10/9/07

As of this past weekend I moved in with Scott in his and Debbie's house. Debbie has cleared out the closet of all her stuff and Scott, Kim and I helped Debbie get her room situated. Debbie has stated that she likes that i have been doing most all of the cooking, doing the dishes and helping with the laundry. Kim is happy I am living with them. Scott is exstatic.

Joe helped us move some of my stuff to Scott's house. As we moved, Joe kept kissing and hugging me.

In the last several days I have remained "faithful" to Scott and Joe, and had no real desore to be with others. I can not say I am monogamous as of yet, nor am I sure I can be, but I have ben lately.

I have spoken with my mother, who is a sexual surrogate, and she has told me to be careful and to take this one day at a time. She did say that this all happend awefully quickly. Yet she has been supportive. My mom has known Scott and Debbie for years. She has spoken to both of them at length about this. She even talked with Scott about why he loves me and wants me in his life as a lover. He has told her that he is in love with me, like he has never been with anyone before. My mom asked him and Debbie if this was something they felt could or would tear them apart. Debbie told my mom that she and Scott have not had much of a relationship for some time and she, although jealous to a degree, is happy to see Scott happy. As far as how she felt about me and Joe, Debbie told my mom that he and I had dated off and on and that this was nothing more than a continuance of what has been there in the past. It didn't bother her that I was seeing oe.

I did talk with the therapist my mom works with and she told me that this type of relationship is rare, but not totally uncommon. She agreed that a lot happened in a short amount of time, but that doesn't mean that is a bad thing. She did caution me against forgetting about me as a person, that I don't "need" others to make me happy. I agreed.

When I talked with Scott about the other men I saw when he and Joe were away he told me it hurt him knowing other men had me when he couldn't. Yet he told me he understood on some level. Joe, on the other hand, told me that he wished he could have been a part of it.

I do love Joe, but I am IN LOVE with Scott. And yes I know he is married. Yet Debbie, his wife, has stated many times that it has ben nice to have someone else in the house to cook and share household chores with. While Scott and Joe were out of town I had a lot of time to talk with Debbie. I asked her if it was really okay with her that I am with Scott. She told me that her jealousy is from seeing what she could have had had she been more like me throughout their relationship. Debbie said that had she been more intimate with Scott and seen his needs and desires as being more important than she had seen them in the past that their relationship might be like mine is with Scott.

Debbie told me that she has realized that it is true that you never know what you have until it is gone. snd she has realized that this is not some one night sstand thing with me and Scott. Debbie admitted she is not a touchy feely type of person. She doesn't like to kiss or touch in public. She has never liked it when she and Scott slept together to feel him hard and pressing against her back. She told me she often knew Scott wanted to be intimate, and not always sexually, but was never really into it. And that she was more annoyed with his desires than anything else. Bebbie admitted that she was at fault for a lot that has happend to her and Scott's relationship.

Debbie also admitted to having sex with other men during their relationship, and that she had not always told Scott or felt it was any of his business. She told me she had been in love with a couple of men during her marriage to Scott, but never felt a desire to leave him for them. Debbie told me she understood why I would be in love with Scott. She told me that all her friends throughout their marriage had told her that if she ever wanted to get rid of Scott that they would take him because they wished their husbands were like Scott is.Debbie admitted to me that she never really appreciated Scott the way I have and do. She also admitted that and Scott have been more like room mates than husband and wife for most of their marriage.

Scott has told me I have fulfilled every desire he has ever had. He says I am everything he has ever wanted in a woman and a relationship. He did tell me he wished that Debbie had been more like me, or even tried to make the relationship more than it was. He said he had read all the books and had gone to seminars on how to improve his marriage, but realized that he was the only one really trying. And Scott told me it was so easy to love me because I loved him back. When I asked Scott what it was about me that made him love me he told me, "because you let me be and appreciate me for who I am, not what I have. You don't want me to be something I'm not. That is why I love you. I love you because of who you are, and who you are to me."

I have told Joe that I am not in love with him, but I do love him. Joe said that as long as I love him that is all that matters. I did ask him what he would do if I ever became monogamous and only saw Scott. Joe thought about that then told me that he would be hurt but he would respect my decision. I did tell him I had not yet made that dicision. Joe smiled and thanked me.

Kim, my friend and Scott and Debbie's daughter told me that she is very okay with things the way they are. When I asked Scott and Debbie's youngest children what they thought of me being with their daddy, they both told me they liked me and were happy I moved in.

I did talk with a therapist, and I talked with my mom. I talked with Debbie and Scott and Joe and Kim and Scott and Debbie's youngest two. I know I am happy, and I know Scott and Joe are happy. Debbie has said she is glad I am living with them now. Kim likes that I am around more. I know this may still seem like a disaster waiting to happen, but so far all has been actually very good. Debbie has been very open and honest with me about her and Scott and other men she has been with, and even her first guy ever. Debbie has admitted that if tht first love she had ever came around again she would definately get in a relationship with him because she is still in love with him.

When Debbie and I talked I found out a lot more about her and her past than I thought I wanted to know, but it was good to know it. She explained how she felt about her first love and how she never really felt that way about Scott. and that she would still be with her first love if he wanted her to be. Debbie told me about her first threesome with her and a guy and another woman, then her and two guys. She told me of her swinging past before she met Scott. When I asked why she and Scott never swung she told me that she felt she would have been self conscious having Scott around while she had sex with others. And that that was why she never told him about the guys she was with during their marriage.

Debbie told me straight out that Scott was not the best she had ever had, nor was he even close. Debbie told me that when she and Scott did have sex she wanted it over quickly. It never felt right for her to have sex with Scott. She said it actually felt weird to her when they had sex. And she added that when they did have sex she was horny afterward and wished she could see another guy and had in the past. Debbie told me that Scott got her horny, but not for him. She said that everytime they had sex she was thinking of and wishing it was her first love and her, not her and Scott.

I asked Debbie if she was thinking of Divorce. She said no. She told me she had thought about it, but wasn't willing to put their youngest through that. And she again told me it was actually nice to have me around, other than as a lover to her husband.

So, I guess we will have to see where this leads. So far, I feel it has been good. And that it can be.