We got back to NC yesterday, mid-morning, after one of those weird nights of airplane half-sleep--the day melted into naps, but today I have a strong wish to write down some of the moments that stay with me from this past weekend at the Hoopcamp Retreat, a magical gathering of hoopers from all over the world.

Christabel has blogged eloquently about the overwhelming vibe of Oneness that was present at this retreat, which was undeniably powerful and did feel like, as she said, an alchemical transformation. Living so much of our collective hoop life virtually, much of it on this (imperiled?) space, does seem to have oftentimes exacerbated our differences and stimulated some of our less noble instincts: fear, judgment, anger. Meeting in person all at once dramatized--in a way that no article or post could ever duplicate--the fact that our connection through the hoop unites us much more than it divides us. I felt a constant undercurrent throughout the weekend, like an underground river, of peace and healing. I found a new clarity around my own contributions to anaerobic, limiting judgments concerning what happens (or doesn't happen) in the hoop community. I felt a real heart-opening and relaxing around the (totally illusory) need to determine/control what's "good" or "bad" for this community. This weekend I witnessed so much richness, good sense, originality, strength, and maturity, I was able to let go of a huge burden of that limiting, unhealthy energy.

What also struck me was how different this gathering felt from either of our Hoop Path Retreats —yet I found this retreat equally profound and magical. I confess to being shocked by this phenomenon, which forced me to face having harbored a slight prejudice and protectiveness around what I considered to be “my” event—i.e., “Hoopcamp will be great—but not as great as the Hoop Path Retreat, of course.” Seeing this prejudice in its stark arbitrariness allowed me to own how this piece of pride might have stood in the way of my being able to grow and learn from other teachers, join in other hoop communities in more meaningful ways, look beyond the identity and responsibilities I uphold and just be a hooper amongst hoopers. This is the Hoopcamp gift I feel most grateful for—learning to yet another degree how directly I am responsible for my own unhappiness or happiness—that how I embrace the world determines so much of how the world embraces me.

Speaking of other teachers---!!!!!---whoo-EE! What a whopping collection of badasses! The experience of learning from so many hoop masters all in the same 48-hour period was just…beyond my capacity to describe. For me, the technical guidance offered by both Bunny Hoop Star and Erin Shredder was the most intellectually and physically exciting. I had never had the opportunity to learn any circus hoop techniques, and my awareness of the possibilities of working with multiple hoops was dramatically expanded by these two megababes. I loved their strength! Wonderwomen, they are!

Also totally mind-blowing was learning from two of my favorite female hoopers, Anah (Hoopalicious) and Vivian Spiral. I can honestly say that I have never gotten tired of watching these two, and I don’t expect I ever will. Each of their classes offered fresh new insights from a more directly dance-based point of view—I found myself moving in new ways immediately. So exciting. Anah had an unexpectedly playful approach which broadened my willingness to experiment. And Spiral articulated the interstices of rhythm, sound, and movement with a depth and precision I’ve never heard or read anywhere else. Nothing but insight and grace.

Sharing the learning space created by Christabel was a much-longed-for dream come true. I was amazed at the different flavors and nuances that came through her guidance. For the first time, I thought of each of my fingers in a totally different way! Christabel brought my full awareness to each frontier of the body—lungs, heart, ribcage, face, hands, booty, knees, legs, mouth, throat—and also engaged my mind with rich imagery. My favorite image was the grid of light. I felt fully loosened and free, dancing with my whole self.

I had a similar full-body freeing-up in Sharna’s Playhouse!! I loved loved loved jumping and dancing without the hoop—and when else am I going to get the chance to press a balloon between my chest and Grant’s?!? I DID find my inner child (instantly) and felt like I was on the playground again, running and leaping (except, this was even more fun). I let my body go crazy and dropped the hoop fifty times. It was wonderful to feel that permission to play and be silly. I found new ways of interacting with my hoop, mainly with my legs—the area of the body I’ve been least confident about, hoopwise. Bravo, Sharna!

Also marvelous was stepping into my inner showcase diva with Stefan. I loved purposely bringing different emotions into the hoop—an exercise I had never thought of trying before. Switching approaches rapid-fire gave me insight into the pure physicality of emotion: when I’m suspicious, I turn my body away, keep my eyes low, hold my hands up to protect myself—when I’m guilty, I hang my head, fold my body in on itself, let my arms dangle uselessly. Zip-zip-zip—we went through at least twenty emotions. I felt a renewed respect for stage actors—that shit is exhausting!!

A non-movement workshop I really got a lot out of was the hoop biz forum hosted by Shakti Sunfire and Ali Cat. This was another moment where I really felt how much more we have in common with each other than we do, really, with almost anyone else on earth. Shakti gently and non-judgmentally gave voice to the fact that tensions do arise when business gets involved, and her openness and true hopefulness gave me a new burst of confidence that we can all contribute to growing hoopdance as art, meditation, and/or exercise without choking on our own competitiveness. This forum reminded me of the obligation we all have to responsibly shepherd the growth of this nascent dance form. Many of the biz-experienced participants offered wise contributions as well. Thank you, Ali and Shakti!

And, lest I forget, my sweetheart Baxter and homegirl Beth simply knocked it out of the park. I could not have been better preceded in my first ever out-of-town workshop! It was a profound honor to teach alongside two of my biggest hoop heroes.

Throughout all the music, dance, beauty, swirls, hugs, and giggles, there is one moment for me that particularly stands out. Though ostensibly un-hoop-related, in some way this story for me encapsulates perfectly everything that we are ‘about’ as a community: Saturday night, between mini-hoop-jams, I retired for a little girls’ break up in Christabel, Jasmine, & Cara’s room. The four of us lounged on the bed, jawing about girl stuff: emotions, relationships, life plans. Somehow we ended up sharing stories about outbursts of rage. As the girls shared, I started thinking about how I had never, throughout my whole life, truly screamed in anger at another person. I casually mentioned this fact. Jasmine sat up, eyes twinkling. “I think you should do it right now! Scream at us! Just scream whatever you want! It will be really healing!” “Yeah! That’s great!” Christabel agreed. No-ho-ho waaay, I thought. Everyone in camp was walking by right outside our open window. “I don’t think I can,” I said. “Well, we’ll do it then!” said Jasmine. “You just join in if you feel like it.” Christabel followed up: “Yeah, we’ll just scream our heads off, and you can do it too, if you want to!”

They looked at each other, faces alight with joy. “Let’s scream happy things at each other!” Jasmine called out. “Happy, loving thoughts! In an angry voice!” “Yes! The Happy Anger Group!” answered Christabel. Cara and I were laughing and looking at each other like, No Way (she was also a non-screamer). Slowly, Jasmine gathered up her voice, looking across at Christabel. “I-I-I-I-I LOOOVE YOOOU!!! AAAAAAAAGGH! I LOVE YOU SO MUUUCH!” she screamed, face distorted and pink. Christabel screamed back, looking truly scary: “YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SPARKLY!!!!! AAAAANH!!! ARRRRHHH! I CAN’T STAND HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!!!!!” Jasmine looked at me. “YOU HAVE SUCH A PERFECT ASS!!! I LOVE IT!!!!” Christabel fumed: “YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!!! AAAAHHHHH!” All of the sudden, I let it go: “YOU’RE ALL SO GENEROUS!!!!! I CAN’T STAND IT!!!!!” I screamed. And it felt so good.

Our screams dissolved into deep belly laughs again and again and again. For a full twenty minutes, I felt my whole body shedding layers of inhibition, judgment, and shame---letting everything held inside bubble up through my vocal chords and spill out my mouth. It's funny how quickly a scream can turn into a laugh. Beautiful! I love screaming and laughing with my friends! YOU’RE ALL SO WONDERFUL!!! AND I LOOOOOVE YOOOOUUUU!!!!