My Blog

Come party with me in May!

elissa — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:21:48 GMT

I'm excited to announce my third Big Spring Hafla in the Greater Phoenix area. It will be May 2nd and features some of my favorite people: the great master percussionist Souhail Kaspar, enchanting crooner Rachid Halihal and a new guest to Arizona, the fabulous Neo-Tribal dancer Jane Archer. I'm so excited to have these masters, and some amazing local talent in the show. The hafla will be half show, half dance party for everybody to live music! This is my favorite time to catch up with drum friends both local and from afar. If you are looking for a fun weekend to travel and drum, dance, or learn some new Middle Eastern songs, please come visit! There will be master classes in drumming, dancing (traditional Egyptian and ATS fusion), and music/voice ensemble. Message me with any questions. The weather is beautiful here this time of year. What are you waiting for? I've got all the info on my website: www.phoenixhafla.com Hope to see you soon!

Souhail Kaspar back in Arizona October 11th - 12th

elissa — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:10:47 GMT

Great news! Souhail will be back in the Phoenix area with percussion workshops and a feature performance in mid-October. It has been five long months since he has graced the valley with his presence, and we are excited to have him back. I am also thrilled to announce the grand opening celebration of Plaza de Anaya World Fusion Studio in Tempe, Arizona, where Souhail will be featured. Many of you know the studio through its past incarnations as Domba and the Mystic Jewell. Now my good friends Kimberly Hewitt and Tiffany Hamby are continuing the legacy as the new owners. Plaza de Anaya embodies the American take on world cultural music and dance—a multifaceted melting pot of cherished ethnic tradition and modern fusion styles. The Plaza’s grand opening will feature drum and riqq workshops by our own Souhail Kaspar, as well as dance workshops the fabulous Kassar and Urban Tribal. (I can’t even begin to explain their stupendousness—that’s best left to the girls at the studio). After the workshops, go shopping in the exotic tribal bazaar, and then enjoy the show with showcase performances by local troupes and artists, commencing with fiery dance performances by Kassar and Urban Tribal and a live music finale with Souhail. Not to be missed! Thank you for your continued support and I would love to hear a brief “yay” or “nay” if you think you will be able to make the workshops and/or the show. I will have the website updated over the next few days. If you have questions, please e-mail me at elissanova@hotmail.com . As always, pre-registration really, really, really helps! Also, if you want to get your pre-workshop practice on, you can catch a drop-in refresher class with me at the studio on Wednesday, September 24th. Inquire within. See you soon, Elissa These sites are being updated ~right now~ so if you don’t see the information you need, please message me or the Anaya peeps. I will have far more info added over the next few days. Can’t wait to see everybody! For info on Souhail’s workshops, please visit: www.phoenixhafla.com For info on the Plaza de Anaya Intensive or dance workshops, go here: www.plazadeanaya.com

Drum class tonight!

elissa — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:03:37 GMT

Intro to Middle Eastern Drumming Welcome to the exciting world of Middle Eastern percussion! This first session is a true introductory course, with an overview of technique, different styles, and different instrument types. If you’ve never played a drum or want a technique refresher, this is the class for you. All skill levels and drop-ins are welcome, and future classes will be designed based on demand, such as beginning and continuing drum classes for drummers, or rhythm classes for dancers. Dancers and melody musicians can benefit from knowing the common rhythms used in hundreds of traditional and modern songs. Melody players and zills are welcome in drum class! Either learn to play the drum, or practice playing melody to live percussion. Drop-in classes will be Wednesday nights at 8:30 at the beautiful new Plaza de Anaya studio (formerly Mystic Jewell and Domba) at 524 W Broadway Rd, Tempe, AZ 85282 on the following dates: August 13, 2008, and every Wednesday in September. More structured courses will begin with the October session. Visit www.plazadeanaya.com for pricing info and multi-class discounts. See you there!

When threads go bad....

elissa — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 08:46:57 GMT

<<knock, knock>> Hey, guys, how’s it going? I just stopped by to check out this thread…. Holy shit, what’s going on? It’s mayhem in here! Halil just karate chopped some guy in the throat, Kevin is swinging his gigantic darbuka with wild, skull-crushing abandon, Jeffrey is poking someone in the eyes with his huge, manly digits and Todd is doing a schizophrenic dance around them. Someone just overturned a table and now beer mugs and half-eaten turkey legs are sliding everywhere. There’s an Asian midget in the corner playing zills for no reason and whacking a gong every time someone gets hit in the face and a group of hermaphrodites just built a bonfire shrine around a huge cast iron doumbek, chanting, “R1 R3, Turkish doubles, come to me!” Can’t a white liberal chick go get a cup of Starbucks without all hell breaking loose? Well, anyway, I’m back so you can put down your weapons. Group hug, everyone.

Partay!! May 3rd at party o'clock

elissa — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 03:43:58 GMT

In lieu of me and Mary's 4th Annual Birthday Bash, we'll be partying down with some of our favorite musicians at a picturesque home in Goodyear. Same place, one weekend later. We won't turn down presents. There will be food, goodies to buy from Anaya Tribal and Fashionable Movement, and lots of rocking live music to dance to. Featuring Moroccan music-maker Rachid Halihal on oud, violin and vocals (his enchanting voice being his best instrument, IMHO) and a kickass primal percussion section led by Souhail Kaspar, we’ll be ready to rock the house! Bring some wine and a tasty snack and your best party gear and get ready to get your dance on. We’ll have some surprise musicians, both local and otherwise, and featured dance performances by the sensational Helena Vlahos, the sublime Carrie Konyha, and the lovely Lara Kymana. The hafla is $15 in advance and will be $20 at the door (to pay for the musicians's travel and lodging expenses). Also, we've got some cool classes that weekend in the daytime, in case you want to learn to rock the drum like Souhail or get tips on shakin your booty to the rhythm, or if you liked Rachid’s beautiful singing and want to learn a cool Moroccan ditty to sing or play later. Registration details are on my website: www.phoenixhafla.com I’ll be updating it more over the next few days, so if you don't see the info you want, please drop me a line. Also, a reminder that Midnight Caravan II will be October 17th-19th, so if you’re working on an event for the fall or know someone who is, please pass the word. That weekend we’ll be hooking it up on the east side at the Mesa Women’s Club. Can’t wait to everyone there! There will be cake!

The planets are aligning

elissa — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 08:18:10 GMT

Right now, this very minute, I have exactly as many friends on Myspace as I do on Tribe. Coincidence? Prophecy? Omen? What could it all mean? Other than that I currently have greater than or equal to 180 virtual friends....assuming they are separate entities and not duplicate online personas....and assuming they all requested my friendship in earnest.....I mean, what if they're not really my friends? You know....keep your friends close, but your enemies closer..... ... ......what if they're all keeping me CLOSER? What if they're watching my every move, waiting for me to screw up, waiting for any sign of weakness? Waiting for a chance to strike? What if nearly 180 to possibly as many as 360 virtual people are thirsting for my blood this very instant?! What then?! It would be a madhouse. A MADHOUSE!!! Get your stinking paws off me, you damn, dirty ape! My god, the internet has turned me into Charlton Heston. PEOPLE!!!!!! Soylent Green is made out of PEOPLLLLE!!!!!!!! Seriously, folks. Soylent Green is made out of people.

Midnight Caravan - Live Music and Dance Extravaganza!

elissa — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 19:30:25 GMT

Phoenix, Arizona October 6th-7th Midnight Caravan – Souhail Kaspar Near East Ensemble with Guest Artists Naser Musa, Georges Lammam, and the fabulous Dahlena! Get ready for some of the best live Middle Eastern music to hit the valley in ages! Souhail Kaspar Near East Ensemble will be in Phoenix on October 6th and 7th with a series of percussion, music, and dance workshops and a spectacular show with a stellar lineup. Guest artists include the multi-talented musicians Naser Musa and Georges Lammam, and the legendary dancer/insructor Dahlena. Come see live music that is sizzling, energizing, passionate and unforgettable! The band includes the mesmerizing vocal and instrumental stylings of Naser Musa and Georges Lammam with a rocking percussion section including master percussionist Souhail Kaspar, Majdi Kurd, Elissa, and Joe Borik. Special dance performances by Dahlena, Carrie Konyha, and some surprises! Visit www.phoenixhafla.com to see Georges, Naser, Souhail and Majdi performing at Mendocino Music Camp with some other notable performers. Doors open at 9:00 pm, Saturday October 6th. Come mingle, eat, dance, and enjoy the fantastic music! This is a concert and a party. Some food will be provided, but if you bring a potluck dish you will be worshipped and adored! Admission is $20 in advance/$25 at the door. Register early – the last hafla sold out! Concert and workshops located at: Metropolitan Arts Institute, 1700 N 7th Ave, Phoenix, AZ on 7th Ave just north of McDowell. For concert and workshop registration, visit: www.phoenixhafla.com Workshop Schedule - October 6th and 7th Workshops with Souhail: Drum Solo for Dancers, all skill levels: Saturday 2:00 – 4:00 p.m. $45 Egyptian tabla (doumbek) fundamentals: Sunday 10:00 to 12:00 $40 Intermediate/advanced: Sunday 1:00 to 3:00 $40 Riqq (tambourine), all levels: Sunday 3:30 to 5:00 $35 Workshops with Naser: Arabic Instrumental Ensemble: Saturday, October 6th, 10:00 to 12:00 $40 Workshops with Georges: Arabic Singing: Saturday, October 6th, 12:30 to 2:30 $40 Workshops with Dahlena: Egyptian Oriental Dance: Sunday, October 7th, 12:00 to 3:00 $60 Full class descriptions, package discounts, and contact information can be found here: www.phoenixhafla.com Any questions, message me through Tribe or any of the contact info on the website.

Got hair?

elissa — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:47:51 GMT

Every once in awhile when things just seem too easy, it’s only natural to want to add a little challenge to your life. So last week I bought an epilator. It’s like an electric shaver that instead of just slicing hair off at the surface, goes the extra mile and pulls the suckers out by the roots. Kind of like a posse of tiny elves armed with tweezers ready to attack the offending follicles in rapid-fire succession. Now, imagine the agony of accidentally pulling one hair from a sensitive area and multiply that by the number of hairs you have on one square inch of that area. There are more than you think. I’d like to think I have a high threshold for pain. I’m supposed to be capable of giving birth. I’ve stubbed a toe or two in my day and I can handle it. So when the handy little plucking devices went on sale at the drugstore, I thought, what the hell. There was a basic model and a deluxe version for twenty dollars more, the only difference being that the deluxe model comes in a stylish sea green and has a light on it, apparently so you can see the pain. I went for the bare bones powder pink version. Skipped the directions and went straight for the action, cause that’s how I roll. Now, the cats have seen me upset before and they know what to do. Soon as that sucker touched down they were out of there. They haven’t seen me cuss like that since that time I accidentally set that thing on fire in my living room. (Please don’t tell my landlord about that). Not being one to give up easily, I pressed on. Took a look at the instructions to check my form. They claimed “the initial discomfort will eventually lesson over time.” Encouraged by this, I corrected my technique, drew up an attack strategy with timelines and full-color diagrams, and continued. After a while you reach this transcendent state of almost euphoria, kind of like drowning victims get when they finally stop struggling. The things around me became vibrant and fuzzy at the same time. Rock opera music started playing in the background - something by the Who, I think. I saw a light and followed it. I was beginning to make peace with my gods when something knocked me back into the reality of my gray little bathroom. Glad to still be alive, I packed the horrid thing back in its box and mailed it to Guantanamo. Free shipping, can you believe it? For my trouble, I now have a beautiful, hairless two by three inch patch of skin on my left ankle. According to the package it should stay that way for four to six weeks.

How I Spent my Estrella Vacation

elissa — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:22:33 GMT

Wednesday night, played a little at my own campfire in the rain feeling sorry for myself because I drove all the way out there without tent poles. Slept in someone else's tent. Thursday morning, went and did Renn Faire gig, got poles and came back. Thursday night, wandered far and wide following da noise, finally found it on the other side of the world at a cool shindig, never got the name of the camp but the drummers were cool and laid back, jammed with Nevik for awhile, stayed up way too late and woke up with drum hangover. Friday afternoon went to Nevik's split finger class, met Madog. Class did not disappoint. All my fingers were split by the end of it. Bought a frame drum. Friday night, drummed at unknown camp, huge gathering with bellydance contest, played with Gaetano, Rev, and Orphan, and many others, couldn't tell who because it was dark. I think Krusty was there. Wandered back and played at Darbuka for awhile with Donovan, Nevik and Ocean. We tried to do split parts like a marching bass line, badly. Played maybe a little too late, woke up with drum hangover. Saturday, got up super-early to hit war wagon with Master Sylvanus, Vashti, and Donovan. Aaaahh, a chance to hit things with sticks. Afterwards, a cool little jam with Metin and violin girl (Hi, violin girl!). Later, played at Merchant's row in front of Ocean's booth with Louis. Louis played 13th-century replica mandolin thing that he made himself and I played something from Ocean's booth, don't remember what, possibly because Ocean kept us liquored up as long as we were playing. Not sure how long that lasted or how I got back home. Woke up in a haze after missing half my own encampment's party. Played for party with Garrison, Steve, and Gaetano for Melissa, Chrissy, and former Unity in Motion troop members at Sea Dogs. Hit the bar, then wandered out west to play with Rock and Klaus for awhile. Hit Darbuka on the way back. All roads lead to Darbuka. Got to really see Sylvanus and Sadiq in action. Jammed way too late. Morning. Not sure what day anymore, just know the sun is once again on the other side. Damn, it's windy. Wiping crust from eyes and looking barely presentable, staggered down to Merchant's to play with Mary and Ivan in front of Charlie's booth. Bought a leather corset thing and walked back to camp feeling very chesty. Not sure what that has to do with drumming, but I felt like throwing it in there. Spent a few minutes practicing the split finger thing from that class I took whatever day that was. Back to Darbuka to watch the masters duel it out, Sylvanus, Sadiq, and Nevik throwing down notes while we all tried to figure out where 'one' is, then later Nevik and Sadiq playing some crazy shit in seven. At least, I think that's what the rhythm was called. Relived the 6/8 Moroccan thing from a few days back so I wouldn't forget it. Said goodbye to everyone (sniff) staggered back to camp, slept in clothes, packed my shit and went home. So I'm a drum whore.

Souhail Kaspar and Rachid Halihal in Phoenix March 31st-April 1st

elissa — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 20:13:23 GMT

Master percussionist Souhail Kaspar will be back in the Phoenix area at the end of March for more percussion workshops and a rhythm and movement workshop for dancers. Also, Moroccan musician extraordinaire Rachid Halihal will be offering ensemble music workshops, which include voice and instrumental lessons, so bring your ouds, neys, violins, drums, and beautiful voices! After the workshops, there will be a kickass concert and hafla featuring some of our favorite local dancers and a guest appearance by our once-local violinist Bruno Bruzzese, and of course some of the best live music imaginable. Anyone who attended Rachid’s house concert last November can tell you what a blast it was! Rachid’s classes: Instrumental: Saturday 11:00am-1:00pm Voice: Saturday 1:30pm-3:30pm $30 each/$50 for both Souhail’s classes: For Dancers: Rhythm and Movement - Saturday 4:00-7:00pm $60 For Percussionists: Tabla Fundamentals – Sunday 11:00am-1:00pm $40 Intermediate/Advanced Tabla – Sunday 1:15-3:15 $40 Riq (Tambourine) all levels – Sunday 3:30-5:00 $35 Multi-Class discounts (Souhail's classes): 2 Classes: $20 discount; 3 Classes: $35 discount; 4 Classes: $55 discount Saturday night: House Concert and Hafla – 9:00 p.m. at 5015 E Karen Dr, Scottsdale. Join us for an enchanting Morrocan-themed hafla with dancer showcase. Open dancing during all non-performance sets! “The music which Rachid Halihal presents is soulful and poetic as well as very danceable to the point where not an empty spot can be found on the dance floor wherever he plays.” Admission is $10 in advance/$12 at the door. Souhail’s website: www.neareastmusic.com Rachid’s website: www.rachidhalihalmusic.com For class descriptions and pre-registration please contact Elissa at elissanova@msn.com or (602) 625-7845. All classes and concert located at: 5015 E Karen Dr, Scottsdale, AZ 85254 (Tatum and Greenway)

About me

elissa — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 03:26:18 GMT

People have been wanting to know more about me. Here, all your questions are being answered. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?: Yes. It doesn't usually help, but it does make me feel better. Like I gave it my all. What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you dated? 12 years. Ever been in a car wreck?: Thrice. Only two of those were my fault. Were you popular in high school?: No. I was known as 'that chick who can help you with your calculus homework.' Have you ever been on a blind date?: No, that sounds about as fun as pulling off toenails. Are looks important?: Yes, if you're a model. If not, chemistry is important. Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more??: Maybe a couple. By what age would you like to be married?: HOW ABOUT NEVER? DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU?! Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?: No. Hopefully the more times they've been around the block, the better their driving skills. I appreciate someone who knows how to honk the horn, know what I mean, someone who can drive a standard AND an automatic, wink wink, nudge nudge. Someone who can...uh...parallel park, if you catch my drift. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more. Who can drive on both sides of the road. A little bit of off-roading, even. Know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more. Someone who holds multiple licenses, if you catch my drift, know what I mean, say no more. Have you ever made a mistake?: No. Well, maybe once. What's the most you have spent for a haircut?: Forty dollar. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: Yes, YES, and what a sad path of despair every one of those turned out to be. Why do you ignore me, fifth grade music teacher, WHY?! Have you ever peed in public?: Yes. On purpose, even. What song do you want played at your funeral?: Brickhouse. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?: Yes, and I would not be the first to do so. What would your last meal be before getting executed?: Something multicolored and fragrant, something that would be as interesting coming back up as it did going down. Maybe seafoody and garlicy. You know, to give the audience something extra special to talk about later. Beatles or Stones?: Beatles If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?: Anyone who's requested doctor-assisted suicide and been turned down. Beer, wine or hard liquor?: Why do I have to choose, WHY? Do you have any phobias?: Kind of scared of trains. Because they can't stop. Even when they really want to. What are your plans for the future?: 1) Establish world domination. 2) Destroy all opposition. 3) Enforce worship. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Do you walk around the house naked?: Yes. If you were an animal what would you be?: A camel. Hair color you like on someone you're dating?: Any. Hell, they don't even have to have hair. They just have to be content in their hairlessness. Would you rather be blind or deaf?: Tough choice, but I think I'd go with blind. Could not live without music. And I've heard there are some pretty fun ways to go blind. Do you have any special talents?: Yes. (Very talented at the one-word response). What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?: Kick off shoes, pull off clothes, run through the house yelling "I'm back!" Do you like horror or comedy?: Yes. Are you missing anyone?: Yes, a sugardaddy. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do?: Nancy Pelosi. Where do you want to live when you are old?: Wherever I'm happy. Who is the person you can count on the most?: Myself. And other people who are similar to myself. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?: David Bowie, only if dressed as the Goblin King from Labyrinth. What did you dream last night?: I dreamt of a day when the democrats would sweep the house, and maybe even the senate by a chair or two. Okay, so my precognition is a little behind.... What is your favorite sport to watch?: Here's the only time I've ever liked watching sports -- when there was a chance I might get a free trip out of it. Picture this, I'm dressed in 12 layers of sweaty wool that's been worn by fifteen years worth of band geeks. I'm sitting in the stands playing yet another rendition of "We Will Rock You" waiting for a chance to pee and maybe get some nachos. Occasionally I'll yell at someone in my section for acting like a jackass or forgetting the cutoff in bar 3. Do I give a flying crap what's going on on the field? Hell, no! Unless.....wait.....there's a good shot at a bowl game in Hawaii?!....Really?.........GO TEAM!!! Let's play some more stands tunes! "We Will Rock You"? I LOVE that one! Let's play it again! Let's play "Charge!" Da da da Da da DA -- CHARGE! Fuck you, umpire! Where's the guy with the ball? RUN, you sonnofabitch! Are you named after anyone?: Dido, Queen of Carthage. Seriously, look it up. Fourth book of the Aeneid. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?: Do I have to choose? Really? Non alcoholic drink?: Irish coffee. Have you ever been in love?: Yes. Do you sing in the shower?: Yes. Have you ever been arrested?: Y - No. I have been in cuffs, though. What is your favorite Holiday?: Hallowthankschristmanukkah. Would you ever get plastic surgery?: No. I plan to remain stunningly attractive until the end of time. Barring that, I will have all my acquaintances's eyes plucked out, lest they see me less than stunningly attractive. Have you ever caught a fish?: No.

Souhail Kaspar workshops in Phoenix, November 4th-5th, 2006

elissa — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 19:06:09 GMT

If you live in Arizona, you're in for a treat! Souhail Kaspar returns for a rare visit on November 4th and 5th. White Claws World Percussion Ensemble presents Middle Eastern Percussion and Dance Workshops with Souhail Kaspar! The Master Percussionist, known for his ability to improvise and embellish the rhythmic patterns of Arabic music, will be instructing the following: Saturday November 4th: Fundamentals of Egyptian Doumbek: 12 noon – 2 pm $40 Intermediate Egyptian Doumbek: 2:15 pm – 4:15 pm $40 Riq (Arabic Tambourine): 4:30 pm - 5:45 pm $35 Sunday November 5th: Advanced Egyptian Doumbek: 10 am – 12 noon $40 Drum Solos (for Dancers): 1 pm – 4 pm $60 Multi-class Discounts - the more classes you take, the greater the discount! 2 Classes: $20 discount; 3 Classes: $35 discount; 4 Classes $55 discount. Class Descriptions: Percussion class titles are pretty self-explanatory. They get progressively harder, so attendance in order (fundamental, intermediate, advanced) is strongly recommended. The riq class can be taken by all skill levels. Drum Solo - This is a dance workshop. Learn how to improvise with live drum solos! A great 3-hour intensive workshop covering all aspects of the challenging art of drum solo. Emphasis placed on rhythm and movement, with a lecture on Raqs al-Sharqi. Pre-registration is strongly encouraged, as classes fill up quickly! To pre-register, private-message me (Elissa) for instructions. Souhail’s Website: www.neareastmusic.com Souhail’s Email: arabmusic@adelphia.net For more info on the White Claws: www.whiteclaws.com Workshop Location 7141 W Redfield Rd, Peoria, AZ (71st Avenue north of Thunderbird)

Stephen Colbert is My Hero

elissa — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 04:03:40 GMT

Here's why: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879 Holy crap! He had the nerve to roast the president for 20 minutes when he was sitting two chairs away and surrounded by secret service. As John Stewart called it: Ballsalicious! (Also fun to see the nervous twittering of the press corps, who are probably afraid of getting whacked the second they crack up....)

Some Holiday Cheer

elissa — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 00:53:53 GMT

I like to spread the love during the holidays. Enjoy! Be sure to follow the instructions exactly. Elissa’s Great-Grandmother’s Cinnamon Bread Batter: 2 eggs 1 1/2 c white sugar 2 c flour 1 c milk 2 tsp vinegar 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp soda 1/2 tsp baking powder 1/2 c shortening 1 1/2 tsp vanilla Bottle of rum (optional, but recommended) Cinnamon mix: 2 Tbsp brown sugar 1 tsp cinnamon Start by divvying up the batter ingredients into two piles: dry stuff and stuff that’s not dry. If you’re not sure what’s dry and what’s not, you might want to turn in your college degree. You can taste the rum if you want - you know you want to. If you’re really anal, mix the dry stuff in one bowl and the not-dry stuff in another bowl, then oh-so-carefully pour the not-dry stuff into the dry stuff bowl little by little, mixing vigorously until everything’s the same gooey consistency. (Or is it the other way around—you mix the dry stuff into the wet stuff until it’s gooey—hell, I don’t remember). Anyway, if you’re not anal, just throw all that crap in the same bowl and mix until wet. “Eww, why vinegar?” you ask. Well, Great-Grandma’s recipe called for sour milk, and we all know how sour milk and alcohol go together, so we’re using the more palatable vinegar and milk as a substitution. Be careful with the eggs; you have to take a shot of rum for every one you break. Hey, did you know vanilla extract is 70 proof? And now you’re ready to pour the batter into your pre-greased and battered bread pans. One big one or two little ones. (Pre-greased and battered means at some point in time prior to now, you have smeared Crisco all over the inside of the pans and then thrown some flour in and shook it all around). You might want another swig of rum at this point. Repeat as necessary. Fill the pans about half way—with BATTER, not rum—then sprinkle half of the cinnamon mix (what, you didn’t mix it already?), then pour in the second half of batter, then sprinkle on the remaining half of cinnamon mix. Don’t you just love all this math? Kind of makes you want to curl up with a hot toddy and call it a day. Now you can put the pans in the oven. Crap, I forgot to tell you to preheat the oven to 350. Oh well, if you had read the directions first you would know this by now. Be careful not to slosh the mixture over the sides of the pans. (For some reason by now my kitchen is always spinning. Not sure why). Leave those bad boys in there for a good forty minutes or so. May take longer, but I tend to forget about them until the fire alarm goes off. Lick the bowl while you’re waiting and finish off what’s left in the bottle. If you’re lucky, they’ll rise, like magic, into something that resembles bread and is suitable for bringing to a potluck. If not, just eat the damn things yourself.

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

elissa — Thu, 21 Jul 2005 20:43:04 GMT

There's been a furry addition to my family in recent weeks. A non-cat addition. Now, I've had canine friends before, but not in such an intimate capacity. This list is by no means extensive, but here are some differences that I am now keenly aware of: *The cats aren't all that happy to see me when I get home. *They also aren't all that interested in playing with coffee grounds and banana peels in the kitchen trash. *The cats will let me hit the snooze button forty times in the morning without negative consequences. They will not bark until I get up and will not piss on the floor if I choose to ignore them. *The cats will not give displays of unconditional love and affection unless they see an immediate payoff (such as a Wendy's double stack with cheese). *The cats are not big, clumsy oafs who topple everything in their paths. They have retractable claws and do not scratch the crap out of me when they try to climb into my lap. (They only scratch me with calculated precision). *The cats do not beg me to walk with them around the neighborhood when it's a hundred sixteen degrees, then take big, conspicuous dumps on the neighbor's front steps. *They also do not smell like sweaty ass when we get home. *Neither cats nor dogs get sunburns, unlike their human slaves. *The cats are not thrilled to see me when I get home unless their food bowl is empty. They are never so excited that they shake so hard they pee, then give big, wet kisses right after eating out of the kitty box. *That's right, folks. Cats do not eat kitty poo. *Cats do however hiss and yow and make their opinions known about the new guest in the house. Every second of every day. *Cats are irreverent dog-haters who would wear pointy hats and erect big, burning milkbone structures on my lawn if they had the capability to do so. *I can hear them whispering at night about what they're planning to do to the sleeping dog-lover in the next room, their wispy, ghost-shrouded forms pacing to and fro with murder in their eyes, while me and poo-eater huddle trembling under the covers clutching our crucifixes and praying for dawn. *LEAVE ME ALONE, CATS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! (I have noticed a couple advantages worth mentioning here: More bed space--in this case, one dog is still smaller than two cats. --And most important-- I have not had to clean the kitty box in weeks.)

I Just Gotta be ME!!!

elissa — Fri, 08 Jul 2005 19:15:19 GMT

Made you look....

My first rant: Why's Bruno Gotta Be Bugging Me All the Time?

elissa — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 04:55:28 GMT

Okay, since someone made a request for more ranting, here goes. My first rant is titled "Why's Bruno Gotta Be Bugging Me All the Time?" It's always "samai this" and "wahida that" and "quit playing during my taqsim" and "you're stepping on my foot." Always some BS about musicality and paying attention. If we cared about any of that pansy crap we wouldn't be playing the DRUMS. So just keep your fancy bow work to yourself and let us drummers do what we do best. Drink and hit stuff.

Hmmmm

elissa — Sat, 18 Jun 2005 00:46:05 GMT

Hmmm, my first blog post EVER. Still haven't figured out what a blog is, but it seems like an opportunity to rant unimpeded into cyberspace. There are worse things in life.