Thursday, November 13, 2008

Slept well last night, doing laundry today, also going to work on brining LEEMCG.COM up to the new server and make a custom 404 error page. Im reinstalling some of the server modules, and extensions. I also have to bring up a few other things

I talked to Clair Fairly, and saw Jenna, at the TLGB center; I also spoke to someone and have a follow up leads to do. I worked on some issues with my program, I need to get out more and around, and will start working on that. I found something possibly a  3rd love interest in San Francisco, I don’t want to get my heart broken again, I’ll take things slower this time, without the U-Haul Metaphorically speaking.

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, my heart is in Information Tech, but Non Profits are where I want to be or a civil servant. I admire those who serve the public trust, and do good deeds where a lot of need is to be done in San Francisco.

I’ve managed to dodge some of the common pitfalls some individuals make here off and on, But continue to grow, after laundry today I have a drop or two to make as well. I also have other things I need to do at POS, and issues and logistics to iron out.

Moreover, I need to be less outgoing and annoying, and also work on my social issues, and trauma, and pain and agony in my heart. Somewhat I am reluctant to let go of manners, it’s what keeps me motive and such a hard worker and push myself so hard.

I think I am going to start volunteering someplace, and I took an orientation someplace, I also have some files to back up as well (Think DVD-R & DVD+RW)

Furthermore, I have been thinking of life, myself and where I want to be in a few years, I am going to cut some areas out but also keep some, I’ve also thought of some finical matters, and my fathers hatred of me, but also love, even if obscure.

I have séance moved on, I have been having much delight in my progress with my electrosist whom has been working wonders, I have about half way where I need to be and it helps a lot,

I also am tired of facing persuction, based on other TG folks actions, demeanor and hate and think most transgender folks in this city have other issues to iron out, and showing your 5 o’clock shadow is fucking disgusting.

For example threes this one girl whom we dislike each other dearly, she pisses like a fucking man in a women’s bathroom, in public city government owned building and I have witnessed her do this many times before , private that’s just fucking nasty and disgusting. One time I was shaken down due to something she did in a public building and proudly displayed my F Drivers License to a law enforcement officer that was responding to complaints of  “men dressed as women harassing in the bathroom”

Whom this officer, took me for a “witness lineup” which I was cleared of doing “obscene sexual acts ”and committing “criminal trespass” and “various sex crimes” the fact that SFPD hates TG folks or some of them do, I don’t blame them for stereotypes, given the trash they have to put up with.

If I was a cop, Id problem just be as pissed off with queers, trans-women, homeless and all the shit SFPD has to put up with in bay view, the tenderloin, hunters point, the mission and just law enforcement bullshit amongst them selves, and as a cop day to day. Its why I like cops in general, seriously I would love to date a really butch cop.

  But I’m always nice, and avoid law enforcement interactions as much as humanly possible, and they for the most part respect me, and I’ve been told by one sometimes “bad things happen to nice good people”

Its interesting and fascinates me to see the generation gap in Law Enforcement and how the treat and deal with Transgender women, we are lucky to have someone as the president of the police commission such as commissioner sparks which by the way is a Trans-woman. Whom I bump into on occasion, on the street, in the Castro, pacific heights, and even inside a police station when I was filing a report or going to with someone to file a report as a friend of bill Wilson

Another Example of disgusting transgender behavior, is voice pitch, demeanor, and mannerisms,  it’s no wonder this disgusting woman or so called woman, who had a drug and drinking problem and violates he body by having sex with men.

I don’t understand how (pre-op) Transgender women could disgustingly sleep with yuck Boys, I have my orientation but Like trans-men, at least we have something in common, and trans-women (post-ops) and women. Nevertheless, I do not use women’s places of scanty nor have I ever sold my body, nor done illegal drugs.

The other point is when I drink or go out there which today is sixteen months as of 7-13-2007 when desperate for a solution I walked into the doors of Lambda Center in Houston, Texas. Furthermore, It’s a mile stone one day at a time, this January I will have 18 months sober, and also be celebrating my twenty eighth natal birthday.

Furthermore, I have not had any nightmares but have a topic to discuss with my therapist today regarding my Post-Traumatic Stress. I have an issue to discuss with her about something I noticed about myself and a way to relax and some part of my trauma that’s affecting my day to day life.

I have a love interest possibly, that’s puzzling me and how that relates to my recovery more about this later.

Gratitude List

1.) Grateful to be alive

2.) Grateful to have folks with something in common, and my our lady of safe way fellowship

3.) Grateful to be myself

4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco

5.) Grateful to be emotionally secure

6.) Grateful to have a sponsor

7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank

8.) Grateful to have my basic needs met

9.) Grateful to be in control of my life

10.) Grateful to be secure in myself

The list

1.) Meeting

2.) Do homework

3.) Make mental note to acquire file cabinet for space

4.) Make note to FedEx items to DLG plus X-Mass Gifts

5.) Laundry

6.) Perform research for clients

7.) Continue to grow and let people in

8.) Pray to my own personal goddess

9.) Write letter to San Francisco Chronicle

10.) Work on e-mail, website, leemcg.com, banking, payments, improving my life

It also soon marks a 6 months séance becoming legally female, in some retrospects, and other mannerisms. I still have a long way to go. In addition, going legit is hard; I see why the power, money, fortune, fame, and my sickness is what got me here.

By golly! I would not have it any other way for I am Leigh McInnis Gaetjens

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Slept good a few nights ago, some changes are going to be coming to my website and domain in the future as I have time, I have other priorities at the present. I have to copy out my resume today, as well as add a few other things here and there.

I have code to write today, and some code to work on my site. I also removed a lot of content, and plan to improve and re do the index.html page, and install a alternate version with content management system, and a new blog, and other features for leemcg.com and some of my other domains.

Furthermore, I continue to grow I had a spiritual experience recently or felt something that has been missing for a long time.

I have thought a lot about my time, and how I feel people and the community in Texas took my heart away, and I walked out the door, to drinking and eventfully on southwest airlines flight 1258. I desire to return as idiotic as it sounds to Texas. Houston is there I started really to find myself its special to me. Long term I desire to return to Houston or Dallas if I am rejected, I feel she took my love away, I felt rejected by my own kind, and personality.

People think I am not or a phony, or wrong, community I am a part of an unwelcome. Moving onward yonder, I quote myself I walked right out the door, she took my wallet, keys and Ill never go to Houston, Texas and walked the door.

Furthermore, My electro appointment today should be a bit productive somewhat I hurt a friend and need to respect her space. She went over backwards for me, I need to respect her wishes, Im selfish and annoying, and don’t always do the right thing.

Anyway I have business to tend to in califoronia, things happen sometimes quickly sometimes slowly, one day ata time.

Grattuide list

1.) Grateful to be alive

2.) Grateful to have folks who care about me

3.) Grateful to have this doctors appointment today

4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco, California

5.) Grateful to be moving on from Texas

The List

1.) Check mail when returning back on bart

2.) Go to  appointment in Oakland

3.) Go to Lyon Martin this afternoon

4.) Buy stamps

5.) Send postcards to individuals in Louisiana

6.) X-mass shopping

7.) 

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Slept rather well, awoke last night in one of my obscure dreams, but was not bad, just a bit twisted. I than got up around 1:30 out of bed by 2 am, cleaned up showered for about an half hour did my stretch workout routine, before 3am, than did my hygiene and grooming.

I dreamed of driving professionally, I dreamed of driving some freight from the port of the city of angels, to space city and making amends and being welcomed this is many years down the road from reality but still a distant possibility to become able to achieve one again if I remain on the straight and narrow path in life.

Furthermore, I’ve been thinking of what I want to discuss with LR Next week, and I have some past due homework to work on today, I sent off four resume and cover sheets yesterday to two non profits, one nonprofit that resells tech stuff, that’s off lease from corporate clients, who is like a broker in a call center. I also sent a few off for working with kids.

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and will follow up with Larkin Street Youth Services with the interview I had. The economy stinks, and the cost of living I am watching rise in San Francisco become even worse, fuel costs remain lower than but not as low as my youth.

 Moreover, recently I’ve been thinking of my relatshionship with my father whom happens to live in San Francisco. My father and I in adult hood and lacking in childhood have a rocky relationship, and lacking, we are completely different people, and individuals with different backgrounds, beliefs, though we do share some common viewpoints.

I would like to get to know my father he is becoming older, Martin Clark Gaetjens, is a bit of a mysterious to me, and I would like to get to know him before, he dies, which happens one day as Gavin Newsom says ”whither we like it or not, it’s going to happen”.

The point is I do not with my father to remain a dark chapter in my life; my father is I’m sure a good person such as myself whom made some mistakes. He’s pretty cool with me well, being me the problem is more so my angry at Him and myself and lash out at him as I usually do.

I continue to grow as a person, and well as an individual. I realized I’m selfish, and cold-hearted and empty inside.  The best thing my father told me is its ok to be angry, and upset, I was too my first few years, I want to invite him to a birthday party maybe with his new wife when I turn two years.

I got hit on by a guy this morning whom grabbed my arm, I also had a rude obnchodis despite guy in star bucks make a pass at me, 

Gratitude List

1.) Grateful that I am alive

2.) Grateful to have friends, and family and people that care about me.

3.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter.

4.) Grateful to be alive

5.) Grateful yeah

6.) Grateful

7.) 

The list

1.) Send thank you cards

2.) Make x-mass plans, and thanksgiving plans

3.) Send out resume, and applications

4.) Prepare for availed

5.) Apply for full time work

6.) Send out resume

7.) Replace phone charger

8.) 

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The Reality is I slept well last night, was a bit taken back ill more recently, I used to be and in someways am the most right wing, cowgirl, cigar smoking right wing nut job, but I’m a redneck and I voted for obama.

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, Ive been thinking about my life. I also wanted to annoce the official transfer to  of the LEEMCG FAMILY OF SITES,  from  my old host which was outdated, and I had long out grown their services, I moved to a new ISP I did have some data lost, but Im re doing my site, and am glad to be rid of my old host.

I also am installing new server based tools, and php, applications for my server. I also am planning a San Francisco resource board, for the San Francisco Transgender community simualr to transhouston.com and trueselves.com.

Furthermore I continue to grow as an person,

Grattuide List

1.) That I am sober today and have been for almost 2 years

2.) That I have people who care about me

3.) That I am alive

4.) That I have folks whom