i haven't posted for awhile because i've been too busy being happy with my life. found love, found a new job, so much has happened in a year.

but my partner and i are separating and i'm really having a hard time with it.

i just want the suffering to end.

i wake up and i wish i were dead. i used to be so happy to wake up into a new day but now it's just another chore to get through.
ugh.

I've got a crush on a guy I've never met.

we've been chatting online for a few weeks.
I think we've been honest with each other and it seems there is a connection, but this whole online realm is just so tricky.
I'm afraid of repeating my pattern of falling in love with my idea of who someone is, rather than who they are.

it's safe, hiding behind these characters on a screen
but it's also lonely out here too. I'm learning that I didn't realize how lonely I've been.

the part I don... read more

so last week I took the plunge and told a dear friend how much I care about him. We spent precious time together talking and laughing and sharing space.
Over the past three years I've done some intensive personal growth work, taking a hard (sometimes it's really hard) look inside and at my patterns, what motivates me....and many times I've felt overwhelmed and helpless, felt that I'm too damaged by my past to have a healthy relationship with a partner. It makes me so sad.

This situation... read more

after a very trying week at work, I admitted to my therapist that I can get so discouraged and feel so trapped that I start to wish I would get hit by a truck.
it's good to come clean like that. I told her I don't want to go back to that place. I don't want to be so sad. I can't help that I'm so affected by events around me

i hate living in this world sometimes. I was so resistant to counseling for many years but now I realize it's a relief to be able to be honest with someone who won... read more

is so important to me, and such a difficult thing to do sometimes...on a deep level

it makes me sad.

a handsome guy caught my eye last week, and now after some pleasant conversation I'm afraid he'll suggest we hang out after work and I'm totally freaked about something that hasn't happened yet.

I could be honest about my pain and my healing

but then I wonder how many more years of my life I have to waste saying or implying "i'm too hurt to be with anyone" before I learn that I ha... read more