Theo. Yeah.

I'd do him.

we should hang out and play because otherwise it'll be Nam, but in the future.

Theo is my fake online boyfriend. No wait, that's cooler than it sounds, I swear!

Theo makes we want to laugh and take my pants off. In that order, usually.

When I was six, I had an imaginary friend. Whatever weird wild stuff I could think up, whatever he thought up was weirder and wilder. I suspected that he had no limits in this regard, but since he was imaginary, I never tested this hypothesis. He was outrageous, clever, fast as lightning, and had a really strange side. But he was also unfailingly kind. He also had the rare knack of knowing precisely what to say to make me cheery on all possible occasions (pretty excellent trick in itself when you're imaginary). Also, he had dozens of really interesting talents, some of which made my jaw drop, some of which he would pull inexplicably out of his hat like a slightly demented magician, and some of which I never did entirely discover.

Anyway, oddly enough, Theo bears a more than passing resemblance to my long lost childhood imaginary friend. Must be a Gemini thing.

captain exactamundo, aka larso marxon, aka j. edna hovercraft is not to be trusted. he's that guy you used to see in the back of shop class making a whoopie cushion out of baking soda, citric acid, epsom salt, a dried sunflower, a discarded balloon, glycerine, water, a stale peppermint candy and rosemary esential oil...

if left unsupervised, he could fuck up the united nations with a ball of twine, some duct tape and a wad of silly putty.

he fancies himself an artist but that is just a cover for making a mockery of everything decent americans hold dear.