If you've never taken a nice stroll throught the Tenderloin at 3am (actually, 3pm is just as good), get off of your ass. It's like a people zoo. It's better than Sea World, and it's free. Not just on the second Tuesday of the month, but EVERY @?!@ING DAY. Go. Now.

I was cruising the 'Loin the other day, just taunting the crackheads with broken pieces of soap and safety glass from shattered windshields, and I realized that those Partnership for a Drug-Free America commercials could be a lot funnier (by the way, have you noticed their new logo? It's an interrabang, you know, the symbol that is a question mark and an exclamation point combined together? The personal symbol that I, Eric Cash, have used for years? The one that's tattooed on my @?!@ing BACK? Heh, oh well, if my face doesn't say "Parents, Don't Use Drugs" then I don't know whose does...).

Anyway, what about this commercial, a parody of the old tootsie roll clip we all loved as kids...

"Mr. Owl. How much PCP and crystal methamphetamine does it take to walk down the middle of the street like an epileptic rooster with a broken leg?"

"Well, let's... Find Out!"

"1"

"2"

"3"

"3 kilos, and a sherm cigarette, but don't light it with an open flame, or it will EXPLODE!"

Anytime you feel bad about yourself as a person, you've had a shitty day, or you just can't make rent, take a walk in the Tenderloin. It ain't that bad.