thoughts

stolen. from. trudie.

elusive-sunshine — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 12:03:36 GMT

1. Are you taller than your best friend? no, yes, and same height. 2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? quill 3. Look at your planner for November 14, what are you doing? looking at my planner for Nov. 14, i see: YOGA 11:30 -call carole re sched- [X'ed out] -call Nancy back- [X'ed out] -call jackie/esteban/ami- [X'ed out] -call Steve ofc re: appt today- [X'ed out] fix tooth 4pm -sew w/ grma- [X'ed out] -linen- [X'ed out] -purp fairy bubble- [X'ed out] lunch w/ amy 12:30 apparently i'm time-dyslexic. no wonder i'm always late. 4. What color are your toenails usually? transparent? vaguely whitish opaque? flesh colored? 5.What is the last thing you highlighted? april's famous cleavage. 6. What color are the curtains in your bedroom? invisible 7. What are your favoite colors? to wear? orange green maroon yellow charcoal. in general? all of them found in nature. :). 8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? nope 9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? package to my sister, package to my lover. 10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? i don't think so. 11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? fabric. 12. Who is the last baby that you held? babies scare me. i might break it. 13. Can you spell well? weel? 14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? sure 15. What is next to your computer? chocolate. crystals. books. jewelry. drugs. 16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators? umm. gators cause i might outrun them. 17. Last time you went to Six Flags? dunno 18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? i don't have a house. if i had a tipi, i'd say no. 19. Closest thing to you that is yellow? cigarette pack 20. Where did you go to high school? none of your business, wierdo. you wanna stalk me too? 21. Favorite sea animal? anglerfish. their version of sex is complete absorption. 22. Closest framed picture to you? my mom with her mother c. 1953. 23. Last time you had someone cook for you? last night, wet dog soup. 25. How many emails do you get in your inbox daily? few to none, cause i neglect the internet and the cookies show it. 26. Last time you received flowers? anyone who knows my gyspsy spirit knows how i feel about cut flowers. 28. Do you play air guitar? no, but i met some nice people tonite whose friend won the national championships in air guitar. i'll stick to air cowbell, thanks. 29. Has anyone ever proposed to you? yes. 30. Do you take anything in your coffee? coffee has never touched my mucous membranes purposefully on my part. 31. Do you own any Willow Tree figurines? [WTF?] i'm with you on this. 32. What is/was your high school's mascot? bulldog. fitting. 33. Last person you spoke to from high school? um, do jen and amy count? they were my friends back then, even though they didn't go to school with me. 34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? umm at work last week? 35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? i would like to learn to use a drum machine. 36. What color are the blinds in your living room? [invisible] didn't i say this earlier? love you, trudie. 38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? i don't do the news. i do gossip. 39. Know anyone pregnant? a few. babies are the new black. 40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? dunno 41. Have you ever worn a crown? when i was a fairy princess ballerina. 42. What is the last thing you stapled? i don't care? 43. Did you ever drink Pepsi? nope 44. Are you ticklish? yep, if you wanna get kicked. 45. Last time you saw fireworks? [last night in the sack with Matt ] i love trudie. 46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut? when i lived inthe east bay. i only like the ones fresh off the conveyer belt. 47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned? [Someone work related] yep. if it's not fashion, music, massage, or dance, i can't make the time for it cause i'm not motivated. 48. Last time you clean your floor. love the grammar. 49. Do you have a black dog? i used to. he's buried in the backyard. i hear that's illegal now. 51. Are you an aunt or uncle? not yet. my people take a while to start breeding, that's why both my grammas are 90+. 52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? really, i like mouths. if pressed, i'd have to say i find jen's left eye entrancing. 53. Last time you saw a semi truck? i read this as semi fuck and spent a few moments pondering what that might possibly be... 54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? never knew him. 55. Do you have a little black dress? sure.

craziest party EVER.

elusive-sunshine — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:12:22 GMT

www.prospermag.com/photo/251-2062 we saw Jesse Camp! He was totally sweet to us. The girl who organized the gig stepped on a wineglass and impaled her foot after the show. We got written up in SN&R but weren't big enough news for the rude Bee columnnist, who was only interested in MTV has-beens and not homegrown local culture, haha. Prosper Magazine's photographer Corey Yeaton was, tho. I sent a this text haiku when we headed out- "Plum Blossom on K. After crazy art party, We must munch alot.":

i love neruda (xpost from myspace)

elusive-sunshine — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 21:28:37 GMT

AGUA SEXUAL Rodando a goterones solos, a gotas como dientes, a espesos goterones de mermelada y sangre, rodando a goterones cae el agua, como una espada en gotas, como un desgarrador río de vidrio, cae mordiendo, golpeando el eje de la simetría, pegando en las costuras del alma, rompiendo cosas abandonadas, empapando lo oscuro. Solamente es un soplo, más húmedo que el llanto, un líquido, un sudor, un aceite sin nombre, un movimiento agudo, haciéndose, espesándose, cae el agua, a goterones lentos, hacia su mar, hacia su seco océano, hacia su ola sin agua. Veo el verano extenso, y un estertor saliendo de un granero, bodegas, cigarras, poblaciones, estímulos, habitaciones, niñas durmiendo con las manos en el corazón, soñando con bandidos, con incendios, veo barcos, veo árboles de médula erizados como gatos rabiosos, veo sangre, puñales y medias de mujer, y pelos de hombre, veo camas, veo corredores donde grita una virgen, veo frazadas y órganos y hoteles. Veo los sueños sigilosos, admito los postreros días, y también los orígenes, y también los recuerdos, como un párpado atrozmente levantado a la fuerza estoy mirando. Y entonces hay este sonido: un ruido rojo de huesos, un pegarse de carne, y piernas amarillas como espigas juntándose. Yo escucho entre el disparo de los besos, escucho, sacudido entre respiraciones y sollozos. Estoy mirando, oyendo, con la mitad del alma en el mar y la mitad del alma en la tierra, y con las dos mitades del alma miro el mundo. Y aunque cierre los ojos y me cubra el corazón enteramente, veo caer agua sorda, a goterones sordos. Es como un huracán de gelatina, como una catarata de espermas y medusas. Veo correr un arco iris turbio. Veo pasar sus aguas a través de los huesos. TRANSLATION Rolling down in big and distinct drops, in drops like teeth, in heavy drops like marmalade and blood. rolling down in big drops, the water is falling, like a sword made of drops, like a river of glass that tears things, it is falling, biting, beating on the axle of symmetry, knocking on the seams of the soul, breaking abandoned things, soaking the darkness. It is nothing but a breath, more full of moisture than crying, a liquid, a sweat, an oil that has no name, a sharp motion, taking shape, making itself thick, the water is falling in slow drops toward the sea, toward its dry ocean, toward its wave without water. I look at the wide summer, and a loud noise coming from a barn, wineshops, cicadas, towns, excitements, houses, girls sleeping with hands over their hearts. dreaming of pirates, of conflagarations, I look at ships, I look at trees of bone marrow bristling like mad cats, I look at blood, daggers and women's stockings, and men's hair, I look at beds, I look at corridors where a virgin is sobbing, I look at blankets and organs and hotels. I look at secretive dreams, I let the straggling days come in, and the beginnings also, and memories also, like an eyelid held open hideously I am watching. And then this sound comes: a red noise of bones, a sticking together of flesh and legs yellow as wheatheads meeting. I am listening among the explosions of the kisses, I am listening, shaken among breathings and sobs. I am here, watching, listening, with half of my soul at sea and half of my soul on land, and with both halves of my soul I watch the world. And even if I close my eyes and cover my heart over entirely, I see the monotonous water falling in big monotonous drops. It is like a hurricane of gelatin, like a waterfall of sperm and sea anenomes. I see a clouded rainbow hurrying. I see its water moving over my bones. p. neruda

i am so sorry

elusive-sunshine — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:53:02 GMT

that i don't write blogs here. that i don't post often. that i don't return your messages for a month. tribe frustrates me i can't expand those little arrow boxes on profiles, the page refreshes automatically and it's closed again. i can't figure out how to do anything here. i just like myspace's platform better. everything is there. if you want a peek, it's a totally public profile (i think private settings are silly). http://www.myspace.com/elusivesunshine

wow.

elusive-sunshine — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:19:05 GMT

i went onto my tribevpage for the first time in YEARS cause jen told me i had some crazy stuff posted that i didn't think i would have written.... turns out she had misread, but in the process i saw that i only had 8 friends on tribe. 8? i thought- that's not right. turns out you can select friends for display here on tribe... interesting. so i checked all of y'all cause if i'm gonna put anyone on display- it's you, hotties!

all of my friends

elusive-sunshine — Tue, 22 May 2007 19:02:48 GMT

are online right now! we should all get off the computer and go to the river!!!

ew. ew. ew.

elusive-sunshine — Sat, 05 May 2007 23:41:12 GMT

I am so tired of this yucky online trolling. I put more content and fewer graphics up on my myspace page than anyone I know (i'd say the same of my tribe page but i can't figure out how to edit anything here so it mostly just stagnates), more of my own original thoughts, more honesty. As AprilRose once said, "I know the differnce between my journal and a blog". I do too, but still choose to put quite a bit of my innermost fucking secrets up anyway because how else does the world get to know the real me? And yet it is not my mind that gets responded to, but my photos! "you're so beautiful" "the name says it all...HOTTIE" (author's note: the name's supposed to be a hot pot reference, not a description. in fact, the first one i came up with was 'hot pottie' but upon review, that one got nixed for obvious reasons) "add me, sexy." yuck. WHY???? Why should I make a part of my life someone I will never meet, who is only interested in looking at me and not in interacting? Yes, I put dance pictures up. Yes, I may be half-naked in them. Why does nudity correspond to an invitation for sexual attention in our culture? And why is sexual attraction so segregated from personality or intellect these days? So how am I supposed to respond politely to these individuals to let them know these things? I want to be respectful and kind, but make it very clear that their lack of interest in anything more than veils is what makes them undesireable to me as a conversation, an acquaintance, a friend, or a lover. I detest superficiality for it's own sake. sorry to vent but jen's got me all heartbroke and sensitive and these dudes just won't stop! one even called me a cunt cause i didn't reply to the message he had sent two days before. really, i just need a hug.

MY VIEWS ON THE WAR IN IRAQ

elusive-sunshine — Wed, 02 May 2007 00:10:55 GMT

repost from one of my best friends' myspace bulletin "My Views on the War in Iraq Body: The following is a letter I wrote to hotair.com they wanted to know what other servicemembers who have fought in Iraq thought about the war on terror. I think it was pretty well put. Hopefully people out there in America will think the same. Enjoy: Hello, I am writeing because I read the post you had about Cpl Rock. Consequently I know him, I was stationed with him in Washington a couple years back. And we have kept in touch on myspace since he has been in Ramadi. Also consequently I served in Ramadi with 3rd Battalion 7th Marines and was injured there a year and a half ago. He has let me know of the progress they are making in the city. His views are not unlike other Marines, Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen. Its sad that we are the unspoken few in the political circus about the war in Iraq. We are the ones that take the brunt of the punishment, give our health, limbs, and lives there for the Iraqi people and for the man fighting next to us. But the politicians and the media rarely care what we have to say. I was in Ramadi for three and a half months before I was seriously wounded and sent back to the states. During that time we did a lot of good in the city. We set up a tip line for the Iraqis to call and report IEDs and insurgent activity. And we got a lot of Intel from that, the people made it clear to us that they wanted our help. We would talk to them at our vehicle check points and they would tell us about the insurgent activities in their neighborhoods, arms caches, and IEDs set out to blow up our humvees and kill our Marines. I was saddened after I was injured to find out that some of the good that we had done while there didnt even make a newspaper back home. We delivered over a million dollars worth of medical supplies to Iraqi hospitals in Ramadi. Hired Iraqis to take things into their own hands and clean up their streets. And helped rid the streets of the city of IEDs that not only hurt the Marines and Soldiers but the citizens as well. I guess our humanitarian efforts dont make for a good newspaper article back here in America, where people are more concerned with traffic on their way to work or a long line in one of their trendy coffee shops. After all who really cares if we are making the lives of the people of another country better if Americans are more concerned with their mindless daily trifles. One great quote I recently heard about the war in Iraq was this: "Our nation is not at war, our Military is at war, America is at the mall." Roughly put that is the war in Iraq. The American people simply don't care what is really happening in Iraq. If they did they would look deeper and talk to the troops who have served there. Instead they rely on the news media for their flawed information. And whats worse than America not caring is our politicians who are supposed to know what is going on using the troops as a political lever to flaunt their own opinions and electoral goals. How many Democrats are in office today that go there because they didnt support the war in Iraq? Using the ignorance of civilian America to launch themselves onto a political platform. These politicians dont support the troops or anything that they are doing. The troops want a victory in Iraq. If nothing else to say that our friends, our comrades who fought beside us and never made it home, did not die in vain. I dont know many Marines like myself, who haven't had a friend or brother die. Most know several, sometimes too many, who never made it home to the freedom of our great country. And that is a shame. To say that these great men who died for our country did it all for nothing is a travesty and does no honor to their memories. I am not saying that Republicans are any better, personally I feel that our political party system needs a serious renovation. The way both parties have used the troops as a bargaining tool is personally sickening to me. Using human life as a chip to cash in for political power is disgusting. And thats what they are all doing. It just seems that as of right now the Republicans are the lesser evil in the political nightmare of the war. I hope that you get this and are able to put my words out there for the people to see. I am no philosopher, but I tried to put things into the best perspective I could. For someone who has been there and seen the tradgedy of what Saddam created I know that we have done the right thing in Iraq. No matter what liberal America has to say. Thank you, Neil Frustaglio Cpl/USMC (Ret)" I'm interested in your thoughts on this perspective.

birthday wishes

elusive-sunshine — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 06:53:23 GMT

i wish i had more time... at least the blood moon's over and done right and i'm not even sick. i consider that a personal triumph unto itself. i kept myself alive for another year, my body is in top working condition despite one nasty little habit, and my friends still keep me around. i have found my direction and my voice this year, untrained as both are. i am a work in progress. i want to be like a bob ross painting. may we all continue to grow like happy little trees.

doin my homework

elusive-sunshine — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 06:57:20 GMT

bear with me, m Y key doesn't work all that well. i came across this <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/American_Tribal_Style_Belly_Dance> while looking up images for class. i need pictures of waterfalls, rivers, pools of water at night. basicall an water shot taken on a full moon (or possibly with artificial lighting). if ou have and/or know where i could find some, it would be amazing. kisses. no more homework, i'm pooped.

busybusy

elusive-sunshine — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 00:53:14 GMT

working learning making doing moving.... i haven't had a day off in two weeks- looking forward to thursday, and to the thursday nite sleepover. blood moon tickets are on sale now. oct 28, 7pm, $20. so are my russian pants. i am having all the studio girls bless them tonite before i give them to shauna. much love, much luck, much laughter.

raaah!

elusive-sunshine — Sun, 02 Jul 2006 15:46:37 GMT

why do computers eat the beautiful creative things in my mind? an internet glitch and oops! it's gone.... insomnia makes me loopy. 8')

DISPOSABLE.

elusive-sunshine — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:35:59 GMT

i jst read a post on the ethical consumerism tribe. some hippie environmentalist who wanted to pick others' cigarette butts off the ground and hand them back to those who littered. why are we so shortsighted? is visible litter really any worse than the thousands of landfills we have dispersed throughout our homes, our farmlands, our playgrounds? are the pollutants we consume willingly in our smoggy air any worse than a bit of secondhand smoke? I mean, I know cigarettes can kill you. they cause cancer. but so can a charbroiled steak. and microwaved tupperware. air conditioning thins the ozone layer, right? but as long as we pretend that these factors don't affect _us_, as long as things are quick, easy, and convenient, none of it matters. it's ok to splice e. coli bacteria into our fruits and let them cross-pollinate with every organic and non-hybrid plant. It's okay to mine oil and chemically convert it to substances that poison us slowly. as long as it is profitable, it's ok. as long as it's not visible, it's ok. WHY? are you exercising your right as an influence, a voice?when was the last time you brought your own bag to the grocery store? grew your own food? didn't buy anything for a whole week? our power in a capitalist society is as consumers. i mean, you don't have to become an ascetic, but do you really _need_ all those Things? think about who, or what made them- materials, construction, working conditions buy local, support fair trade practices. reward those who strive for the better of all, and not simply themselves, with your money. i was thinking about this at rakkasah, where i paid much more than i could have for a pair of taureg earrings, and how happy i felt about it. i spoke with the vendor, who is supporting, not _exploiting_ the taureg family she does business with, which i greatly appreciate. how many major american clothing manufactures can claim the same? Just think about it.