they're worth checking out!

Bliss - check out the album 'a hundred thousand angels'!

F.R.E.U.D. - album 'time passengers'

Bindu - album 'a touch of scandinavia'


by the way, SoulSeek is a wonderful file sharing programme that i'd highly recommend for people looking for non-mainstream stuff. here's a link to download it
www.slsknet.org/download.html


other artists that you might wanna take a look at (in alphabetical order):

Aeoliah
Altan
Amethystium
Anugama
Anuna
Asha (Denis Quinn)
Blackmore's Night
Carlos Nakai
Clannad
Dagda
Deep Forest
Eden's Bridge
Enigma
Enya
Era
Gandalf
Gregorian Chants
Karunesh
Loreena McKennitt
Maire Brennan
Merlin's Magic
Oliver Shanti
Secret Garden
Vangelis
Yanni


Oh, and let's not forget the incredible music of SILENCE.

changes that happen in gradual paces are fine. drastic changes work excellently for me.

more often than not, they seem to be the real thought-provoking ones.

do you have any radical thoughts now? what are they of? feel free to share them with me.

...ALL thoughts are prayers.

the rather disastrous incident that i'd caused before was a fire at the fitness centre that i used to go to - it happened due to my daydreaming of it happening. there were certain reasons why i daydreamed of it, but i'll rather not go into that. anyway, there were other scenes taking place in the fire, and in my daydream i was supposed to be in it, but i wasn't there when the actual fire took place. i felt rather guilty afterwards, but fortunately no one was injured, and there wasn't any serious damage.

it's easier to control one's words and actions, but that isn't enough because everything is born of a thought and so i reckon, thoughts are more powerful than words.

at first, it might seem very tedious if not impossible. but it isn't impossible, and don't worry, you won't go crazy at the end of the day..just try it for yourself, and see if it works for you :)

of course, it might not be wise to expect instantaneous results. like every other skill, it needs practice (lots and lots of it - depending on how conscious you are on your thoughts now) and plenty of patience!

What will I possibly do without the beautiful creatures termed animals? I've always had a soft spot for them since I was a kid, and as I aged physically, I only became more attracted and connected with them. Wild animals, in particular never cease to amaze me. I'm especially drawn towards mammals, birds and fishes. Experiencing fascinating dreams regarding animals in the wild has been almost synonymous with breathing to me. I dream that someday I'll be able to swim with dolphins, cuddle wild bears, caress lions, foxes, tigers, and so on and so forth -- basically just being able to live among the wild animals whenever I please.

I remember the time when I considered myself an animal-lover, and ironically how I used to exploit them -- as pets and food. I recall the time when I wanted to switch to a more lovable diet, namely vegetarianism for I considered myself to be a hypocrite, and mocked myself at how I could still go on believing the notion that I still loved animals. It was atrocious. I also remember how I naturally began to dislike the taste of animals. One day, when I was consuming some mutton, and afterwards crunching its bones, I was overwhelmed with the similarity between animals and humans, and was grief-stricken at how I never realized the obvious fact before. It was perplexing, but still reassuring because I’d at the very least taken note of that. I held the image of other 'superior' beings holding me captive and sucking up my bone marrow, and I recognized that I wasn't very much different from them. I must mention here that most of these thoughts only came about and became clearer much later, that is to say, I didn't analyze them much during that time, and accepted and acted based on my feelings. As for keeping animals as pets, that is, caging them, I don't believe true animal-lovers do that. If one is receptive enough and observes carefully, the terror as well as pain seen in caged animals is enormous. If one must keep a pet, keeping a non-caged one such as a dog or cat is better. However, I believe these animals are still caged up, just that their cages may appear larger, that's all. For this reason, I no longer keep any pets.

Getting back to vegetarianism, one of the primary reasons I didn't express my idea of becoming a vegetarian to my mom much earlier was because I understood that it'll mean more work on her part, that she'll have to cook two kinds of food for me and the rest of the family. Anyway, as time went by, I received an indication which was apparent to me then to be the 'key', and it made it easier for me to tell her. I'm a very headstrong person, and the idea of me becoming a vegetarian 'overnight' was just unbearable for her. Indeed, it seemed overnight because I insisted that I wanted to be a vegetarian once I noticed the opportunity for me to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

Anyway, once I became a vegetarian (which is during sometime in 2001 if I'm not mistaken), I knew it was the best decision I'd made in my entire life. I was an ovo-lacto-vegetarian then, but that didn't last for long because very soon I became a lacto-vegetarian. Family members commented about this because when I was a non-vegetarian, I used to love consuming eggs, and later, I abhorred the very idea. Being a vegetarian wasn't so bizarre because some of my extended family members were ovo-lacto-vegetarians already. However, the only vegetarian in my nucleus family was me. It wasn't long before I came to know the term 'vegan' through the internet, and just like a sponge, I had the opportunity to soak up more knowledge and useful information. After realizing that milk (from animals) wasn't a requirement or necessity for me to live, I quit consuming milk, and became what some might call a full vegetarian. Interestingly enough, I received a lot of negative feedback and comments from my family members (nucleus/ extended). Without being deterred, I became a vegan (about a year later I believe), refraining from eating milk products, honey etc. It was too much for my family members, and they figured I’d to be out of my mind. But, of course, it was an eye-opener for me and a very exceptional one too. Naturally, I felt closer and more acquainted with the divine source.

Needless to say, if you mention, "I'm a vegan" to 90% of the Malaysian population here (my estimate ;), they'll be like, "What the heck do you mean?!" or something along that line. So yeah, it shouldn't be strange to you then if I were to mention that I still do not know any vegans here in person. Anyway, I was soon introduced to the attractive concept of raw veganism, which I practiced for a certain amount of period – maybe a year or something. I used to be a raw vegan off and on, and later progressively became a 100% raw vegan. Subsequently, I bumped into the fascinating idea of fruitarianism, and indulged in it for some months. It was exhilarating, and the connection I felt with the creator, god, the universe or whatever you wish to call it was incredible.

When I went to university, I realized that consuming raw vegan food and meditating wasn't really helping me much, in the sense that I would be sitting at my desk, and my mind would be saying stuff like, "What in the world are you doing here?! You should be doing what your soul tells you to." I longed to leave university, and to be in the kind of environment which I truly desire - for instance, being amidst nature, and stuff which actually made sense. I felt that I was losing concentration on the mundane stuff, and this wasn't a good thing being a university student and all. Trying to make sense of my experience, I reasoned that when I ate light, I felt light, and yearned for The Light. Furthermore, the combination of raw vegan food and meditation was creating this high energy level that was exceeding the 'required energy level' to be able to cope properly with the life at university. It seemed weird because I know of chat friends who were (raw) vegan and also meditated, and they never complained anything remotely close like this. Hence, I consequently reasoned that it varies for people, whereby everyone's experience is unique based on their initial connection with the creator.

Through this rationalization, I gradually stopped eating raw vegan food (I only consider myself a vegan now), and meditating. This didn't seem 'right' because the inner voice which becomes stronger when meditation is practiced told me that consuming raw vegan food was good, and that being in university wasn't exactly the thing which would aid my spiritual growth. But I wasn't going to quit university, I couldn't. My single mom 'sponsored' my university fees and I certainly couldn't just quit like that. Indeed, if there's one thing I'm not, it's being a quitter. Besides, I wanted to migrate, and actually meet kindred spirits in person, not just through the internet.

So here I am right now, doing something which I'll rather not do, in hope that it'll lead me to that which I wish to be. Undoubtedly, once I graduate, I'll return to my former diet of raw veganism or fruitarianism, and the practice of meditation. I believe that these two crucial elements will eventually lead me to the full liberation of my soul. For those who do not consider themselves to be too sensitive to deal with the unpleasant mundane world, raw veganism and meditation is the power combo to self-awakening as I'd call it. In other words, if you can’t deal with dull and worldly activities on a daily basis, you might want to rethink adding or subtracting elements of spirituality (raw veganism, meditation etc) to your life accordingly until you’re able disentangle yourself from the intricate web of mundane world, thereby granting yourself the permission to be able to place your focus only on the spiritual world. For instance, I’m in the notion now that without meditating or consuming raw vegan food, my energy level is already fairly high, that is, meeting or just slightly above the energy level required to perform well in university. If I were to be a raw vegan and meditate, I feel that the energy level in me would be heightened to a hefty amount, therefore diminishing the potential and capability in me as a university student, and spurring me to change the course of my actions, which will require me leaving university. As I mentioned before, this differs for different types of individuals, according to their receptivity and sensitivity – at least, that’s what I’ve figured out thus far.

At one time, I viewed religions with contempt. At one time, I was amazed with some remarkable religions in the world. Indeed, I’ve gone through several stages in my evolution with regards to religions and spirituality.

I grew up in a somewhat religious family; my late grandma being the domineering figure as far as religion is concerned. It wasn’t odd that kids scorned some of the traditions, which appeared fairly meaningless. I’m not sure how my other cousins acted out during their childhood, but during my time, I was one annoying kid because I’d ask all kinds of questions (principally concerning religion) and I wouldn’t receive any satisfying answers. So the adults weren’t the only angry ones, but I was certainly pissed off too! Irrefutably, being a child, no one takes you seriously. It can get downright infuriating because one might be mislead into thinking that grown-ups are wiser, but when they’re unable to answer ‘simple’ questions while acting in a manner that requires the understanding in the first place, things can get somewhat wacky. Indeed, performing an act without fully comprehending the significance of it shows glaring ignorance and folly.

When I was a kid, I realized that there were two kinds of religious grown-ups. The first group comprises the kind that shushes you, saying that you shouldn’t be asking questions, but should respectably follow your elders. The second group is slightly more promising since they encourage questions by kids, but not necessarily being able to answer them satisfactorily. Unfortunately, I can only recollect more grown-ups from the first group during my childhood. I reckon the grown-ups from the latter group mostly consisted of priests and extremely religious people. Since, I’d categorized most of my family members to be in the former group (during that time at least), you can imagine the impression I had with regards to my childhood religion, Hinduism. Additionally, I did not only believe in the religion itself, but because religion is synonymous with god in the area or country I was living, I disbelieved the very existence of god, or became what is known as an Atheist.

After the death of my dear late Grandma, that is, during my lower secondary years or early teens, I experienced what I would call an incident pertaining to the metaphysical plane. I’ll skip the details of this incident, but if you wish to know more, feel free to ask. To cut the long story short, this experience signified the ‘holy ash’ to me, and I understood it first-hand, that is to say, I was basing it on my own personal experience, not words told to me by others. Interestingly, it was the holy ash which was one of the things I used to mock when I was a kid. Perhaps you might anticipate now that I made a drastic move, by shifting my perception from a non-believer to a more cautious, open-minded believer, while frequently seeking and consulting religious sources. Gradually, my beliefs in Hinduism increased, and I was referred to as a very religious person by many. Later on, I had other glorious experiences also pertaining to the metaphysical plane. One of the magnificent ones includes seeing deities in temples. As you can probably imagine, my faith in Hinduism only grew day by day.

Years later, an episode which took place at my favourite temple made me rethink my stance as far as Hinduism is concerned. Basically, the event was about priests doing things which I thought really didn’t make any sense. I consulted and referred to a variety of sources at that time and later and still wasn’t convinced with any of the explanations. I reckon the details regarding this incident are also unnecessary at this point. To my dismay, the much anticipated journey to the temple turned out to be the most awful one. I vowed to myself then that I would never return to that temple ever again. Fascinatingly, when I returned home, something miraculous happened. And this occurrence pretty much resembled the amazing experience that constantly happen to me at the favourite temple of mine. Perhaps I should elaborate more here, but that would mean explaining what I saw at the temple, which will only increase the length of this section. Oh well, I’ll give it a go anyway.

The favourite temple of mine was one which worshipped Shiva. The only reason why I was intrigued by this temple, and considered it to be my favourite one was because I’ll always, and I mean always see something metaphysical in it. This has to do with the Lingam or Shiva lingam, which appears to be a black, smooth stone adorned with flowers, garlands and the like. What is amazing is that I did not see the smooth stone as smooth, but it appeared 3D or like a sculpture, in the sense that ‘carvings’ are seen, thus resembling a face. You can search Google images if you’d like to see what a typical Lingam looks like. It’s also significant to note that out of all the statues in the temple, I was always in the notion that the Lingam was the dullest and the most boring one because it wasn’t as colourful as the other statues. The ‘invisible carvings’ in the stone appeared exceptionally visible to me when water, milk and other liquids were poured onto the Lingam during ‘Abishegam’ (Keep in mind that this is one of the many reasons why I moved away from Hinduism - using milk from animals in actions which I deem to be unnecessary. Actually, using milk in the human context is enough – being a vegan and all. Period.) As usual, this is another symbolic ritual performed in Hinduism. In crude terms, the Lingam could be said to appear to me as someone’s head chopped off, and left on the altar haha. This is to emphasize the features, in terms of texture, shape, and form of the Lingam which I saw. The Lingam mostly closed its/ his eyes (It was the head of a male, with long hair, a moustache etc), giving the impression of meditation, and rarely opened his eyes. I could go on elaborating further, but this should suffice for now.

When I was disheartened, and returned home, the marvelous experience I had was with a salt crystal rock lamp, most probably from the Himalayas. I was about to meditate when I saw this lamp as having multiple faces, and since the whole lamp moves in a certain direction (either clockwise/ anticlockwise), it’s very simple for one to mistake the lamp for only having one face. Of course, to a casual observer, the lamp doesn’t move, and it certainly doesn’t have a face! I presume the element of Physics comes into place here, whereby when something moves at an unimaginable rapid pace, it appears to be not moving. This was a magnificent experience because I saw the beautiful link between the Lingam and the lamp. And I saw it as a sign that God or whatever it is was always with me, and that I needn’t go to the temple to see it. It was already in my room at home!

Henceforth, my beliefs in Hinduism began to die down. Most family members considered this really bizarre because I used to be on the other end then, sometimes being what they would consider to be ‘more religious’ than them. They couldn’t understand how I could not be religious especially after being able to see things which they couldn’t see. Not giving up on the very idea of religions, I looked up, and read more about other religions. Naturally, I was attracted towards Buddhism, mainly because it was simpler and there were lesser symbolizations. I idolized Buddha because of the concept of ahimsa ingrained. However, I found every religion to be very limiting and restricting. Thus, I ultimately fell in love with spirituality, and the elasticity of it. I then realized what I was feeling back then was about reaching the dead-end concerning Hinduism. So, the only logical way for me to progress was to ultimately move towards spirituality. For some years now, I only consider myself a spiritual person. I don't like being categorized of forced to fit into any mould of faith.

(More on spirituality might be elaborated at a later time.)