Have you ever accidentally dropped your cell phone in the toilet?

And pissed on it?

It's really a snowball of stupidity. One minute you're marvelling at how far we've come as a race, emptying your bladder, pinching the phone with your shoulder, riding high on your free PCS to PCS minutes, all at the same time, the next your entire world shatters around your feet. The phone squirts from between your shoulder and your ear, right in the middle of an extremely profound statement about the nature of Zen Buddhism and home espresso machines, and you stare down in abject terror at your previously-precious-now-rendered-completely-defunct little tech toy gazing blankly back at you beneath three inches of toilet water and a steady stream of vitamin-rich urine. You panic, every phone number for every booker, booty call, and burrito joint in your arsenal is in that !@?@ing thing! Before you have a chance to think, you pinch off your discharge and dive in headfirst as if the phone were baby Jessica, and you an ambitious Fireman looking for a promotion and 45 seconds of fame on CNN. Just as your fingers curl against the porcelain and the grip the thing, you suddenly remember what happens when you pinch off mid-stream. That's right, that pain kicks in, the one starts at the tip of your urethra and stretches all the way back to your cro-magnon ancestors. Seven future generations of your family will be cross-eyed, your !@?@ing-A sure of it. And as you lay in agony, soaked in your own piss, leaning against the toilet, you realize it was a complete waste of time. The phone is over, you stink, and you're pretty sure that those aren't tears dripping from your eyes, even though they are warm. That's when the most horrifying piece of reality kicks in, when you suddenly remember that you're not even at home, you're in your friends bathroom, and you've got to walk out there and explain yourself...