Another odd dream.

I dreamt last night of finding a journal that had belonged to a friend of mine.We had known each other back in 7-8th grade and I haven't seen her since 1990-91.Normally I don't get too emotionally overwhelmed in my dreams,in this one I lost it.It was as if she had died and I had just been told,several years too late.I actually woke up wanting to cry and couldn't the tears wouldn't come.The whole dream was odd,I was on the property where she lived, but the house,etc wasn't there.It looked like I had stepped back over a 100 years and looking at how it once was before her family had moved there.It was so beautiful,calm and serene.The road I was walking on was an old dirt road that forked into two lanes,one is long gone now (in reality washed out about 50 or so years ago,never repaired) the other fork is now paved and full of potholes.In reality the place is a rundown trash heap,a dump.Alot of bad shit happened there.Yet in my dream it was as if I could see it as it was before it was permanently scared and ruined by time.Which seems bizzarely fitting.Knowing what I do of her real life past,disturbing.I just wish I knew why I keep dreaming of her,guilt over not being able to help or do more for her? Having to let go,which is never easy for me?

Interesting Dream.

I had this the other night and debated about posting it,decided what the hell.I can only remember part of it,and that's what's interesting.I dreamt I was inside a church,not a church I know,but it was just totally amazing.Huge cathedrals and the only word for it was awe.I'm not sure what religion it was,not catholic, didn't seem to fit any particular one.I know there was a wedding,and this is the odd part,I'm getting married again,my wedding,but I'm not dressed for the occasion,no one is and there's no groom or priest.I'm not upset,it was as if it's my wedding ceremony...but not quite yet.If that makes sense. I'm talking with several people,one man in particular that I know in real life,seems he might be the one I'm to marry,but nothing feels definite (as if that makes sense).I then run into my Grandmother (who in real life passed away this past Dec.) and she's giving me a box of some kind,telling me not to open it yet.That this is all a test,this whole wedding ceremony itself is a test and that I'll have to keep trying till I get it right.Just that now isn't the time,but I'm not to worry? It has something to do with who I'd been in relationships with and how I handled those relationships,and ones coming up.That's all I can recall then I woke up.It's not unusual for me to dream of getting married,being married agian or be wearing a wedding ring again...ethier the dreams are positive and reassuring(as this one was) or were extreme eggagerations of my past marrige and relationships,sort of like where I'd been,how far I'd come,what I need to deal with.It's interesting,I rarely dream of a groom.It's as if everything is symbolic,no sense of loss or imbalance,like it already is in balance somehow.It was just so moving I'd thought I'd share it.

Update.

This weather is hell. In the 90's and no rain in sight.The horses are doing better,Baxter is starting to act like his old self again.Still more subdued and submissive acting,I hope that he'll turn around soon.At least he's eating good and keeping his weight up,and active.It's just that he misses Maggie,without her around everything isn't the same.Misty-is Misty,never changes,same disposition,same 'I want attention now!' pushiness.Now Vinnie is growing like a weed,getting tall,about 800-900 Lbs now.He won't be as muscular as Baxter,especially with the neck,but he should have the height and basic build.If he was kept a stallion and allowed to mature out,god he'd be a monster,but two stallions were out of the question.So he's got his Daddy's sweet baby-face,it looks comical on Baxter,this big old brute with the teddybear eyes and disposition,on Vinnie it's precious.Working with Vinnie is an challenge,he's at that rebellious yearling stage and has strength and power,yet wants to learn and please.Stubborn.God he's a test of my patience,but it's worth it.

Sad news.

Had to have the mare and her unborn foal put down this morning,she started going into labor last night,and I figured she'd have it during the night as usual.Nope,this moring she was acting very bizzare,labor hadn't progressed and was going into shock.Had the vet come out and he said there's no way we could save her,and the foal was about 2 weeks too early and wouldn't survive so we had to put them both down.Damnit.Gonna miss that old girl,she was my 'little miss sunshine'.Greeted me every feeding time with that joyful whinny of hers and just so full of life.Moody as hell,part of that sunshine bit was an inside joke for she took no shit off of no one and was was the resident Queen Bitch of the barn,to other horses including the stallion.then would turn right around and be a sweet and lovey dovey.She was one of a kind.This little one would have been her 4th foal.

Looks like I'll be taking a break for awhile.

Just had the colt,Vinnie,gelded last friday.He's healing up fine and now my time and attention is focused even more on working with him,Misty and preparing for the one coming up sometime this month or the next.That damn horse is pushing all my buttons(and I love the little fella anyway) and really challenging my patience...considering the frustrating week I've had.Everything having to do with mail and any communications earlier this month has been nuts,at least for me.I hope things will chill out soon.Personally things are on one hand more fullfilling,yet in other ways so much is missing in my life.My biggest concern is burn out and self doubt,especially when things aren't progressing as quickly or quite what I expect them to.