My Blog

growing up in a sex positive home

   Mon, May 14, 2007 - 6:20 PM
Growing up in a sex positive home has been beneficial to me in many ways. My home life has ben alot like my mom's was when she was growing up. All of my parents friends are poly and pagan. growing up and being taught that the body is beautiful and not something to hide has helped me feel good about myself. I was home schooled so I didn't learn alot of what my froends did that went to public school. As my mom always put it I was learning life lessons and not just getting book knowledge. Because I was home so much I was able to see how ,my mom lived all the time. We often visited friends of hers and my dads, poly friends mostly. Alot of my poly friends were home schooled too. We learned what we had to learn from books, but we lived too. We had the really kool opportunity to use the hot tubs, and play when our other friends were in school. Because I was home schooled I set my own schedule for school. I got my work done, but got to enjoy life too.

My parents friends houses were like ours, clothing optional. It didn;t matter if you were thin or fat or well sized or tiny. It didn;t matter if your tits hung to your belly or if you had nothing at all. And age was never a factor. Since I have never been much of a clothing person i liked that alot. Seeiong others naked helped me to realize everyone is different. I also realized who men looked at most too. I learned what attracted men the most. Because most of my friends were my parents or my aunts friends, I had the opportunity to be around adults more than kids my age. I feel I matured more than alot of my friends have. The adults didn't mind their words around me. They saw me as an adult. And i think that is important. Children are people too.

Unlike alot of my friends who are not poly kids or have parents who are not open sexually with them, I didn't have alot of questions about sex. I either saw the answer or learned it first hand. My grandmother on my dad's side is very supportive of my mother and me and my sister. My sister moved out about 6 month ago, but grew up the same as me. My grandmother was very supportive of my mom seeing other men because for a long time, i have been told, they never really got along. So, she wanted my mom to be with other men and not her son. to this day my dad is her little boy. And he always will be. He and my mom have never had sex that I know of, and they have never slept in the same room. My mom has always had her own room, which is a goodthing because she has lovers over every night. she hates to sleep alone. And if my dad slept in the same room he would be sleeping on the couch alot or in the guest room. It is better the way it is and has been.

Because my dad doesn't have sex with anyone he is always more than willing to listen to me when I want to talk about sex. Its different with my dad than it is with my mom. With my dad there is always his complete attention. With my momm there is always alot of camparing. And the fact that my parents have both been okay with me having men stay the night with me has made it possible for me to have people I can call on whenever I need them for whatever reason. My mom taught me early that if you please a man he will want to please you. And I have found that to be very, very true. The fact that I was raised in such a sex positive home has been good in many ways. I have alot of friends. I also had guys I could call if I had questions about school subjects. Having a mother who had several lovers, I was able to go to alot of places and do alot of things because I was her daughter or because I was me.

Because all of my parents and my aunts friends are poly pagan I was able to stay the night at friends houses without my parents worrying that I might do something they might object to. And having adults as friends gave me the ability to talk about subjects kids my age weren't interested in. I learned about adult art and adult concerns. I guess you could say my education was well rounded. At friends houses I could be naked like I am at home. And no one cared. Clothing is sparse in many of my and my parents friends houses. You are who you are when you are naked, and that applies to everyone. And I think people are more honest when they are naked, mostly because you can;t hide anything.

I have a good self image and I take care of myself. I do yoga. My parents are Tantric and so is my aunt and my best friends mom. My best friend's mom has taught me Tantra rituals that I have been involved in. This is something usually attended by adults, but because she like my mother and my aunt do not see age, but people. This being the case, in ritual no one is no ones wife or husband or girl friend or boyfriend. Everyone is a spiritual being. this helps disolve jealousies and a persons clinginess to another person. My parents have never talked down about monogamy, but through then and their friends and my aunt and my friends parents I have seen that it rarely worlks or is it good sexually because alot of married people lose interest in intimacy with each other over time.

Growing up and being sexually aware has enabled my parents to be able to trust me. I have never been in trouble with the law, and i have never been pregnant. I date men who are older. When I do party I stay at the house where I am partying. They know they can trust me. and when I have someone stya the night , they know they can trust me then too. We have always talked openly about everything. My parents and I do not keep secrets from each other. And they shouldn't and I shouldn't keep secrets. Secrets are not normally a good thing I have found out.

The one drawback I have found is that I have at times taken liberties that I shouldn't have, like reading my moms posts on tribe or read her mail. It wasn't something she was against, but it was something she thought was private to her, for a while at least and I went where I wasn't supposed to. My mom has always told me that what I do reflects on her. and I agree. She has lived her life trying to make her mother proud by living as she did, even though her mom died when she was 8. I am doing the same thing for my mom. Everything I do i have to ask myself how others may think of my mom because of what I did or didn't do.

I think I grew up just fine. I am well adjusted. I do not judge others. I live life to the fullest. I see God and Goddess in everything. And I have fun doing what ever I do. I don;t think that is a bad thing

Where I feel I benefitted the most is in the fact that I do not see bad in everything. I see everything as having some good in it. I see men for men and I know what it means to be a woman. I do not judge others because of what they like or do or do not do. I love. I was not told that sex is a bad thing, or to wait until I am married to a guy who may not be the man I need in my life. I have learned what marriage is, and the alternatives. I have learned the difference between love and sex, but have also learned that both can be combined. I have respect for those older than me, and respect for people for who they are. I feel really good about mysef and who I am. I like myself. My parents and their friends have always told me to be me. and I am. And that is all I can be. I enjoy being around people who are real and live their life the way they want to, within legal limits.

The bad thing is that some people, especially people who are not open sexually, are very judgemental. If you don';t live like they live you are wrong. I know that they want to live like I do but are to afraid to, but that doesn't help alot when they are trying to make you feel bad for doing something or being some way. My parents have always told me that what other think isn't important, but sometimes it hurts. People that are not open sexually are quick to tell you that you are wrong for what you do or believe. But luckily I was raised in a positive environment with loving , supportive parents.

I wouldn't change my life or how I have been raised for anything. I think that the way I was raised is the way everyone should be raised. I think we would all be happier people



10 Comments

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Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:51 AM
lucky you. i grew up in provo utah and had to figure out all that as an adult.

i don't know what else to say, but, i thought i'd bhe the first to answer your request for comment.

sounds like you have a great head start on life.

makes me wish i still lived in denver...
(almost.)
lol.

so, is there anyplace you can go naked out doors around there?
in santa barbara, we have nude beaches....

:)
Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:54 AM
lucky you. i grew up in provo utah and had to figure out all that as an adult.

i don't know what else to say, but, i thought i'd bhe the first to answer your request for comment.

sounds like you have a great head start on life.

makes me wish i still lived in denver...
(almost.)
lol.

so, is there anyplace you can go naked out doors around there?
in santa barbara, we have nude beaches....

:)
Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:56 AM
Wonderful insight
You and your family are ideal role models for the contemporary community. As you pointed out, some people may think what you, your family or I am doing is wrong. I am always tempted to ask: "According to what, or whom?" From an alternative point of view, what *they* are doing may be wrong. I believe in "live and let live" philosophy but in today's world most people believe in "lie and let die".

People get too temperamental and increasingly quick to judge, label and categorize others. In my opinion, this is due to the lack of one very fundamental ingredient that must be present in each human being: respect. Lucky you (or maybe lucky us for having you) that people in your life helped you grow as a respectful, considerate, consistent, responsible and self-aware person. I respect and admire you. Hope you stay here with us for a long time and enjoy every little moment as much as I do.

Alchemist
Tue, May 15, 2007 - 4:47 AM
is this too long of a post to put in the actual tribe itself?
Sat, May 19, 2007 - 2:12 AM
nah, don't worry about it... anyways, ya allready put it up.

if i were you, i'd post this all over the place in all sorts of tribes, i think its a great conversation starter.

if they don't like how long it is, let em stop reading it.
Sun, May 20, 2007 - 8:08 PM
What a beautiful idea
Hi Amber. I loved your post. You are a beautiful\ intelligent\ open minded woman who doesnt play games so what could be wrong with that.
Tue, May 29, 2007 - 7:10 PM
It's positive !
Tue, May 29, 2007 - 7:49 PM
Yes it is !
Dear Amber,
Be proud of who You are !
Vous êtes une jeune fille magnifique et chacun, par respect,, doit accepter l'authenticité de vos origines et de votre éducation. Seules les personnes envieuses et jalouses peuvent émettre des commentaires négatifs sur cette honnête description de votre cheminement personnel. Il ne faut pas accorder de mérite et de considération aux personnes qui ne font qu'observer, d'un oeil méprisant, la joie de vivre et l'expression du bonheur que les " vrais vivants ", dont vous êtes avec évidence, peuvent dégager.
C'est un trait caractéristique de votre beauté et du bien-être intérieur qui vous habite que l'on reconnaît dans ce " blog ". Vous êtes d'un " naturel " pétillant qui peut aller jusqu'à offenser ceux et celles qui se sentent diminués lorsqu'ils se comparent à vous. Ne prenez pas avis de ces personnes. Continuez d'être ce que vous êtes vraiment: une image d'amour, une fleur épanouie, une oeuvre d'art qui continue constamment de s'embellir parce que ses racines et ses assises sont basés sur des fondations saines et tournées vers le soleil comme le tournesol qui continue de croître et de réjouir son entourage.
Keep on going to be Yourself ! You're beautiful and lovable !
Your friend, Gilles
Mon, June 11, 2007 - 7:58 PM
that's great stuff Amber. If everyone had your attitude the world would be a happier, more peaceful place. It's an inspiration knowing you.
Unsu...
 
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 1:35 PM
Thank you so much for posting this, Amber!

I, too, grew up in a relatively sex positive environment. Well, at least until I was 8 years old. My mother was a "seer seeker", so we found ourselves living among intentional communities, aka hippy communes, when I was a child. Clothing was optional, and generally scant when it was there at all. And no, there wasn't rampant public sex as so many seem to think when I try to explain my childhood experiences. Er, maybe there WAS, but I didn't see it. Just a lot of nudity and ease and comfort...just people. Honest people with no hidden agendas or that love/hate thing of taboo's that seems to infect so much of our culture.

When I was 8 my mother decided to go back to school and finish up her master's, then later her PhD, so we left the community lifestyle and the support and comfort it offered. I think I only just recovered from the trauma and shock in the past 4 or 5 years (I'm almost 38). So thank you. It's been healing and cathartic to hear your story because perhaps it would've been similar to my own story if I hadn't been thrust into "normal" life at 8 years old.

-K