Friday evening, sitting in traffic, trying to get to Richmond, VA before 8pm. My phone rings. It is a friend, wondering where they could find a double headed dildo in DC.

Now, why would anyone think I would know that?

So, I tell them where to find a double headed dildo in DC.

I make it to the racetrack credential office ten minutes before 8. It is obvious that I do not belong here. Is it the jet black hair? The nose ring? The leopard print pants? The woman checking the press passes at the media center is openly hostile towards me.

I am at the Richmond Speedway to meet Norm, who is covering the Indy car race. I was a little aprehensive; I thought I would be surrounded by beer: people drinking beer, beer venders. No worries. Inside the "doughnut" of the racetrack, alcohol is not allowed. There was, however, a ton of chicken wings and other deep fried chicken parts. Some carrot sticks. By Sunday morning, I was really craving fresh fruit.

I took off early Sunday morning so I could meet Christina for the 2:30 matinee of "This Beautiful City" at the Studio Theatre.

www.studiotheatre.org/plays/p...ails.php

Good, a little long. There were three moments that moved me to tears. I wish I had the script so I could memorize the lines. The one line I remembered:

"Don't wait to read the morning paper to find out if you made it through the night."

Afterwards, we had dinner and talked for a long time. At one point she said the words:

"Passive agressive."

Ding, ding, ding. Lightbulb.

I tried to remember my childhood. I would describe my mother as passive agressive, but I couldn't remember anything specific.

Afterwards, we walked up 18th Street and went to Tribal Cafe, something I love to do but had not been to in a while. I hadn't been in exactly a year....(Na'la was great!)

After I said goodby to Christina, I went home and called Edge to find out about Andi's wedding. We talked for over and half. I told him about my earlier conversation. He reminded me of what I told him of my childhood, that children were to be seen and not heard. We were not allowed to talk at the dinner table. We were not allowed to have opinions. We were to do as we were told.

This morning, I felt possitive. Still with a sad heart, but upbeat. Weighed myself - I lost 6 pounds since my last weigh in on the 10th!

I saw my therapist. I hadn't seen her since the separation. I walked in and said, "Just let me talk."

Abandonment is a ongoing theme in my life.

Net blog: I finally answer Mer's questions.....

(Sober for 7 days!)