tonight: playing the upright grand. there's candlelight in my mind so there's no need for a match....except for....well, yes, for *that*. not much of *that* anymore- but sometimes it's right.

tonight it's right.

so there's that, and now there's smoke too.

and now the piano, well, it moves.

it moves somehow and i'm moving with it and here come the songs and the feeling of the whole house throbbing with the something that's coming out...

...and it's coming out....

and, like usual, the hard disk recorder and the laptop and the cassette recorder and the digital voice recorder and all that other shit are a million miles away because chords like these don't really mix with that crowd and that's quite alright....quite alright...

it's quite alright because soon nothing will matter- nothing at all. soon i will be utterly and completely lost, erased, washed downstream in waves of sound....polished on rocks, whispered at by trees, and pounded in the rapids of this music that comes into and through and out and which is the glowing border on my life, the hallowed ground, the mystery of sounds....

....and still pouring forth, pouring forth- staccato and trill, tidal and deep, deadpan and idiotic....a child on a tilt-a-whirl, agape....lost in a memory....lost in a song....

flooded...overfull and brimming...shooting for something....

but will i make it?

....yes, i will- but only if i don't try......