Mad Ramblings

What the new year has wrought

erik — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 08:12:05 GMT

My voice has been absent here for some time. At the moment it is absent from world as well. I woke on the 31st with a bone shaking raspy cough. By the time the sun has set on the first day of the new year my voice was mostly gone expect for 2 express purposes: tuvan throat singing and doing Tom Waits covers. The other thing I lost was the one big mamalian trait afforded to men: the ability to regulate my own body heat. (breast feeding young and live birth having never been abilities I myself possessed.) This is a subtle and strange thing for me. It's a latent skill I've come to trust. I had to leave the house this week to walk my very cute and very faithful mutt. T-shirt + 2 sweaters + overcoat, hat and scarf and I was still shivering. for a person who is happy to swim in 50 'F water I felt laid bare. also certain aspects of heat.. I opened the oven set for 400F and nearly choked on the hot air my lungs having no taste for it. I've blown glass where the reheat oven is 1800 'F and I've made flames stream from my mouth yet the simple act of baking up some cheap pizza comfort food almost brought me to my knees in my own kitchen. My mind has suffered as well but not in ways that are easy to lay down. mostly I find the familar din that usually inhabits my mind strangely quiet. There shall be no reflecting on the year past or the year to come until I am again I am again the same species (and class) as all of you fair humans. Be well.

It's fall

erik — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 06:07:49 GMT

I feel like I owe this blog a post. The blue, while a striking shade did not last long in the dusty streets of Black Rock City. It is funny how being there strips thing away. I was not bathed in the same kind of release as last year. No paradigm shift. I've already shifted.. what did it strip away this year? The idea that I can continue to work in corporate america and live happily. There is a reckoning coming for me.. an exit stage left. Also somewhat sadly I discovered that the answers are not to be found in the streets and dust of the City. Simply embracing the people for a week a year is not enough.. the answers are out in the world and in how I am touched by my experiences in the world. The answers are in a culminaton of who i've been, who I am, and the untapped potential of both of those. In some ways I am returning to my roots but doing it with new found philosophies and fearlessness. I think this coming year will mark my return to the ranks of subversive iconoclast. I've been awake and choosing to live but the road I've been walking on has been the wrong one. the right one is somewhere over there in the weeds.

Back to Blue

erik — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 05:46:46 GMT

After being a striking blonde for a few days my crown is now an electric shade of blue. It's almost metalic. I'll try to post a pic before I hit the road. have a few details to take care of in the next few days.. but I'm not sweating it.

Finally August

erik — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 23:49:00 GMT

wistfully remembering a time when Summer meant easy going care free days. not that long ago.. Now it seems there are just more hours in the day, and less time to sleep. Anyone reading this post surely knows that in a few weeks Black Rock City opens it's gates. Many of my burner friends are making shopping lists, talking about shade structures, and begging crafty vixens to make them fuzzy outfits. I am not feeling the excitement in the same way. It hit me somewhere deep and quiet when I was claimed as as citizen, as a burner. I have my ticket, I know where I am camping, I know where to find my friends. I will arrive and be home... and it will be good. I know I need it... that dose of medicine for my soul.

the air

erik — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 05:44:21 GMT

There is something in the air tonight. it has me off kilter, drunk without a drop. the tenderness has drained out of me and I feel brash. something is rattling it's cage with an almost vampiric hunger. what would satify it? a hard kiss with a stranger? a race with a train? deep cold of the pacific waves doing their best to kick my ass? feral clothes ripping sex? now I know it's summer.

june?

erik — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:34:45 GMT

Is it June? I bite my finger and trace a circle with my tongue. tactile, warm, present. the summer is on my soul and yet I run cool. waiting. waiting for an answer to a silent question I have yet to ask. a silent question I have yet to understand. I just walk. I just do. I just am. I smile.

a new toy

erik — Wed, 16 May 2007 06:22:35 GMT

So I made myself a new fire toy. 20 feet of kevlar rope + one genuine cork and leather baseball = one big monkey fist. One big monkey fist + white gas = one hell of a fireball. some more photos here: http://picasaweb.google.com/erogneby/FunWithFire With a larger area I think this thing could be a lot of fun. (who I am kidding? this thing would be fun in a phone booth..)

fools of April

erik — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 05:34:29 GMT

After these many months the once familar, now a ghost my thumb searches, disappointed to find flesh. foolishness a halmark once avoided now a path walked openly. the horizon glows yet holds it's secrets, keeping them safe for tomorrow. I no longer wish to skip grace and step to glory.

drawn and quartered

erik — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 04:34:46 GMT

The brilliant smile holding court called on me offering one vice then another rending desire from my zombie corpse leaving it with no way to travel only names to wonder about and a death like sleep I found but not before anothers words halved me again

My Clark Kent

erik — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 07:18:04 GMT

I read a post on someone's blog about how a lot of folks who are outside of the BM community just thing we're all a bunch of "ravers and hippies", whereas quite a few of us are bonafide professional something or others. Folks who work, play, and love hard. Anyhow it occured to me that I should share my Clark Kent with all of you. When I'm not a blue haired fire breathing carrier of rebirth and truth I look this. I do system design for a major mobile telecom.

Is it February already?

erik — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 07:03:53 GMT

The past month has had more than a few conversations on Love, Sex, and Mojo. As well as some impending changes large and small to my life... some of which lean torwards atypical. Where to start? Maybe I'll be lazy and just include some excerpts.. Love and Mojo: "...I am working on myself right now. Part of that "work" is to love those around me. To just let it flow... strangers included. It's something that my offering taught me at burning man. It's what flows out from you that is important, not what is coming in. It's almost like a kind of mojo. And it draws people to you. It's in fact the state I was in when I met her. It's a state I've achieved some since I've been back, and a couple times to the same level as BM. Anyhow.. if it is like a incandescent bulb glowing bright, then "serious relationship love" is more like a laser focused on one person. I can be hard to do both at the same time... " Sex: "Or... Sex not as an accessory to the mundane of daily life, but as it's own sacred thing. An act which lets us commune with our deeper selves. We become windows through which we can glimpse the golden archtypes... the king, the queen, the ragamuffin, the theif, and of course the lover. Even a one night stand can be a story of gentle grace. A stamp on one's soul. " More on Mojo: "In some ways being honest and open is a sensual act. To be unapologetially truthful while exposing your soul to what the world has to pour into it." There is probably more.. but that is a pretty good sampling. So what else has the month had for me? A week of birthday parties (all mine) and adventures with some very fun people. I bought my 2007 ticket to Burningman. Going on a 21 day herbal cleanse after that fun week ended. Discovering that I've been gifted a secret playa name known only to the Lamplighter Brides!! Various meetings of new and awesome people. (you know who you are) Next month I delve further into an atypical life when I begin polyphasic sleeping between the 15th - 21st. (the time I've given myself to get into it.) And in the realm of the more mundane (yet making me very happy) I will soon be buying my friend's 2002 Jetta TDI, which has been run for most of it's 30K miles on biodiesel. and two words... heated seats. They are moving to New Zealand in April, so who knows.. I may finally make it to the southern hemisphere. This year has been treating me well so far. May the winds continue to blow strong. be well.

A good year

erik — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 10:34:20 GMT

I was driving the other day and thought to myself, "Its been a good year." A simple straight forward from the gut type of thought. After a couple beats I had to chuckle to myself because the first 5 months were not great. May 18th I filed for divorce. An easy to remember day because Mount Saint Hellens blew up that day in 1980. May 26th I saw her for the last time. After that I slowly began unleashing my true self. I began planning my trip to burning man. planning my offering. returning to my art. returning to the path less traveled. I was blessed at BRC. Blessed by the dust, the night, the sun, the drink the fellowship and the fire. Blessed by fearlessness and the commitment to choose Awesome. The months after my return were a whirlwind. A new love, new friends, a new job, a new roommate, a new sister in law, a gallery showing, more rock climbing, trips to San Francisco and Tahoe, parties, events, etc etc.. In the new year I shall keep the winds blowing yet walk at a determined pace. I have a backlog of art in my mind that needs to get out. I have a beautiful 17' kayak that need building. I have friends and family that need my love. I have people I've met who's stories I need to learn. And Baba Yaga if you are out there... I have your roses.

Still funky

erik — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 07:08:08 GMT

My custom jacket from Burningman has been hanging behind my door since I returned. It has maintained a nice patina of playa dust and other stuff it collected in it's week of rigorous use. It's cooling off here in Seattle and for some reason I grabbed it on my way out the door to walk the dog. It has maintained multiple levels of funky.. how it feels to the touch, and of course how it smells. As I took in my hand I got a wiff a general funk and then as I was putting it on I could smell the week of sunsceen it had absorbed from my naked torso. In the end it any my black umbrella were the sunscreen available. Once it was on and the lapels were buttoned down and I was walking under the street lamps the funk went away and I was greeted with a familar shadow... I was wrapped up in a garment of purpose and it felt good. It felt right. home again, home again, jiggity jig... I've put my water yoke on serveral times as well.. ever couple weeks it finds it's way to my shoulders.. bearing no load but my own arms. Why do these things keep finding their way into my hands?

more aftermath

erik — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 00:28:45 GMT

How do you eclipse an event like burning man? When the welcome home you recieved at arrival was truth? When people encountered you and would have questioned your soul being any place else. When you helped your fellow denizens commune with their hopes and searches... You walk away and cast a shadow big enough to block out the city. A shadow lit by the truth of who you are. A truth ironically dusted off in the dustiest place I know. A soul scoured clean by the dust and the sun, and the cool night wind. A soul buffed and shiny from true hearts and friendly smiles. From quiet simple exchanges made from deep in your gut. I spent a week getting my soul clean. Slowly, quietly, somewhat unknowingly, until I was fearlessly me. At that moment I met someone who dug deeper and I welcomed it. And the temple burned, and her eyes were soft, and fierce, and alive, and fearless, and open. My eyes answered, equal and their own. Such a moment cements where you are as your new point of reference. It's your new beacon in whatever comes next. What came next for me was a 10 day visit from said pair of eyes and the rest of the wonderment that comes with them. 3 days turned to 4, turned to 5, turned to 6 and then 10. And then I'll find myself in Her city come this Friday. So it has been less decompression for me, and more... continued Joy I suppose.

82 firebreathers!

erik — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 16:24:39 GMT

http://people.tribe.net/tedward/photos/8e87739e-7437-4b83-970b-198c408de063 it's hard to tell who's fire is who's. That is me on the front left.

back from the burn... mostly.

erik — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 06:02:56 GMT

I have returned to the world from my pilgrimage to Black Rock City. It was my first time. Some how it did not seem that way though. Many whom I met were suprised when they found out. I myself felt comfortable and alive. I brought with me an offering for my fellow citizens. A water yoke bearing 6 bottles (and one broken one). Waters of Truth, Waters of Rebirth, Joy, Memories, Ancestors and Madness. Fear was broken... This burden gave me reason to engage and interact. It gave me an entry point for conversation. It also gave me a purpose from which I recieved a great deal of Joy and pleasure. However so much of my week has been eclipsed by my last day/night there which I spent with an amazing person. She asked me my story and listened. She saw beyond the truth I proffered and to the truth I did not yet know. We stood by the fires alone in a crowd of thousands. I found something and someone that I didn't even know I was looking for. Thank you universe.

16000 calories...

erik — Sun, 27 Aug 2006 05:11:31 GMT

8 days on the playa. 2000 calories per day. How do you get to 16000 calories? tin of oysters - 170 tin of sardines - 150 (my grandfather was norwegian) 6 cans of pineapple - 1620 (this is adding up slow) that precooked indian food from trader joe's - 1240 71 ounces of almonds - 12070 box of cliff bars - 6000 25 packs of instant oatmeal - 3750 also to round it out I packed some candied ginger, some cardamon, nutella, and honey. and 12 gallons of water. The almonds really are amazing. they take up the same amount of space in my food box as the cliff bars, and have double the calories. They taste just as good too. Anyhow, I won't starve. I am sure by the 5th I'll be dreaming of apples and leafy green things. Or will I? perhaps I'll just be living a waking dream..

new waters of truth

erik — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 04:16:38 GMT

so here we have a finished bottle for my water bearer offering. originally these were going to be glass bottles, but broken glass makes for nasty cleanup on the playa. And there we have it.. complete with some internal glow. left to do: madness, memories, waters of rebirth, and ancestors. the broken Fear bottle is about 2/3 done.

more prep.

erik — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 06:31:08 GMT

Water yoke! So I did in fact fire up the bandsaw, and a couple hours later I have this: a fairly well balanced sturdy-yet-light water yoke. It's made from rock maple. And yes that is my bathroom with it's 1945 original tile in miraculously original condition. (and even more miraculously not that hideous in the color department)

preperations and distractions

erik — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 02:48:39 GMT

I am making my virgin trip to BRC this year. I am camping alone. Or as alone as you can be in a village (Hushville) of 800. I've gotten to the point where if I left tomorrow I'd be ok. However, I want to be more than ok. I want to be costumed and travel with an offering for my fellow burners. My costume requires a copious amount of cufflinks as the sleeve cuffs go from wrist to shoulder. I am soldering them out of nickels and steel wire. I've included a photo. I had a fitting for my costume on sunday, and it's going to be great. I have another one this weekend. It's nice knowing crack seemstresses who are willing to accomodate alterations like slit sleeves, a 6" collar, and loops for indirect lighting. I think I will fire up my bandsaw tonight and knock out my water yoke. I have a piece of rock maple that should do just fine. It's nice to be in for a night. My life has been filled with plenty of distractions lately.. both animate and inanimate. Among them are rock climbing, printmaking, and a weekend trip to port townsend to test drive some pygmy ( http://www.pygmyboats.com/ ) kayaks. One of which I will be ordering and building this fall. My prints are drying slowly, so that will be one less distraction.. A week and a half to go...

not just the water..

erik — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 08:34:52 GMT

but the sunsets.. the mountains.. the madronas and firs... life in the world.

water gets in your soul.

erik — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 05:18:29 GMT

Four days on Blake island. Pack it in, pack it out.. via kayak. Not the longest paddle I've been on but still wonderful. As I was sitting in my not that tough 9-5 today I could still feel the waves. Big rollers, rough chop, and the smooth calm of the morning. Record high temps here in Seatown and I was fortunate enough to weather them soaked in the sun and saltwater of the Sound. At 3am on Friday I found my sweat soaked body walking into the 52 degree water and submerging itself. I came up for air and turned to see a big buck walking slowly on the beach meandering toward a patch of old logs and dune grass. I sat on a log and dried in the warm night air watching the late night boat traffic. Not much but the ferry and a couple trawlers. Still, their lights on the horizon was a just one more part of the night's dance.

two day ache

erik — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 21:20:03 GMT

I had a fabulous evening of climbing on Sunday. All bouldering. I was there with a friend for whom it was the first time climbing. He was doing awesome. Then about 40 minutes into the first hour some other friends showed up and all of us ended up closing out the gym. Somewhere in the last hour I ripped a hole in my pinky, taped it and went back to the walls. I think I am officially addicted. So.. I am always sore the next day. But this is the first time I am sore two days after. I woke up a little stiff this morning and replayed the previous evening, and no, in fact I had nothing to drink yesterday.. too little sleep perhaps.

home?

erik — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 16:02:29 GMT

Last night I returned home after being in the islands for 5 days. I was a bit weary from waiting for the ferry (and the fried food I ate while waiting) and from the drive, but not from the trip itself. You would think that a hot shower and clean sheets would be nirvana.. The shower made me a bit sad as I smelled the salt being washed from my body and my queen sized bed in my dark cavernous bedroom seemed excessive. My body had felt good in the 50 degree water of the Sound. It had felt good as my muscles warmed from paddling across the bay. My soul felt good to eat and drink with friends new and old where the woods meet the water. So which is home?

Images

erik — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 04:23:09 GMT

Last night I had my first official training in print making. Dionne ( http://www.sevshoon.com/dionne.html ) , my teacher, is of course wonderful. The class is entitled "Continuing Bootcamp". It seems like a true studio class, with people working in both etching and relief. I am working on a three plate linoleum relief of a traveler walking in an aspen grove with Baba Yaga's house peeking through the fog and trees in the background. The traveler bears wounds, and is carrying blue roses. Driving today I thought of two more images. The first is a wolf headed man sitting on his heels either with his head down, or howling upward. It is winter and the moon is out. there are white scratches are the bare black trees. The second image is of an alabaster monk praying in lotus with Kali standing behind him piercing him with a spear. He is tranquil. She is ferocious. The studio is right across the street from the rock climbing gym. To which I went this evening. My hands have a delightful ache. Aches are funny things. Probably in all cases good for you... yet some less delightful than others.