Daddy’s Little Girl

A little girl looks up
And sees her dad
She thinks to herself
This is the greatest man

A true hero
My protector and guide
She looks up and smiles
As her heart fills with pride

She loves her Daddy
And she knows he loves her
He’s her role model
He couldn’t be better

Adolescence arrives
And she starts to rebel
Her dad is her enemy
And they both go through hell

She thinks to herself
That he is a curse
She tells him she hates him
He couldn’t be worse

Then time for college
And she moves away
The distance is good for them
And things are okay

He’s proud of his daughter
And likes what she’s doing
He supports her completely
On the path she’s pursuing

She’s a straight A student
And they’re both so proud
She’ll be a rich doctor
Without any doubt

Then off to Spain
For a year abroad
Brings a whole new view
And a new way of thought
Growing and learning
Meeting different kinds of people
And a better way to live
Oh, so beautiful

No longer off to med school
She returns to the States
Costa Rica sounds better
So she saves money and waits

And then she’s off again
On a big jet plane
Off to find adventure
Oh, the wisdom she’ll gain

He’s glad she’s exploring
And looks forward to her return
So she can start her life
And use what she’s learned

Back to Minnesota
To sit by her grandmother’s side
To watch her take her last breath
And watch her as she dies

He’s happy she could be there
To be there til the end
To sit in silent prayer
And watch her spirit ascend

Then she’s off to New York
To visit some of her friends
If you think she’ll be back and get a job
You’d better think again

She decides she has to live there
It’s the only option
He tells her he supports her
And sends a large donation

She loves New York
And feels at home
She gets to work
And hardly roams

She gets in touch with Spirit
Through yoga and raw food
She meets amazing teachers
To their lotus feet she’s glued

She meets friends who understand her
People she loves and knows she can trust
What an arduous journey to find them
And she feels incredibly blessed

Complete and utter elation
She’s finally home after all these years
A total transformation
Casting away all doubts and fears

She tries to explain and it’s challenging
He isn’t sure what the hell she’s doing
Yoga and raw food are hardly the norm
What a strange path she’s pursuing

He’s worried about her
Not sure what to say
As her debts increase
And the pounds melt away

So he goes to see her
And doesn’t like what he sees
She’s like a stranger
And raw food her disease

He expresses disapproval
And she’s more than upset
Why can’t he see
That’s there’s more there than debt?

So months go by
Without a word
Speeding along
Things are a blur

Until Christmas time comes
And it’s time to go home
She arrives Christmas Eve
All her belongings in tow

She’s off to Hawaii
He doesn’t understand
What she is doing
Leaving the mainland

She just isn’t normal
This isn’t how it should be
He surely didn’t raise her
To be on the fringe of society

They go back and forth
As she tries to explain
And uses her heart
And he uses his brain

They’re from different generations
And middle ground is hard to find
After hours of debate
About issues of every kind

Then finally
They get back to the basics
They both say I love you
And something clicks

He tells her that he loves her
More than she knows
Being a parent is challenging
And it has its highs and lows

He tells her he’ll always be there
She’ll always have a home
A room upstairs with her name on it
She just has to pick up the phone

He tells her to call
If she’s ever lost
And he’ll send her a ticket
No matter the cost

With a long hug
They seal the deal
They’ll love each other
Because that’s what’s real

What's True?

Starting fresh, brand new moment. Feel its flowing, stuttering, paradoxical, pending purpose come through as what appears to be heresy. Flowing through unceasingly, rushing, ruthless, through the trees, never stopping, not a chance, never halt the shimmering dance, exaltation, manifestation, descriptive daisy, daring doe, fawn, fly, flake, Go! Get out there, up there, let it happen. Allow, surrender, relax, let go. I realize now I know nothing, whether I exist is even in question. How can I know anything when my mind is so limited, even though I’m thought to be intellectually gifted? So I feel to know what’s real, but even that—how do I know that’s true? Maybe I’ll just give in and believe in the Bible like so many others do.

Substitute Teacher

Five more minutes til lunch—it’s strange to be on a high school schedule again, back in the class periods/lunch break/more class periods/after school paradigm. I thought I was done when I graduated in 2000. I didn’t know I would be back in high school 7 years later. Little did I expect to be substitute teaching at all. It’s all very strange, this life, these days. Sun up, sun down, sun up again, we go round & round the sun, again & again. School work, busy work, it’s a thin, fine line, and here in this school it seems to be intertwined. Reading, writing, ebb & flow, study, study, til you know. Then one day you come to realize how you have to unlearn, all that stuff you swallowed was lies. Based on assumptions, illusions, delusion. It was force-fed for years & years to you, down your throat, now puke it back up, it wasn’t true, sorry for all the time you wasted, but we can’t give it back to you. Don’t worry though, cause time’s an illusion, too. Good luck de-conditioning from that one though, that one runs deep, like a thorn they implanted while you were asleep, while you were too young to even know any better, they started brainwashing you with their garbage, so now it’s up to you to forget it, to leave it behind, now’s the time, just get it out of your mind.

Let Go

Deciphering the deluded illusion, full of confusion, symbols, rhymes, a sign of the times, frightening faces, asleep & numb, eating junk food & chewing gum. Drinking coffee, alcohol, trying not to feel at all. Eyes all glazed, out of focus, trying not to see the hocus pocus that is happening everywhere. They don’t want to see it and they try not to care, but they are heavily invested in this dream called life—they have a family, a mortgage, a wife. It’s inconvenient to consider other options—they’re too caught up in what’s right before them. All the distractions, randomly chosen, whatever it takes not to have to look within. Because we’re all afraid of ourselves to some extent. Afraid of what we’ll find…and what then? what if we discover we’re unlikable, unlovable, what’ll we do if we feel unhuggable? Yes, distraction, there’s always something to keep us safe from ourselves, from discovering & exploring the depths of our big black hole. The expansive vast space, infinite & boundless, might leave us feeling overwhelmed & groundless—nowhere solid to stand, nothing to depend on, nothing as it seemed to be, no longer needing security, because there is none, absolutely not a chance of anything stable, so why not sing & dance? Why not enjoy it while you’re here, instead of cowering, hiding in fear? Why not do what you can to wake up, but just live & love like it’s all that you’ve got? Float & fly & glide along—release control cause it’s not control, that steering wheel doesn’t work anyway, but you’re making life hell, struggling cause you’re holding on. So tightly, like your life depends on it. But it’s really truly pointless to think you’re doing anything when it’s actually being done through you. relax, release, gracefully move through life as you know it, but unattached to the roles. Release achieving, focus on breathing. Stop trying so hard and just release control. You’re the only one making it hard. Don’t let truth discovery make you crazy, if done right, it should make you sane. So much for all that flowery fluffy spiritual stuff. Cleansing that feels like a relief in a way. I can see clearer like it’s finally day.

Still in the Womb

Fairy flying high above.
Pigeon, blue jay, eagle, dove.
Floating, soaring, flapping, gliding
Finally moving instead of hiding
Safe in the nest, so warm & comfortable
Mama’s near & it seems wonderful
Til one day you discover it’s not really life
You’re still in the womb, so you break out with a knife
Afterwards you realize it’s a whole new world
A little frightening as you spin & swirl
Up & down and round & round
Til you’re fully dizzy and turned around

Life is like that, confusing and strange. Never knowing what you’re in for next. It’s always something, mostly unexpected. Takes years & years to acclimate to these strange surroundings, day after day. By the time you’re used to it you’re on your way out of it, maybe trying to impart some wisdom to the ones who remain, maybe dashing toward the light like you’re afraid you might have to stay, endure more time on this weird planet Earth, afraid that you might be doomed to come again through another human birth. Or worse, still, if you didn’t behave so well, you might return as a cockroach in the sewers of a big, dirty city or an ugly starving orphan in the depths of poverty. It’s all uncertain, like the daily rigorous long-forgotten lives of the ancestors, slaves & ghosts. Writing & willing their way into present day history books, stories & fables, told over coffee around kitchen tables, sitting on couches in living rooms, and at holiday parties or whatever occasion. Kings & queens, brides & grooms, beautiful antiques & precious heirlooms. Delightful & delicate, passed down through time. Poetic & powerful, rhythm & rhyme. Sour & sweet, think on your feet, distraction is dysfunction & that’s how I eat, avoiding the moment, avoiding the feeling of not really knowing. I make myself sick to my stomach & heart, but somehow I can’t stop myself, I’m infused with the disease, an intense desire to please, and since I can’t, well at least I can eat, it soothes my nerves & puts me at ease. Writers need solitude and I’m a writer, too, so Universe, please, show me what to do, I’m overwhelmed & confused.

Wake Up

Unthinking all you’ve ever thought
Untying every single knot
Undoing all you’ve ever done
Because you and truth are One

Uninterpreting all you’ve judged and known
Unraveling yourself down to the bone
Unlearning all that you’ve been taught
Because the snare of ego is where you’re caught

The Rabbit Hole

I’m deep inside a whirlwind
Life is a big blurry dream

It’s like a wild trip I’m on
Or at least that’s how it seems

The images are moving faster
All the colors that I’ve seen

The breeze is blowing toward disaster
Though I somehow avoid that classic scene

I look around and feel quite fond…
But do I really know what’s going on?

I close my eyes and sing a song
And imagine the possible schemes

And introspect deep down inside
Is it really as it seems?

Are all the people seeing this?
These crazy days of pain and bliss?

Am I deep inside a rabbit hole?
Is that what makes life seem like this?

So quickly fly these days of life
A hundred feels like nine

Upstairs it seems someone must sit,
Conspire, and design

Fashioning reality
Inventing something we believe

A wise omnipotent master
Who knows the secrets of this dream

And if the whirling will get faster
And rip apart at the seams

And what will be the big reaction?
How will the days continue on?

Will they be full of games and action?
Is there a place where I belong?

Inconsequential describes my actions
Because the universe unfolds

Just as it should, just as it will
So just relax and grab a hold.

Everything Falls Apart

(written at age 16)

Why does everything fall apart?
Are hearts made to be broken,
Mouths to lie,
Souls to be twisted,
Families to fall apart,
Friends to back stab,
Boyfriends to cheat,
Friendships to end,
Plans to be sabotaged,
Hope to crumble,
And dreams to disappear?

Yoga

Asanas, meditation, compassion, and karma
Pranayama, concentration, intention, and dharma

Breathe life, exhale pain
A higher state you will attain

Sit, stand, stretch, flow
Twist, turn, bend, grow

Attain enlightenment
Use your body as a tool

Though this body and this mind
Aren’t actually you

Devote your practice to a higher power
And your soul blooms like a lotus flower

Calm your mind, as your heart leads
Every practice is fresh and new

Sew the right seeds
Then reap the fruit

Do the right deeds
It comes back to you

Imagine a world in which no one’s crying
Then stay right there and never leave

Reality is a projection of your mind
Control of reality you will achieve

Speak only words that are true and kind
Give without expecting to receive

Always finish what you start
And listen carefully to your heart

If you don’t, you’ll never do
All the things you’re able to

Stand tall and strong just like a tree,
While blowing freely in the breeze

Feel the sun upon your face
And live a life that’s full of grace

Search deep inside and you will see
Ultimate reality

All beings everywhere will be happy and free
And eternally blissful you will be

La Vía del Medio

Yo voy por la vía del medio
Los extremos no me sirven
Los exploré y me han enseñado
Pero no son los que me alimentan

Ya el medio he encontrado
Y me encuentro más balanzada
Lo que hace la vida más armoniosa
Es lo que ya intento manifestar

Es muy importante que yo sepa
Dondé están los limites
Así yo puedo encontrar
El espacio entre las montañas y la valle

El medio es fresco y sereno
El medio está lleno de paz
Aquí no hay caos ni guerra
Aquí podemos descansar

Arriba, abajo, arriba, abajo
No es como quiero vivir
Me descanso en el medio de los extremos
Y me siento bien, aquí no hay adonde ir

Me respiro hondo
Me relajo completamente
Me siento bien y profundo
Percibo todo igualmente