Okay..... Let's Try this again...... C-Stone and the Experience Thereof....

Edward — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 16:52:14 GMT

This is my second time to try and do this entry. Why? Because my computer shut itself off. Does that make me wat to smite my computer? ........ I guess so, yeah...... Anyways...... I just lost the game! http://www.losethegame.com/ suckers! Anyways again..... I was going through the whole thing day-by-day. recounting every little thing I could remember, and reviewing every band's concert. Quite frankly I'm not sure that any of you would get to the god part before skipping it all and readin someone else's blog. So, I'm just going to sum up everything in a good-sized paragraph before getting to the important part. k? Cornerstone was great! Totally worth all the money I spent on it. Even though the sum of it was quite a considerable amount. We flew to St. Louis to meet with Mellisa, CORY'S FIANCEE, *cough**cough* (I'm really glad I can finally say that out loud) and it was my first time flying, ever. It was really cool. esecally after I stopped being nervous and got in my seat on the plane. Centripicle force isn't great though. After spending some time in the really cool city of Berrien Springs, MO, we drove up to C-Stone and set up camp. Dubbed "We <8 Ska", our camp was the sweetest, easily. We also had an awesome flag that Mellisa made. Over the next few days, everyone else arrived, and we all talked and chilled at our camp. It was kind of surreal, meeting all these people from online in real life.... "I slept in Mulligan's car, dude!" ...... Weirdness..... Anyways, we had some really awesome concerts while we were there. We also ate really well. (Cory's stew rocked!!! though I heard Be's version later that evening wasn't so good....... ah well....) It was a lot of fun the whole time. I even got to dance at a few of the shows, though I didn't get to mosh any. For about a day my feet had been hurt really bad from walking on the crazy owie gravel that covers all the roads, and I had to hobble everywhere. Thankfully it was almost gone by the time I got to see War of Ages. When everybody had to leave it was really sad, especially since it was going by so fast. Overall C-stone was an experience I'll never forget. During the trip I got depressed, again, over my lack of a girlfriend. (and you can imagine how bad it could be after nearly a week of Mellisa and Cory actin so giggly/bubbly/happy). So they recomended that I write up a list of all the things I thought the perfect girl for me would have. Initialy I had many reservations about doing so. I felt I would be being selfish by doing that. I also came up with a few other reasons, as follows, "What makes me think I deserve anyones love like that? It is ignorant of me to think that any one person could have all those traits. It's arrogant of me to think any such person would choose me over somebody better. I wouldn't want such an awesome person to have to put up with someone like me." I actually wrote all that on the back of the list as I was making it. But for the sake of Cory and Mellisa getting off my case about it, I started a list. I even decided to be honest about it, and actually figure out exactly what I thought would be perfect. (Mellisa's list, when she had made one, was even detailed enough to have the perfect shoe size! And Cory had it!!! weird.....) and so without further ado..... the pre-liminary list...... Edward's "Perfect" Girl 1. She would be slightly introverted. - I thought about that quite a bit, because I had liked girls that were very extroverted in the past, but I realised that I didn't like the extroversion all the time. 2. She would be mellow most of the time, but occasionally like to do something crazy or wild. - I mean that, on occasion, she would like to really dane at a party or concert, or maybe something else, but I mean mostly that she isn't always mellow. just most of the time... 3. She loves to be held, or to be hugged. Or to cuddle. Hold hands. rest heads on eachothers shoulders. Innocent physical contact. 4. She would be short. 5. Brown Hair - I really have no preference, as I have liked people with blonde, red, and black hair before..... 6. Long hair. Either wavy or strait. But not longer than the middle of the back. 7. Likes to walk around barefoot indoors or with socks on. - I know, this is kinda quirky, but I think it's cute. 8. Not heavy but not skinny. - I drew a little pic of the general dimensions, and Steve said that I meant "curvy" but I was going mostly for a description of weight. I love girls with something more to them than just bone, but I don't like 'em too heavy either. My definitions of these things are obviously quite nebulous..... I wish I could explain in words but..... I don't know if I could get across that I'm not shallow in this.... That I except large girls too. Maybe..... Okay..... "She would be able to fit comfortably in my arms." I think that sums it up rather.... charmingly..... 9. Loves God. - A must. 10. Open Minded. Intellectual. Likes discussions, but not arguments. - She doesn't have to believe everything the way I do, I just want her to be able to hear me out whenever we differ. 11. Loves Movies even more than I do. - Once again there's this kinda quirky element to it. I honestly don't know why I like the idea of her knowing more than me about movies.... 12. Loves Anime. - That would be SO cool. 13. Loves Sad Anime/Movies/Books. - This kinda ties in with the introversions. It also ties in with my melencholy. for some reason, I think we'd love eachother more if we could sometimes have a good cry together. If you're melencholy you'll understand. 14. Loves Fantasy Books, but takes her time reading them. - the slow reading thing isn't to save on pocketbok money either. It means she savors every bit of the book. 15. Loves Video Games! - "Wizard needs food Badly." - Five Iron Frenzy (look up a video on Youtube. The cartoon vid was done differently than the song, as the vid is about sibling rivalry, but the song is about a relatonship.) 16. Loves all kinds of music, or is at least tollerant of most. - My music tastes are so eclectic, I want to be able to listen to it without her getting frustrated at me. 17. Like Cold Weather - I need my thermostat down!!! But I also don't want to feel like I'm chillin' out my girl either. 18. Loves Quiet moments together. - This also goes along well with number 3. 19. Likes to dress semi/gothpunk semi/prep. - I just think those looks are cool in moderation. 20. Blue eyes, or Dark Brown eyes - Just preferences! I like green-eyes and stuff too. 21. Slightly jelous when I'm around other girls. - I know... I know... I just think it's cute. It's not like I said "Super Humongo Jelous!" just slightly. 22. Encourages my writing. And maybe even helps out sometimes. - A must. :) 23. Likes cooking together, or more specifically, teaching me how to cook. 24. Loves weird/random things. 25. Loves cartoons (ties with Anime somewhat) 26. Likes Parodies 27. Likes Sci-fi. - Or at least tolerates it, so I can enjoy my Star trek/Star Wars moments. 28. Likes Self-analysis. - This is sort of like online quizes, but more profesional. Like the Myers Briggs assesment test.... I love talking abut personality quirk stuff. 29. Likes or tolerates geeky stuff like comic books and card games. - She doesn't have to like them. Especially the card games, as I've kinda moved away from that too. But it would be really cool if she liked comic books. 30. Roughly my age or younger. - I'm sorry cory but knowing a chick is any more than a year older than me weirds me out. It's a psycological thing I'm sure. I just haven't done any digging yet to find out the cause of the preference. 31. Likes hanging out with me and my friends. - Do you know how awesome that would be????? 32. Likes Board Games and Puzzle games. - Perplex city together!!! 33. Isn't allergic to cats. - We don't even have to have a cat, but I'd like it a lot if it doesn't kill her everytime she's around one. I love cats.... 34. Undersands that I need to be reminded that I'm loved. - I'm so sappy pathetic like that.... Anyways... The list is probably not complete or all-encompassing, but I think I'd go crazy if I knew every little detail about the person I come to love. As you saw before the list, I had many reservations.... well, Saturday evening came around and I was still feeing depressed about the whole no-girl thing. I also had done no worshiping that day and was really needing some guidance. I borrowed Ben's Bible and took my flashlight and a chair out behind a car to be alone. I have tried the random Bible verse thing before with little or no sucess, but I think that's because I never prayed about it first. This time I prayed. I prayed hard that God would tell me what I needed to hear. And I prayed that whatever it was, It would help me in my search for my future wife. I opened the Bible and imediately my eyes were drawn to Judges 11. I read the chapter up until verse 32, when I felt impressed that this was the stopping point of what I needed to hear. It was the story of Jephthah, a judge of Isreal who was originally an outcast, but came back to overcome a challenge, and he vowed the first of his houshold to God if od would give him victory. So God gave him victory. I know the rest of this story. And I know the rest is unpleasant. But I also know that I was compelled to stop at verse 32. So I prayed to God, that if God would help me find the girl for me, and would help me conquer my fears, that I would let him have the "firt of my house", which I knew in my heart to be my fist book. In my book, we have embedded many bits of christian or Godly thought. I have pleded that I will use it as a launching point from which I will then talk to people about God. Using my book as a source of metephors and illustratons. This is not to say I'm going to change the story so that it is an allegory, but rather that I will use all of the applicable nuances to make a message outside of the book. My promise felt right. I somehow felt that it is what God wanted from the begining. and that he would take care of my relationship. But I still had one question left for God. I asked him about my reservations in making the list. I aked Him if I was really worth so much to Him that I should be cared for in this manner. I asked Him if I was really worth anything at all. I asked Him why he would help me when I didn't deserve anything. And suddenly, as I sat there praying my questions of self-doubt and self-worth to God, I felt as if giant arms had wrapped lovingly around me in the most profound feeling of pure acceptance that I have ever felt before in my entire life. I cried for a long time. I just sat there and cried for joy that I now knew I was worth something. That is my C-Stone experience. I'll leave this post up for a while, but I'm going to repost my list by itself soon. Who know? My Love is out there somewher at this very moment. So maybe she will find me somehow. Either way, I'm trusting god to help it all turn out alright. Thanks for reading everybody! :)

Once Upon an Emotion

Edward — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 07:16:59 GMT

Have you ever had one of those moments.... When you've gotten to know a set of characters, so well... And when you've started to care for them so much.... And then when one character devistates another.... and you want to scream at the screen..... Because you don't want them to do it? Because you care about both of the characters. And you had such hope for them. But it all dies. Then you know what I just experienced. Rahxephon - episode 19 - A Ticket to Nowhere. I just found another anime to fall in love with. Somehow..... the saddness...... is beautifull....... and terrible...... all the same.

Wii for the win!

Edward — Sat, 03 Jun 2006 21:37:57 GMT

Wii will win the Next Gen Wars. or at least that is my wishes, I think they'll do very well though.

First Post....... and hoo-boy! it's a doozy

Edward — Sat, 27 May 2006 05:22:49 GMT

1st post........ yay.........

My Blog

Okay..... Let's Try this again...... C-Stone and the Experience Thereof....

Once Upon an Emotion

Wii for the win!

First Post....... and hoo-boy! it's a doozy