Restlesness

The right path the wrong direction?
Right direction wrong path
Something's right
And something's wrong
Old skin cracking
loosening
I am not a butterfly
more like snake
with my belly on the earth
wanting to bust out
of the old skin
fearing the tenderness
of what will be exposed

Love

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I could hear the sweet snores of my dog Jasmine, already asleep on the floor beside my bed while little Rei was singing a soft chant of boof, oof, oof asleep at my feet. This is my lulabye.

I love my little doggies so much, now if they would only learn to vacuum, life would be nearly perfect.

Ecclesiastes and the Hoop

I feel like the air at the end of a long drought
When the heavens gather and prepare
to unleash great storms
onto parched earth
I want to yell to Father Sky "Bring it!"
To run screaming barefoot through the woods
I look to the moon
She is waning
retreating toward sweet invisibility
Reaching for the comfort of my hoop
inside her sacred cycle
under the moon
I am reassured
of the end, beginning, end.....

First Days of School

I wrote this last summer about my first year of teaching at the school where I will soon return to teach my third year. I am prepared to return on July 30 to teach a short summer program but so far, I have not been able to find any information about it so, maybe not.

First Days of School

"Hey Miss, do you remember when you first came here? Remember how mean we were to you then?" Asks Juan as he gently pulls a poster off the wall.

"That was awful, yeah, we shouldn't have done that.," adds Francisco taping up a box.

"Yes, I remember." I say, "I remember…."

There was a boy leaping from desktop to desktop shouting "Oi!" repeatedly as he leapt gracefully over his classmate, another boy, asleep on top of the three desks he had pushed together like a bed.

"Watch this."
" NO, no watch THIS." Two boys said as they leaned out of the second floor window spitting and throwing things at the passersby.

In a corner of the room two girls chanted as they applied more makeup,
"I don't give a damn, I don't give a fuck! I don't give a damn, I don't give a fuck!"

"Holy shit!" I thought to myself, "What the hell is this place?"

I tried to call the class to attention and was hit in the head with several flying objects while three paper airplanes launched and embedded their noses into the ceiling tiles.

Harry Wong never wrote about this in his book. I have a warm up. I have procedures. They laugh at my procedures and call me a dirty whore. Can I respond with,

"Oh yeah, your mama's a dirty whore." Is that what Harry Wong would do?

To struggling readers I passed out the book that the teacher I replaced recommended we read, A Wrinkle in Time. The day she left she handed me a stack of these books and several lessons to go with it.

"That should hold you over for a while. They'll love this book!"

Relief. I loved this book a book, about a little suburban white girl whose parents were both scientists. A book that used words like prodigious. Where father and daughter practiced reciting the periodic table of elements together.

What the hell was she thinking? Did she want me to fail? Did she want the kids to hate me?

As a clueless new teacher, still in shock over this strange world I was thrown into, I passed out the books with blind enthusiasm. The word enthusiasm is remarkably similar to the word euthanasia.

"You're gonna love this book!"

The days pass, days where kids threw condoms at me and gum in my hair. Days where boys threatened to pee out the window and then pretended to do so when I refused to give a hall pass. My prep periods become prayer periods when I turned off the lights and ask God for the strength and guidance to face the next class, asked for help to hold in my tears until I am in my car and safely out of the parking lot.

"Please, God," I ask, "I can't afford to quit this job, the mortgage, the student loans, I have worked so hard to be here, I can't afford to quit, hell, I can't even afford a new pair of shoes. I know, God, that I asked to work with the kids that others did not want to teach, where I could really make a difference, and thank you for listening, but God, I was a complete dumb ass! I'm sorry I asked for this, now I just need you to get me through this day."

Day after day security did not come to my room when I called, so when the kids in red began insulting and shoving around the kids in blue or vice versa, I alone had to stand them down.

As a corporate security and self-defense trainer, I used to teach this stuff. As a Loss Prevention Officer, I used to tackle large shoplifters and credit card felons on a regular basis. As a teacher, I was not prepared for this, but I knew how to do it. I selected the biggest and most aggressive kid in the mix. I practically glued my nose to his, that made me look bigger and put me inside his weak zone in case he would hit me. I maneuvered him so that he was between me and the other fighters. Then barked orders at him, using my best drill sergeant voice, until I got him out in the hall.

Once separated from his peers, I told him how smart he was and what leadership qualities he had. I told him that he has what it takes to become a great man.

"Did you get breakfast this mornin', baby?" I asked.
He narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw,

"I'm gonna make you leave, Bitch, and I plan to make your life a living hell every day until you do."

"Good luck with that." I laughed with a smile. I opened the classroom door, feeling the cold floor on my foot through the hole in the bottom of my freshly polished shoe.

"Now sit down!" I commanded with my drill sergeant voice again. I love my drill sergeant voice, spent a lot of time cultivating it, very convincing. I glared around the room,

"Which one of you is next?"
silence….

"Ok, Meg….you know from the book." The kids look confused. "At first you might hate her because she's some rich white kid right? But what's going on with her?"
Blank stares.

"She's in trouble at school right?"

"Yeah."

"Why is she in trouble?"

"Fighting."

"Any of you ever got in trouble for fighting?"
Laughs.

"Is Meg fighting because she is a bad person?"

"No, she's mad because her dad left."

"Have any of you ever been left by someone? How's it feel to be left?"

That was not the big miracle, like in the movies, where suddenly everything is perfect and everyone becomes an inspired academic over achiever. It was not all that, but it was a moment of vulnerable humanity exposed. There would be other moments like this. It started with a scattering of moments of reluctant cooperation. The Kids would complain,
"Man, I hate this book."

"This is boring."

I would tell them, "Your whining is boring me, so let's be bored together, maybe we'll even learn something."

Relentlessly, I insisted on their participation and moments of reluctant participation became an atmosphere of reluctant participation.

In teacher school I never thought I would hear myself bragging about creating an atmosphere of reluctant participation, as if that were a good thing, but from where we started that was a miracle! There were moments of academic brilliance, but what I remember most are the moments of human vulnerability laid bare and met with compassionate acceptance.

One of the students noticed the holes in the bottom of the shoes that I laboriously polished each morning to keep them from looking as tired as they really were. The kids laughed at my holy shoes, and asked why I did not go get new ones. I remember the silence in the room when I said that I did not have money for things like that.

There was an in-school training and a substitute teacher covered my class, I when dropped in to retrieve a forgotten item. They all shouted,

"Miss!" when I entered the room, as if they were HAPPY to see ME. When I turned to leave there were desperate cries,

"Miss, don't leave! Please don't leave!" Confused, I promised that I would be back the next day.

Shocked and haunted by their reaction to my absence, I realized that what I saw on their faces was fear. Fear of being unwanted and abandoned and I understood.

From then on, when I was absent I made sure to leave them a note on the board telling them that I missed them when I was gone. We made sure to celebrate birthdays in class and special accomplishments. Instead of buying shoes I bought birthday cakes. We covered the walls with well done coursework and the bulletin boards with students designs.

At the end of the year I was not using my prep period as prayer time. It was time to pack to move into a new room for the next year. A steady flow of students bearing passes from other classes entered my room.

"Miss, I want to help you pack your room."

"Miss, can I sweep your floor?"
They take turns hugging me and saying,

"I'm gonna miss you this summer." and

"What room will you be in next year?"
I tell them,

"213 and I'll be looking for you on the first day of school. If you try droppin' out I'm gonna hunt you down and drag you back here myself. Got it? I'll be looking for you!"

I love these kids. They always ask me, "How come you don't have any kids, miss?"
I tell them, "You are my kids." and I mean it.

New Neighbor

My good friend Katherine used to live in the condo facing mine. When she finished with the local university she moved back to her home state leaving her condo vacant for more than a year.

Finally, her unit sold and today I saw my new neighbor for the first time. Naked! His new home is one of only a dozen two story units in the complex. overlooking the stairs is a tall window, nearly 10 feet that is arched at the top. All of the units like this seem always to have the blind closed on this particular window.

Now I know why. Walking my dogs at dusk, there was a lot of light coming through the window, so, like a deer, I looked toward the light and there in full view, standing in front of his bathroom mirror, was my new neighbor. I did not linger, just continued to walk my dogs past but you can not unsee what has been seen.

This gent's front door faces mine so I am bound to meet him walking out his door, the only way I would recognize him as it was not his face, I saw through the window. At this moment of first meeting, do I make like an ass and comment on his? Do I tell him he needs to close his blinds, or do I just say nothing and politely walk my dogs a different direction?

Secret love...not so much

I got an e-mail a couple days ago from someone who had been an old friend and secret lover, telling me that he would be in a nearby city on business. He would be in town for only 1 day and wanted to try meeting for a cup of coffee. As it turns out we were not able to manage a visit, only a phone conversation. It is funny he was a part of my same very small, tight knit community for a couple of years.

We sat at the cafe together every day, washed our underwear together at the local laundromat, shared all the same friends and lived a block away from eachother. We attended the same university. Our community was so close with so little privacy that when our friendship turned romance, over one Cinco De Mayo lunch and a couple fo margaritas, we kept that part a secret. Walking to eachother's houses under cover of darkness, savoring the part of our connection that was ours alone.

I moved out of state, we had one weekend together a few months later and ever since, our only contact has been the annual Cinco De Mayo e-mail update. I was so happy to hear from him and thinking it unfortunate that we would not be able to see each other but we had this phone conversation. It was the most boring and disconnected conversation I had in a really long time.

Most often when I run in to old friends we can pick up as if the time and distance never occurred because there is a sacred bond between friends that just does not change due to circumstance. Apparently not in this case. When I realized that my work commitments prevented me from making the drive out to see him, I was disapointed but after the phone conversation I was so relieved. He is happy and successful, and I am so happy for him. But there is no bond, nothing that connects or holds us together in any way. It was one of those conversations where each person is trying really hard to be interested in what the other has to say but neither one really is.

He is just a fun memory.

1999

Long before
my tequila soaked toes
reached across the table
to take you for my lover

cafe philosophers
and
Laundromat pilgrims

Fresh
from the tattoo shop
you took
Forbidden liberty

Your fingertips
read the braile of
my shredded green skin

touching
both blood and ink

No one noticed...

it was our secret

Workshop Offerings in July Tarot/Reiki/Past Life Regression/Personal Mission Statement

Past Life Regression & Healing

Learn about your past lives
Learn how your past life is effecting you today
Receiving healing from karmic issues
Incorporate past wisdom into your present life

In this workshop will consist of a guided past life regression
Meditation for healing and incorporating wisdom
Discussion and processing of lives visited and lessons learned

Date: Thursday July 17
Time: 7:00 to 9:30 PM
Cost: $35.00 ($30 with advanced registration)
Location: Amaranth Healing office

Create your Personal Mission Satement

You were born with gifts that are yours alone to offer the world
You have a unique purpose
Are you ready to live your purpose?
Do you want to feel more focused?
Do you want to live a purposful life?

In this workshop you will gain clarity through meditation and discussion as to your central purpose and create a personal mission statement.

Date: Tuesday July 15
Time: 7:00 to 9:30PM
Cost: $35.00 ($30.00 with early registration)
Location: Amaranth Healing office

Reiki Level 1 class

Do you like to help other people?
Do you want to help heal the earth?
Are you sensitive or intuitive?
Do you want to develop your perceptive and intuitive abilities?
Do you want to improve your health and reduce your stress while helping others?

Then Reiki level I is for you.

You will learn:

How to perceive and manage the flow of healing energies through your body
How to be more grounded
How to have better energetic boundaries
How to heal yourself and others
How to help heal the earth
and much more...

Dates: Sundays July 13 and 20
Time: 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM
Location: Amaranth Healing Office (contact me for exact location)
Cost: $170.00 or $150.00 if you register before July 10th
Payment plans available

Learn To Read Tarot Workshop
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Tarot Workshop

Dates: Saturdays July 12 and 19
Times 9:00 Am to 5:00 PM
Cost: $225.00
Class size is limited so please register in advance. Payment plans are available.

You will learn:
Symbolism of the tarot
Elemental reading
Three different layouts
Intuitive reading
and much more

It is possible to take specific 2 hour segments of this class for $36. per segment. Segments are as follows:

July 12
9:00-10:00 AM Introduction to and Ethics of Tarot ($18 only 1 hour)
10:10 AM to 12:00 noon Major Arcana
1:10 to 3:00 PM the suit of cups
3:10 to 5:00 PM suit of Pentacles

July 19
10:00 AM to 12 noon Suit of Wands
1:10 to 3:00 Suit of Swords
3:10 to 5:00 PM Card Layouts and intuition


About Me

Michelle from Amaranth Healing & Consulting Has been reading Tarot for more than 20 years. She brings healing intention and a strong sense of ethics to her Tarot readings and life. She has been the Tarot and Turkish coffee reader for Ararat for the past four years.

She is a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Reiki and is also trained in Light Touch, Heart touch, Healing Meditation and a variety of other vibrational healing modalities. She has also received Medicine Buddha Empowerment from Tibetan Monks. She holds a Bachelor of Science from Eastern Michigan University, a certificate from Le Tourneau college of Graduate and Professional Studies and is a certified teacher.

past life Regression and Karmic healing Austin TX this Sunday, thought I would let you know once more before you miss out.

Past life regression. Begins at 11:30 AM and ends at 1:15 just before the Reiki Share Meet up.

I will guide the group through a meditation designed to regress to the past life memories that hold the information most significant for the participant at this time.

Participants will journey through the most significant memoties of that lifetime as a safe observer and gain information about how their current life is influenced by these past experiences.

As we are approaching the end of a year and nearing the winter solstice this is a good time to release old patterns and Karmic debt. So we will conclude the regression with some Karmic release work and take time to discuss and integrate the process.

this service is designed to bring healing, insight and empowerment to the participant in their present lifetime. Cost: $30.0o

Please contact me if you would like to come to this.

Tarot Readings Tomorrow at First Thursday on SO CO

Tarot Readings Tomorrow 12/06/06 at the White Crane on South Congress 7:00 to 9:00 PM

Past life regression and Karmic healing Austin TX this Sunday

Past life regression. Begins at Sunday December 9th @ 11:30 AM and ends at 1:15
just
before the Reiki Share Meet up.

I will guide the group through a meditation designed to regress to the past life
memories
that hold the information most significant for the participant at this time.

Participants will journey through the most significant memoties of that lifetime
as a safe
observer and gain information about how their current life is influenced by
these past
experiences.

As we are approaching the end of a year and nearing the winter solstice this is
a good time
to release old patterns and Karmic debt. So we will conclude the regression with
some
Karmic release work and take time to discuss and integrate the process.

this service is designed to bring healing, insight and empowerment to the
participant in
their present lifetime. Cost: $30.00