I am really stressed this past week. The icing on the cake was to get a phone call from someone that has been a part of my entire adult life. I have very tempermental love for this person & would honestly do (& have done) everything for them. On that same note, this person has done more than enough for me to always be happy, healthy & taken care of. However, the emotional attachement & the deep seated love I have for this person makes it impossible to have a real consistant friendship w/them. I am always torn between telling them to fuck off & lose my number (which I've done more times than I can count) and wanting to really have a serious relationship (but this person goes again everything I stand for).

Anyways I always just want to spend time with my friend, but at the same time, I get so jealous of anything that goes beyond me. I just hate myself so much for letting it go on for years & years.

Then out of the blue on Thursday this person calls to tell me that something so fucking tiny, so unimportant as leaving comments on their page is something I can no longer do (btw, I NEVER leave anything suggestive or fucking flirty). Well it literally broke my heart. I had to pull over & cry b/c I was just so frustrated with a lot of changes in my life & I just wanted to hang out w/someone who really means so much to me. I don't even understand what this person means to me, but I know that I can't stand thinking about everything I have gone through with this person - then has them tell me I can't do something so UNIMPORTANT - so fucking stupid b/c their new significant other gets upset over it.

And yeah, I know that if my s/o had a girl that the he was pretty intimate with - oh hell no, I mean if they were just friends then I really wouldn't care. I'm not jealous in that aspect. It's fucking annoying how I can't be friends w/that person b/c they tell me they want to fuck me. That's so fucking fucked! It's like we were never even friends to begin with.

It's fucking cruel to keep someone so close and then be unable to just remain friends. I just don't understand why even fucking bother me anymore.

And I'm here fucking lurking their fucking myspace account, like a fucking stalker. I feel so pathetic b/c I just want to hang out b/c of all the people I've ever been around this was the one person who has been consist w/me the entire time.

Now, I have to just never talk to that person again. I just have no reason. We can't be friends. This person has absolutely nothing that I need, but I just want them in my life b/c I'm just so used to them. I just love them so much & care about every aspect of their life it's just pathetic.

I just know that disconnecting all forms of contact will be the best thing for me. Probably for both of us.