother Teresa House and hope it was close to Sudder St. We arrived there. Turns out there are several "houses"/locations. We arrived the place where the Sisters/Nons live. We got to see Mother Teresa's tomb. Then some local men who were in some sort of Christian organization took us for the five minute walk to a children's infirmary where we toured with some others through the facility. It was strange... I felt like I was in a zoo. The wards had cribs and one was filled with children with conditions that looked like autism and ms. Though it felt strange to be touring through, some how the atmosphere was very good and seemed ok for the children. We went to another ward where the children seemed healthy. Several adopted me to play with a ball. One rascal started climbing up the wire mesh on the door to work the sleve bolt latch! Overall the energy and atmosphere seemed very nice and very beautiful and healing. Volunteers watched the children and cleaned beds etc. As we were leaving one of the Sisters said I would be very handsome without my piercings, and said I ought not follow others! I laughed because if I were following others, I wouldn't have piercings at all! Funny how some Christians can be so judgmental. Martina and I walked through the streets... 30 minutes to Sudder St. It was intense, and hot. Many stares directed at us. And always the rickshaws and taxi drivers jabbering at us to see if we wanted a ride. Some children grabbed onto us begging for food, pointing at their bellies, pleading in English. We were wavering on giving in, though we only had big bills from the ATM. The children said and a man said "no money, food!" The man came along saying we should buy them food. As we stopped a the first shop, all there was were biscuits and cookies: white flour, white sugar... nothing healthy. Martina nearly bought a package, then the man came up and said we should buy something else next door. The shopkeeper yelled at him. I realized the ploy then. You buy something for an inflated price, the product gets returned to the store, and the whole gang makes money. It took a few minutes to loose the whole crowd. After a long 30 minutes we found a hotel with a dorm room on Sudder St. The last 50 meters, a tout walked along with me trying to get me to see the 300 rs rooms. We got dorm beds for 70rs. I went out walking. I found myself bubbling with joy inside. Something here for me I guess. Interesting sights on every step. Alleys with goats, human powered rickshaws, barefoot children, women in sari's, and men in dress slacks and button shirts. Smells of charcoal for the food stands, urine, incense occassionally waft up through the overwhelming exhaust fumes. A bizzare mix of poverty in a world culture. Pavement and dust, barefoot and dress shoes, human powered rickshaws and Chevorlets. The men who pull the rickshaws seem as content as anyone else. Some work barefoot. Others in flip flops. Street vendors sell western clothes that look much like they wear in Thailand; made in China I guess. Funny, in January I had a vision that I was to return to India. By the time I left San Francisco 7 weeks ago, I was really wanting to just stay in San Francisco. And now that I am here everything feels right. Just being here, I feel like I am in a meditative state, and everything feels clear. We went to a free dance program listed in the Lonely Planet. Turns out it is a dance school where they teach traditional Indian dance to children. We got to watch a rehearsal for their recital on Saturday. It was beautiful and cute. I thought of Kim and Paul and Sarah and Mom in their recitals! Then we went to the Planetarium. Luckily they had a show at 6:30pm in English, not Hindi. An older Hindi woman narrated through the program in very proper English. It took her a whole paragraph to say "turn your cell phones off". Midway through the show, she saw someone turn theirs on, and she went on a two minute spiel asking the to turn it off, explaining that cell phones disrupt the show, and that if they can't go without their phone for 30 minutes, they should leave. Well, she was right, that cell phone sure did disrupt the show! All this was in the Queen's English with an Indian accent. Her monologue about the stars and planets was nonstop and a bit hard to understand and at times I felt a bit dizzy with it all. When the show ended and we walked outside to the mayhem of 6 lanes of cars following the Indian rule of the road "no matter what, always honk you horn", I thought to myself how nice the peace of the planetarium was, but then I thought how it wasn't really that peaceful with the Hindi woman's monologue. As we tried to navigate our way back home to Sudder street, a nice Hindi man pointed us the right way, suggested we walk on the park side of the street... it was much quieter and better air than the other side of the six lanes of exhaust belching cars. He said he was walking our way. And chatted. And I thought how nice it was to meet a simple kind soul without the pretext of money. Then he suggested some sights to see and conveniently pulled out two handwritten sheets of sights in Kolkata arranged by compass direction and along with bus numbers. Pretty soon he suggested we might buy him a drink as he was between jobs. He was one of the sweetest hustlers I had run across. Quite helpful. We gave him a few rupees. Today, Martina and I walked through the traffic and heat and crowds to the Railroad Ticket Office and then had to fill out a form for a ticket request. After an hour, we got a ticket for tomorrow night to New Jalpaiguri (the way to Darjeeling). We ran into a group of three, an Argentinian couple from the plane, and a guy from Belgium that was in my guest house in Bangkok. They got tickets to Darjeeling as well, but apparently we got the last tickets for tomorrow; they had to get tickets for the next two days. We roamed around with them. I introduced them to some Indian foods. As we walked back we dodged the crazy traffic crossing the roads. We stopped at a bank so they could get some smaller notes. As I waited a security guard came up and asked what I was doing. I told him I was waiting for friends to change money. He said they can't exchange money (foreign) here. I tried to explain that they were changing 100rs notes for 20 rs notes, and he said they couldn't do that. Meanwhile they were at the teller doing exactly that. I finally said, "No tension, no tension, no problem!" And laughed at myself finally able to use that Indian line on an Indian!!!!

DhamiBoo in San Francisco + Recent Musings

dhamiboo — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:31:02 GMT

Dear Friends, Greetings from this vagabond traveller and healer I call myself. I just blew into San Francisco, where I will be available for private sessions, and Reiki Trainings (looking to set up a Reiki I class; perhaps an Erotic Reiki I Class as well). I am available for outcalls. Please contact me as soon as possible if you are interested in such things, as my time here in San Francisco will only be until about 15 March. Also, if you would like to purchase any of my artwork, I can arrange that while I am here. My year has been rich, challenging, deep, and yet rewarding as I try to embrace the trust to wander in total fluidity in the world, letting presence guide me. Below are some Musings and Reflections... Enjoy! And I look Forward to Hearing from You!!!! Blessings, DhamiBoo RTurnbull reikiem@onebox.com - email (484) 832-8822 - cell/vm http://www.dhamiboo.com/ "One should never never doubt what nobody is sure about!" --Willy Wonka MUSING #1: IT'S ALL YOU BABY! I lay on the floor, half out of my body. I was at a spiritual dance ceremony, dancing around the tree of life for renewal and my prayers. I'd danced this dance before. In the past I the dances I attended were outside in Oregon. Here I was near NYC in a gymnasium. It wasn't an easy dance. Everything was different. I found myself bitching internally about this or that. As I danced I felt myself going a little out of my body. But I'd get close to totally falling into Spirit and then something would bring me back. I was wondering if the dance was really going to work. Would it get me out of the low self esteem funk and depression I'd been suffering... feeling lost in the world? You see it's hard to totally let go of all your roots and identity... to travel itinerantly in the world to learn unattachment and trust in abundance. In the circle of the Dance, I stepped round and round, feeling like maybe it wasn't going to work this time. Usually, when I danced this Dance in the past, I would be way out in the realms of Spirit as soon as I got to the site. I tried to let go of my fear of failure, and I prayed that somehow it would all work for me... that my prayers to be centered, ground, in alignment with my highest Spirit in Unconditional Love, Joy, Abundance, and Fun would be answered. Suddenly, a Shaman's face was in mine. A rattle shaked. An Eagle feather pulled me into a heap on the floor. And there I was in an all to familiar way. Laying half out of my body, but not feeling quite like I was really going out far enough to get the message, the healing. I waited for the Shaman to work on me. He didn't. I remembered he'd just had back surgery. "Uggh!", I thought as he was a really powerful for me in the past. I thought maybe nothing would really move for me. Then another Shaman came up to work on me. This one worked more with words. He was good, but I doubted whether he could really move things for me. I had a thought one of the two young men I'd met in my travels the past two years. Two particular guys, magicians, shamans, who could shake me out to my highest realms. As the second Shaman murmured words to me, asking the spirit that was in me to help me, give me a message, I realized that just as a healing or a drug experiences open us up sometimes, and yet we don't need to rely on them, because once we've experienced a way of being, we could will ourselves back to that way of being.... so could I will myself to that space that my two young men had taken me to. I remember that the Shaman, the healer doesn't do anything to us or for, otherwise we would all be happy and healthy right now, as countless monks, lay people, samaritans, and well wishers have certainly wished for us. I know I pray for people as I pass them on the street. I pray for my clients and friends, and yet sometimes they still do not seem to heal. I remembered that healers merely hold space for us to heal ourselves and offer us a ritual by which to do so. And so I remembered that power for myself. I came up on my hands and knees and gave a whoop and a deep cough to shake off the old unwanted pattern of being... and to feel reborn like I had in the past. Once, twice, three times, I whooped and coughed and came into a laughing ecstatic state! And I remembered. Just as I hold space for people to remember and heal themselves while I hold space... I remembered my own power to heal myself. In a new way of course. And in the coming days, as I found myself emotionally "down", I would remember to realize I had a choice, and I'd whoop and cough and jump myself into a joyful ecstatic state! That vibration we call Reiki, or Unconditional Love, or God, or Goddess is always there. It is we who choose to be separate. May you remember your power, and empowerment to vibrate at One with your highest Spirit and feel the vibration of Love and Joy that is in the very air we breath, the rocks we trod on, the blades of grass poking through the side walk! MUSING #2: BREAKTHROUGH THINKING In January, I fasted in Key West and read Deepak Chopra's Perfect Health. Definitely a good read. In it, Chopra talks of "Breakthrough Thinking", oddly enough a corporate term. The idea is to let go of limited thinking and hold space for amazing productivity. I realized that has always been my policy with Reiki. My first month of doing Reiki, I worked on a housemate for twenty minutes to help his headache. I laid my hands on him, maybe rubbed his head a little. His headache went away. "Wow, I thought. If I can do 'this little', and someone's headache can go away. What's cancer? AIDS? just a few hours more of doing nothing but laying my hands on someone?" I realized that the simple experience of witnessing laying of hands catalyze someone's healing themselves, relaxing, feeling better, etc, through everything I thought I knew about reality out the window. And so when I would see client's, i would alway hold the intention for miraculous healing. I knew that Reiki always went to highest good, and why wouldn't it be somebody's highest good to be healthy in the human form? Yes, I know there are stories and thereby realities of secondary gains to illnesses sometimes, and people talk of karma. But what if all that were just forgiven in the flash of an instant? in the flash of intention? It's all just stories we have about how we choose to view what we call reality. Optimists see glasses half full. Pessimists see them half empty. There are endless overlaps of what we see because of the endless thoughts that go through our head. People told me I had "strong Reiki hands". Once a Reiki Master happened into my treatment room at a free clinic. I asked her intention for her session. She wanted to work on chronic neck pain. I said, "So your intention is to release the pattern creating the neck pain, and take on the pattern of complete alignment, flexibility, strength, mobility, and comfort in your back and neck?" She said, "Oh, I've had this condition for years, and I've done Reiki for years, and I know we couldn't do that much in just one session." I said, "Humour me; we can always ask." She did. We did. I did my five minutes of hand waving in her aura, and laying of hands while she sat in the chair in the tiny tiny room that was my treatment room at the clinic. After I thought we were done, I asked her how she felt and if there was any pain or tension anywhere. She exclaimed, "The pain is gone!" I replied that I had hoped as much. I ran into her two weeks later at an event and she said the pain still hadn't returned. And so I always tell my students to hold space for the best imagined or better. Then at least we aren't limiting our consciousness and thereby limiting reality. And as I read Chopra's book, I realized that this was "breakthrough thinking". And I wondered how often we limit ourselves in our lives because of limited thoughts. How often do we think either/or instead of both? How often do we think we can't when we could try and perhaps we could? How often do we project a task to be hard instead of affirming ease? I read an interesting breakthrough thought the other day on Steve Pavlina's website http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/07/10-reasons-you-should-never-get-a-job/ where Steve suggests that many people think they can earn money only per hour of work, instead of having money flow in 24/7! MUSING #3: A CASTANADA EXPERIENCE Tired in Palm Springs, I nodded off on a couch in front of a guy I just met. Our mutual friend sat beside me. I went into a dream state. Deeply in. So deep it felt real. Then I awoke, and was a bit shocked to realize where I was. I murmured "Wow, I was way out in some dreams." The Guy said, "where'd you go?" I couldn't remember. He said it was ok. I would. I left with my friend who'd been sitting beside me. I was high on Spirit. The world looked different. I felt very aligned and in touch with the Earth energies as we drove off to the magical Joshua Tree. I said as much to my friend. He said he'd tranced out on the couch too, and was feeling similar feelings. I asked him if The Guy had training in shamanism. My friend said he thought he might. Whatever catalyzed the magic that jump started us into a state of awareness, we enjoyed a magical powerful night on the desert at Joshua Tree. MUSING #4: WHITE TANTRA(tm) At the Dance, I had prayed for guidance about what to do for the Winter. I met a beautiful, glowing woman who mentioned something about going to a solstice yoga retreat in Florida. Her comment glowed to me. I knew I had to go, or at least investigate it. I looked at the Happy, Holy, Healthy Organization website (www.3ho.org). I'd been warned by my friend that it would look strange, but that there was a strong crowd of hippie nomads and kewl folks there. the ritual had been offered to the hippies as a way to get the "high" without drugs. Once I worked out of my familial Christmas obligations, I got myself to Florida for this amazing event started by Yogi Bhajan in the late 1960's. The White Tantra(tm) helps clear out our blocks and align us fully with our authentic souls or self or highest spirit. It our our kundalini. I found the retreat amazing in helping be get back into my center, and reconnect with my spirit. I wouldn't say it took me to a new space, but it provided a different vehicle for getting there. In the past, willpower, sex, Reiki, energywork, excercise, nature, deep connections, etc. have all had their way of arising my kundalini. I really like the intent of the Retreat, the White Tantra, and the Kundalini... to align us fully with our souls, dissolve our blocks, and get us healthy and into prosperity. I definitely recommend the 3ho.org events. MUSING #5: JUST ASK I was on the train, on my way to San Francisco. Tired. Sleepy. Five days in Death Valley. In the last 4 months, I had not been in one place more than 3 weeks, and most of the time less than that. Hard to keep centered, moving around so much. And hard to keep centered when you are always visiting with people. When I get tired, I start wondering whether it is time to settle down for a bit. It's the old trap of taking the present moment and projecting it onto the entire future. I remember escorting, and when I was tired, I would think "poor me selling my body". Then I'd remember I'd chosen the profession joyfully. And I could stop. And I'd realize, I was just tired and needed to go home to sleep. So there I was on the train to San Francisco. My pendulum attuned to my Spirit and Intuition had led me there. Though I'd thought about trying to stay in Palm Springs a while. I'd thoroughly enjoyed the wilderness of Joshua Tree and Death Valley. And so I thought, "Why am I going to San Francisco?" And yet, I knew that when I talked of going to Asia, my body would lighten, my heart would tingle. And when I felt that last month in Key West, as I pondered what to do with myself... the plan to head west to San Francisco, and make some money, and head to Asia had hatched. Now I was having second thoughts. Tired, my head was spinning. "Do I want to head off to Asia and be moving around there? I don't know why I am going there other than I feel called to. I like the Nature here in the US. I like being in my own culture. I remember the challenges of travelling in the Second and Third World, in foreign cultures." I began to feel myself sink into a depression. Then I thought to pray. "If my highest good is to go to San Francisco and Asia, let me be at peace with it! May that holey part of me that the clairvoyant said was causing my second guessing, over thinking decision making habit be sealed up! May I move forward in empowered Trust!" I dozed off. I awoke to beautiful scenery along the river between Martinez and Richmond. I found my heart tingle with excitement. I found myself vibrating in excitement to be back in the amazing San Francisco! My first days were full of that excitement of being kind of in that tourist mindset of seeing the city anew. And yet I was grateful for how I know San Francisco: my friends here, the resources for a queer man, the food, the chance to serve my clients. And I relearned that old lesson of Asking! When we are not happy, or healthy, we must ask for change. Only then will we have the awareness to see the Universe holding out it loving embrace to help us Be our intentions. MUSING #6: RETURNING TO REIKI, ONENESS The last few years I have been learning about shifting reality. And that has taken me down the path of seeing how every thought anchors us to a reality. It can get overwhelming as we have so many thoughts and so many possible realities. In Seth's Eternal Validity of the Soul by Jane Roberts, Seth says that those who believe in good and evil, or demons, will generally have a more unpleasant time than those who believe in a general goodness in the world. And recently I have been remembering and thereby experiencing what a wonderful story Reiki is. To walk the street and feel energy fluxes that are unconditional love. That I can know that if I feel dis-ease on the emotional, physical, or spiritual level, I can lay my hands on myself and become at ease. I don't have to think about why I have the dis-ease, or what it is. It is just energy. It can move, realign. And I can know that there is no real reason that i ought not feel good. And if I walk the world and see others I can relate to them on this energy flux of Reiki or Unconditional love. That though my mind might create separation with judgements, we are all just patterns of this cosmic energy goo, and I can beam Reiki and receive Reiki at the same time. And that I can just flow my life with it... like one giant intuitive Reiki treatment. I can choose to let my inquisitive mind rest and trust in the flow of Reiki. That it all moves to highest good. That the vibrations I feel are merely flows of energy, neither good nor bad. That it is Divine and knows where to go. MUSING #7: TRUSTING YOUR DESTINY This is a Yogi Bhajan story I read about in the Aquarian times. One of the first solstice gatherings was held on private land with some stipulations that got broken by some of the attendees. And so 60 carloads had to move to a new site miles away. Yogi Bhajan played traffic director, waving a cloth as the cars went out the driveway. Sixty carloads passed him. Then he got into a car. And he passed all sixty cars on a narrow two lane road, replete with blind hills and curves, in one fell swoop! He knew his destiny and that it wasn't about dying in a car wreck that day. This is much like the trust and intention I mentioned before. As some of you know, I've acknowledged Death as the one known in this life. And so I set the intention to die a healthy, mobile, man in my 90's during an orgasm with someone that is kewl with me doing so. When we set intentions and remember them, it allows us to move forward in trust rather than in fear. As we think, so we create. MUSING 8: STREAMS OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND STREAMS OF REALITY The other day as I was walking through San Francisco, remembering the power of a walking meditation.... someplace I read, I think in a Castanada book, that walking was a good way to get us into our power.... I felt the buzz of the Universe, the Reiki, the Kundalini, the Unconditional Love vibration, or whatever you might call it. I remember the feeling as I used to feel it as I walked these streets 8 years ago. No fear, no depression, no nagging mind. Just presence. Maybe a thought drifts through. But more or less presence. And I remembered how it used to be when I got stoned. And then I'd remember the last time I got stoned. The funny things I did. The great thoughts I had. It's similar to revisiting an old haunt. When you are away, you don't always remember the events of the place, or the names of the people. But when you come back, and block of consciousness comes back. And I remember Gregg Braden mentioning in the Isiah Effect how we might jump from one state of reality to another. That it can be a large jump. That even as we head to armageddon, if we pray and focus on peace that at the last instant we might jump into that peace, even though it appears not. It's like changing lanes on a highway versus suddenly shapeshifting to a whole other highway. And I thought of my recent readings of Seth's Eternal Validity of the Soul (by Jane Roberts) where Seth talks of multiple dimensions. There is the one where I send the email. And the one where I don't. The one where I settled down instead of travelling nomadically. It's just we tend to keep our awareness in one, though Seth says that in our dreamstates we visit others. And I realized so it is as we go from scarcity consciousness to abundance consciousness, or fear to trust based consciousness. Those realities are there all the time. The more we remember to choose the stream we prefer, the more we remember, the more we ARE it, the more it becomes habit to be there. At times I remember the reality of going for a walk when I was short $200 for rent and meeting a Reiki client who happened to prepay for his next Reiki training. And yet I forget and fall in the conditional abundance, or scarcity stream. The more we put our thoughts, intentions, and awareness in the streams that bring us joy, the more we see, and live that reality. Seth talks about this in Eternal Validity of the Soul and suggests that even our thoughts and projections can spin off into parallel dimensions. So we might as well choose to be aware in the dimension that brings us the most joy. And we might as well transmute our thoughts and projections and judgments about others into the best space possible. Certainly, that's one reason choosing to be in the Reiki awareness as much as possible makes good sense and good fun. MUSING #9: UNCONDITIONAL JOY As many of you know I have been challenged in decision making eccessively the last year. What I have been tasting lately is a place of unconditional joy. Not that I've been thoroughly happy or joyful every moment, but on a day to day or week to week basis I have often been tapping into the ecstatic Present state. Usually with every transition from one location to the next I go through a fear and dread of change, an attachment and grief of what I will "lose" when I leave, some shock at the new surroundings, and then an appreciation of the new place. I've been in some quite different places the last months from my parent's suburban home, to my aunt and uncle's country home, from the barren Death Valley to the lush Florida Keys, from the dry desert of Joshua Tree to the crashing waves with surfers at Malibu, from the quiet peace of Joshua Tree to the chaotic throb of San Francisco. And at each place I have reached a place of appreciation and love for the place. Then there are the people, the events, the activities of each place. And I realize what a breakthrough thought or concept it is to be in a place of unconditional love and joy. If we are in a state of bliss in each moment, how do we move through space and time? We are so entrained with the ideas of scarcity, constant improvement, judgment of bad and good, that we often base our decisions and movement through life in those terms. Whereas if we were to be in a place of constant meditation and unconditional love, we would constant be leaving moments we love for the next moment. A solution which I've proposed in the past is to follow "what glows". Forget the drama of having to have some negative reason for leaving... it feels right to continue in the same place or relationship or job or home, or it doesn't. Yes, we can ask for improvements or change in attitude or embellishments, AND we can also listen to our hearts and intuition. I remember hiking with some friends in Hawaii once. One of them decided to turn back and leave our group. There was conversation, pleading, dramatic judgment, and then gossipy theories about why and what after he left. And I kept thinking and even suggesting, that he, for whatever reason, felt called to turn back and leave us. If we trust Spirit, we can just know that for some reason it is for the best. The rest is story, drama, rationalization. And I realized that people so often unconsciously like drama, and dramatic justification. Sometimes we just don't know or allow ourselves to move on because Spirit is calling us on. Instead we have to find fault or blame or justification. MUSING #10: NEVER COME BACK I was at a wonderful demonstration of healing work by Helena Messenger (www.helenamessenger.com) and Gary Robertson last month. And got a new insight on how to look at being totally present in all chakras...something I have called being totally aligned and integrated in all chakras and connected from your Highest Spirit to the Core of the Earth. Helena told of how when she was a little girl her brother beat her with a hammer and she was dead for 45 minutes. In this time she "saw God" and was told she had more to do back here on Earth. At one point she was telling this story to a group of people and a woman said, "Aren't you sad you had to come back [here to Earth]?" And Helena replied, "I never left [God/Heaven]." Helena says we want to be there and here simultaneously. That to be totally present is to be in all dimensions that we visit at once. It's hard to explain, but I have tasted that feeling. And it makes sense... It is not about denying the lower numbered chakras and the body. But being present to that and God/Spirit/Goddess at the same time as well to the other dimensions.. Blessings, DhamiBoo RTurnbull reikiem@onebox.com - email (484) 832-8822 - cell/vm http://www.dhamiboo.com/ "One should never never doubt what nobody is sure about!" --Willy Wonka

Clinging to the Sinking Schist

dhamiboo — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 22:09:02 GMT

re-entry to the US has been interesting for the last couple months. i've been in San Francisco. my plan was to liquidate my artwork, check in with friends and clients, make some money, re-evaluate where i've been and where i'm going. i had visions of a loose traveller walking the streets, Present. i have been really blessed by awesome places to stay and the hospitality of friends, aquaintenances, and strangers for whom i am soooo thankful!!!! i've mainly found myself overwhelmed by fighting the story of "what am i doing with my life?" "what is my plan?" "where am i going to find money?" and overwhelmed by organizing and dealing with my few things (laptop, a few boxes of stuff, trip photos, and journals....). and overwhelmed by making decisions about what to do next. so quickly i've gotten sucked back into holing up in a room and computing... computing to write this, to hook up, to re make my website, to put travel photos on line.... to research climbing areas, yosemite, usb storage, etc... etc... well, in some ways i've succeeded. i have checked in. i attempted to liquidate my art sale. my dear friend antler had agreed to auction. beloved new aquaintance max helped hang the house full of stuff. i stressed about being ready for an onslaught of people after press releases put the event in seveal area papers, and i distributed 500 postcards. i got myself emotionally ready to let everything go whether for $5 or $20 or $200 or $2000. i stressed over what percentage to donate to the st james infirmary my favorite charity. everything was set up barely at 1pm on June 18.... i wasn't sure if i was going to be able to record prices and deal with inquiries... but the show looked great! 15 min went by, 30 min... 1 hour.... no one showed up. the one fear i hadn't really addressed. so, not only was i not getting rid of anything, i'd put lots of time and additional money into it all. but out of the 6 people who did show up, 2 bought pieces. And one fabulous Willi Wolf wanted to take my work and hang it in his home where his roomate Suart teaches Yoga... so potentially sales may happen. i broke even on my immediate costs. i realized i had previously prayed for an agent to sell my work... and simply that my intentions were manifesting a bit behind "my" schedule. nonetheless, i felt a bit devastated and thrown off of my plans to liquidate, make some money, and move on. my asian trinkets, i brought to sell, went a ittle better... no quick sell out... i did manage to sell half the stuff and cover costs of purchase, and make a little beyond that... plus i had some great gifts to give to friends. soon, it became time to decide what to do next... i have this vision of travelling the world on a thread of hope that expands into true abundance and trust. the reality is i have a fetish for being prepared with "equipment" ... ultralight tent, sleeping bag, climbing shoes... etc.... it never fits into the school backpack of my vision. i beat myself up for it... but realize i have mixed visions: one of the nomad with a small sack... and one of the prepared, outfitted outdoorsman. interestingly, money has flowed in... and i am learning to trust that. i wanted to get a 10 year india visa to go with my new passport... but at $150 and with no immediate plans to go to india... i wondered... then the next day... a $150 erotic reiki client appeared... and i saw the connection... the flow of abundance.... i had my fill of online sex ... then still found myself clinging to the computer to research yosemite... or usb storage.. or whatever... or to write this blog! hehe.... and i had a vision of myself clinging to a sharp small narrow peak of rock... hiding... afraid of something... of what? i realized most people in the US have so much they hide behind... material stuff, and emotional stuff... cars, sports, games, stories... marriage, friends, boyfriends, careers... and i had almost nothing left to hide behind. my goals are purposefully vague... to incorporate my intentions (shape shifting reality, be one with my spirit, trust and live abundance, lovers whereever i go)... i am seeking to no longer be attached to the ego of being a healer, a sex worker, an artist, a climber.... yes, there are these things that i wish to do in a given moment.... but, no, they are not me. how does one keep a self esteem in such conditions? no wonder i have been challenged. i have created the space where i realize and see i am simply dealing with myself in this thing we call life. i am not always happy with what i create. i have nothing to hide behind and see that i am choosing to be miserable or scarce, or unloved, etc.... the vision continues with the sea slapping beneath me as i cling to this rock... and i realize it is the sea of trust... the sea of letting go... the sea of the me that is behind the veil of what i think i have to do... the sea of love that i hide myself from... funny enough, i do not know how to swim. and one of my goals is to learn how to swim and surf in the ocean within two years... and so i take solace in my clinging... and give myself a break... that i am learning to swim and trust and not hide behind my things... other visions i have are of being surrounded by eagle... i have these glimpses of this vibration of flying ecstatically on life... but then i feel the vibration drop as i go into my world of trying to figure out and decide things... i went to an art opening the other week... and found myself among many aquaintences... i was surprised as the art was not what i expected and that i also was feeling insecure and miserable... i tried to figure out what was wrong with me ... and i walked to another opening... and met an old art friend and had the most wonderful time!!! and i realized its the same lesson i keep learning.;.. if it doesn't feel good, keep moving until it does... no need to figure things out.... so, i just committed to caretaking some land in vermont until mid october... interestingly... i couldn't get to my gut on the matter... what seems to make my passions most excited is to just jump off and visit yosemite or to head back to asia... but i set the intention to accumulate 5-10,000$ before heading back ... and then when i actually get to the point of being able to take off, fear creeps up my spine... i read blogs of other travellers doing what i dream of... they manifest tents instead of carrying one.. they run out of money in the indian himalaya and manifest friends wherever they are... and i wonder, ought i just dump everything and go??? hmm.... friends say it is ok to travel a bit heavier... the key is to be at peace where one is... it's all relative... people look at me and think i have nothing... i look at me and see a clutter of things! and what's with these travel photos... hehe ... more things to do... the emptier i try to make my life the fuller it gets... and so i stand up tall on this piece of schist above the swirling sea... in that place of vision... and peace.. wondering just when i will dive in... and bash that rock up.... funny... as i think of how rock climbing is the biggest passion in my life right now... and how perhaps once i learn to get to that peak, i will have to learn to swim... may you be at peace on your rocktop, may you be a peace as it crumbles and you swim into the blue seas of love and trust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! say, i got all my asia pix on line: http://photos.yahoo.com/dhamiboo http://gypsywizard.shutterfly.com and have been redoing my website: http://www.dhamiboo.com and http://raturnbull.homestead.com Love DhamiBoo

Totally Lovin Thailand

dhamiboo — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 03:16:22 GMT

I've been in Thailand almost 3 weeks now and I am sooo happy to be here! Don't know why I didn't cum earlier! My last days in India were full of burn out on the tourist touts and just so many people being in my face.... everyone likes to talk to the tourists there... and for someone like me who loves their solitude, I was worn out after 6 months. And jaded too on the money hungriness there. My last day in Pushkar, I said farewell to the nice tailor across the street who'd help locate a turban for me and even given me a piece of cloth to make one. One of the few sincere, honest, hospitable Indians I'd met (realizing that I've been on the tourist trail, and things would be different in the outback). He asked if I might have something from America to gift him... so I said I'd see what I found when I packed. Of course my USA things were a tent, sleeping bag, shoes that are huge, and worn out clothing... nothing of interest for an older Indian man. So I decided to give him 10 rupees, half of what he saved me in the cost of the turban. When I gave it to him, he said, "Is that all? don't you have something from the USA? a camera? cd player? video camera?" I was flabberghasted and simply said, "NO" My illusions of this man vanished. Funny, a Austrian guy in Pushkar said he thinks that the USA is actually a seat of spirituality in the world. And I think in someways that statement is accurate.... I'd been thinking that the USA is more on the forefront of the new spirituality for the times as people are saturated with wealth and luxury, yet oft finding themselves unhappy, and so they are turning to spirituality. India, in contrast, is on the beginning of the cycle of money and materialism, quickly throwing spirituality to the wind in the pursuit of money and things. Westerners search the East for spirituality, while Easterner search the West for money and materialism. When perhaps the best for each is right in front of them. I think there are just as powerful spiritual teachers in the West as the East. And I think a local sustainable economy makes more sense than a world economy subject to tthe whims of the globe... tourism is phat, but unpredictable, whereas you know your neighbors will always buy rice. Enough on India... jaded, wornout, judgmental... I leave it to the past and note that if and when I visit again, I will keep my focus on activities rather than drifting: trekking, doing Reiki, rock climbing... because if you don't fill your time in India, others will... and usually that means endless trips to silk shops.... and I will also get off the tourist trails where I hear people are generous and sincere and hospitiable. BACK TO THAILAND Thailand is paradise for me now. No one is in you face here. I'm happy to be meeting westerners and having in depth conversations that can only be had with same language communication. I'm happy to be in a country where homosexuality is legal and men are honest with themselves about their sexuality, and they even kiss and hug! On the flight from Delhi, I met a Vancouverite who paraglides and he told of riding the air currents up and up and I realized that this is another thing I have to do... another level of facing fears of heights and ... "wow" the chance to fly like birds riding the air! Surfing is also on my list... though I have to learn to swim good first. Bangkok holds a magic for me. Both times I've been there, I've prayed for a travel companion, and received one within a few hours. This time I met Taylor, a gorgeous inside and out California man (unfortunately for me, str8)... We travelled up to Chaing Mai and camped and rock climbed together for 4 days, sleeping in hammocks, sidetrips to hot springs in the evening, enjoying the "quiet" of the jungle wildlife that sang to us all night. Taylor cooked amazing omelets over a bamboo fire. He shared rockclimbing and tales of a telepathic, mystical grandma that raised him. I gave him the gift of Reiki. I fell in love with that man. He parted for Bangkok and India, and I took a couple days in Chaing Mai to regroup. I tried to leave tow days in a row, checking out of my guest house and trying to take the wind... the first day i discovered my summer tantric travel mate was in town and decided to try to find him and that took a day. The second day, I just couldn't decide what to do... was sitting drinking water on the curb and a Celestine Prophecy energy came over me when I looked up at guest house sign (in Pushkar, I picked up the Prophecy's workbook and every time I read in it, The Energy starts workin and coincidences happen). I realized I was exhausted after several weeks with only a couple nights of full sleep... and took a room in Mr Whiskey's Guest House and found the best "home" in all my travels... good place to hang out (most guesthouses I've been in were just for sleeping) and a good place to meet cool people... that evening we were playing intuition games from the Celestine Prophecy workbook... and a man sat down next to me and we flirted! Without looking, I'd found myself in a gaggle of gay men... well three nice guys anyways. I've been there a week now. A few trips to suanas and finally having a love live! Realizing I'm exhausted, days of doing nothing... processing my travels... resting. My intestines are cleansing again... had a bad bout in Pushkar... I oscillate between the realities of cleansing and parasites. I've met so many cool people into outdoor things and reiki and spirituality. I want to "move" here... not sure whether to extend my trip and stay... or return to the US on 29 Mar as planned and then come back in a couple of months. I want to explore Laos and Cambodia, and Thailand. But right now, my energy is low... so I debate resting here or in the states....

Gay is Str8 and Str8 is Gay: Confused in Khajuraho

dhamiboo — Mon, 20 Feb 2006 13:39:14 GMT

The arrival to Khajuraho dashed some of my hopes for a peaceful village after 3 weeks with the in-your-face-touts of Varanasi. Hotel touts surrounded me and my train-found-friend as we disembarked from the bus. I tried my best to politely ignore and turn them away. Soon, my jadedness of India crept through. I said, after asking several times to be left alone, "Ok, who ever approaches me now, I guarantee I WILL NOT stay at your Guest House!" Still about 6 followed me and my friend as we walked and attempted to talk between ourselves. I'm so over it. How many times do you have to ask to be left alone? A sadhu approaches from the other direction and I grab him and say, "Hey, you need a guest house? a place to stay?" and point to the entourage of touts, "300rs... 100rs... attached bath..." I point out his housing options. The touts are a bit slow to understand my sarcasm. The sadhu grins a big grin getting it. Too long in Varanasi, I was dreaming up new lines the last week. When they say, "hey friend, remember me?", [though its obviously not me they remember because I've never bought drugs here], I dream of saying, "Oh yeah! I remember you... you were at the ghats last night begging me to fuck you like a girl while I fucked your ass like a dog!... Yes I remember you!" I end up spending four days last week in Khajuraho, India, home of some amazing temples full of sculptures, many of which show erotic play of all sorts. Kama Sutra temples some call them. In one of the temples, I felt called to masturbate and so I followed Spirit and did. That evening a tree in the town square spoke to me with much energy and I saw a cow sitting nearby represented the Sun orbiting the Tree which was the Source. My friend Ganesha had met some local guys in Khajuraho last November and they'd taken him to visit their farms on a picnic. They invited me to stay and extra day and do the same. I was so looking forward to enjoying some hospitality and seeing their farms... I used to farm 10-15 years ago and the simple farm life always sparkles my eyes a bit. It was funny, I had the sense to not stay an extra day for the picnic and keep to my itinerary of getting to Rajasthan for my last 2 weeks in India. I felt excited to recieve a bit in this land where tourists are seen often as walking atm machines to spew rupees out. I met the fab 4 of local Khajuraho men the morning of the proposed picnic: CC, BB, JJ, and LL. CC asked if I would like a vegetarian or non-vegetarian picnic. When I selected the vegetarian option, he said "Good choice... since you are on a budget. The meat option would run 4-600 rs. "Damn, " I thought, "so much for Indian hospitality." Not that I don't mind sharing wealth, but mine feels meager at times, and now I doubted the motives of their friendship. 75rs for vegetables, 200rs for whiskey and coke, 75 rs for spices and flour... then 80rs for the liter of local whiskey... not so expensive... in some ways it felt good to treat "my friends"... but my budget is 450rs/day and after incurring extra expenses, I'm trying to keep it down. "Oh well," I give into karma and decide to ride it out. We pick up another friend of theirs, a world class cook, they say, but then get the farm cook too. Two motorcycles full of men, we head to the fields. The cook lights some wood and dung and soon vegetables are boiling to mush. Not sure why they brought a cook, because everyone seems to have an opinion, and I energetically translate their Hindi into the "too many cooks, spoil the pot" and "back seat cooking" expressions we have in the west. I laugh seeing how some things go cross culture. It was specially funny because at first I was thinking how cool their culture is because they work things out so smoothly... but then I see that they have as much ego as we. It takes a few hours. The bottle of real wiskey drained, they mention how "we" can buy some local stuff from the nearby farms. I wish we'd gotten the cheap stuff first, since my money would have gone farther. I'm drunk, but figure I want them to have a good time, so I sport the rs for the homegrown moonshine. A couple of guys go off to procure the stuff. A young man comes by shirtless from the field where he's been cutting grain with a sickle. I'm thinking how I'd like to suck his cock. He goes back to the field and I'm thinking of going down and making him an offer. Meanwhile, the remaining guys of our group are lounging on each other like Indian men do, and one of them says out of the blue. "He's gay" and points at a friend. "Actually, we all gays." I'm a bit shocked after last nights talk of pussy and Korean pussy and girls. But I'm drunk. And I say, "No problem, I'm gay too." One retorts, "You? You don't like women do you?" I concurr. "You like to fuck or get fucked," they ask. I say it depends. "We all like to fuck... big problem. We can find you a boy?" I don't take the bait, cause I'm not interested in paying for it and I'm not sure what they mean. "How about group sex?", CC asks, "You want group sex tonight?" I reply without thinking, "Sure! Why not?" dreaming of the all male orgies a friend heard about in Varanasi. I keep my energy clear, not feeling especially attracted to any of them, not wanting to make a bitch fight, and definitely not attracted to two of them. CC and JJ lay against each other, but when CC tries to lead JJ's hand to his crotch, JJ pulls away and they laugh. I laugh. I am tense with a dripping dick. They are cute. Soon they say we ought go for a walk, the three of us. Leading me out to a hedgerow, CC says they like girls, but do what they need to, and they are cool with whatever people do if it makes them happy. So I offer to suck their cocks, and they clarify no reciprocation, and CC lays back and pull his hard cock out. CC is hot, lean... my type and has a nice uncut cock. But he lays there like a stone. He at least smiles. I'm having an OK time. I don't bother stroking off, thinking I save my pleasure for JJ. JJ is watching... on lookout... making sure the field workers don't come too near. I finish CC off, and motion JJ over. My fantasy was a Debbie Does Dallas, me on my knees while they both stand over me. So much for that dream... in the field, a low profile is needed. JJ comes over while CC walks back to the camp. JJ isn't hard... funny I thought our energy might be stronger together. He watching to make sure a few nearby farmhands don't come over.... things are starting to move when we are called to our finally ready meal after 3 hours of cooking. We eat. I go back to rest at the guest house. I'm nervous about the group sex. What if it's a bunch of push men I'm not into? and I'm realizing that even though I'm a little attracted to these guys, it's not very nurturing, fulfilling sex, and I need to keep on the vibration of love. I meet them in the evening and CC says where would we go? My Guest House isn't the place for an orgy. Then it appears, that the other friend, BB who has said how he likes to feel girls breasts, must be "the bottom" because that's what we were missing and CC says he's sorry, but BB isn't into it. BB seems to have other issues and I sense perhaps jealousy or something cause they seem to talk "with tension". Meanwhile, they wonder why I have changed my mind on the offer to arrange a special custom talisman to be made for me by a local priest. Between the picnic running late, and the picnic costing me my daily budget, I've decided to skip the talisman. They say the priest does it for free, though a donation of coconut, sweets, and incense ought to be made. I figure it might cost 100-200rs and that feels over budget, and I felt like I had a great energy awakening already today between the Tree and perhaps tapping into the priest. I feel like I'm supposed to give the priest a charged stone I collected at Everest Base Camp. When I mention the money, CC says he can tell me how much it would cost for the donated supplies. He asks my age... turns out it take a coconut for each year... and the total would run around 600rs! I'm a bit fuming inside... as that is no where near not costing anything on my budget... and I'm wondering how these boys get their cut... perhaps the store owner gives them some back? Perhaps I'm just jaded on Indian hospitality. When I say that's way too much, they offer to give me 200rs. I don't know whether to trust them or not, but that's way out of my budget and I decline, and I just ask them to give the sadhu the rock from Everest. Next thing I know, BB is asking if I had a good time at the picnic and if I know that one ought to make "payments" for good times... he's asking for several hundred rupees! I'm flabberghasted and bite my tongue from saying I feel like I already greased the wheels of spirit by paying for their picnic! Instead I say I'm sorry but I'm over budget. BB leaves. CC asks if everything is ok... apologizes that the group sex didn't work out. I say "No worries".... I'm a bit glad. Then they ask if my friend Ganesha "is a gay like me?" and ask me not to tell him about them! I don't know what kind of gay they are, but it's not very fulfilling for me.... Meanwhile, Ram, the Internet guy... a handsome guy who hugged me and was "all over me" as I walked to his shop the first time... is on my mind. I've gone to his shop several times and he always practically lays on me with arms and hugs of affection. Initially I restrained myself, not wanting to break his heart as he seemed in love with me. The first day he told me of his young wife and baby who he married when she was 14yo. He invited me to his home, 10 km away. I declined. The second night, he said to meet him at 6pm when he got off work. As we sat while his work was winding down, he reached over and grabbed my chest hair that hung over the top of my shirt and said how nice it was! So you can imagine I was excited to see him after hours. So it took an hour for him to get the last peeps out of his shop... then he says we ought to go over to the hotel that manages his place. I'm excited thinking of a bit of time with him in a hotel room. He excitedly takes my hand and leads me over.... I'm dripping with excitement... And he takes me upstairs and introduces me to the cook! and a couple other workers, then back downstairs where he motions me to sit in the lobby. I think I am waiting for him to finish up some loose ends. I wait 40 minutes before I give up and go to meet my pre-picnic friends. His english is not good. I guess he has gone home. The next day that is verified. I move into his guest house to be closer, but then I get involved with the picnic with the "gay guys". The day after the picnic, I am to leave. Planned to leave at 7 am but the night before I did 2 minutes of Reiki on the manager and his pain went away in a snap, literally and he's told everyone, and now the hotel accountant wants to see me... so I'm staying later... and i'm thinkin of my gay acting internet friend... he comes to work at 9:30am and I am ready to make some moves. He's loving, he's hot, and I'm getting braver in this Hindi anti-sex, but having sex culture. Ram comes to my room and sits on the bed next to me and we chat. I know he likes my chest hair, and I know from my picnic friends that it's ok to just grab a crotch. So I move my hands down Ram's legs to his groin. He puts his hands on mine and halts them, but keeps on talking. He says he has to clean the computer place and will come to my room. So I wait. I nearly beat off. I told him I only had an hour before I had to leave for my bus. The hour ticks by and I think maybe I ought have gone to "help" him clean. So finally I go across the street and start up the stairs to his shop. A man leaps out of the neighboring shop.. and follows me... it's Ram... I realize in typical Indian style he said one thing and did another... so we go up to his shop and sit facing each other. He smiles like always. I've decided perhaps it's a money thing. He had gone on about his family being poor, etc. And I'm ready to pay money. Why not? He's been loving and friendly to me, and I "feel the energy". So I say, "I have a business propistion for you..." I point to his crotch, point to my mouth, suck my finger. "me? you?" he says. "Yes," I say nervously about to explode. "No, I am really sorry. I can't do that. I'm really sorry...." he says. I'm a bit shocked, but it seems clears. I don't think he misunderstook who would suck who, and I am sensing a total no... not about money, etc. Then he says, "You are such a nice man!" He hugs me as we walk to the door and waits for a farewell as I get my bags and leave the hotel. The manager who liked my Reiki and Ram both say what a nice man I am! I don't know what gay and str8 are in this Indian Culture! On the bright side, as I rode the local buses from Orccha to Ajmer, I had a 20 min layover in Agra. When I was peeing at the outdoor urinal, under the street light, the guy next to me was cruising me. But alas, I didn't know when the bus was going to leave.... PS. To Ganesha: don't read this!!