Fri, February 10, 2012 - 7:52 PM
When I go through the metal detector at the airport, my hair comb always sets it off, so I remove it in advance and put it in my purse to send it through the x-ray belt instead. I did this yesterday, at Columbus International Airport in Ohio. I had my hair comb off, no jewelry, everything out of my pockets, no underwear, and bare feet; literally nothing on but jeans and a sweater. They sent me through the naked body scanner instead of the metal detector, then they pointed and said sternly, “Wait down there by *her*.” (“Her” was a stout, older woman with her hair in a tight bun and a permanent scowl, probably named Olga, who undoubtedly had a job disciplining young girls in the Russian ballet before the fall of the Soviet Union.) I stood by “her” for a couple of minutes, wondering what was happening. Then a couple of them said (at roughly the same time), “Ma’am, we need to look at your hair.” (My first thought was, "Why, what exactly did it do?") I turned around, and Olga grabbed roughly at it multiple times in large clumps with both hands. My hair actually got its very own pat-down.


add a comment
Fri, February 10, 2012 - 8:18 PM
Because your hair is awesome and they just wanted to touch the greatness!
Fri, February 10, 2012 - 8:40 PM
Heh. Olga was probably pining for a Russian ballerina to torture.
offline 123
Sat, February 11, 2012 - 6:08 PM
Malloy: The United States is a non-smoking nation! No smoking, no drugs, no alcohol, no women - unless you're married - no foul language, no red meat!

Snake Plissken: Land of the free.
Sat, February 11, 2012 - 7:10 PM
illegal hair
Sat, February 11, 2012 - 7:12 PM
B - love you for rocking a Snake Plissken reference.
Sat, February 18, 2012 - 5:06 AM
When I read things like that, I wish it were possible for everyone to just STOP taking air flights.

- Jim
Sat, February 18, 2012 - 12:43 PM
Would that I could.