Okay, so now that I'm past most all of the hatred and self-loathing and disappointment, I am getting to the roots of my melancholy:
Friends.
I miss you all:
BUTTERFLY: I miss the way you used to smile at me. The way you used to call me on my bullshit and help me to readjust my perspective when I would say something self-deprecating or over-simplistic. The way I would feel when we touched, the pure, unadulterated energy that would pass between us that words could never explain. You taught me more than I ever thought I had to learn and caused me to question everything I thought I already knew. The gift of your time, your insight, your love are the greatest gifts anyone's ever given me. THANK YOU.
CHESHIRE: Yeah, you're picky and, well, I’ll leave it at picky, at times, but I dig that about you. When we were at M&V's and they helped me to alter my mind, and even though you wanted to be in the same space I was, you hung right there with me every step of the way and helped keep me grounded. I am going to greatly miss seeing you at PDF this year, Bro. I am already missing hanging with you and talking about clown porn. You got it, Man.
MICK: You come through, Brother. You said it best to me in one of the emails you sent me last year before Fall PDF: Brothers in the Burn. You too, I will miss when PDF rolls around this year. To paraphrase something else you wrote to me: PDF wouldn't be the same without YOU. Believe it.
CARYN: You catually read my blog entires. You comment on them too. Though I've never really thanked you properly for the good words and feelings you've sent my way, I treasure them more than you probably realize. I tuly miss having the opportunity to get to know you better. You are genuine and I miss you.
TACO BOY: We never did see eye to eye on most things. But, you took me in when I needed it and you have this way of making light of things when it seems imminent that they'll get out of control. You also have this way of bringing people together, even if there may only be a few of us. I wish you the best, hope to see you soon, and I also hope you find your party. Enjoy that dandelion wine, my friend!
ZOMBIE DAN: You are understated in the coolest way. You gave me some of the music that lights my soul in dark times. I am grateful for getting to know you and I miss hanging with you a lot.
AMMRE: You give the best hugs. You are beauty incarnate and I feel exceptionally fortunate to have felt the warmth of your light. To this day, whenever I am cold, I am transported to lying by the dying burn barrel snuggling with you. Would that every cuddle could bring such warmth and peace and happiness. You hugged me and I felt love.
AMBER: You are Goddess. To this day, I cannot drink hot cocoa and be back at PDF, standing in the cold, huddling around my cup and enjoying the fellowship brought about by your generosity.
MAYRA: Girl, you don't so much hoop as the hoop gravitates around you. You always had a kind word for me and a genuine smile to back it up, and everywhere I have run into you, I've felt the peace you bring.
CUPCAKE: You are genuine. I really miss talking with you and knowing you. I'm sorry I missed you before you left at Fall PDF; I hope you understand. I miss your smile and your easy way. You were very easy to get to know and I will treasure our friendship always. You are never far from my mind and heart.
MICHAEL & VAN: You guys are the kindest and most gentle people I've ever known. I felt so comfortable at your house and always in your presence. You are to hoopy froods who always know where your towels are. Thank you for the adventures.
ReID: Never before have I met anyone so PRESENT. The energy that surrounds you is beyond my words to explain. I miss the Monster Truck Pulls, Bro! If and when I have the opportunity to make another one, there's no way I'll depend on Jersey Transit to get me there: I promise I'll be on time!
AMY & DANA: Despite my fucking up my ankle, I had an incredible time at your house. I miss you both terribly. From Amy's calm to Dana's barely contained, extroversion, you two are great friends. I appreciate all the generosity you've shown me and I would love to see you on the Playa. By the way, you two ruined me on chi tea: it hasn't tasted the same since I had yours. Heh.
DOUG: Bro, you will always be all right in my book. You took me into your home, gave me the code and inspired me to create my own art. You also showed me that loving sex in no way means one has to be a dick about it. Your hospitality, insight, generosity and art are unrivaled, and that says a lot. Keep giving us that prolific stuff! PORN & EGGS FOREVER!
TARIQ: You are my Brother. You too inspired me into artistic frenzy. I am writing again. I feel so fortunate to have gotten to know YOU. You were absolutely right, my Friend.
BRENDA: We may not talk much, but you are the real deal. I've never met anyone who gets to the point quite as quickly as you do. I value your friendship as well as your insight. Heal well and I hope to see you one day.
ARMADILLO: We didn't get a lot of time to get to know one another, but the kind and loving energy you give off is nigh addictive. I've never seen a woman in a bikini with a flamethrower that was anywhere near as sexy as you. You make me want to burn shit!
ROBIN: Insight, love and friendship. You helped to remind me what it's all about. You still calm me. You helped me define my Buddhist tenets. You are patient and generous and wonderful. Whenever you think you're alone, just look in your heart and you will find me there. By the way, I am still trying to find a way to forgive you for putting me in the place where I became addicted to cowboy cookies. As the monster once said: "Cookie cookie cookie..."

If I didn't list anyone here, you are not forgotten. I love each and every one of you and I truly wish I could think of a better way to express it than the few words I've typed out here. If I were still on or near the East Coast, I would love nothing more than to visit each one of you so I could hug you and tell you in person how much richer the world is for your being in it. You have all touched my life in profound ways and, as I am stuck here in AR (believe, there is no Burning Man presence here!!! None!), you are all in my heart and I daily and proudly wear the marks you've all left on my soul.

Peace, Love & Cowboy Cookies for All!!

Sean