Okay. Yesterday didn't go as I had planned. Scott and Joe both called me yesterday. and I called off the get together I had planned. I began to wonder what I was really doing to myself and Scott and Joe and my other lovers. I nneded time to think things through. I spent the day at Scott's house talking with Debbie and Kim. Both of them told me, like Scott did, that I had to do what I had to do. But I had to think about what I felt I "had" to do.

I am in love with Scott. And I do love Joe. I have a new family. I have a husband that I don't even have to marry. Yet I have other lovers who mean a lot to me, too. I do not get with my other lovers to hurt Scott or Joe. I get with them because I love them, too. I have been in love before. I know what it feels like. And I know what it means to feel loved. And I like both.

Debbie told me that Scott knew I had other lovers when he and I got together. And Joe knew, too. And I have had my other lovers for a long time. Debbie told me that I have to be true to myself. And if I still have a desire to see others, then I should. Debbie told me that we are only young once. And She wishes she had been more like me when she was younger.

Kim told me that since she is now seeing a married man that she understand even more what I am going through. Kim said she sees what I am going through as a tough thing to go through. And it is. I have had to really think a lot through lately. When I am with Scott I don't think about my other lovers, except when Scott asks me about them. He like me to tell him what and who I have done, etc.

Joe has been with several of my friends in the past. So, he knows what it is like for me. I have had to think a lot about monogamy. I don't think I am ready for it yet. Although I did call off the get together I had planned. And that was weird for me to do. Debbie told me she would have stood in for me, but added that she was just kidding.

Scott and Joe are coming home today, and I can't wait. We have a lot to talk about. I have a lot to talk about.