joined on 10/04/06
last updated 10/21/07
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June 11, 2007
Despite her penchant for writing her inner most thoughts to share with all of us, Shannon is intensely private in many things. I have known her for a few years now, and I am always amazed by the depth of emotion that runs under her seemingly placid surface. She has amazing insight and and a pure heart; she will always hold a special place in my world no matter what she does or where she goes. This is a friend for the long haul -- for those that are willing to take the time to know her. Those that don't? Their loss.
"Stupid" (but Fun) Questions,
**THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID**,
feeding the whole family,
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New parents support,
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pregnancy and its ups and downs,
Relationship Therapy 101,
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Trisomy 13 Support & loss of a child,
"Stupid" (but Fun) Questions,
**misspellers untie ;)**,
**THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID**,
30-Something-Single-Moms,
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Postpartum Mammas,
pregnancy and its ups and downs,
Things Overheard,
Tips & Tricks,
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Wonder Woman & Whatever,
Young Single Moms,
Todays the day! I guess I will see all of you on the other side of motherhood. :) I'll be induced tonight and with any luck she'll be here tonight or tomorrow morning. Thank you everyone for your support along the way. Some days were rough, and others not so much. In part my better and than best days were aided by you and your advice. So, again, Thank you! See you soon.
Thu, October 25, 2007 - 5:44 AM
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While Tribe was down I got to jonesing. I really needed to vent to some of the Momma's. But, I couldn't. So I created my own place. It has blogs and forums, widgets, and Groups oh my! This place even allows you to create your own profile. With two days of down time I worked every angle of this website, posting topics and researching. I didn't want the website to be redundant to the Tribes I am on here because I respect those tribes for one and for two..I wanted another place to go. I get bore...
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I told her it was ok to come on out last night. I told her silly things. I even described how she might feel when coming through but that I would be there to calm her and let her know she'll be safe and warm and well loved. Then this afternoon I shot out of bed with the worst cramp in my leg. Another hour passed and my belly screamed pains I hadn't experienced yet. The contractions aren't clockwork and are about (give or take a few minutes) ten-fifteen minutes apart.
Funny, as soon as I s...
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We were young and I even younger than you.
I had a head full of dreams and believed my heart
could conquer mountains. You reached into me. Pure
hands, careful, treating me as a delicate flower on
a cold mountian top. I needed you.
I felt so alone in the world.
You wrote me letters and my soul cried out over the
Atlantic to be nearer to you. I didn't want to cage
you. You didn't bare the thought of caging me. Just being
within each others reach...well I felt more free than I...
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So, I'm coming to terms with my future. Ok, not really, I am actually beginning to panic. Now after all of these months, thoughts are racing through my noggin. I'm almost mourning the loss of the woman I was for 35 years. It's like saying goodbye to an old friend. I've listened to many different women tell me about how life changing a child is. I've listened and smiled and thought surface thoughts about how cute or sweet their stories are. And occassionaly I might have envied them. Now I do...
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Oh you can bet my clock is ticking away the hours now. I'm large and wobbly and some say "glowing". I'm anticipating the moment I lay eyes on little Caidy. I'm scared too. We have only 6 weeks left to go. Or do we?
Thu, September 20, 2007 - 2:46 PM
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Today me and "the belly" had our 22 week check up/follow up. The blood work I had a few weeks ago for Spina Bifida and such came back normal. So far the doctor has reiterated over and over again (because I ask incessantly) that the baby looks like she's meant to stay. I'm blogging today because someone asked me a question that almost made me blow up. I said outloud "yea, the baby looks good, and you know I worry" and this lady I know says "why wouldn't she?". I almost snapped. I wanted to sa...
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...strangers eyes find mine in a brief moment and we hold just a small stare. I look away and lay my head back down. The waiting for baby Christian is long and the hours through the night were disturbing. I lay there pondering the stare that caused a stir. The stare lasting only a second or two..the thoughts linger on for days. Ever so unhappy as I shuffle about my empty nest, I stare long minutes holding my breath at a man in a recliner. Hill Billy racing noises engulf my vaulted cielings. H...
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This was a happy day. This was the day we would find out it we were going to have a boy or girl. We were so much in love. Hand in hand and smiling we walked into the Women's Health Care specialists office. Patiently we sat and joked while we awaited our ultra sound. While the lady lubed my belly we held hands and I watched his face. I couldn't wait to see his expression when the news was delivered.
The technician stepped out after a few minutes of scanning and returned ushering an Indian ...
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Today I had my 18 week ultrasound. It's a little girl, sitting breech, looking backwards. :) Everything looked normal today. They measured her arms, legs, cranium, spine, etc... They think it all looks completely normal and healthy thus far. I even made them count her finger bones and attempt to read her toe bones too. Then I made them look at her face for any troubling signs. I made them stay longer on her heart so I could count the ventricles and watch the walls move to ensure she had no ho...
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Lately life has been hectic. A few minutes ago the significant other punched a hole in the neighbors house with a back hoe that was obviously too big to navigate through our small seperation between houses. He also purposfully ripped my fence out to try to get that big ole sucker through. Now I owe the neighbor a hefty price for a hardy board siding replacement and wouldn't doubt if I have to replace the whole paint job on that side of his house. That neighbor used to like me. I doubt he will...
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Date Sun, May 20, 2007 - 1:39 PM
Subject THANK YOU
I was hesitant to send this to you until a dear friend concured that I should. I really hope this doesn't offend you in any way as I am not prone to reading blogs, even though they are public... but your's spoke to me at a time when I really needed a reality check. lol... I'm tearing up just thinking about it. So thank you sooo much for sharing and may PEACE LOVE AND LIGHT find you and your babies in good health and happiness always. ...
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All is going well this time around. We've had our 6 week, 10 week, and 12 week ultrasound and the little guy is still hanging in there strong. A nucal fold, and blood test have reported back that this baby shows no early signs of going awry. However, The death of Jayme and the hormones from this past first trimester have worn our once hopeful union to mere threads of existing. Recently everything plateau'd until we actually sat down for a conversation with little to no rasied voices and decis...
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I lost my baby while only five months pregnant. I had to deliver her and look upon her tiny features. Tiny features that lay still, unmoving. Then I had to prepare final resting arrangements. Only a few weeks earlier my fiance and I walked hand in hand into the Woman's Health building expectant and happy to see our first sonogram together. This was the day we would know if she was in fact a girl or a boy. First came the news of her missing penis. I was certain she was a boy. I still didn't be...
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I read a few things here today online and it got me to thinking. Sometimes I wish I could just shut off this mind. I wonder how many people read my posts when I was losing my baby and thought, "well at least your living". As I read some traumatic events of others today I empathised and worried for them. And then I thought about my Jayme. And I couldn't help but think, at least I don't have ____, at least I am healthy, at least I have someone to love me, and on and on... If I am not weary from...
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Thank you everyone for keeping me and Don in your thoughts. I'm getting by. Little by little the hours of not thinking about it get longer. Yesterday we finally were able to pick up Jayme's urn and the death certificate. I was really anticipating having her back with us. I also ordered a necklace made of her footprint in sterling silver. I was adament that they ensured all of her six toes were apparent in the transposing onto the medallion. The Funeral director went on and on about how she ha...
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I found something noteworthy while Googling today. If you have the patience to read it, as it is a bit lengthy, it might be good to put this little tid bit of info in your back pocket. Let me preface... I was e-mailing a friend about the "5 Stages of Grief" and wouldn't you know it, I couldn't remember the damn stages. Too funny, since I'm supposed to be going through them right. So, I pulled up the first page that caught my eye and saved it for later to read when I had the chance. Did you k...
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So, she's gone now. I've been without her for almost two weeks I think. I can't be sure because the days have been cloudy. Everyday is cloudy. I grow stronger everyday. Not in a cliche sort of way, but truely a little better each day. You see, my brain refuses to let me wallow in grief. Instead I immediately start looking for others who need me. But really, I'm not running fast enough to avoid what has happened to me and my fiance. Fact is, it's my own personal dark cloud of suffering and no ...
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Being couped up in this house for days has worn my sanity a bit thin. Many of you know the rollercoaster of events that have turned me upside down. It's amazing how so soon (in March) I'll have been with Don for a year. It's also heart breaking that we would already know the loss of our little girl Jayme. And, now he talks of marriage. Marriage being the light we need to see while we're trapped in the tunnel of grief. I shake my head in dismay. I wonder what we build and hope for. Better y...
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I held her in my hand. Just one hand. Her skin so dark, so thin, so broken. I watched her change as she slipped away. No breath of this plane could be seen. Her tiny nose could have been mine had she had one more month. Her tiny cap still so big for her fetal head. I asked them to take her away. I couldn't stand to see the changes. And to an empty hospital room they placed her, baptised her, and sheltered her before they took her down stairs. I layed there in bed, frozen eyes glued to the wal...
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Tomorrow they will induce me and my little girl will be here 4 months too early. I will be awake and I will get to hold her they say. As for tonight, this is all I have left in me to say.
Wed, December 20, 2006 - 5:57 PM
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Since the bad news came in recently, those I have contacted have been concerned and patient. I just want to say that I love you all deeply and thank you for trying your best to stand by me no matter the distance.
It's amazing how a few minutes, an hour, a few days, just a fraction of a second and everything you knew to be a few nanoseconds before must be thrown away. Nonetheless, tomorrow is a new day and we all have to find our place in it.
Those who have known me through the years...
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I've spent the past 34 years trying to be a strong woman. One of power and success. I was often angry, often lost in my own musings, etc... Mostly far too independant to be tied down to one city, one man, a pet, a home, a family....
I travelled the world by selling my soul to the governement. One I never quite understood nor spent much time in the effort of doing so. In all of my adventures I had seven miscarriages. Once I recall telling the doctor with tears in my eyes...'the baby didn't wa...
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