the life box

Just what I have always wanted a Diverticulitis Birthday.............

dharmabox — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:01:25 GMT

i'll be spending my birthday in bed taking a nice combination of cipro and flagyl, the only thing that will kick this pain in my gut that feels like someone just kicked me as hard as they could in my left side and the frequent trips. i hate that they always say it's caused by a bad diet because i eat a very high fiber diet, what they don't tell you is you need to be careful when it comes to seeds, nuts as well. this is the third bout in a year. i had gone out for Tepenyaki on Saturday with my family to celebrate and forgot they put sesame seed in their fried rice, and yippy, fun, fun fun. Hey, it's just the birthday wish I always wanted to have. the day off and my own thrown!

From the Heater to Freezer------> Embassy Style!

dharmabox — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 23:23:41 GMT

Well within a week with the new job I took in September, I've been in Orlando, Florida for Navy meetings and balmy 85 degree weather (last week) to Washington DC this past Wednesday/Thursday for a reception at the Thai Embassy celebrating the Kings 80th birthday. The Embassy is in Georgetown and we drove into about 4.5 inches of snow coming down on us upon arrival and 26 degree weather brrrrrrrrrr. Hey and just to make things cooler they had a Patagonia store just down from the Embassy! BAM! The reception was pretty fantastic, hobnobbing it with folks from the State Department and diplomats from countries from around the world. Btw the way, give the poor guy at the gas station at the corner of Rock Creek Pkwy. and Virginia Ave NW a break if you need directions.....he just arrived from Ethiopia and has only been here 2 months, he doesn't know how to get anywhere and he is working on his english, but he has got capitalism down pat. He managed to get my partner to buy a $10 map, even after I told him I had an iPhone and had already rechecked the directions on google maps and we were .6 miles away! Way to go gas station man! btw check out how big that suit is on me..it's like one of those old zuit suits! i think it's time for a new one!

Changes

dharmabox — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 01:22:57 GMT

3 weeks before the beaches and pools were going to open the powers to be decided to move several of us around I am now the Fitness and Sport's Director of Oceana which has one of the largest facilities/programs in the Navy, our Fitness Center alone gets between 2000-3000 people per day and the program is several times bigger than my previous one. I am having to learn in high speed, loving the change and instead of a beach, we've got a great water park, as well as, a outdoor recreational pool. I also don't have to deal with the vindictive admin asst anymore. The only downside to the whole thing is my office won't be built for another 3 months since the guy that was in my position was duel hatted and had an office in another building. I also got a surprise at the end of the school year, I was invited into Alpha Sigma Lambda "Delta Kappa" Chapter which is the Honor Society for Adult Learners, you must have held a gpa in the top 10% of all the students for a minimum of 30 semesters. Apparently it is by invitation only. There were only 12 selected, I being the only male in the group (the gentleman to my left is Dr Bob and man did he put me through the ringers in accounting, apparently this was the first year they also recognized one outstanding faculty member (I guess they thought I would feel lonely up there lol). What made me most proud was to have my boys in the audience and have them see their dad receive the honor since my oldest has been in the National Junior Honor Society now for two years and I am working on getting the other boys to get their grades up so that they will be invited. Other than that I have had some set backs with weight, due to some bad decisions on the doctors part, but those have all been remedied and am back on the down swing and working hard. I am planning a bunging jump trip in October in West Virginia and some other trips to be announced as they come to fruition over the summer. Hope everyone is doing well. I miss talking with a lot of you, I've been so busy with the change over and wrap up of school I've hardly had time to breath, but things are starting to get their flow now. Just got to remember to stop and take it all in and enjoy life!

Now I know why you should all bow down to me.................. ;o) LOL

dharmabox — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 23:46:31 GMT

http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/egypt/

what tarot card are you?

dharmabox — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 23:19:45 GMT

You are The Lovers Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse. The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made. Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than Lovers. Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete. What Tarot Card are You? http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/tarot

Closure

dharmabox — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 03:03:54 GMT

Tonight was an unexpected, but fulfilling night. I came home to find Jeff's brother walking down the stairs with a box of things from his apartment, apparently Jeff's daughter's had been told that they had until the end of the month to get his things together, but none of them seemed to be able to muster the will to pack up the remains of what once was Jeff's life. So it was left to his brother at the last minute to take it all upon himself, of course David couldn't do it on his own, so I dropped my things on my bed, rolled up my sleeves and from 4p.m. until 930 p.m. I packed, hauled furniture, boxes, etc and was finally able to put some finality to his death. Just Jeff's books took at least 30 trips down three flights of stairs, he was quite the reader and his book collections reviles my own in both volume and subject. I was also able to take a few prized books that we both had in common in subject, that will carry on in both word in wisdom throughout my life. I was also able to say goodbye in away that made more sense to me then at the grave site or at his funeral. I walked through the apartment touching the walls and remembering the good times we had and the rowdy conversations we would get into and the riotous laughter. Jeff was a rebel through and through and I loved him for those qualities, for his intelligence, for his kindness, his generosity, his openness to ideas and for the friendship I was able to share with him though it wasn't as long as I would have wanted. Life is such a precious commodity and not want to waste frivolously, CARPE DIEM!!!!

news of sorts

dharmabox — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 20:22:03 GMT

all kinds of stuff has happened for one i have been very busy getting back into the work process, thankfully the doctor was able to clear up the problem they had with my medicine so now i am having to bust ass there. most days i am exhausted by the time i get home, but i have kept going. i am moving into a new apartment saturday march 4th. i am going to be using movers and my best friend is coming up from nc to help me. it'll be nice to have a women's touch as to where things should go (though i am no slouch). i'm moving out to norfolk's ghent area which is much more bohemian, older, more eccletic area. lot's of restraurants, coffee shops, little stores, bars, and the areas only independent movie theater are all within walking distance just starting a few blocks away and rellative theory records and more is a 1/2 mile away across town. it's a longer drive to work but mine is the opposite to traffic because alot of people work in norfolk and live elsewhere. i work in vb and now live in norfolk so long but easy interstate drive to work. it is definitely not the suburban sprawl of virginia beach, where you have to drive to everything and it is all just one neighborhood after another with little cookie cutter shopping centers and a couple of malls. i am feeling better, but just more worn out because of all the extra things going on in my life and i am still actively recovering from surgery. i've got anywhere between 4 to 7 degrees left consistantly to meet my goal of 125 degrees flexion. i am doing a little more yoga, but swimming has had to take a back seat because it would just wipe me out for good. so my daily scedule is pracitice, work, practice, packing, moving, meds, and sleeping has been my pattern as of late. i'll be glad when the move is over. this friday my friend and i are going to the party for drama magazine out of richmond. if you haven't heard of them their magazine covers a lot of great art both national and local. they are going to be in NY and LA too for issue 7 so look out for them or you can find them here: http://www.thedrama.org/ my friends at relative theory are one of the sponsors so should be good fun. too bad no drinking for this guy too many meds already onboard for all this shit. i do supplement with mostly healthy food, fish oil, b complex, more practice practice, yoga and lots and lots of sleeping. i'll take more pictures after the move. it hadn't even been cleaned when i shot this picture. metta out to all!

Frustrated

dharmabox — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 06:21:38 GMT

It is now January 10th and I am coming up on the 8 week point of my total knee replacement. By this time I was expecting full range of motion and being able to go back to work. On my own I am getting 105˚ and with a lot of pushing and me running through my 4 letter vocabulary I have managed to get 110˚. Therapy is now 2.5 hours x3 days aweek. My doctor finally relented to me going back to work but not until next week and only at 1/2 days with very minimal dutys. Needless to say I am beside myself. My boss has called almost every morning around 0830 about one thing or another, he is getting frustrated with me not being back yet. I am feeling pressure from all directions to heal faster but I can't make my body do what it can't do. My heart aches more than it should, I need my life back. I've been sinking into a bad depression that is making things worse. I had a wonderful girl come visit me last week for a couple of days, we had a wonderful time, things happened that haven't happened in a very long time for me, yet I can't commit my heart right now. It is just too soon, I need to feel good on my own. It breaks my heart that I don't have it in me to give right now and that in itself has become another source of frustration. some day this cloud is going to lift and I am going to look out and see a world that I have missed for a very long time, but for now I wait in frustration. My heart is also heavy because someone very special to me and who helped me through some difficult times just had her life turned upside down when her husband left right around christmas. I wouldn't wish what I have gone through on my worst enemy, yet here is one of the most beautiful souls I know going through much of the same torture. The buddha said life is suffering, but why does it seems that it is not equal for all? Sometimes I find my faith in anything waining and wanting for answers. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted somebody to put a giant needle through my heart to numb it so that I can stop feeling. It has to stop sometime doesn't it? It's a new year with new possibilities, yet it seems the old year is trying its best to keep its steely claws ahold of me. for those of you who are especially close, I am sorry I don't have better news, but it does help for me to tell others, that I am alive, I do exist, I am here, and I am tired of the crap. Someone please reach an arm out, I could really use a hand.

Things are starting to look up!

dharmabox — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 05:07:51 GMT

i really am starting to feel better, i can already tell 2006 is going to be a wonderful year, things are shaping up nicely, but mostly i can feel it inside my heart, inside my bones. it's time... got a great call from my boss' boss checking on me today, it's nice to know that he is looking forward to me coming back to work. i know i am ready in my head, but need to give my body a few more weeks. a legal issue that was still hanging over my head from 2004, has finally been resolved with a positive outcome, i don't have to think about it anymore, it really is all in the past now. i tell you, virginia is one backass state. i am getting the last of my dental work done the first week in january. what a nightmare i had this year, i got a lot of work done, but i had one molar that supposedly needed a crown, i paid out almost $2000 on that molar (and that was with a big break in costs) only to find out that the molar was too far gone 7 months later (thankfully i finally got a real dentist who made a correct diagnosis). i had to have it pulled because it and my jaw had become very infected from all the screw ups and go through three rounds of cipro to clear up the infection. if that wasn't enough, i ended up having to get a bone graft in the jaw, so i could get an implant eventually. i went in for my x-rays and check up yesterday and i am all healed up. i am getting another break in costs, but it's still going to be another $750 but this will be it for real and i will be that much close to becoming a cyborg (more titanium!) the best news now though is, that i am now going to out patient physical therapy. i finally feel a little more like me again. i was able to meet my first goal on the bike. it's not the most pleasant feeling in the world but i am able to get a full forward rotation on the pedals (oooouuuuch!) so far i am getting about 10 minutes on the bike, but it's a start! i should be back to riding regularly and swimming by the summertime, but my days of running are over (which is kind of a sad loss for me). i just feel like i am getting back into a workout routine again which had been almost impossibe this last year. i mean damn it feels good! i'm so thankful to be feeling better, even if just a little bit for now, because i know i am going to keep improving. thank you to all of you for your thoughtful comments and prayers. for those of you that this is the last post you read from me before you leave for family, and friends elsewhere, whatever and however you celebrate the holidays, i wish you a blessed and joyous one!!!

tkr

dharmabox — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 00:20:13 GMT

just a short note as i am just about out of energy.... one week out from my total knee replacement, lost over 2 liters of blood and had to be transfused by the fifth day, i was so dangerously anemic. hopefully the end of a chronic painful condition. anne- your care package was such a wonderful thing to come home to. if you ever need anyone to vouch that you are the queen of chocolate chip cookies i am your man. you and they are nothing short of heaven. jason hang on tight, you've gotten a really wonderful gift with anne (and while we're at it you're a pretty great guy yourself, thanks for the fsm!). you can check out the pictures i posted on flickr of my first day actually up. if you don't see them on my main tribe profile page, you can always go here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dharmabox/sets/1445849/ thanks to everyones kind thoughts and prayers!

TKR

dharmabox — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:05:19 GMT

on schedule for this friday. shit i am not looking forward to the additional pain but it should be all worth it in the end. i am going to have an uphill battle to get there though. this should relieve at least some of the severe chronic pain, i have been enduring over the last several years. unfortunately i have developed permanent neuropathy in my right thigh (nerve damage) from an irregular gate caused by the damaged knee. i can only liken the sensation to that of someone taking a blow torch across my right thigh all the time. it is especially painful at night and will wake me out of a dead sleep. the tkr will relieve the pain in my left knee (which has been excruciating at times) and at least prevent any further nerve damage in my right thigh. one day at a time, one hour, one minute, one breath and always mindful of the blessings i do have. friends, family, love, practice and diet coke!

still here

dharmabox — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 15:41:29 GMT

I’ve been mostly quiet, introspective and packing. This is the forth move of my own and the fifth in the past 2 years (one being helping move her from New York to here). I cannot make myself hate her. For that matter I cannot make myself hate anyone. I still love her dearly, she claims she loves me as well, but for whatever reasons, things have changed for her. She still is my very best friend (though it is strange in that she also broke my heart so devastatingly). I will be a part of her life in some form or another. We have had such a strong bond for such a long time, which hasn’t seem to have diminished at all. Maybe it is cold feet, maybe she is not ready for commitment, maybe she doesn’t feel worthy or vice versa. Who knows, all I know is I can’t change a persons mind and I need to be gentle to me, so I am moving on. I’ve got major surgery coming up November 18th (complete knee replacement) that is going to have me out of work for at least 6 weeks. My parents have generously offered to allow me to live with them through the surgery, recuperation and until I can decide what I want to do next. Strange how life twists and turns so unexpectedly. I want to thank those of you that have provided advice support, what have you; even in this limited medium, it has meant a lot. So 90% of my household is going to be in storage as I repair, recoup, and figure out where to go from here. For now I take refuge in my practice and remember to breath. …'Sometimes it works other times tears. Namaste

Rough

dharmabox — Thu, 01 Sep 2005 14:07:17 GMT

It's been a bit of a rough August. Er is in the hospital up in Baltimore (Johns Hopkins). She got real sick from a med reaction. I'm stuck here in Virginia Beach getting the move ready for this Saturday for our new house. If you're able or care could you keep her in your thoughts, prayers, send good vibes? She's really having a rough time. I'm doing my best to keep things going here, but I really miss her and I've been worried sick. I'm also up for knee replacement surgery at the end of November. This move is reminding me just how much it needs to be done! All things in perspective, things could be a whole lot worse, my heart breaks when I read of the devastation that the Gulf Coast took. hanging tough here!

moving sucks and so does the summer blase'

dharmabox — Tue, 09 Aug 2005 13:43:51 GMT

both of which happened over the last 3 weeks. er has really not been able to deal with the summer well, and i nearly broke everything in my body trying to carry a large chair down the stairs of my apartment on my crappy knees. one move, down one more to go before we're in the new house...sometime around 3 september. using real movers for that one. something about seeing all your stuff collected in cardboard boxes stacked ceiling high that makes you want to drink a 5th of bourbon and go live in one of those boxes somewhere around granby street.... all over soon ;o)

random sunday musing and delphinidae

dharmabox — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 01:31:00 GMT

had to run by work today, i love to check out the pod of bottle nose dolphin (tursiops truncatus) that hang around off the beach. i never cease to be delighted at the sight of them though i have seen them there (sometimes everyday) each summer for some 20 years. i always delight in thier fluid moves and the playful slapping they make on the water. often they can be seen riding just inside the waves as they roll into shore ever closer to cresting. we've been seeing whales too lately. juvenile humpbacks (megaptera noveangliae) have taken up residence off the coast. it's not uncommon now to see them just inside the breakers in the early morning....beautiful

advice to self...

dharmabox — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 13:18:51 GMT

never stay with family on vacation. have dinner, go to a movie, drive by and say hi, call them on the phone, wave in their general direction as you're speeding by them on the highway at 75, hell, better yet, send them a fucking card from your vacation, but never ever ever ever ever....... ever..... stay with them. ~nuff said....peace up, around and out and glad to be fucking home~

well.....

dharmabox — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 01:13:08 GMT

for one thing if you are truly bored you can check out my weblog at http://www.dharmabox.org/ and my pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/dharmabox/ if that doesn't do you in, my musical tastes can be found here ---> http://www.audioscrobbler.com/user/dharmabox picture - hanging at the beach