Creating Creation Transforming Transformation --a rant

A constant flux
In flux
Well said;
A Journey with no end

An eventual outcome of normalacy
We all die
We all live
What is the question of the inbetween?

They are all here;
Behind me
Over me
In front
:Questions
A small percentage of answers
My 10% brain cannot hand the infinite outcomes
of a live time of choice

I ask my self how?
my only is answer is:
nothing
Nothing as the subject of nothing
THe space in between each thoughtout (less?) synapse fire
THe space where myself is only self
I have been there

TOday I cry for their loss
Today I am sad for the moments that are so beautiful and then fade into distant memories
THe friends who disappear
The love that is forgotten and fades
Life that slowly drains away..

This blackness is killing me..
Where did the sunshine go?

ANd the out Pour

She's Inside All of Us
-------------------------
As withiin so with out
The emptiness
is our home
A womb to bear,
Intimacy and laughter,
A mother's love,
Truth,
So far beyond our minds
our souls cry to be
Heard over the distraction
An earth
To Birth
Fearless warriors
An oath taken
to save their souls
Head first
Feet last
Never
a moment forgotten
Released to the past
Forwarded to the future
Only ever present in
presence
and grace

Let your light SHINE! ....(before or after) The Intentions of an evening in White.

Journeying into Light
------------------------------------

I sit here in the most beautiful dreamlike world even before the dream has begun. Beginning to wake my heart feels full of tears, no sorrows, only bliss... Look at these people. SO many...different..all seeking the forgotten pieces of self. Song, praise..only for the Light. THIS is family. THIS is community.
The breeze is soft, a light hand caressing my heart. The sky is a brilliant blue covered by the cloudlike forms of a dozens feathered angel wings. This is where I come from and where I shall go tonight to illuminate the light eminating from my heart. I love you, Ashley..may you be happy and free. I see you. You are safe here in this world. Safe to release the bonds of your illusionary self and to shine your light in all of its vunerability. Trust in the Light. It will always shine. I will always shine. I wish to see my light, the essence of the authentic woman I am and who I am becoming. I intend to embody this body, to be present with this soul and at peace with this mind.....for ALL pieces of myself to integrate in a complete glowing orb of love for both my being and all of those around me. Releasing judgements and ego, yet seeing the balance of fire and water.
ZION
Home.--to find shelter, spaciousness, peace and clarity within myself and the faith I have in the divinity of the universe....my purpose for this life time.

WHITE
White
Pure
CLEAN
Fresh
ALigned
NurtuRe
Womb
Momma
tRee

Embrace myself, my life, and my mission to serve...

Humbug...

The woes and throws of this exsistence,
racing back and forth from one edge to the next.
Sometimes I think I am crazy??

The woman coordinating the meditation retreat asked me if I had ever been diagnosed "bi-polar"??!
Haven't we all?
I mean, yes, does that disqualify me?
------------------
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (a scream in comic book language)
So tried of traversing alone or under the impairment of believing the illusion of loneliness..

I WANT: (2--- xmas wishlist)
1. Friends that stop by and have tea with me on a whim
2.Friends that stop by and have tea with me on a whim
3.Friends that stop by and have tea with me on a whim
4.Friends that stop by and have tea with me on a whim
5.Friends that stop by and have tea with me on a whim

....thats it.

oh! and a few good snuggle buddies to go along with that , stocking stuffers of course..

Life Written in MaGiK MArker....

By
Yours TRULY
-----------------------------

Settling...
The final breath of spaciousness
My body falls supported on invisible wings
Angels sent to remind me of my own divinity

THese young ones make me want...
Screaming my once voiceless exsistance
onto
brilliantly watercolored sidewalks
All marked with the handprints of laughter
from other realms

My spirit is full an light
A princesses dream
...a knight
An awakened kiss
These times. This time
Innocence.

A love that can never be,
yet
is eternally fullfilled.

You are a piece I have forgotten
The goldenchild who daywalk through my dreams
The meadow barren
Full of a summer's love;
hung within the branches of an old oak tree
pressed into a dusty diary of forgotten songs.

Romance.
Fallen lore.
A graceful dance,
intertwined in a moonlight of stars

You are so far beyond me,
a complexiety of characteristics

I have fallen.
With no arms to catch me,
will you be there?
How can I even begin to detangle this emotion?

An apprehension of an unfullfilled past
A death.
Disentangle.

That FUCKING smile
Those brilliant eyes

I wish upon you 1,000 True Loves and a life time of joy
Though we may never fullfill our dream
I will be a witness for yours...

---
Dedicated to those wanted ones that could never be except in the dusty daylight of dreaming...

The Letters of L.O.V.E

An ode to the the re-emeergence of a heart left behind...

-------------------------------------------------
Love...
an interesting concept,
so symbiotic with "Attachment";
not a similarity I choose to exsist in this reality.

LOVE
is a 4-letter word-
to love-
in love-
love.

So many permutations of the same symbolism;
Letters turned into sound and into manifest...
A mother's love, faith, lover, friend, soul mate, passion, food, stillness, peace of mind.
All the same.

Is it a whom do we love or a what do we love?
The when we love is not always given by choice,
though the reminder to "Be" love is constant...to allow love.

Self-love

To transcend this "love" of attachement and jealousy into a trust in the divine,
love and faith in HUMANITY and this abundant earth.
How to transform these old patterns?
...truth....
....expression....
= FREEDOM

Pure self-love, nurturing, acceptance
Total and complete,
only found through living our passion and settling our minds.
Free to surrender to the silence.

A desiring mind?
Wanting mind.
Always needing more than enough....
a human condition,

To make a choice to see through the diffusness of the concept;
To look past the objective human experience of love and see through
to the underlying want for connection and family, community..
To transcend that further into the ideology of complete true love and connection exsisting in EVERY PRESENT MOMENT.
You have to be in your body to recieve this transmission, to be here now, present in order to feel the sweet breeze on your skin and the salt in the air.
Intimacy
The truest love
SIlence, the illusion of loneliness
Her earth beneath our feet
Her fingers in our hair
Her beauty our eyes behold
It is all right here in this moment..

THe past and future melt away leaving stories behind and possibilities endless.

The reccapp. Lighting in a Bottle 2008

Wow...what an event, what a transformation, what a family!!!

I have left this event.., each year, with a deep transformation of my psyche. I dont know if words can even describe the events that took place...
Complete love and acceptance. The feeling of being me. The feeling of family. The feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. RAIN and COLD. An awful stomach bug cured by emotional release. TRUST. Nurturing. Finding my reflection in human form, beautiful and alive yet not without his own scars. Feeling "in love"....I remember it now. Release. Fully expressed. Divine energy. Divine guidance. THe beginning of me and the end of me.

I am left breathless yet full of life. Vital yet calmly so. Expressed and grounded. Fed.

Until next time

a little ditty

Something little i wrote

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Devoid of stars
I am the night sky,
A black hole,
Creator and Destroyer of life....
I am GOD
and in that place,
I am nothing;
unbeknowst to you,
that is the meaning
of everything....

Nourishment

So much growth, continuously.... will I ever understand this is a constant river? there is no end in sight, let alone one to reach for. THis is the kind of river that you laze about it, floating around, trusting the flow, whistling a melody and picking shapes out of the clouds... my ideal life. T>R>U>S>T

A question was posed to me today... what do I need to make my life nourishing? What do "I" need?
so here is my attempt at a list....

I need....
Deep friendships i.e. people who understand me and all of my pecularities, people whom I get to spend one on one time with,laugh with, fall asleep with my head on their lap, people I can fully trust. My family.

Intimacy (the last thing for me to admit) --ok, so yes, I am finally getting I was not actually born on Jupiter and am not a part of the asexual clan of android nuns but, alas, I am human and crave sensation, whether it be a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold, a friend to hug, or a lover to love, i cannot turn my body off.

Friend Time - all of the time. Tea time and pool party time. Hiking time and dinner times. Ice cream times and piggy back times. Laughing times and challenging times. People nourish me. People I can make laugh and those that remind me of how silly my head is and the things my mind tells me. Reflections. Everyday.

Creation Expression - Artistic expression a.k.a emotional expression. I want to paint and make silly little hats. Draw and find that space in my creative process where I am so absorbed in the action , nothing else matters. That blank space where there is no thought of tomorrow only of the intense visual manifestion that is being birthed into the world through my hands. FULFILLMENT!

Purpose - THere is no life for me here, if I do not have a purpose for others. I must find my way to give. my way to love, my way to care outside of me. This is the ONLY REASON I stay here. THis is the only reason I have strived to survive so long. I know I can help.

Quiet time - Me time, bath time. Writing in my journal time and contemplating the human psyche time. Watching the rain fall and listening to the beauty of a summer storm. Time to meditate and do yoga. Talk to god and send my blessings to all those in need.

Connection with Spirit - So vital..the current that carries me. I must remember this everyday because it is so easy to get swept away by this reality and the things that pretend to be . Momma and Poppa. The higher spirit within me. The one who loves me even when I make decisions that are destructive. The one who reminds me why I am on this earth when I run to her feet and beg her to take me home. Carry me.

Inspiration - Beauty and skill.. the little things that make me want to work my ass (literally sometimes). Those damn people on their bikes cruising up and down the mountains and those other people in their aerial silks flying like birds. Fabulous people creating beautiful art on canvas others with their bodies and others with their minds. All a piece of the puzzle I want to be a part of. I am a part of. I think I misplaced the piece. oops

----
cut to the chase.

I am still searching. seeking to see the path that I am on. to understand that I am here exactly where I am. i pray to have the courage and strength to see beyond me so that I a may live and be a light for others..

Theta Faerie Land or "A Walk in the Woods"

There is magic here..now
within these walls of illusion
Spitting forth a gentle fearosity of disbelief.

"I believe in faeries"

Have you opened your heart wide enough
to actually see?

She painted this picture;
Alive
Perfect in every sense,
Each texture
Each pattern
Each child...

Have you silenced you mind enough to believe?

I just saw 3 hawks hovering above me
sending me a message to look beyond this morality;
A big picture
picture..
"How can i help?"

Have you slowed down enough to notice?
Soar high with ease and grace,
trust bring the hayward for flight.

This seed in front of me grows a tail of life.
A tiny reminder of just how ALIVE we are.

All of those rememberances are our only passwords beyond our minds.

Make BELIEVE.
Its all a silly little game.

God was not an old man nor a wizened woman,
but a child..
the most powerful creator of all;
without judgement
without resentment
without disbelief,
not yet secured in the matrix of the mind.

She paints her pictures;
a practice of joy and creativity.
There are no confines of what the picture needs to look like ,
rarley a direction..
Simple finger strokes in brilliant luminescant paint patterns
created our reality.

We are nothing more,
nothing less,
than a child's fridgerator magnet masterpiece.

There is constant change as space on this intergalactic freezer
fills up and some need to be taken down.

stop.

A break of nectar
A bareback pony ride
A moment to lie in the grass, sleep in the sun.
She is all we have forgotten to be;
Light
Spontaneity
Motion without commotion
Still
Innocent
Magical....

Take a moment to step outside,
Take of your shoes and feel freedom,
Skip a little,
Laugh a lot,
Call your friends to join....

Play this game with the right set of rules
What do you win?

An innocence lost
Your childhood found

I believe in faeries..
Do you?