I had an episode recently where I found myself very disappointed and on the brink of "losing faith." I was protesting to the universe for evidence of the miraculous. A 'Calling All Angels' sorta thing. However, I did end up re-framing and recovering from the situation as a test of my faith, which in fact grew stronger for the self-imposition. What most people don't understand is that the real mircales are discovered in the very mundane fact of things. BTW, I took the attached picture of a particularly striking sunset in Arizona. There was a golden light that hung in the air that evening.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why is there anything happening at all?" I knew angels were designed more as guardians more than companions. We have a lot to learn, eh? And there is good reason that things are only gradually revealed to us. Otherwise, we'd be incapable of learning/progressing. There's no harm in asking for your true heart's desire, but being attached to certain outcomes can be painful.

I believe my heart is in the right place now. I'm still charting the waters of the inner-space, trying to get out of my own way, if ya know what I mean? There seem to be three primary domains that I am investigating: MATTER, MIND, and SPIRIT. Or facts, meanings, and true values. Ah, the persuit of patience...I pray everyday to be a more patient person. These domains are not separate, in fact, they are very much intermingled and inter-related. It's the connections that I look for. Life is a series of RELATIONSHIPS. I am still a philosophic spirit, at least I try to be. I hunger for the truth, beauty, and harmony of life. The Urantia Book has been a tremendous help in the co-ordination of the three domains. I am deeply convinced that we are meant to learn, understand, and make decisions in our lives.

On a side note, I've also discovered that drugs are primarily a mindal phenomena. A mental experience which has its place. A little wine, in moderation, never hurt anyone, and in fact, it can be quite stimulating in the right circumstances. However, There is very little spirit in LSD-25, even if one has an intense mental experience of "seeing God," it is more likely they have discovered or warped themselves into some recess of their own mind. I had some recent experiences with another hallucinogen, I believe I explained this to some of you in private conversations, and I had some very convincing mental experiences that I made the mistake of believing was a genuine spiritual happening. The practice was not completely bereft of deep meditation and sincere worship, but the feedback from my own mind was veiled by my very own thoughts and associations -- or disassociations, what have you. Luckily, I realized what was going on, and I have found a saner path to walk. I have come to see the mind more like an INTERFACE and less like some distinct unit of individual character. At best, the mind can genuinely connect matter with true spiritual values. So much of human existence is the discovery of erroneous concept-frames that are gradually replaced by slightly-less erroneous concept-frames. Growth is dependent on change. Progress requires replacing old habits with a better way of doing things. Endless repetition and mindless habits are not healthy. Be honest with yourself.

Above the oracle at Delphi, there were two sayings:
"KNOW THYSELF" & "NOTHING TO EXCESS."

But despite all outward appearances or prophecies of doom and gloom, I seem to be getting along rather well these days. The ever-impending quest of self-realization marches onward and inward. Life is a just day's work, and I am trying to use that fact to bring myself more into the present and appreciate the abundance of mundane miracles in everyday life. There is a satisfying sublimity to it all. I know that I am still improving and that I can help out a little bit more in this world. I know that the mind is sovereign and that free-will choosing is perhaps our greatest gift. I know that we are a part of the universe, and that the universe reponds in ways that are not conditioned by our expectations. I know that love provides the energy to overcome resistance and to directionize spiritual patterns in the ever-impressive organization of life, the universe, and everything.

O Infinity, you are absolutely alive and moving. Loving. Living. Being. Doing.

Do, be, do, be, do.....................

~Justin