No comments on this please - it should stand as it is.

You are right. I have lied to you, cheated on you, manipulated you, misled you and withheld the truth. Your instincts over the years have mostly been correct when you have suspected something was going on or the truth was other than I'd portrayed it to be. Through most of my adult life I have manipulated those around me to get what I wanted, and have had no outward problems with hypocrisy. I have been utterly selfish at everyone else's expense. I have consistently run away from doing what is right rather than what is easiest, and have sabotaged attempts at therapy. I've fucked up just about every major decision in my life and have hurt others without any feelings of guilt.

I have done all of this out of fear. I project my fears onto other people and react accordingly. For most of our relationship I never treated you as being a competent adult, never trusted you could run your life better than I could. I did so because I've never trusted myself to be competent. Everything I've ever done has ultimately ended in a fucked-up mess. Consequently I became a control freak, micro-managing you to avoid dealing with my own problems. I think the sex addiction grew out of being abused as a kid and fear of abandonment by women. Sex gave me control. Yes, I am a sex addict - no doubt in my mind. Yes, I'm scared to get therapy - I still don't quite know why.

You have never, ever deserved the treatment I gave you. Never. The ways I have behaved as an adult have been nobody's fault but mine. As you've said, all you've ever tried to do is love me, help me and be a friend, and I've shit all over it. For once I'm not going to try and explain away my behavior or attempt to convince you that you're somehow mistaken. How much of what I've told you has been the truth and how much has been lies is immaterial as I have no credibility whatsoever, and there's no point my trying to pretend otherwise. Going forwards, only my actions will demonstrate whether anything I say is honest.