My inner child is a mean little fucker

They fixed it?

EmperorEndless — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 21:33:16 GMT

So I lost my password a couple years ago and for some reason submitting my email for the "forgot your password" refused to work. So I try it today again, as I've been doing every few months or so, and BANG...it worked! W..T...F

Not dead.

EmperorEndless — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 05:05:11 GMT

Just bored.

Not ignoring all of you.....

EmperorEndless — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 06:35:24 GMT

Just been too damn busy to spend much time online. I check my emails, and of course phone calls, so reach me there. Maybe I'll chill out and read the millions of posts I've missed soon.

Dur, my brain and stuff.

EmperorEndless — Fri, 11 May 2007 18:05:41 GMT

Your Brain Usage Profile: Auditory : 43% Visual : 56% Left : 72% Right : 27% endless, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always. Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself. Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem. Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions. You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole." With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times. http://www.mindmedia.com/brainworks/index.html

Potentially Habitable Planet Found

EmperorEndless — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 23:41:30 GMT

http://www.comcast.net/news/science/index.jsp?cat=SCIENCE&fn=/2007/04/24/645530.html&cvqh=itn_planet 42 minutes ago WASHINGTON - For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe." The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, known as a "red dwarf," is much smaller, dimmer and cooler than our sun. There's still a lot that is unknown about the new planet, which could be deemed inhospitable to life once more is known about it. And it's worth noting that scientists' requirements for habitability count Mars in that category: a size relatively similar to Earth's with temperatures that would permit liquid water. However, this is the first outside our solar system that meets those standards. "It's a significant step on the way to finding possible life in the universe," said University of Geneva astronomer Michel Mayor, one of 11 European scientists on the team that found the planet. "It's a nice discovery. We still have a lot of questions." The results of the discovery have not been published but have been submitted to the journal Astronomy and Astrophysics. Alan Boss, who works at the Carnegie Institution of Washington where a U.S. team of astronomers competed in the hunt for an Earth-like planet, called it "a major milestone in this business." The planet was discovered by the European Southern Observatory's telescope in La Silla, Chile, which has a special instrument that splits light to find wobbles in different wave lengths. Those wobbles can reveal the existence of other worlds. What they revealed is a planet circling the red dwarf star, Gliese 581. Red dwarfs are low-energy, tiny stars that give off dim red light and last longer than stars like our sun. Until a few years ago, astronomers didn't consider these stars as possible hosts of planets that might sustain life. The discovery of the new planet, named 581 c, is sure to fuel studies of planets circling similar dim stars. About 80 percent of the stars near Earth are red dwarfs. The new planet is about five times heavier than Earth. Its discoverers aren't certain if it is rocky like Earth or if its a frozen ice ball with liquid water on the surface. If it is rocky like Earth, which is what the prevailing theory proposes, it has a diameter about 1 1/2 times bigger than our planet. If it is an iceball, as Mayor suggests, it would be even bigger. Based on theory, 581 c should have an atmosphere, but what's in that atmosphere is still a mystery and if it's too thick that could make the planet's surface temperature too hot, Mayor said. However, the research team believes the average temperature to be somewhere between 32 and 104 degrees and that set off celebrations among astronomers. Until now, all 220 planets astronomers have found outside our solar system have had the "Goldilocks problem." They've been too hot, too cold or just plain too big and gaseous, like uninhabitable Jupiter. The new planet seems just right _ or at least that's what scientists think. "This could be very important," said NASA astrobiology expert Chris McKay, who was not part of the discovery team. "It doesn't mean there is life, but it means it's an Earth-like planet in terms of potential habitability." Eventually astronomers will rack up discoveries of dozens, maybe even hundreds of planets considered habitable, the astronomers said. But this one _ simply called "c" by its discoverers when they talk among themselves _ will go down in cosmic history as No. 1. Besides having the right temperature, the new planet is probably full of liquid water, hypothesizes Stephane Udry, the discovery team's lead author and another Geneva astronomer. But that is based on theory about how planets form, not on any evidence, he said. "Liquid water is critical to life as we know it," co-author Xavier Delfosse of Grenoble University in France, said in a statement. "Because of its temperature and relative proximity, this planet will most probably be a very important target of the future space missions dedicated to the search for extraterrestrial life. On the treasure map of the Universe, one would be tempted to mark this planet with an X." Other astronomers cautioned it's too early to tell whether there is water. "You need more work to say it's got water or it doesn't have water," said retired NASA astronomer Steve Maran, press officer for the American Astronomical Society. "You wouldn't send a crew there assuming that when you get there, they'll have enough water to get back." The new planet's star system is a mere 20.5 light years away, making Gliese 581 one of the 100 closest stars to Earth. It's so dim, you can't see it without a telescope, but it's somewhere in the constellation Libra, which is low in the southeastern sky during the midevening in the Northern Hemisphere. Before you book your extrastellar flight to 581 c, a few caveats about how alien that world probably is: Anyone sitting on the planet would get heavier quickly, and birthdays would add up fast since it orbits its star every 13 days. Gravity is 1.6 times as strong as Earth's so a 150-pound person would feel like 240 pounds. But oh, the view. The planet is 14 times closer to the star it orbits. Udry figures the red dwarf star would hang in the sky at a size 20 times larger than our moon. And it's likely, but still not known, that the planet doesn't rotate, so one side would always be sunlit and the other dark. Distance is another problem. "We don't know how to get to those places in a human lifetime," Maran said. Two teams of astronomers, one in Europe and one in the United States, have been racing to be the first to find a planet like 581 c outside the solar system. The European team looked at 100 different stars using a tool called HARPS (High Accuracy Radial Velocity for Planetary Searcher) to find this one planet, said Xavier Bonfils of the Lisbon Observatory, one of the co-discoverers. Much of the effort to find Earth-like planets has focused on stars like our sun with the challenge being to find a planet the right distance from the star it orbits. About 90 percent of the time, the European telescope focused its search more on sun-like stars, Udry said. A few weeks before the European discovery earlier this month, a scientific paper in the journal Astrobiology theorized a few days that red dwarf stars were good candidates. "Now we have the possibility to find many more," Bonfils said. ___

That was fun

EmperorEndless — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 00:16:51 GMT

So this afternoon I was sitting around bored off my ass, playing some video games and wondering what the hell I was gonna do today, then all of a sudden my roommate pops his head in my door and says "Wanna go flying?" So I spent the afternoon flying along the beach from Ft. Lauderdale to South Beach and back in a small Piper. I love flying, so it was nifty. Pretty cool flying along the beach lower than the high-rise condos and hotels, lol.

Gee, thanks SV

EmperorEndless — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:02:20 GMT

1. Grab the nearest book. 2. Open the book to page 23. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the next three sentences in your blog along with these instructions. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. 5. Tag five other people to do the same. Um....ok. "As he fit his own breather into place, Xavier felt a growing fear that all of the militia's best planned precautions would be woefully inadequate. Leaving the discarded shells of their dropcarriages behind, cymek warriors thrummed forward on monstrous feet. They launched explosive shells and incinerated buildings and screaming people." I dunno who to pick.... Artemis Crista Spanks CV Rick Big Daddy (you know you love it)

Man says he feared for his life when 7 N.J. lesbians attacked him

EmperorEndless — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 00:40:08 GMT

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/nationworld/ny-bc-ny--manattacked0411apr11,0,4361270.story?coll=sfla-newsnation-front NEW YORK -- A man who was beaten and stabbed after a street fight with seven avowed lesbians testified Wednesday that he thought he was going to die after they jumped him last year. "I remember being surrounded, my hands up in my face," Dwayne Buckle testified at the trial of four of the women. "I went up into a defensive position. I felt a nick in my abdomen. I had my two hands in front of my face." He said he didn't realize he had been stabbed. "Somebody told me I was stabbed," he said. "As soon as he said that, I felt it. I lay down on my knapsack. I was hollering and screaming. I felt like I was going to die." Buckle, 29, said he was in a hospital for five days and in bed at his Queens home for a month after undergoing surgery for a lacerated liver and stomach. He said he also suffered cuts, bruises, scratches and an eye injury in the attack. Buckle, who has called the incident "a hate crime against a straight man," was testifying in Manhattan's state Supreme Court at the trial of Patreese Johnson, 20, Renata Hill, 25, Venice Brown, 19, and Terrain Dandridge, 20, all of Newark, N.J. The defendants are charged with first- and second-degree assault and gang assault. Johnson, accused of stabbing Buckle, also is charged with second-degree attempted murder. All have pleaded not guilty. Three of the seven women pleaded guilty to assault charges in exchange for sentences of six months in jail and five years probation. Buckle, a movie audio-video engineer and an independent filmmaker, said the fight started outside the Independent Film Center in lower Manhattan, where he was trying to sell videos he had made. He said that as the women walked by, he spoke to one of them because he found her attractive. Buckle said a heavyset woman in the group said something rude. "She just started dogging me out, being loud and disrespectful," he said. "I think I called her an elephant and told her I wasn't talking to her." Buckle said she spoke disparagingly of his looks and clothing, saying he was wearing cheap sneakers. Meanwhile, another woman spat on him and he spat back. The women surrounded and attacked Buckle, he said. After a few minutes, he said, the fight subsided and he began picking up his DVDs from the sidewalk. "Someone attacked me from behind," Buckle said. "One girl called for some guys to come beat me up. A guy got me on the floor (sidewalk), and I was jumped again." Assistant District Attorney Sharon Laveson told the jury in opening statements that surveillance video will show that Johnson pulled a steak knife from her purse and stabbed Buckle with it. Johnson admits she slashed Buckle with a knife but says she did it in self-defense, according to papers filed by prosecutors at her arraignment. Johnson's statement says she pulled out her knife after Buckle grabbed her arm and spat on one of her friends. "As I got my knife, Renata hit him for spitting," Johnson's statement says. "Then everyone jumped in because he is a man. Then some young men had helped us. After that we walked away. I admit I did cut him one time for my own safety."

Vapor lock? Maybe.

EmperorEndless — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 03:40:15 GMT

Q: WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? A: Because they are plugged into a genius Q: WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY? A: They don't have enough time Q: WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? A: They don't stop for directions Q: WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Q: WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in Q: WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON? A: They're intended for children but men usually end up playing with them Q: WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock Q: WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy Q: HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? A: Nobody knows, since it has never happened Q: ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. A: Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Damn, there goes my porn site!

EmperorEndless — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 00:00:34 GMT

http://www.endless.com/ Thanks to Rainbow Weaver for finding it while shopping for the white party....er....I mean accidentally. Hehe

Expounding upon the nature of emotive evolution

EmperorEndless — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 20:16:03 GMT

Hehehe....sorry, just noticed 90% of the blogs were about "growth" or "healing" or some such nonsense. Had to join in the group hug. I feel great, thanks.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

EmperorEndless — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 01:42:48 GMT

WTF??

What?

EmperorEndless — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 04:45:17 GMT

True, eh? I've known many women similar, none of them have had much association with the truth. Lies I say, all lies!

300 my ass

EmperorEndless — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 08:17:11 GMT

A friend of mine gave me a bootleg copy of 300 the other day. Wow, what a weird movie. See, I've always been interested in Leonidas at Thermopylae, it's an amazing story and the fact that it actually happened is even more amazing. Now everyone is going to assume this movie is a factual representation since, well, we're mostly very stupid people. Xerxes being about eleven feet tall with hands as large as most people's abdomen was unexpected, you'd think they'd have mentioned that, no? I was also unaware there used to be elephants somewhere around the size of a jumbo jet, that's just neat. Mainly though I was impressed with my new knowledge of what freaks the Persians had in their army. Fifteen foot tall men with mandibles? Oh yes, they had them. Amazingly, on top of all the rest, the Immortals were actually Martians. That blew me away! I mean it's not everyday you learn Xerxes was in cahoots with aliens. Also the phalanx was apparently a myth, never actually happened. Instead they just kinda jumped around and killed the Persians with dirty looks and chiseled abs. I kept expecting Jesus to appear. So, yeah, the film is accurate in that roughly 300 Spartans were at a place called Thermopylae at the same time as an assload of Persians were...and that's about it. Should any of you be interested in the real story, click the link below. It really is an amazing story. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Thermopylae

How odd.

EmperorEndless — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 07:35:55 GMT

So I go to the bank today and the teller looks at me and says "you look like you should have a cowboy hat on!", to which I reply, quite eloquently, "huh?". She goes on to explain that I look like I belong on a horse, being a cowboy. I sort of raise my eyebrow a bit and look skeptical, so she asks if I'd like to buy a stuffed animal. As I am digesting this, assuming I must have lost my mind, another teller comes to the window and stares intently at me. I can only assume she was assessing my cowboy-like aura. I'm quite honestly at a loss to explain this. I go to the same bank most of the time, so the tellers know me and vice versa. The only thing different about today is that I didn't bother to shave my head in a week, so rather than the usual stubble I actually had hair, albeit minimal hair. How this could explain the conversation I do not know, however it is my best guess.

Best song ever.

EmperorEndless — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 03:06:35 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjVjxcEurHw

Living under the influence of the Weirdness Magnet

EmperorEndless — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 22:32:48 GMT

By DAVE BARRY We need to find it, dig it up, and get rid of it. I'm talking about the South Florida Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. It's buried around here somewhere. It has to be. How else can you explain why so many major freak-show news stories either happen, or end up, in South Florida? O.J. Simpson, for example. Why is he here? Did anybody in South Florida ever say, ''Hey O.J.! Why don't you pack up your golf clubs, your one glove and your remaining cutlery, and come be part of our community!''? Of course not! Nobody WANTED him here. He was DRAWN here, by the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. Or consider the 2000 presidential election. In the rest of the nation, voters looked at their ballots, then picked either one presidential candidate or the other. Only here did a scarily large number of voters attempt to vote for either (a) none of the presidential candidates, or (b) ALL of the presidential candidates, or in some cases both (a) AND (b), thereby screwing up the entire election and causing a Level Five Lawyer Infestation from which we have yet to fully recover. What caused so many incompetent voters to clump together into one huge clueless mass? That would be your Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. Another example is the Miracle Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. Remember? Granted, the Virgin Mary has appeared on other food items. But only in Hollywood, Fla., did she appear on a grilled-cheese sandwich that was preserved by its owner, who (Why not?) kept it on her nightstand for more than 10 years -- during which she claims it did not develop mold -- and then (this is the miracle part) she sold it on eBay to a casino for $28,000. The casino also paid $5,999 for the pan. Please do not try to tell me that this could have happened in an area that was not being bombarded with powerful weirdness rays. ONE AMONG MANY There are many other South Florida phenomena that can only be explained by the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet, including the Versace slaying, the Elián González fiasco, Tim Hardaway and Donald Trump. The current example, it goes without saying, is the Anna Nicole Smith Corpse Battle and Freak-a-Palooza, now playing in Fort Lauderdale. Of COURSE it had to happen here. And of COURSE, instead of a thoughtful, dignified, decorous, mentally stable judge, we got an American Idol contestant -- sometimes sobbing like Dorothy when she had to say goodbye to the Scarecrow; sometimes firing off one-liners that he apparently thought were hilarious. Ha ha! Stop it, Judge, you Krazy Kourtroom Karacter! No, really, Judge: stop it. Anyway, the question is, what can we do about this? I don't mean the Anna Nicole Smith mess; that will continue metastasizing for a LONG time. Zsa Zsa Gabor -- Yes! Zsa Zsa! -- is already involved; it's only a matter of time before somehow, some way, we hear the words ``Kato Kaelin.'' No, it's too late to stop that. But maybe we can prevent this kind of thing from happening here again, by eliminating the cause of our problems. That's right: we need to get rid of the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. But first, we have to figure out where it is. I think I know. I figured it out scientifically. CENTER OF WEIRD Here's how: I took a map of South Florida, and I marked the locations of the major weird phenomena described in this column. Then I looked at this map in a scientific manner, considering both the location of each phenomenon, and its Weirdness Quotient. And then a chill ran down my spine as I realized where the magnet would have to be buried, to cause this particular weirdness pattern. It's under the Golden Glades Interchange. We have no choice. To get that thing out of there, to give this community hope for a normal, or at least less-weird, future, we need to demolish the Golden Glades as soon as possible, using either dynamite or -- if the wind is right -- nuclear explosives. Then we need to dig up the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet and send it to some place that could use more weirdness, such as Cincinnati. You're thinking: ``But Dave, what if we follow your plan, and the weirdness magnet isn't there? Then all we will have accomplished is the total destruction of the Golden Gl ... Oh, OK, never mind.'' Exactly. So come on, South Florida: Let's do this NOW, before things get any worse. For all we know, Kato is already heading this way.

Fucking hell

EmperorEndless — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 22:03:02 GMT

Ok, since I left my charger in California and they apparently don't sell them in Florida, I had to go get a new phone. Same phone number, just a new phone. So if you have my number, I can actually answer now. However, since my old phone is still deader than dead, I can't get my contacts. This means that I do not have any of your phone numbers and cannot call any of you, so PM or call or text me with your number so I can save it again. I hate technology.

Possible Seas Discovered on Saturn Moon

EmperorEndless — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 05:42:45 GMT

LOS ANGELES - Scientists have discovered what appear to be sea-size bodies of liquid, probably methane or ethane, on the surface of Saturn's largest moon, including one about as big as Montana. The discovery by the international Cassini spacecraft was welcomed by researchers, who have long theorized that Titan possessed hydrocarbon seas because of methane and other organic compounds in its thick, largely nitrogen atmosphere. Until now, Cassini had spotted only clusters of small lakes on the planet-size moon. "They're very obvious. There's nothing subtle about them," said Cassini scientist Jonathan Lunine of the University of Arizona, Tucson. Researchers using visual and radar imaging uncovered evidence of at least two seas on Titan's hazy north pole. Cassini's camera last month spied a large, irregular feature stretching 680 miles long with a surface area similar to Montana's, or to Asia's landlocked Caspian Sea. Its radar instrument swept over the feature's northern tip and determined that it likely contains liquid methane or ethane because of its smooth appearance. However, scientists don't know whether the entire area is filled with liquid. The spacecraft also discerned another body one-fifth the size of Titan's "Caspian Sea." With a surface area of about 46,000 square miles, it is larger than Lakes Superior and Ontario combined, scientists said. While there's no scientific definition of what constitutes a lake or sea on Titan, the newly found features are significantly larger than previously discovered bodies of liquid on the frigid moon and should be considered seas, Lunine said. Results were presented Tuesday at the annual Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in Texas. Titan is one of the few objects in the outer solar system with a significant atmosphere, and scientists have long puzzled over its source. Methane is a flammable gas on Earth but is liquid on Titan because of the moon's intense atmospheric pressure and cold. Judging by their sizes and depths, the newly discovered seas likely aren't responsible for replenishing the long-term methane found in the moon's atmosphere, Lunine said. Instead, the source likely is underground methane reservoirs that vent to the surface. In 2005, Cassini launched a probe that parachuted to the surface of Titan, where it found evidence of an active world with liquid methane rain and a landscape of ridges, peaks and features formed by erosion. Cassini, on a mission to study the ringed planet and its many moons, is a project of NASA, the European Space Agency and the Italian Space Agency. The spacecraft is managed by NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena. ___

Gonna go cry now...

EmperorEndless — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 03:51:40 GMT

What a day. Had to leave work early to go get my car fixed. That took five hours of waiting. Came home and just wanted to chill at the computer....kids fried it. Format, re-install, dl everything.....going on seven hours of that now. Lost *everything* once again. I wish I was a hermit, first off, and I fucking hate children (family excluded).

I hate people

EmperorEndless — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:21:49 GMT

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/sexpert.html

This whole flight thing...

EmperorEndless — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 08:30:36 GMT

Seriously underrated as a means to meet women! I had amazing luck with my seating assignments both ways. I already mentioned the way out somewhat, and on the way back, sick as I was (am), I had even better luck if that is possible. Small jet, two seats per row, and one of the most stunning women ever sitting next to me giggling the whole flight.... heaven. Aside from that, just your normal everyday insanely long flight. One thing that really sucked was climbing and descending. With how stuffed up I am it was agony. The first leg wasn't too bad, either because it was shorter or because the altitude was higher (home is sea-level), but on the descent into Ft. Lauderdale my fucking head almost burst. I was seriously checking my nose for blood it hurt so bad. Oh I wanted to cry....sucked. One funny thing....I apparently can talk up Florida to no end, something I'm sure none of you have noticed (ahem), but when I found my gate in Salt Lake for the flight home to Ft. Lauderdale I was wearing a Dolphin's jersey and like ten-fifteen people came up to me and said "oh! home!" with such joy! When we flew over land again (from the Gulf of Mexico) over the west coast of Florida people cheered! It's not just me, most of us are nuts about this place....like Texans or Californians pretty much. Yes, it is very nice to get away, but it is also very nice to get home. There's nothing like it, being home. I got off the plane and immediately was surrounded by Spanish, German, Creole, and god knows what else...it was like "ahhh.....home", which likely makes no sense to any of you, but oh well. One last funny thing; remember how I said the middle of the country is boring as fuck? At night it's even worse. We flew over one, ONE, big city, which the flight attendant said was either Dallas or New Orleans (wtf? how hard is it to confuse them?), which seemed bright and big compared to the piss ant towns up to then. Then we get to the west coast of Florida and it's ALL lights as far as you can see in any direction. Then we get to the east coast of Florida and it was like a fucking light factory! Made everything else look piddly in comparison. As a dude in my row said "Makes you realize how much money those FPL (Florida Power and Light) bastards are making!", which made me laugh. So that's it, my travels back and forth across the country.

Australian Tourism: questions answered

EmperorEndless — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 07:34:09 GMT

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website. Obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.....just trying to help: Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water... Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Ack!

EmperorEndless — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 01:38:08 GMT

So a couple days ago I got sick as all hell. SV's children are more virulant then a CDC hotlab apparently. I managed to go hang out in SF once and had planned on a few more trips, but this damn cold is evil. I attempted to hang out again Monday night, but had to leave as soon as I got out due to being so damn dizzy I could've fallen over... Oh well, was a fun trip anyway! Managed to briefly hit the sights around town today, largely because I sat in a car the whole time, and was only out for a couple hours so I didn't have a chance to meet up with anyone today. Tomorrow I fly home and my traveling today has knocked me on my ass, so I won't be doing anything other than laying down the rest of the time I'm here. All in all, I have to say San Francisco is one cool place from what I've seen. I'll definitely want to come back again! More when I get home.

Mountains are pretty damn cool...

EmperorEndless — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 03:04:21 GMT

So once we were nearing Salt Lake the whole country just kind of propels itself upwards. I'm a Floridian, born and raised, so mountains were things we saw on vacation in the Carolinas basically. Nothing like these monsters. I'd only slept two hours before my flight because I wanted to sleep on the plane. I'm a smoker, so over five hours was going to be a bitch. Unfortunately I never did sleep from FLL to Salt Lake. Partly due to jonesing for a smoke, but mainly because of the veeery niice chick who sat next to me and wanted to talk. Hell, even when she didn't I was transfixed, lol. So from Salt Lake to Oakland, which was only an hour and a half roughly, I passed the hell out. Saw Reno then woke up over California. Flew over the SF bay which was gorgeous, then landed in Oakland. So that was my trip out here. Later I'll talk about the trip back once I get home later in the week,