My Blog

stuff and things

eviee — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:41:11 GMT

Been working hard on my little house in Maple Leaf - getting it ready to sell. M and I bought another in West Seattle already - we close on that at the end of the month. We're only 17 blocks from the kids still, so that's grand. We're looking forward to having folks over for cocktails on our pretty new patio. Its tough work, but he sings along with the ipod and looks cute in work pants. Its good to be in love.

SF weekend

eviee — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 06:55:22 GMT

I had a nice mellow weekend. Yesterday I joined in the monthy 'death march' - folks from the local burn scene pick a route and do an intereting walk across the city. It's generally around 7 miles. Based on google pedometer, we walked 7.5ish. The hills were killers but I feel inspired to get active again - maybe start up a Seattle march. Friends Courtney, Roy, & Ben are all fantastic, I really need to get down here more often. I conveniently missed stressful interactions in Seattle by being here this weekend, which is a total plus!! yay all around.

going to SF

eviee — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 22:10:20 GMT

Next week to meet up with friends. I know it will be awesome. But now I'm too busy to get positively worked up about it. :) Looking forward to having this next week done and actually being THERE. I also miss my bro Mike a LOT - I need to get out to NY this summer or something.

what a weekend

eviee — Wed, 30 May 2007 04:11:19 GMT

On Saturday ...M & I took two more crap pile loads to the dump. On Sunday...M & I rescued a dog trapped on highway 12 (Olympia to Aberdeen) - about to become a road kill. She was gorgeous. We just found her people and returned her. They were extremely happy. Seemed like really good folk. On Sunday night -Monday morning... I attended the birth of Zelda Mae Adams-Collier. I didn't really help much, but I did keep mom company while dad took a nap in the wee hours. I also held the 3 yr old and I think I did a pretty good job explaining what was going on during the actual birth. :) The three yr old was AWESOME - totally great to be with and totally into seeing her sis born. Then I took a NAP most of Monday. Then M cooked me up a delicious bbq dinner and I puts me feet up by the fire.

good life

eviee — Sun, 20 May 2007 05:49:08 GMT

Its been a really amazing weekend. On Friday evening I went to a small, informal ladies cocktail get-together. Susan has a lovely home in West Seattle on Beach Drive. During the sunset, an otter came up into her yard to check things out. All of the guests were AMAZING women with equally amazing life stories. I felt humbled and honored to keep company with them. Susan tipped me off that there would be an ultra low tide today, so Mike and I took the kids down to beach comb for starfish, urchin, and other creatures. We rounded out the day with a backyard hamburger barbeque. Polly has her friend Mari over for the night. We just finished watching 'Goonies' and tucked them in. Too cute. Its a good life.

corporate gravitational pull

eviee — Fri, 18 May 2007 04:22:39 GMT

These last few weeks, I've been pulled into the corp gravitational pull that is year end finishing and closing out of P.O.-based projects. I'm looking forward to a few weeks off in July.

excuse me, have you seen my left adrenal gland?

eviee — Fri, 11 May 2007 14:33:53 GMT

Last night Mike and I were reviewing his final cancer pathology report. They take all the tissue they took out of your body during surgery and study it for a long time. (ewwww). The report is several pages long and very technical. At one point it mentions that Mike's left adrenal gland had been infiltrated and removed during surgery. We both paused and looked at each other. (this is the first we'd heard of it). Michael then shrugged and said, "I guess I don't have a left adrenal gland anymore." How totally weird. One of many totally weird things we've been through - but still - massively weird. I'm happy to say I haven't misplaced anything terribly serious or important during my life (yet). The only time I ever lost my panties, I was in the 3rd grade. It was carnival day and the panties were left behind in the girls bathroom while changing into dry clothes. When the janitor held them up in front of the class, I preferred to remain panty-less than to suffer the embarrassment of claiming them. Michael continues to amaze me by the boldness by which he leads his life. ;b

zero marker, no chemo

eviee — Fri, 11 May 2007 01:02:40 GMT

Mike got his extended pathology results today. Essentially, he doesn't have a certain genetic marker for cancer, so they don't need to do chemo on him. They just scan him regularly. whoohoo! We also read up on the hippaa laws, or whatever, and discovered that we aren't screwed by 'pre-existing conditions' the way we thought we were.

another dose of cute us...

eviee — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 21:17:46 GMT

sorry, can't help it. our friend Robert sent us this one.

perfect wedding

eviee — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 05:00:47 GMT

We had a perfect wedding at Doe Bay this weekend. All our friends showed up. It was gorgeous weather. My brother did a fantastic job leading the ceremony. My friends played guitar and mandolin. Everyone lit blessing candles for us. And the party - which included live music, some time in the hot tub and a bonfire - was awesome. We honeymooned on Sunday by driving up to the top of Mt. Constituion, eating lunch at the ferry dock, and taking a tour through the tulip fields before sunset. May thanks to everyone I love for a perfect weekend! I wish this kind of happiness for all beings.

whipping cream and weddings

eviee — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 03:58:08 GMT

On the nurses suggestion, we've been slipping whipping cream into most everything Michael eats - not whole milk, whipping cream! He hasn't put much weight back on yet, but he is feeling a good deal stronger this week. He'll go back to work on Monday! Meanwhile, I've put on 10 more pounds just watching him eat. Good thing he likes curvy girls. Speaking of liking curvy girls, in less than a week he'll be taking me on for good. Our wedding clothes are hanging here side by side looking cute together already. We are so amazingly lucky to have this day to celebrate with all our friends! And we are overjoyed at how many people are trekking out to Orcas to be with us!! I can't wait. PS, there will be cupcakes.

upsy daisy

eviee — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:34:20 GMT

M had a short downturn this last week. His eating was not going well. Also, a drug interaction caused internal bleeding and he had to check back into the hospital for a 3-day tune up stay. He got a coupla pints of blood & plasma. He weighed in at only 116 lbs! GAR! In retrospect is has come out for the positive. It forced M's medical team to re-group and be really thoughtful about the rest of his recovery. I think he will make some great strides in the next week. The last 2 days have been really good and have included several servings of ice cream. :)

Mike takes a little dance break

eviee — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 06:12:42 GMT

Today started out slow and difficult. M was in more pain than he has been, and I was feeling burnt out. I got up early to take a call from a pushy Microsoft lady who just 'had' to connect with me at 8am. She blew me off - no call, no mail. Whatever. At least I work in my PJs most days anyhow. We napped thru pretty much the whole morning. Then things turned around. I took a long shower, put on some music, and drank a coke. M took a long shower. By mid-afternoon, he was feeling groovy enough to take a one-song dance break. I couldn't resist the photo-op. The home visit nurse was really nice and knew what she was doing. I got all his supplies and meds and doctors numbers organized. Ms. Mandala brought me really great coffee and presents this afternoon! - things that are yummy and/or make me smell good. We all had a really nice catch up visit. The kids came over for a little while to visit too. Tonight I'm goofing around with photos and my new printer. So... not a totally terrible day after all. I also made my 3rd loaf of bread with a breadmachine my bro gave us to help fatten M back up. Oh man, I don't know about him, but I can feel my @ss expanding by the day. YUM. And drat, I have to go to the GYM!

one month anniversary

eviee — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:20:32 GMT

Today is Michael's one month anniversary of being in the hospital - meaning, he has been there a whole friggin month. He's so tired of it, he's decided to come home. If all goes well, I'll get to pick him up around noon. In typical Mike fashion, he'll be coming home with a bunch more stuff. ;b A couple nights ago, they finally took out the pic line - which is a special feeding IV in the neck. I got to snuggle with him for the first time in almost a month. Michael also finally got his appetite back on Saturday. We had a 4 hour pass to take him out for an event at Valjralama center in Ballard. When we returned he said he was still not really feeling like eating. So I went down and got a bunch of food he likes for my lunch - hot turkey sandwich and a strawberry shake. He changed his mind and ate half of it. Then he ordered mac n' cheese. That was the first genuine meal he's been able to keep down in a month. Our job now is to try to fatten him back up a little. Unfortunately, my efforts thus far have only succeeded in my own fattening.

Being a Person - William Stafford

eviee — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:13:25 GMT

Be a person here. Stand by the river, invoke the owls. Invoke winter, then spring. Let any season that wants to come here make its own call. After that sound goes away, wait. A slow bubble rises through the earth and begins to include sky, stars, all space, even the outracing, expanding thought. Come back and hear the little sound again. [Come back, and hear that call.] Suddenly this dream you are having matches Everyone’s dream, and the result is the world. If a different call came there wouldn’t be any world, or you, or the river, or the owls calling. How you stand here is important. How you listen for the next things to happen. How you breathe.

here is Michael looking much better.

eviee — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 23:22:37 GMT

Michael got to move up to 'Intermediate Care' yesterday - which doesn't look all that much different really, but he gets to do more stuff for sure. They are getting him up more, having him do exercises, etc. He is on a solid diet again, though that hasn't gone super smoothly yet. He's still having a lot of nausea. I was frustrated with a nutritionist who gave him a cheap soy-based product. Gar! not good. I brought him some better stuff today and also made an appointment for him for a Naturopathic Physician here at Swedish Cancer Institute who can work with us on a more holistic recovery plan. We need to get him eating Italian by April, because we'll probably have lasagna or something easy and yummy like that for Saturday evening dinner on Orcas.

Mr. Cantankerosity is BACK! whoot!

eviee — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 07:02:34 GMT

This evening, Michael was sitting up in bed making jokes. I cannot begin to say how lovely it was to have Mr. Maloney mouthing off 'in da house'. He got his first solid food in 2.5 weeks too - applesauce.

parade of specialists

eviee — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:55:49 GMT

Michael gets a continuous parade of specialists here. He's had visits from Occupational Therapists to help him regain basic tasks, Physical Therapists to work with his muscle flexibility & strength, Respiratory Therapists, IV Nurses, etc. etc. etc. My favorite today was the Infectious Disease specialist who looked at a bunch of tests and info and proclaimed that Michael has no sign of any infection taking hold. Yay!

brothers

eviee — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:51:09 GMT

Yay for brothers who send you bread-makers to make your sweetie well! Yay for brothers who call and say they love you. Yay for brothers who let you raid their fridge and do your laundry at their house.

flowers

eviee — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:50:19 GMT

My friend Cheryl from New York sent a gorgeous bouquet for Michael and I. We can't have them in the ICU, so I enjoyed them for a while. Then I met a woman who felt bad she hadn't brought anything for the patient she was visiting in another ward. So I gave her the flowers and she hugged me for it. Something I have been keenly aware of here is that energy - both positive and negative - is meant to flow. Pain, like everything else, is impermanent. It has its time, and gives way eventually again to joy. The less we 'grasp' at things, the more power can move through us, and teach us, the way it is intended to.

10 days slumber

eviee — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:53:31 GMT

Michael made it off the ventilator yesterday morning. He was surprised to hear that it has been 10 days - he doesn't really remember any of it. He's still fighting infection and so forth, but this is very very good. Hopefully only a few more days before he can move from the ICU. I'm not sure what happens next. Hopefully they will start him on PT today to get him moving again. We celebrated by sending out our wedding invite.

a lot to write about

eviee — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 03:40:00 GMT

I'm hardly sure where to start. Michael has been doing better the last 2 days. When a body goes through the kind of shock he did, the blood vessels basically get 'leaky' - fluid escapes the blood and into the surrounding tissues. Until his body and blood pressure stabilize on their own, we have to just let it be. M had 60 pounds of extra fluid weight on his body!! Starting yesterday, his blood pressure stabilized and they were able to start giving him meds to help get the fluid off. He's lost about 9 pounds worth so far. The extra fluid weight is the main reason he has to stay on the ventilator. The lungs have a lot of fluid in them too and make breathing independently too difficult. So that's the plan, keep getting the fluid down to where we can remove the tube. It has been more frustrating for M today because he is more awake and wants to communicate, but he can't. His nurse this evening has worked ICU for 25 years and knows the routine though, so she was better at guessing what he was trying to say. We tried with a pen/ pad, but he's still wayyyyy too loopy. I gave Jo & the kids our digital camera so they could make videos for him. I played those today and he was definitely amused by them. That was cool. In general, technology can be so cool when put to good use. This blog for example. I can ask for a daily password at the nurse's station and get on free wireless here. I can't imagine if I had to step out and try to call everyone - it would be too hard. His mom got pretty stressed out, but she's taking some breaks now and things are better. My mom is doing what she does best - cook! She's cooked some meals for M's folks, which is awesome. If I start now, I would probably not get through writing thank you cards until next Christmas. There is really nothing I could write to properly express my profound gratitude for the care we've received from so many many people around us. The nurses had to move him down the hall to another room today. They carefully arranged his Buddha statue, his pictures and so forth into a little shrine for him. They taped up his picture of the Singapore festival he wants to go to, and they also moved our personal belongings and made up a bed in the new room. Unbelievable how caring these people are here. An amazing vocation these folks have. There is a woman about our age here. She came last Thursday and has been in dire condition. She has some kind of toxic shock from strep. Can you imagine?? She probably thought she had a bad cold or flu and suddenly ended up here. At least Michael and I had some warning of things to come, some time to prepare our minds for it. I cannot even imagine how stressful this must be for her husband. That is the type of thing where you have all the questions too - like, 'What the hell??? Who dies from strep these days?'. or 'Why didn't we just go earlier?'. My heart hurts for them. I guess M's been in the hospital just under two weeks. Its not that long when you write it down, but man, in your mind, it feels like a lifetime. Its like the world outside has mostly disappeared. It's just not important.

if you would love heaven and all it stands for, then be like heaven

eviee — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 04:23:17 GMT

I have come to understand we humans have a capacity for love WAY beyond what we normally think possible. Today Michael's former wife Jo, her family, the kids, and I all visited him together in a demonstration of love and solidarity. A message to him that we are all taking care of each other and waiting patiently for him to return to us. He has had a couple of good days. It is very slow progress and he is still very sick, but the infection is draining off well and he is showing other signs of improvement. Jo’s brother & sister-in-law had a baby boy yesterday in a birthing suit almost directly underneath Michael – just one floor down. They were beyond gracious in inviting me down to visit with them and hold their new baby. The kids came today to visit their new cousin and see their dad. It took courage on their part, but it was wonderful for Mike to be able to see them and he was able to squeeze their hand to indicate that he heard them and that he loved them.

something to be proud of

eviee — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 05:44:25 GMT

Last fall I went on a retreat to Vashon Island. It was shortly after I left Microsoft and I was struggling with 'identity' and where I wanted to take my life next. I went on a walk with a monk - Gen Jangsem - and we talked a lot about pride. I have challenges with pride. :) He said that having pride in worldly things like money, status, careers, beauty, having an attractive or successful partner, etc. is risky business because there is no guarantee these things will last. We talked about having pride in more genuine lasting accomplishments instead - generosity, patience, etc. Tonight I left the hospital exhausted and went back to our place in West Seattle. We share the property with Michael's ex-wife Jo, who lives in the main house with the kids. She invited me in to spend time with the kids and made me dinner. Jo's mom - 'grandma Deb' is in town because another family member is having a baby. Deborah pulled me aside and told me that Mike's son Nate (10 yrs old) had initiated a conversation with her today. He is very aware he may lose his dad, but he told her that even if he does lose his dad, he and his sister have me in their life now too and he know s that I will help take care of them. I think this may be the best compliment I've ever received. I couldn't be more proud than having earned the kids' confidence in me. And I understand completely now the jewel in having this kind of pride.

Another turn around the dance floor

eviee — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 00:43:27 GMT

Michael went downhill yesterday - something started leaking inside yesterday and became infectious. He had to go back into surgery today and get fixed up again. We didn't know whether his body would even tolerate it had it been another massive effort. Thankfully it went pretty smoothly. They had to drain out everything and redirect his digestive tract to an artificial outlet for a while. He'll have to have another surgery in several months to correct that. But if we give him time to recover, that would be a way easier procedure. So he's back for now and seems to be stable again. We won't really know for at least another week how his long term prognosis looks. His mom is getting increasingly anxious. I certainly don't blame her, but I worry about keeping positive energy around Michael. He was very firm in his faith that dying with a positive mind is better than being saved at any cost. Thankfully we have not had to face that crossroads and hopefully won't. His lama, Gen Jengsam, came to the hospital today. He was able to see him and bless him and so forth. Michael went to sleep at the end of that visit and appeared very peaceful. They came and got him for surgery right after, so the timing was perfect.