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about me
i am the light and the way
only through me will you reach the kingdom of heaven
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Sun, June 29, 2008 - 1:48 PM
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isolate radio active elements from your own body and use them to stop the tumor whatever you want to call that or whatever dogma you need to do it it dont matter just do it D
WE NEED TO UNPLUG FROM ANY ENERGY SOURCE THAT IS TOXIC AND MURDEROUS
Mon, June 9, 2008 - 10:33 PM
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NOW WE NEED TO NOT DRIVE COMBUSTION ENGINES NOW WE WE THE PEOPLE WE WHO BLAME THE GOVERNMENT WE WHO BLAME THE CORPORATIONS WE WHO TURN ON THE LIGHT SWITCH KNOWING THAT THE ENERGIES PRODUCTION KILLS ANIMALS PLANTS HUMANS EVERYTHING KILLS IT SAME WITH CARS SAME WITH WITH ALOT OF THINGS THAT WE KNOW KILL DONT ASK WHAT ELSE ARE WE TO DO NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO NEXT DOES NOT EXCUSE TAKING MURDEROUS ACTION NOW CHOOSING THE LESSER OF EVILS IS STILL CHOOSING EVIL AS LONG AS WE KNOW OUR LIFE STYLE IS POISONOUS TO THOSE AROUND US AND GENERATIONS TO COME AND WE CONTINUE TO CHOOSE THAT LIFESTYLE WE ARE EVIL BY CHOICE WE KNOW BETTER PLEASE STOP NOW D
this is along shot but i guesse worth atry
Wed, April 9, 2008 - 10:10 AM
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im trying to get the money together to fly home for my mothers funeral i know times are hard my family would really like me to be there i could use all the help i can get so if anyone out there is looking for a random act of kindness to perform we could sure use the help thank you all for your love and prayers D
she was strong and gentle
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 9:52 PM
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she was full of pride and as humble as they come she was the cool hand on my feverish forehead the one person that knew me inside out knewme my mom she died of a massive heart attack today at 4 ill miss her more than i could possibly say shes singing in perfict pitch with her own personal angels now bye ma love ya D
turns out she was having her last nice moments for awhile
Tue, March 11, 2008 - 12:11 AM
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shes very confused hormonaly from an operation and wont get help my heart aches im too old for this i already miss teddy bear like mad i miss the her i met before her system melted down cant say ill miss her till shes a long time gone tho D
met a nice lady
Fri, November 9, 2007 - 8:02 AM
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her names Guthrie shes a musician level headed warm fun has an incredible smile anyways were ridin out the wet weather together its nice to be loved and to love hold and be held ya know been to long D
been breezin thru here alot not sayin much
Sat, October 27, 2007 - 7:57 PM
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thought id let yall know im still kickin not as high but still kikin spendin buttloads of time alone walking stokin the fire in the bus watchin leaves blow across the pond or listnen to the rain drum on the bus(yup still north of seattle) plyin mandolin now and a latin thingy called a quatro tons of fun tired alot stayin stoned the world seems to me to be holding its collective breath not me been ready for whats comin since way b4 i was human cosmic times to be a human for sure missin my freinds both cyber and otherwise cant interact very well most of the time tho have fun yall lovin ya D
once when i was surfing
Sat, August 4, 2007 - 3:42 AM
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i got blown off my board and dropped in the bottom of a 10 footer that took me bouncing along a sand bar that had becom e my freind and teacher as far as surfing gos i always really relax when im in a wace the first couple totally adjust my back but this time it was really sunny and i noticed a tiny whirl of sand on the bottom that was barely lifting off the bottom but was a perfect shadow of the wave it self it came clear that i was very like that bit of sand whirling chaotic bits of concentrated light inexorably mimicing the great primal fractal of the wave now here in the great north west with its majestic hills and serene watersi grow tired again settling for a moment to take stock alot has happened very quickly for me but it always has in my life my experiment to try to unenlighten my self so that i could be the bhodisatva type and teach people was a huge failure and a massive drain on my life force the void is a cold place with infinite room light is warm and malleable where i live there are mountains to the east and west good echos they call it 7 echo farm some days my world is wrapped in a gauze of pain and exhaustion most of the time my intellectual self is on break im still lonley but im pretty used to that my music gets looser and wilder sometimes softer some times a feel a melody blown through who i am by some timeless beam of light gathered together in the infinely intricate snowflaces of sound that carress me into a state of knowing of just knowing live or die or quit or try or fall or fly earth wind fire water sky the old ways the new ways all of it is known to be one thing one oppurtunity one chance to be in the now to be over the candle stick like jack and dancing in the light heaven hell it happens now only ever now you choose choose fear:you will fear choose love:bliss belongs to you D
livin inna bus
Fri, August 3, 2007 - 8:52 PM
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my closest freind is wilbur hes a top notch mule life gets fuzzier all the time two llamas also live near the bus but they are antisocial beings spending alot of time watching flowers open and close staying calm the sea smells good here clean much love and grandest of melodies D
florida mexico michigan florida so cal north coast........................................canada????????
Tue, April 17, 2007 - 8:15 AM
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oh well go figure hangin with some permies up north maybe get some healin done for a minute sleeping strictly out doors and as far from any source of alternating current as possible what along strange trip its been D
as my body falls slowly like the redwoods in low gravity
Wed, April 11, 2007 - 1:12 AM
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my mind fails to recall that fractal of light i once called my self my love grows infinte my light shines everywhen my being dances with melody as i watch my gnarled scarred sun cracked hands manipulate the keys they dont seem to belong to me some strange artifact from ancient times before man thought his will into being and had no use for such mechanical frivolities in the grace of a new freind ive found respit in a nice house in a nice place full of nice people doing nice things not much call for my brand of love here but a bouy to cling on for a moment to take my bearings before i swim back into the cosmos for a minute i thought my light was fading only to find to my despair it has only grown more complex and more subtle as i let go this human agreement dancing the dance of the bard always of the melody always the crystal notes of being singing in my heart creation and destruction the same dissonance and resonance flow into aum flow into light yin is yang and above all the same i wonder at the trees that see me singing and what the grass might want to hear the wind that has blown at the dust of my being lifts me high i have always existed now NOW no other thing exist NOW THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN ONLY EXIST NOW NOW THE WINDS THAT BLOW THE MOUNTAINS TO SAND COME FROM MY LUNGS THE HEAT OF A MILLION STARS IS MY LOVE FOR YOU NOW ITS INFINITE NOW ITS LIGHT NOW ITS GOD NOW ITS ALLLL YOU EVER GET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now
garberville pot wars
Fri, April 6, 2007 - 11:42 AM
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river clean up got a little messy when me and the volunteer crew complained about the number of fertilized pearlite root balls we were finding on the river(mucho bad ju ju for the river) duly appointed officials promptly put an end to cleanup crews sherrifs rousted or arrested all the campers i split south for a few days to santa rosa headed for the sound up in washington peace and love D
no puter for a while
Thu, March 15, 2007 - 7:17 PM
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sherrif is movin us on in the mornin not sure whats next bound to be interesting i need a shower baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad D
been living in the manilla dunes for a while
Mon, March 12, 2007 - 3:35 PM
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up and down in deep sand 5 miles to town fog rain wind sun silence just the soft sound of the surf in the near distance the hiss of the wind on the sand not eating or drinking much as far as that goes tired sleep is like work being awake is a dream alone not lonley thick with freinds no one to help this hole in my brain has stopped me from healing the rest of me no one understands they think im suicidal or depressed im not any of those things just tired id rather suffer alone than share this agony of slow moving madness or try to explain one more time that i dont want a hospital or to go on the welfare system i just want to die like a warrior if i cant enjoy the fruits of my fight and cant retire with honors i will at least not be a burden to my tribe and will go t meet my grandfathers with a song and not a tear i miss my fam my kids my life my strength i am but a shell of what i once was i dont know why to share all of this maybe im hoping for some kind of salvation more lijkley i just dont want to go with out stating the fact that i gave my life for a cause i feel is rightous the war on drugs was not my idea but it shaped my life i had very little choice but i did what i did without expectations i am happy to have this little squat under the bushes in the dunes to call my home but still my heart aches for all the brothers and sisters who still have many years of persecution ahead of them those in prison or living in fear my heart aches for my self and the others of my generation whose sacrifices will not be recognized untill history sorts it self out if then i miss wanting to be alive i miss cherishing the day i miss .......................................living D
still kikin
Thu, March 8, 2007 - 3:35 PM
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hidin in the dunes near the beach got a nice little squat ittl work for now D
seems i cant even die proper
Thu, February 15, 2007 - 8:16 AM
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im down to a small back pack and the cloths on my back not sure what to do im less confused now that im staying out of town but i have no way to provide for my self 6 days in the woods with no food water and it just made me really tired walked 300 miles across nevada it was fairly boring i guesse ill just sit down and wait for what ever to happen thank you again for all the love ive received from freinds and strangers alike peace D
bikes broke
Wed, February 14, 2007 - 12:47 PM
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so am i sleepin deep in the redwoods lost my flute to the tweekers life has become a series of tones im trying desperatley for some form of harmony that i might turn to melodie something to dance to thank you for love and support that i feel its cosmic weather these day bring your soul brella D
so far
Wed, January 17, 2007 - 11:27 AM
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ty to my freinds the trailer for m ybike makes it a world easier to stat out of town lights,cars,elec,makes me sick and scared and depressed gotta go looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove D
ive had enuff
Thu, January 4, 2007 - 4:20 PM
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too much i cant take any more im tired bone tired tommorow i ride into the woods jah will provide i cant ask for any more help from the people i love im sad id hoped to atleast taste a minute of glory before i went D
for most of my life i fought in the drug war
Tue, January 2, 2007 - 8:29 AM
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im old and tired now i live in a place where it is finally legal but im broke and homeless figures feeling a little like the nam vets that got spit on D
dude trucked around with a bunch of other hippies talkin good talk and sharin
Mon, December 25, 2006 - 10:20 AM
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awesome cat never said anything bad bout any one happy bday king o the hippies
did anyone besides me notice that the natives in the painting of the first thanksgiving were all dressed in full battle gear??????????????
Wed, November 22, 2006 - 12:29 PM
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well its HIS story
hey all
Wed, November 22, 2006 - 9:37 AM
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im working my way through a 3 gr roach joint made mostly of hash joint roaches powerfull stuff thought id share a little of my buzz with the cyber world its not the greatest smelling or tasting joint according to humbolt pot snob rules its totally yucky ive been puffin away at it for 10 min at least and its still only slightly smaller i can see the hash bubbeling through these new see through veggie cellulose papers i bought not good papers by the way 90% as far as novelty 2% as far as smokable my mouth and lips are numb as the cramps and pulls of last nights sleeep ebb from my body with every hit i blow out i feel centered for the first time today the cofee in my stomach gurgling makes me think im water bong puff puff gurgle gurgle i think back on how i made this joint weeks and weeks it takes to get enough hash roaches for a phatty i mostly smoke hash in pipes so the roaches are a prize 23 of em out of my M&M mini tube that keeps em just like new thats 23 joints that were all shared with people id never met b4 at least 40 new freinds went into this joint making thing from hand to hand each person trading thier tale for mine each little peice of life adding to my experience the young couple i met who were riding bikes from bc to baja they had never had hash so we tried it 4 different ways in a bowl,under glass,vaporized,and a fat hash joint pasta over a fire on a cliff over the ocean with two good freinds whos names escape me the group of young hippies from the midwest just hitting humbolt in their veggie bus smokin top and mexi press commercial schwagg 2 grams of hash and 3 greatful dead albumns later i walked out into the sunshine leaving 5 hash zombies behind in a pile of sleeping bliss the old lady at the campground with fybromyalgia who only smokes at night and only with me she propositioned me while i smoked a hash joint with her she said 60 ws like havin 3 20 yr olds fun lady full of light apologized later said herb made her horny as a goat the old hippy from indiana who hadnt smoke hash since his trip to spain in the 60s just seeing the childish bliss that spread through him while we puffed that fatty put me in a rare state of silence his old blue eyes danced and watered and he coughed himself into fits i laid a chunk on him we parted with a knowing smile knowing we had known eachother since before time truly a cosmic drug this cannabis this joints about half way down i must of got a big chunk of hash that i didnt break up kuzz its blowin up like a volcano right now in redwood pk i ran into some kids that fed me veggie burgers i rolled the biggest hash joint ive rolled ever the roach must have weighed 2 gms i played flute and watched as 10 or more kidz went from anticipation of there next turn at the joint to relaxaxion to whoooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooo to thats enough for me im gonnaaaa ...........................mmjduhdu sumthin frisbee mumble sumthin till there were 2 me and another jedi we talke dof places wed been hash wed smoked strains we liked coffee and drummers cant recall jedis name either lot of love went into makin this joint happen from trimmin to ice water to pressin t smokin rollin puffin da hizzzza issss beeeeeen fun the volcano has calmed down and the end is all goooed shut im gonna go mumble bfhduila pokey hf mumble sumpthin peace
ashes in a bucket
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 12:13 PM
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bits of glass slow grinding reality pain rises and falls in an untimable tide wanting to be mixed with dreams of returning blood flows in me pushing my veins to thesurface a bottel of wine spilled across my hand a peice of song floating past twigs and sticks tied to gether with string moldy scarecrow in a fallow feild dignity the only thing not gone the earth that is me will take me back the blood that boils in me will cool and return the sacred strands that my people have weaved for eons will fly free back to the primordial soup the wind blows at me like a pile of dust smaller and smaller i become as my experience grows more i feel the atoms humming in me i taste the light that flows in me i hear the beat of creation i am blessed in the light aho
this be ing see ing free ing thing
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 12:05 PM
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this futile attempt to define the undefinable this quest to understand what cannot be forgotte the imp er man ance of now the refraction action of grand attraction the eternal banalaty of humble insanity or sanity or vanity this thought of separation holding a mirror in front of what is not there and calling it real light is infinite and undefined conciousness exist as the dance of the spheres only frequencies that are sustainable exist only the perfection of the sphere is adequate to contain inertia only with inertia the breaking free of our selves the rendering of our god selves into bits can experience and conciousness exist our ppurpose is to experience to evolve to shareto be something other than infinite as we reach out ward to know and grasp more our being is also aligned to reach inward in exponential manner as strong as we desire to know god we are god and are looking inward on ourselves so as i sit in this holy sacred place and know my self to be just to be now here with full presence to experience and evolve and transcende any and all states of beingto be the dance and the tune and the sphere and the light and the dust and the morning dew to know the fate of the galaxies that form my atoms to understand and to let go of all knowing to be light is my blessing my song my gift from to it me we is my infinite jubilant aum of bliss to fill my human self with the light to call the children of the light to love to know bliss is light is perfection is truth is god what a day D
hey all
Sat, November 18, 2006 - 8:06 PM
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im back not that i went anywhere much the proverbial shit hit the fan in awhole bunch of ways ive been really struggling for a few years with my health not that im losing the strugggle its just taking up a huge amount of my attention recently a wave of irrational behavior spread through my life people i knew and loved treating me like a stranger family turning their backs on me if not for the kindness of strangers i would surley have suffered greatly due to what seems to me to be a wave of pure nuttyness im a long way from healthy today although i am safe wich is something i havent been in a while i thought that i was i was sure that i shared an intentional desire to evolve with a certain group of people who have since steered to another heading wich i find obscure an attempt was made on my life by a group of people i once lived with as family airing of lies mixed with part truths through public and private means as an attempt to demean and humiliate me the public broad cast of unfounded accusations through my e mail list to both family and buissness contacts alike the attempts to have me arrested on a bullshit 1000 bond for possesion of some joints the harrassment of my freinds by police and others i came and went alot from 5th ave while in town i felt the vibe it was scetchy at best no unity no family no shared intentions i was in the middle of a very serious challenge i wanted and asked for the love and support of my freinds they gave it and ive struggled to get back on my feet to repay the kindness they have shown me im still teetering but im on my feet im not sure after everything thart happened how to repay the support i was given by so many who i cant even speak to now because i am in suspicion of taking someones money i cant give money beause i dont do money any more if i see you i will find a way to repay the debt till then peace and love
been a while since ive been in contact with any one out there
Tue, June 27, 2006 - 8:05 AM
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a whole lot of stuff happened real fast so ive been up on a mountain sorting it all out firstly the stroke and resulting backlash from it were only the tip of an iceburgh seems while they were taking pics of my grey matter they found a tumor doc says its the size of a grape ive seen it on the film id like to know where he buys his grapes soyeah ive discovered that having a hole in your brain makes you second guesse your self a lot im not real sure of alot of things but heres a few i am 100% sure of 1 i am not a liar or a theif or subversive or controlling or clandestine or any of the things the people on 5th ave said i am i was actually going through my things to see if i took the money and just didnt know it if i took it id like to know where i hid it cuz im broke as fuck 2 since 1999 ive felt an (untill now)inexplicable sense of confusion now that i know where it is coming from i can account for it and things have become much clearer 3 i have and always have had a love of exitement and challange while unchecked by a clear intellect i have allowed that love to pull me into situations and freindships i would normally avoid as being detrimental and finally i am a child of light shining in perfection and my love is boundess i love you all peace douglas
so heres the deal
Sat, May 20, 2006 - 8:58 AM
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turns out the test thay run on my head(mri ekg abcdefg all that stuff) shows that i have a tumor on my frontal lobe bout the size of a grape they said why the fuck dont they just say 12 mm or whatever now i have weird thoughts about eating grapes assholes any way im not the type to spend time in hospitals im sure as hell not letting any one cut open my head for any reason im not sure what i feel about it if any thing at all at first i thought i was just shocked and numb but the truth is i dont really care if and when it affects my life i will cope till then i really dont have the time or energy to put into it nothing i can do but be aware of it any way been a trippy year already love yas douglas
stoned blank mind
Sun, May 14, 2006 - 11:47 AM
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smoked more than any man should at once the last few weeks had been a trial to say the least 10 days in jail for possesion of a joint paying back bills when i got out barely any weed in my life the relationship with kristin had deteriorated and exploded andspewed slime all over the neighbor hood i couldnt sleep in the house i was paying for because i could feel her vibrations from accross the rd so a camp site a mile off in the woods me the squirrels and the owl that used the elm tree near my site as his diner today i had money to buy a sack o buds the size of my forearm so i sit here on my fourth joint thinking ill be stoned to sleep soon the sun slides down from the canopy in shafts of magical dancing spheres the occasional breeze that reaches the forest floor carries a wet smell of soft bark and green grassy smells from the meadow way in the distance i hear kurt and charlotte playing in the yard the tractor running at the turtles place a mile off laying on the ground i can feel the earth move as the breeze swings the trees in lazy circles my heart is so free here five joints and all i can do is trake it in the beggining of the trail of tears lightning ridge a place of special magnetic signature my little shangri la hippy hollow is what the locals call the valley below my campsite as the smell of hunysuckle blows up on the evening breeze i wonder at the capacity of this simple plant to show me so many things about my self and what i experience i feel right now like i did then the memory burned forever in my heart and mind a simple non moment nothing special exept my awareness of the intensity of the incredible magnificence of the infinite miracles unfolding in front of me i love weed
the first three notes of a song you forgot
Sun, May 14, 2006 - 8:32 AM
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that flower that wasnt bloomed last time you looked open in orgasmic bliss the single drop of water slowley rolling down a leaf only to pause for an endless moment before leaping off to oblivion that wave thats bigger than all the rest and soaks your rolled up pants hearing the flutter of a swallows wings on a stiflingly still afternoon the first watermelon of the year waking up to see your lover smiling in her sleep as the sun rises wrapping her in gold looking into the eyes of your child and knowing the truth the joyus warmth of the woodstove with frozen hands caressing the precious calories the first tiny green leaf to push its way up through the soil a loving face in a sea of confusion that thing the drummer does that makes me go yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a cool breeze kissing you softly while you bask on the sand the majesty of a tree the purity of a child the laughter of a brook deep in the green woods the sound of my childs first laugh the feel of my mothers hand on my feverish head these are my blessings not my possesions or accomplishments and failures not what i think or want or get or need or change but what is given the true blessings in life are the simple things the odd moments of bliss that stand in me like pillars holding up the facade of who i want to be
like the breath twirling its way through my flute
Sat, May 13, 2006 - 11:13 AM
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like the moment of awe just before the wave crashes i flow and bend and fly and rend notes rung before time was melodies dreamed in the void manifest in my waking hours songs of joy and bliss and pain and desire and songs of nothing but the purity of the note not a note the note as my intensity grows and fades and the crescendos pass and the melodie is again reborn in new form i am lost am i the song am i the musician am i the dancer is the melodie born of me or torn from the primal fabric of god like the vibration of the string plucked i waver in my place letting fly my sacred sounds and as the place between the waves fills with glorious potential i am new i am born and reborn with every measure my being is known and expressed as it is now through the refration of light into a lotus of sound i become not the song or the singer but the dancer thejoyus witness to this infinite melody blessed be the dancer
hello cyberworld
Mon, May 8, 2006 - 11:48 AM
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im sitting alone with a bowl of kind and some reggae bumpin on a muggy fl afternoon letting my mind drift back over the last months bringing the recent events into perspective with the remainder of my history its become obvious to me in the last few weeks that some of the things i lost during the stroke are not going to come back among those things is the ability to heal my self when i pull a muscle it stays pulled for weeks instead of days considering i pull at least one muscle a day im in trouble the math dont work out im losing muscle mass quickly and they are getting tighter and stiffer every day ive tried extra meditations and new frequencies and am still trying new things every day but the battle is very much one sided im losing ground fast i am no longer capable of providing for my self to those who have known me for a long time you know how hard it is for me to face that not that i wont but ive been in the chair once and i wont go back easily with that said a large part of me is releived im tired tired of being healthy and strong when i feel so weak and full of pain tired of pretending it dont hurt when it does tired of suffering because i dont want to inconveinence some one by making them aware of my pain the stroke has in some ways brought an incredible calm to me ignorance is bliss i suppose im not sure what it was that i lost but i think it was what drove meto struggle all this time when all i really wanted was for my pain to not hurt any one else im very proud of the things i have done the lessons ive learned and the sharing i have taken part in i am strong and full of light and love i am also crippeled nothing that i do is with out its cost in damage and pain my body is so tight i often pull muscles coughing or even shitting my joints grind together in a never ending tale of destroyed cartalidge,muscle and nerves since my early 20s i have triumphed over the pain to accomplish many of my dreams while failing at a great many things i have healed my body from dawn to dusk and through every night since i learned how i have supassed the symptoms of arthritis,bursitis,fibro myalgia,carpal,thoratic outlet syndrome,and a plethora of injurie related conditions ive torn tendons off their moorings and worked one handed ive broken bones in my feet from kickin a shovel and framed a house the next week ive been diagnosed terminal three times at the age of 38 ive been declared clinically dead 3 times im tired i just want to put what little energy i have left into loving a good woman and watching my children grow i dont know why im saying this other than to speak it some where ive only admitted these things to my self as im writing never a dull moment huh douglas
my mind floats like dandelion fluff on alazy summer day
Sun, May 7, 2006 - 5:45 AM
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the years have worn deep grooves in my soul the endless whine of tires on pavement is my lullaby what is mine is returned by giving it away what i know is only a fleeting glimpse at who i am i am sustained like a note that rings true long after the band stops and the crowd goes home the love and compassion of the dancers carrying me into the light the white line at the side of the rd that stretches from here to my begginings still pulls me further and further once a cripple now i stand once a warrior now i sing once a hateful man now walking in light once an intellectual now a savant as my will to maintain this form ebbs i feel no remorse no regret only a profound wonderment at the true capacity of a human i came here to be human to know what it was now i know there are no answers cuz there are no questions the universe my freinds is perfect so relax and enjoy
for a couple years ive been patiently waiting for the dynamic to exist for me to manifest an end to my financial and other issues
Fri, May 5, 2006 - 5:50 AM
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ive carefully asked my self everyday to manifest an end to the fustrations i have faced in my career and romantic life today it dawned on me that i have manifested what i wanted to since the stroke it has been part and parcel to the healing proccess that i remain in a state of bliss the end result is that i no longer seem to give a shit not that i dont intend to continue working towards paying off debts just that it no longer stresses me out when i fail an example im building a fence i underbid the job by half at least because its a freind im paying a driver and tony to help every day the job goes on eats the profits one thing after another has gone awry flat tires missed connections forgotten tools stick in my eye crow bar to the forehead leaving me with a nice head ring for 3 days then lowes fails to deliver my materials so i spend the rest of my profits to rent a freind with a truck to carry the fence panels and stuff and they cant find the fence at lowes so now home owner is tense helper is tired driver is late to other appointments still havent eaten all day dougs cool as a cucumber everyone will get over it or not the fence will go up or not ill make 20 bucks for 3 full days work or not my intellect says this is stressfull the rest of me says whatever things have away of continuing to happen stressing about change is ridiculous im gonna go yell at the lowes guy cuz its fun i have a knack for cussing some one out while making them laugh their heads off peace all
infinite rays of light
Thu, May 4, 2006 - 10:31 AM
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spread in infinite delight dancing through the nothing without a care spinning whirling falling twirling singing ancient songs in snowflake harmony fractal symphony ever blessed synchronicity the first thought the first breath the sacred aum the idea that i should define my self and compare me to it as if there is a line of demarcation the rending of god in two the dance of the spheres as above so below compile compact retain refract sacred sine holy rhyme vibrating deep in my spine pulling life in me
today i rememberd when i was a small bird
Wed, May 3, 2006 - 6:17 PM
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i got caught in a hurricane i could feel the wind tearing at me debris hitting me my feathers being torn from my flesh the absolute panic struggling to breathe feeling my life force flow away struggling with all my might i began to notice the destruction happenning all around me trees torn from the ground brother deer smashed bbeneath the limbs rivers flowing with salt water while the fish fled in panic familys torn land marks gone the tree of my birth a pile of branches in my shock and horror i had forgotten my mortal struggle i simply few where the storm took me for hours watching the death and destruction below feeling the loss till all was washed clean of me but an utter sadness not untill i felt my self dropping did i notice i was free of the storm the blessing of my own life spared brought to a state of highest reverence by the witnessing of the sacred cycle the greif i felt being the act of true love that spared me that i may sing a song on a sunny day of the beauty of birth
the place halfway between the bottom of the boat and the bottom of the river
Tue, May 2, 2006 - 5:28 AM
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also the man who said "a weed is a plant whos virtues have not yet been discovered" i freinds am a weed patiently growing between the rows not minding the hoe or the hand always there next year ready for my virtues to be discovered
6 in a circle ring around one
Tue, May 2, 2006 - 5:15 AM
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circle all the centers your almost done finish the flower same as before clarity lies behind the next door conncet all the centers give it a spin see the world of light u r in
for over 2 yrs i have been in love with an incredible woman
Tue, May 2, 2006 - 5:02 AM
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however for whatever reason i am not worthy of her attentions im not the type of person that lets go easily weve never been intimate with eachother or even kissed yet thoughts of her consume all desires in me im tired of wanting what i cant have so ill stop wanting its easy for me now since the stroke i have felt as though my life has taken a whole new direction i can only have one thing on my mind at a time so as long as i keep anything on my mind but her im fine 2 yrs is enough time to give any one more than enough i am a rare kind of man no ego there just saying what i see im looking for a rare kind of woman one who is not afraid to show her true feelings at all times one who wants to share her world with me one who wants to know me if shes out there good if not oh well i wont settle for less im sad but its mine doug
what a strange time
Thu, April 27, 2006 - 10:51 PM
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here i am back in fl i love sooooooooooooooooo many people here alexis enthralls me and is more breathtaking than ever the light in her eyes has grown more complex and shines brighter than ever ive taken to drinking akchahol again tonite it was a bottle of wine shared with freinds followed by a bottle of mezcal to my self i see the uni verse in a way that allows me total fereedom i am very drunk right now yet every thing i think and feel transcendes my biochemistry the light in her eyes fills my spirit with strength and motiion i cane to florida mostly to see her again and as much as i wish things would move forward and as much as i want to feel her body next to mine and as dissapointed as i might be that we are still "good freinds" being near her fills me with joy looking into her eyes fills me with purpose seeing her dance with her hoop seeing her groove to my tunes gives me a feeling i havent felt since the first time i ever fell in love so in my drunkeness i see thatr these two women are on the same page there are alexis the woman who holds my attention and virgina whos touch fills me with light the spinning circle of passionate strength and the princess whos night i wish to be why cant i be simple my spirit is tired and dreams of long naps tequilla is truth serum dance for me and illl play till the morn comes sing for me and ill love with all my might know me and i will conquer hell to hand you youre dreams
this be ing see ing free ing thing
Sun, April 23, 2006 - 9:03 AM
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this futile attempt to define the undefinable this quest to understand what cannot be forgotten the imp er man ance of now the refraction action of grand attraction the eternal banalaty of humble insanity or sanity or vanity this thought of separation holding a mirror in front of what is not there and calling it real light is infinite and undefined conciousness exist as the dance of the spheres only frequencies that are sustainable exist only the perfection of the sphere is adequate to contain inertia only with inertia the breaking free of our selves the rendering of our god selves into bits can experience and conciousness exist our ppurpose is to experience to evolve to share to be something other than infinite as we reach out ward to know and grasp more our being is also aligned to reach inward in exponential manner as strong as we desire to know god we are god and are looking inward on ourselves so as i sit in this holy sacred place and know my self to be just to be now here with full presence to experience and evolve and transcende any and all states of being to be the dance and the tune and the sphere and the light and the dust and the morning dew to know the fate of the galaxies that form my atoms to understand and to let go of all knowing to be light is my blessing my song my gift from to it me we is my infinite jubilant aum of bliss to fill my human self with the light to call the children of the light to love to know bliss is light is perfection is truth is god what a day d
ashes in a bucket
Sat, April 22, 2006 - 11:41 AM
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bits of glass slow grinding reality pain rises and falls in an untimable tide wanting to be mixed with dreams of returning blood flows in me pushing my veins to thesurface a bottel of wine spilled across my hand a peice of song floating past twigs and sticks tied to gether with string moldy scarecrow in a fallow feild dignity the only thing not gone the earth that is me will take me back the blood that boils in me will cool and return the sacred strands that my people have weaved for eons will fly free back to the primordial soup the wind blows at me like a pile of dust smaller and smaller i become as my experience grows more i feel the atoms humming in me i taste the light that flows in me i hear the beat of creation i am blessed in the light aho
change is nothing new to me
its the only constant shadows of yesterdays life draw color and substance into my now like a bell ringing in the depths of the ocean for thelost souls that once sailed the murky tossing seas of my knowing i feel this deep primal hum of blissful harmonious being the peices of me that remain as they were before the stroke have gained coheision and inertia the peices of me that have been altered are fast aligning them selves with the sacred flower of infinite sustainable light i want to rest lay in the sun with a beatiful girl and listen to the waves i want my mind to be free of alll that is not blissfull to play the notes of sacred songs that were blown into the being by the creation of the uni verse to dance with the mother in a state of unkown jubilation of all that is i came to this body as a being of light by choice with will and intention my experience has been human yet my purpose and reason for being transcendes this knowing of our self to experience the purity of infinity is not a rare gift but our natural state of being to live in a world of light is neither a spiritual gift or a scientific accomplishment but our true self our unlimited un filtered blinder free reality is one of magical light combining at our will a rose perfect in its self replication the lotus in its infinite geometric progression |
