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5 Gallon Piss-Bomb

   Mon, December 17, 2007 - 3:36 AM
It was around 1989, and I was massively strung out on crank, homeless, jobless, and clueless. We were squatting in an abandoned medical center- it was 3 stories tall with a large open central courtyard. the place was locked up, but we were able to gain access by several means.
Me and a buddy of mine ( who fell out of favor due to his tendancy to try and suck my dick) were staying on the 3rd floor. The only way to get in was to go to the roof and crawl down onto the ledge and scoot over about 30 ft., to our window. Then climb in the window. Quite secure- the side facing the courtyard was boarded up really well. No one could find our squalid hovel, let alone access it. We sold dope used dope and slept, (well maybe a couple times) there for months.
One major issue was sanitation! We had one room set aside down a ways for shitting. For pissing we had a 5 gallon sparklets bottle. Now, you guys who have done crank know that when you get strung out, your piss turns brown and real stinky, cos of the drugs, poor diet and poisonous byproducts and metabolytes coursing through our viens, and consequently, our piss.
There used to be a bunch of fools who hung out below our window selling dope. We didn't say anything, cos we didn't want to give away our squat. But we wanted them gone becqause they were drwing the law. So when the 5 gallon piss jug was full of the nastiest, rankest piss I have ever had the misfortune to smell, we loaded it up to the window and heave ho! 40 pounds of toxic waste gained speed in free-falll, and then, BOOM! It hit the sidewalk and basically exploded! It sent a toxic cloudy spray of festering human waste wafting over a wide swath of the block.You could not get close to where it hit. Rank is the understatement of the century. It was so fucking gnarly, they couldn't use that corner anymore, and I had to abandone my squat forever, becuase of the stench of 5 gallons of tweaker-piss.



3 Comments

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Mon, January 7, 2008 - 8:14 AM
oh, my god - thanks for the Monday morning laugh-out-loud. I've spilled my own bottles of just that piss and even the small amounts - please, no! but FIVE GALLONS!!! wow.
Mon, January 7, 2008 - 11:01 AM
HA HA HA HA HA
This is the Monday Morning Laugh Out Loud. HA HA AHA. That was funny from the first paragraph.
Sun, May 4, 2008 - 3:32 PM
Piss bomb
5 gallons of piss hurtling through the atmosphere to contaminate an entire region!
That is absolutely metal!