I hate blogging…

10 years later…

   Tue, January 25, 2011 - 1:56 PM
If I were on Facebook, I probably would have posted this in the morning, to field all kids of comments all day. Whatever. Comments are welcome, but entirely not necessary on this one. Just have some thoughts I need to get out of my head.

10 years ago today, my husband had a colon resection. They removed 12 inches of his colon, along with something like 14 lymph nodes, and the cancerous tumor inside it. 10 years ago this very minute, he was out of surgery and struggling against the pain, and the painkillers weren't working. It was the first day of one of the hardest years of my life. And now it's 10 years in my past. That's surreal.

10 years ago I was sure that IF I made it through that, I would NEVER forget it. And I haven't. But it's not nearly as "fresh" as I thought it would always be. It's not the first thing on my mind anymore. I actually have moments where I think, "Oh yeah… that DID happen…" He survived, and while things are somewhat different, nothing has really changed. We're still "us." It was one of the best things that ever happened to him, from the standpoint that it lit a fire under his ass to get something done and leave some kind of mark on the world. It was a fantastic glue for our relationship. If cancer is the worst thing we ever have to face as a couple, we're in good shape. And what, shy of actual death, could possibly be as bad as cancer?

Dealing with the stupid, useless day-to-day crap since is frustrating, but nothing like the "will I come home to find my husband dead?" that I faced 10 years ago. Annual checkups are pricey, but nothing like colon resection surgery, a 5-day hospital stay, 8 months of chemo and 3 months of radiation. I still have a file folder with all those bills inside. Never know when I need to reference that again.

I decided 9 years ago that I would spend the rest of my life supporting and caring for care-givers – because it's not an easy thing to do. I've only had 1 opportunity since then. And I think I made the best of it.
I still say if I ever fall into a lot of money, I want to start a charity that will help dual income families pay their stupid monthly bills if 1 is unable to work during cancer treatments. Because those stupid bills are – just stupid. This is life and death we're dealing with on a daily basis… who cares about the phone bill? (until we need 911)

And it just so happened that we kept a calendar journal 10 years ago – which is also the year September 11 happened. Good thing we're not in New York. I would have been so pissed if he just finished his last cancer treatment and then we're killed by a building. That would have been a waste. I don't mean to sound crass toward anyone who had THAT experience. I'm just glad it wasn't me. 2001 was already hard enough before September.


add a comment
Tue, January 25, 2011 - 3:51 PM
happy aniversary! here's to another ten (at least)
Tue, January 25, 2011 - 5:53 PM
all this time on tribe.. you never sai danything about it.

You are a true healthy and reflective person.
Thank you today for helping put something in perspective greatly.
may your days and nights continue with perspective and faith and th elessons of your courage carry you on angel wings.
Wed, January 26, 2011 - 8:36 AM
That gave me goose bumps. You have come such a long way. If I had a glass of wine I'd raise a toast to you and your husband.
Tue, August 9, 2011 - 5:17 AM
I just read this and have tears in my eyes. You and your husband have been through so much!! You are such an inspiration to the rest of us, because we look at you and say, "hey, they got through it! We can too, if diagnosed." I'm so happy you both came out of this with something positive to balance the negative. I wish you many more exciting years together, all healthy ones! God bless!