What the new year has wrought

My voice has been absent here for some time. At the moment it is absent from world as well. I woke on the 31st with a bone shaking raspy cough. By the time the sun has set on the first day of the new year my voice was mostly gone expect for 2 express purposes: tuvan throat singing and doing Tom Waits covers.

The other thing I lost was the one big mamalian trait afforded to men: the ability to regulate my own body heat. (breast feeding young and live birth having never been abilities I myself possessed.) This is a subtle and strange thing for me. It's a latent skill I've come to trust. I had to leave the house this week to walk my very cute and very faithful mutt. T-shirt + 2 sweaters + overcoat, hat and scarf and I was still shivering. for a person who is happy to swim in 50 'F water I felt laid bare. also certain aspects of heat.. I opened the oven set for 400F and nearly choked on the hot air my lungs having no taste for it. I've blown glass where the reheat oven is 1800 'F and I've made flames stream from my mouth yet the simple act of baking up some cheap pizza comfort food almost brought me to my knees in my own kitchen.


My mind has suffered as well but not in ways that are easy to lay down. mostly I find the familar din that usually inhabits my mind strangely quiet.

There shall be no reflecting on the year past or the year to come until I am again I am again the same species (and class) as all of you fair humans.

Be well.

It's fall

I feel like I owe this blog a post. The blue, while a striking shade did not last long in the dusty streets of Black Rock City.

It is funny how being there strips thing away. I was not bathed in the same kind of release as last year. No paradigm shift. I've already shifted.. what did it strip away this year? The idea that I can continue to work in corporate america and live happily. There is a reckoning coming for me.. an exit stage left.

Also somewhat sadly I discovered that the answers are not to be found in the streets and dust of the City. Simply embracing the people for a week a year is not enough.. the answers are out in the world and in how I am touched by my experiences in the world.

The answers are in a culminaton of who i've been, who I am, and the untapped potential of both of those. In some ways I am returning to my roots but doing it with new found philosophies and fearlessness.

I think this coming year will mark my return to the ranks of subversive iconoclast. I've been awake and choosing to live but the road I've been walking on has been the wrong one.

the right one is somewhere over there in the weeds.

Back to Blue

After being a striking blonde for a few days my crown is now an electric shade of blue. It's almost metalic. I'll try to post a pic before I hit the road. have a few details to take care of in the next few days.. but I'm not sweating it.

Finally August

wistfully remembering a time when Summer meant easy going care free days. not that long ago.. Now it seems there are just more hours in the day, and less time to sleep.

Anyone reading this post surely knows that in a few weeks Black Rock City opens it's gates. Many of my burner friends are making shopping lists, talking about shade structures, and begging crafty vixens to make them fuzzy outfits.

I am not feeling the excitement in the same way. It hit me somewhere deep and quiet when I was claimed as as citizen, as a burner. I have my ticket, I know where I am camping, I know where to find my friends.

I will arrive and be home... and it will be good.

I know I need it... that dose of medicine for my soul.

the air

There is something in the air tonight. it has me off kilter, drunk without a drop. the tenderness has drained out of me and I feel brash. something is rattling it's cage with an almost vampiric hunger. what would satify it? a hard kiss with a stranger? a race with a train? deep cold of the pacific waves doing their best to kick my ass? feral clothes ripping sex?


now I know it's summer.

june?

Is it June?

I bite my finger and trace a circle with my tongue. tactile, warm, present.

the summer is on my soul and yet I run cool. waiting. waiting for an answer to a silent question I have yet to ask.

a silent question I have yet to understand.

I just walk. I just do. I just am. I smile.

a new toy

So I made myself a new fire toy.

20 feet of kevlar rope + one genuine cork and leather baseball = one big monkey fist.
One big monkey fist + white gas = one hell of a fireball.

some more photos here:
picasaweb.google.com/erogneb...WithFire

With a larger area I think this thing could be a lot of fun. (who I am kidding? this thing would be fun in a phone booth..)

fools of April

After these many months
the once familar, now a ghost
my thumb searches, disappointed to find flesh.
foolishness a halmark once avoided
now a path walked openly.
the horizon glows yet holds it's secrets,
keeping them safe for tomorrow.

I no longer wish to skip grace and step to glory.

drawn and quartered

The brilliant smile holding court
called on me offering one vice then another
rending desire from my zombie corpse
leaving it with no way to travel
only names to wonder about
and a death like sleep I found
but not before anothers words halved me again

My Clark Kent

I read a post on someone's blog about how a lot of folks who are outside of the BM community just thing we're all a bunch of "ravers and hippies", whereas quite a few of us are bonafide professional something or others. Folks who work, play, and love hard. Anyhow it occured to me that I should share my Clark Kent with all of you. When I'm not a blue haired fire breathing carrier of rebirth and truth I look this. I do system design for a major mobile telecom.